What Was I Thinking

3 Replies
jennn28 - January 17

I am so angry about this. I know it is part of the grieving process but am not sure how to handle it. My supervisor suggested I see a counselor (just out of kindness), but I don't know. I also have this image that seeing a counselor will speed things up? Like I can move past this sooner, not sure that is right either. I am usually the type of person that gets mad about tiny little things at the wrong time because I hold it all in. I guess how I grew up. I think if I type on these boards I can get some of that out. Anyway, I don't know what to do exactly, I know there is not a right or wrong way to get over this, I just wish there was a FASTER way to get over this. I want to be pregnant again. I want to be pregnant now. I want to have a baby in July like we had been so excited about. I want everyone to understand and I want to not have ackward conversations with friends and family. I usually am most comfortable with them but not with this issue. I want to not hear about my sisters friend that had 2 miscarriages and is now pregnant with twins in July. I can't even have one. I hate that I dont have a baby and am scared that I never will have a baby. I don't want to go through another miscarriage. I don't want to think about Mothers day or July 18th (EDD). I shouldn't have told so many people I was pregnant. I shouldnt have been so excited about this, what was I thinking! Anyway, I guess I feel a little better after typing all this. I don't know who else to talk to besides everyone on these boards.. Thanks so much everyone.

 

pba74 - January 18

Jenn - your feelings are valid and true, there is no denying them. I can say that each one of us on this board has traveled through our emotions and back again. I think if you are comfortable going to see a counselor and getting your feelings out then do it. They are there to listen and provide support to you. I dont' know if speeding up the process is the best way to handle it...each woman is different. I can honestly say that after my first m/c ... I spent six weeks in a dark hole, crying every day. I found comfort here and came to grips with my loss. However, in November '07, when I realized it had been a year since my d&c and I still wasn't pregnant, all the emotions resurfaced and I was angry, bitter, envious and sad all over again. I don't think I will ever be over the losses I've had. It's hard when all you want is to have a baby of your own and watching everyone else around you....I completely understand where you are coming from. You are ent_tled to be excited and happy and announce your pregnacy...don't ever feel that you were wrong or to blame. People we see every day who have never experienced this kind of loss will not understand and they do their best to help but it's an unspoken grief in their hearts too...not knowing how to help us (you). May I suggest you join the Clean Slate thread....those ladies on there a a wealth of knowledge and support...there are amazing women - there to listen to sadness and happiness, offer support and good comfort. I hope you join in. Big ((((HUGS)))))

 

stefkay - January 18

jenn, there were many times that I wished I'd gone to a counselor or at least found a support group where I could go to talk face to face with other women. I used this board and it helped tremendously though! I also cried to my mom and my best friend a lot. I know they got tired of it, but were pretty helpful too. I told people early on too and I'm glad I did and wouldn't change that because now I have more support than ever in my pregnancy. People know what I've been through and I'm not carrying the burden alone. People know why I stress out too about every little thing! :) Keep posting as it really does help!

 

beckyttc#3 - January 20

Jenn - as someone who lost my first pregnancy as well.... I understand what you are going through. And, I can honestly say I did not feel truly better until I was pregnant again. I didn't listen to the dr and wait 3 months... I finished the "miscarriage cycle", and then got pregnant again the next month! I was terrified the whole time I would lose the baby. Trust me when I say this - you will get pregnant again, and it will hurt a little less. But, you will be scared... but I promise it gets easier. Hearing stories about everyone else does not help... especially when it's your first and you feel like you may never have one. I have friends who miscarried their second/third, and although it really hurts, they knew after having one that they could do this successfully. Don't berate yourself for telling people. I told my family and best friends.... whom I would have told about a miscarriage anyway. I hope you are feeling a bit better, and wish you all the best on a future pregnancy soon!

 

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