Why Do Females Write About Pregnancy In The Miscarriage Part

22 Replies
kristie - March 9

I realy think it is inconsiderate to the ones that are going through a miscarriage!!!!!!!!!! Go into the general pregnancy section.

 

deltabwa - March 9

Kristie - i'm sorry you are upset about this issue. every post i've read are from pg women are women that had a m/c and are keeping us posted on their progress. we know them from when they have their m/c, as most of us, are hopeful of thier progress and want to be kept up to date.

 

kristie - March 9

To Deltabwa, Yes i will admit it has up set me cause i have had to miscarriages and now from the miscarriages i have to go through chemtherapy. I wish i could be like all yous and ttc straigh way but if i did i could cost my life. I don't want sympathy from anyone i'm just saying this cause i think i wouldnt be the only one that feels like this. Anyway if your pregnant i wish you all the best and hope everything goes your way. xxx

 

deltabwa - March 9

I'm sorry that you have to wait and going through that situation. not all of us can ttc right away, there are others waiting. ive read jsut recently where there is also someone else going thru chemo, and others that are just waiting several cycles because they've also had 2 m/c's in a row. and i am sure you are not the only one that feels this way however, once you are able to ttc again, and start trying, wouldn't it be nice to have ppl taht cared enuf about you to want to know how you are doing once you did get pg again? we end up caring for each other and it is like a friend getting pg when she had been trying.. it kinda hurts to know they got that bfp and you didnt but you don't like her any less for it. you find that you are happy for her even though you are jealous of her. and no, i'm not pg, im am ttc tho and i am jealous of everyone that is on here and doing so well in the pg but i kdeep hopeful that i will sson be there with them. {{{hugs and prayers}}}

 

Daniella - March 9

Kristie- so what your saying is that when you do finally become pregnant... however long that may be... that you can no longer write that here. YOu can't tell any of the woman that have been supportiing you through thick and thin?? You can no longer share your experience and give other woman hope?? I had 3 loses... Each way possible. My first was an ectopic pregnancy and I nearly lost my life.. had flight for life fly over pints of blood because I was hanging on with a thread of blood left in my system. So, lost a baby and nearly my life. It took me 20 months to get pregnant again and I lost that one as a natural miscarriage. I took me another 7 months after that to get pregnant again.. and this time I thought I was making it. It had a heartbeat an all. After having 2 prior loses I started to feel happy again. Then I go for another scan and he's not growing and heart is weak.. another one, same. (that is how I ended up on this site).... Finally at 12 weeks and countless ultrasounds his heart stopped and we lost him and ended up having a D&C... It was devastating!!!! My husband was depressed also and completely heartbroken. We thought we are never going to have a baby. This was over 4 years time and 3 loses. All the woman here helped me stay strong when I didn't have anyone I could go to that understood. They did!!! 5 weeks after my surgery I got pregnant again. I freaked out... In stead of joy, I felt like I am going to lose my mind having to go through ANOTHER loss. I went here everyday for more support. Even my friends and family made comments like, "Wow, that was fast" or "aren't you worried because you just had a miscarriage" and "are you sure your body is ready", "hmmm, you wasted no time" I got all that. Little do they know that my hubby and I had s_x ONE night. That was it!! I was on meds trying to get my period. Not expecting pregnancy at all. SO, when I found out.. I freaked! Then the only support I had was here. Guess what... it was a blessing. It was so hard for the first few months.. but, I made it. I am now 31 weeks. I can help the ones here how it happened and give my personal experience. If no one posted after the became pregnant again.. then there wouldnt be any hope. I have helped many get pregnant again by my knowledge... Hopefully that day will happen with you. This is a support group. YOu just don't drop these wonderful ladies because you become pregnant.

 

frankschick2001 - March 9

KRISTIE: I know it hurts when you have to encounter other women talking about pregnancy, but those women have had miscarriages in the past. I've seen women who have had prior m/c post on the general pregnancy section, and a lot of times, women don't answer their questions because they have not had a m/c before, so they feel better posting here. I still understand your frustration though. But even though they may be pregnant now, they know the pain of a m/c and most of these women are not "happily" pregnant. They're really scared they will lose another baby. Also, sometimes I find the stories of pregnancy after m/c hopeful. My advice would be start a thread, simply asking pregnant women not to come on and post stuff and that is is just for women who are going through miscarraige.

 

kristie - March 9

Hi girls, look im sorry if i have came across the way i think i may have but my miscarriage is still raw. I have no time to greive or let alone think about what is going on with my body as i have a 14 month old son. To tell you the truth as i am writing this i am crying. I feel so empty and alone no matter who i speek to it doesnt get any better. I don't want to go through chemo i feel as though i am being punished for sumthing and it's came back 3x3. I can't sleep see i live in australia and the worse thing is the pregnancy i have had only 1 in like 2000 females get and the chances of you getting it back is like 1-2% very slim hey but i did't think that would be me. Well good luck to you all xxxx PS thanks for your ears and attention CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Daniella - March 9

Kristie- Tell me about this chemo you have to go through?? I think you need to set time aside to greive. Do you have someone to watch your son?? I'll tell you what... I have lost 3 pregnancies and haven't had any live births yet.. and I sometimes cry because I think I am too distant from my current pregnancy. Since the very beginning I didn't want to get attached because of my past set me up of the possibility of another loss. It wasn't until my 19 week scan that we seen it was a boy that I slightly started to feel pregnant. I didnt even want to talk about or anything. I sometimes feel like a horrible mother because I am not bonding to this pregnancy as I should. I blame it on all my prior loses, but I shouldn't. I even keep thinking that with my luck, something will happen to him during birth. I can't take the pain of another loss. I don't know what I will do. Anyhow... I am nearly your side of the world.. I am in Japan all alone except my hubby. We are from the states, but in Japan due to the military. So, I dont have my friends and family here either. The only people I talk to about this is here on this site. I have been down under and have some friends there as well. I would rather be there then here in Japan. I have an Australian airforce officer friend there. I am sorry its hard for you to talk to people there. I know the feeling. So, tell me about this chemo thing you have to go through, etc.

 

kristie - March 9

hI Daniella. 1st of all i would like to say sorry about your loss with you previous pregnancy and congrats that u have came this far with lilttle bundle. Well this 1st of all for me to tell u about this chemo i have to tell that my poregancy losses were due to a mola pregnancy. At conception 2 sperm fertalize 1 egg and it goes wrong from there, It became a mole that riddles your uterrus with cancer cells and can spreed through out you body. The hardest thing is that u have all the signs of pregnancy but there is no baby! You have to wait a period of time to make sure that there is no cells left in your body and have all these blood tests to make sure you hcg levels stay below 5. Well i was over that period that i have had to wait the me and hubby ttc again. Well it happend 2 months after trying and then i lost it and now the doc says that the baby was anoth molar pregnancy and now that i have had if 4 the 2nd time i have to go through tha waiting period again only this time it's long and on top of that have chemo every 2 weeks for the next couple of months. You no my sis is due t ave her baby 3 days after i was due to have the one i just lost! Well i hope you can understand the mola pregnancy situation i think it's hard cause there is not that many ppl here that have had a mola pregnancy. Thanks once again. If it helps i no its a different situation but i never bondede with my son till he was here cause no matter how far i the pregancy i was i felt as though it was a dream and that it wasnt real only to find out different when i held him in my arm. Congrats once again.

 

Daniella - March 9

Kristie- ok... I didn't realize you were going through chemo for a molar pregnancy. I've actually known many woman to have had molar pregnancies.. they just had a D&C and everything cleaned out and fortunately didn't have to go through chemo. Just wondering... have you and your dh had your chromosomes checked?? I know a few ladies that I've talked to that had a molar pregnancy was because the cell division was going crazy because they had a chormosome problem. I actually had a known a woman that went full term with a molar pregnancy (it wasn't a full molar, just slight) and her child was born with 6 fingers and toes and some other weird things... Its just that the cell division didn't split properly. Kristie, although you have had this happen twice, there really is hope!! Is your son from the same guy?? if so, then at least you know you can have a pregnancy that isn't a molar. Could they not clean it all out by a D&C?? or did it spread too much through the uterus?? At least when you have a next pregnancy then can check it out right away. SInce I had a prior ectopic pregnancy, I have to go in right away to make sure its in the uterus, etc. How long do they say you have to wait to get pregnant again after the chemo?? I am so sorry about that... I do have a good feeling that you will have a good pregnancy in the future. As far as your sister goes... l knw the felling.. listen to this, I went to the states for the 4th of July to visit family and what not. I had no idea anything was wrong with my pregnancy and my brothers wife was about to pop any day. Well, she went into labor when my bubs heart stopped and she was in the hospital giving birth while I was there having a D&C. I couldn't find it in me to go to her room to see the baby. I had to leave right away to get myself together. I had to force myself to go see her and my brother and their new son the next day. They didn't know that mine just died and didn't understand why I was being a bit distant. When I told them he didn't make it, my brother says, "yea right, I'm sure everything is fine" right there I just wanted to break down. I just lost mine and he was thinking I was joking. Like it was no big deal. I couldn't stay long and had to leave. Luckily my mom was there and she was with me the whole time and understood. So yea, it is hard to go through a loss at the same time someone is going through a birth. Or finding out they're now pregnant when you aren't anymore. Then my brother never said sorry. And when I found out I was pregnant again, he's the one that said, "wow, isn't that so soon" and not a congrats for the first thing said. Just because his wife just gave birth and had no complications doesn't mean that is the same for everyone. Where is the heart, ya know??

 

kristie - March 9

Hi Daniella, My family is the same with me like my sister says what the rush of having kids ect, the way i see it is that i am married and i dont have to answer to anyone particually my sis and bro. Well the chemo hasnt started yet as they are going to wait for my hcg levels to down 1st which is happening quit fast then i have a app on the 30 march at the hospital. I think the doc said i have to go through chem then when they have finished i have to wait a year. They did do a d&c with both miscarriages but u no what, the reason y we have to wait is that they may not have done there job properly by getting all the cells out. And i wouldnt have to go through chemo if this was a normal pregancy or loss but im just that satistic that is the 1-2 % of it happing twice. Ok so if you want to caht about this lil bundle of your feel free. Have u felt he/she kick yet? Get back plz goood talkin to u

 

Daniella - March 9

Kristie- your second molar could really well have been because they didn't clean it out all the way the first time. I wouldn't rush into the chemo until you know for sure you need it. How do they even know that this is a real molar pregnancies if the scan didn't show it (read that on your other post)/?? Also, you said that your HCG wasn't even doubling... well, everyone I've known to have a molar the HCG was going up WAY too fast. Maybe you need to get a second oppinion from another doctor before rushing into a big thing like chemo. ALso... did they run a chromosome test on you and hubby?? and is he the father of your son??

 

Susan W - March 9

Only someone who has had a m/c can understand how scary a subsequent pregnancy is, which is why some of us are talking about pregnancy on this board too. Those who have never had a m/c ignore that fear and pain, and so we don't feel very welcome in some circles. Daniella and I are visiting on one thread about pregnancy, as she's currently pregnant (finally with one that will last!) and I'm also pregnant again with baby #3, and we're sharing information on what she might expect as she nears the end of her first pregnancy and the momentous occasion of bringing a baby home. I've been where she is now for the first time, and having both been through a m/c is a special bond. We understand each other on more levels than on the general boards. And some of these women are currently closer to me than women I see every day and call friends. I consider these ladies friends too, and I would hate to not be able to talk to them and share what I'm going through today, good or bad. And I want to help others too . . . . . But I do totally understand your pain. Even though I'm pregnant again, I still don't want to see pregnant women even though I have several friends due here shortly, and I can't walk by the maternity store in the mall (when I can even go to the mall). It's a very painful experience. . .. . I know someone who had to have chemo for a complete molar and then wait to ttc for a complete year after that. It wasn't a most pleasant experience and was hard on her emotionally, but she survived. She is now pregnant again with a completely normal fetus and everything is proceeding normally. There is definite hope for you. And I agree with Daniella; they should be doing some chromosomal testing. . . .. And I didn't bond with DS either until well after he was born. It doesn't make us bad mothers.

 

Daniella - March 9

Susan- glad to see you post. Thanks!! You know what... it wasn't until really recently that I have bought ANYTHING for our son on the way. I couldn't go into any baby sections or maternity areas either. I just recently had to force myself because he needs things or else he would be born with nothing. I also couldn't hold myself together to watch those baby shows on TV. It never once bothered me before. Yet, after my last loss... It hurt even reading it on the preview channel. To this day, I can't watch it. I don't think you ever just forget about a loss you went through. Especially after you see a heartbeat and then it gone. So you actually had seen it pa__s. Yea, it gets better with time but you still don't forget. This baby in me now is my ultimate miracle baby. I dont know what I would/will do if something happens to him.

 

Susan W - March 9

And Daniella's right. Usually HCG goes nuts in a molar. If your HCG had continued to be elevated, that's when they would suspect it had spread and needed chemo, but usually before going to chemo, they do a second D&C to see if they can get the remaining tissue and then monitor HCG again. If HCG still is up, then they start looking for a new pregnancy or spread of the molar tissue to the lungs or v____a, which is then when chemo is done. . . . . If you had a D&C, did they do any testing on the material removed? That would be very accurate and specific as to what is going on, since the u/s was not clear. . . . . And it makes a huge difference as to treatment afterwards if it was a complete molar or partial molar. But usually a molar/partial molar is diagnosed on u/s. It has a distinctive look, if you will . . . .If you can, get a second opinion or see a specialist if you think your doctor isn't being clear. And I've heard several new thoughts for afterwards. 1) wait a year after HCG have returned to normal for ttc and 2) ensure you eat adequate animal protein and vitamin A before ttc again.

 

HopefulK - March 9

Kristie, I'm one of the ladies who post here now that I'm pg again after a loss. I didn't miscarry but I lost my baby girl at 28 wks. I'm terrified in this pg. I'm 7 wks now and totally afraid to bond, everyone says it will come in time but like Daniella, I don't think I'm gonna be able to do that until I have a healthy baby in my arms. My best friend had what you had, she lost her baby girl at 13 wks, she had to be tested for a year before she was allowed to ttc again. Now she has a beautiful healthy baby boy who's nearly 2 and though she is still tested annually, she's (fingers crossed) been ok so far. What you going through is poo and I send my heartfelt sympathies. I'm sorry if our posts have upset you, that's not the intention, its like the other ladies have said, we are just scared and unless you've suffered a loss you just can't understand the fear truely. I wish you luck with the chemo and futuer pg's. xx

 

Susan W - March 9

No, nobody who has ever been through a m/c forgets. The pain does get better, but we remember these lost babies forever. My mom lost 2, her sister 1, two close friends 3 between them, and another friend lost 5, and they still talk about those babies and wonder what they would have looked like and what they would have been like. While the pain is fresh, any reminder hurts. But eventually, I think we will honor and remember those babies with love when we see a pregnant lady or a newborn. In the end, it's a miracle anyone has a baby.

 

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