WHAT ABOUT THE DADS

6 Replies
kristie - March 8

Hi girls, I have had 2 miscarriages and i seem to be writeing about me me me bout what about the dads? How did your hubby or boyfriend cope with the miscarriage and how did it affect your relationship??????????

 

kristie - March 8

Hi ladys, I have been married for 1 year and i have a son. I have also had 2 miscarriages which was hard on our relationship. I thought he never knew how i felt and i thought he didnt care cause he never spoke about it much. Well in away im trying t think that that is his way of dealing with it and i am very thankfull that he is still with me as i carried on as if it was only me suffering.

 

kittiekitten - March 8

my df had his first child with me, which was an ectopic pregnancy. we didnt find out it was an ectopic pregnancy until after at least 4 trips to the er, 1 d&c, and exploritory surgery. i was on pain pills for a month before the d&c so i was pretty out of it (it was my 2nd loss). df barely showed any emotion. he broke down maybe 2 times and cried in 3 months. then we sat and talked about it and he said that he was trying to be strong for me and that is when he really actually let his feelings out. then in dec we had another m/c and we have broken down and cried a few times about it. we feel more at peace with this m/c then any other b/c we actually got an u/s of our baby. our relationship was very damaged from our first loss, but as soon as things were getting back to normal is when we had the 2nd loss... but somehow it didnt affect us in a bad way, it brought us closer together. kittie

 

kristie - March 8

Hi Kitty, thats what my husband said to me aswell when i asked him y dont he show his emotions and he said one of us has to be strong for our son and relationship which i understand. Thanks for your reply. This miscarriage was much easyer on us to as my 1st one was a molar preg. Good luck you both will pull through

 

Susan W - March 8

Mine tells me he's sad at times, like when he ran into someone who had the same name as the one we had picked for our baby, and when he saw a pregnant lady at the mall with a child the same age as our son. I was concerned because I didn't think it had changed our relationship much, but I came to realize that we have a strong and very close relationship anyway (we've been married for 13 years and have been through many, many things) so we might not notice a change unless it was huge. But men do experience m/c differently than we do. They grieve the fact that we are grieving and are upset we had the physical pain and that we seem to mourn longer than they do, and think they have to be strong and all the c___p about big boys don't cry. For many men, the loss isn't as real as it is for us women, so it's not that big a deal for them. There are a couple books out there on how men deal with m/c (you can find them on Amazon), and the ER actually gave us a brochure specifically for men the day we were told the bad news. It's from Centering Corporation, and they have a website you can order from, or available from aplacetoremember.com. I read it, and it helped me understand where DH was coming from and that he wasn't intentionally being a jerk in the first few days.

 

suzzieq - March 9

Hey girls, good thread! My dh is very supportive of me and makes sure of how I am feeling before he puts his feelings out to show. He was very hurt with our last m/c but wouldn't let it out for almost two weeks when I finally seemed to be acting a bit back to normal. Before then he would try to call me at least 2 times a day to see how I was and if I needed anything. After the two weeks or so he told me how difficult it was for him to be at work knowing that I was at home most likely crying like crazy and feeling so empty. He just wanted to be with me and hold me. Just to let you all know, my dh is not a sissy boy, he is an outdoorsmen, hangs woth the guys and all that, he just is so caring and loving. I have to say that it is great to have him! We have been married 8 years this september and this is our 2nd m/c, first one happened before we were married and it made us closer then. He doesn't talk about it much in words but when he is holding me and looking in my eyes I know he is hurt too. Even though we have each other it is still not the same as talking to other women who have experienced m/c. I think our physical and emotional attatchments to the baby that was there is more intense then with the men. So it takes us longer to deal with it and have so much more to deal with, its great to have women to talk with about those issues.

 

Steff - March 10

It took my bf and I 10 months to work through our loss. he didn't know how to ask and I din't know how to tell. It took a long time and a lot of tears and close calls to get to where we are now. 13 months post m/c we are closer than ever and TTC again. Good luck to all

 

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