I Made A Mad Mistake And Now I Dont No What To Do About It

9 Replies
dani-chicka - June 25

im 15 years old and about 7 days ago i was at this party, and i was drinking like i was told not to. A few hours later i went to go to bed andi ended up having s_x with a guy i didnt really no. and dont no if he used a condom or not. im not on birth contro because it was my first time and i dint think anything was going to happen that night. i have had a really bad feeling that i mightbe pregnat since that night. i have alot of early symtems of being so too. but i hve no way of gettin a test done with out my parents finding out. how do i no i am pregnet with out a test and with out waiting to see if a get my periord or not?

 

daisyusa - June 25

dani-chicka, this is a difficult time for you, but talk to your mom, she may be upset at first, but you can both work together. Wether you're preg. or not, you don't need this kind of stress. I'm a 34 y/o mom and would pray that my daughter would come to me in time of need. Right now, you need your mom. We've all made mistakes, but we learn from them. Let her know that you made a mistake and need her now more than ever. Ask her to get you a test and read the results together. Just trust in your mom. If you absolutely feel 100% that you can't talk to your mom, perhaps you could try a clinic or planned parenhood, or at least call and see if they can offer help. I wish I could offer more advice. God bless

 

phedre - June 26

Dani-Chicka, I agree that if you can you should talk to your mom. If not (and I know I could not have done so at your age) is there a teacher you can trust or any adult? I'm concerned not only by your lack of protection but also by what happened. You say you were drinking and went to bed. were you drunk? where were you when this happened? still at the party? You had s_x with a guy you didn't really know and you weren't planning on having s_x at all and you don't know if he used a condom. is this because you've never had s_x before and so you don't know the difference between a condom and an unprotected p___s or were you still drunk and not sure of what was happening? I'm worried that this guy took advantage of you while you were drunk and sleepy. do you know who he is and do you feel okay about what happened? if you feel at all like he used you or you didn't want it to happen this is another issue we need to address. if you're not okay with what happened you need to talk to someone and maybe even talk to the guy to find out what happened and if he used a condom. can you ask him? as for being pregnant, if you haven't missed a period yet it would be very unlikely a test could tell you this soon. are your periods regular? what sort of symptoms are you having? keep in mind that a lot of early pregnancy symptoms feel like ones you get when getting your period. there's a lot to ask you but to answer you're question, if you haven't yet missed a period then you can't know for sure if you are pregnant or not without using a test or having an ultrasound. here's a website with some more information: http://www.thehelpline.org/teens/index.htm keep in mind that if you're logging on from home your parents might know already what's going on. i'm worried about you emotionally because it doesn't sound like you knew what was happening. you need to be honest with yourself about what happened. do you have girlfriends you can talk to? i hope you're ok and if you have more questions i'll be here to try and help, ok?

 

dani-chicka - June 29

its me.. dani-chicka and well i just wanted to let those of you that gave me advice on whats happening, i did a test and im not pregnet!! b___to answer your questions now.. i was still drunk when it was all happening and didnt really no what all happened that night until the next day when i was told. i'm starting to remeber more of what had happened that night, so im guessing thats a good thing. i had gone to bed(or what i thought was going to be bed) still drunk. i dont remeber much from what hapened but i remeber things more clearly like more of what happened that morning and before people started giving me more drinks. i no who he is, well kind of. i had just met him that day, but he is one of my best friends boyfriends friends. if that makes any sence at all.. so i trusted him totally, i have talked to some of my friends about this and they all say that he took advatage of me, but i dont see why he would do that? i was ok with what happened that night until tonight. i went over to my friends house and they were all there, and he had one girl i no with him. i dont no if they hooked up or not, but he would ont talk to me or even like looka t me, so it really made me wonder what all happened that night. like if i was drugged or something. becasue i no he is in to that. but i could not see him doin that with out telling his friend, who would have told his girl friend, who would have told me for sure, because she nos i didnt plan on anything that night. i dont want to go and accuse any one of rape or anything like that, because i think i would no if he did rape me.. wouldnt i? my girlfriend wants me to go and get tested for all kinds of things because hse was given date rape druggs one day a while back too, she wants us to both go and get tested for things, jsut to be sure. but thanks for all the help ive gotten so far. it really has helped me..

 

daisyusa - June 29

Dani-chicka, I'm so happy you're not pregnant. I still feel that you need to talk to your mom about what happened to you. If this guy drugged a girl before for s_x and didn't get caught, what's to stop him from doing it again? You girls and your moms need to get together and do as was suggested and get tested and take it from there. You say you're alright about that night, but yet you planned on doing nothing, he clearly took advantage of you and phedre certainly saw that. You also said that people kept giving you drinks, it's really OK to say no. Then this guy sees you on a different day and won't even look at you, now that could be because he was with another girl, but it could also be because he's guilty of taking advantage of you or possible date rape. Please seek help and advise from your mom, trust in her to be there, she will. I wish you all the best and hope this doesn't happen again. You need to look after yourself and take care of number 1, you have a whole future of fun and don't need to be drunk to have fun. I was your age once too and know it's not easy.

 

dani-chicka - June 30

me again, just checking in with whats going on. to answer some of yout questions daisyusa, i dont no if he has done with with any other girl or not. and it was not the same person that drugged my friend becsaue he was in my cla__s and i knew who he was. i really have no choice but to be ok with that night. regreting it wont bring my virginity back. i no i have to excpet what i did that night and move on, nothing can bring it back and i no that. i no i messed up by drinking that night, and letting my drink out of my sight, like i was told to never do if i ever went anywhere where i didnt no someone. i did that many time that night. but i olny left it with him. i didnt plan on anything that night, just a night out hanging with some frineds i havent seen in a while. everyone was already drinking when i got my stuff, so they were like you got to catch up so i was like drinking them down fast to catch up, i only had to drink like 4 of my drinks to catch up(not a lot of what it was). after i cought up and left (lets call him dave) my drink with dave and came back and finished drinking my drink, i felt like i could not move, i could not talk, i knew i was not drunk, i was buzzed but not drunk. thats why i think i was drugged. when i seen him he would not say anything to me. i was talking to my frind tonight and one of the guys that was there called her and was like yeah dave had s_x with your friend but i didnt tell you that(even tho she already knew) so she told me and i was talking to this guy and he was like i cant talk to you about this and would not talk to me after that. i cant really say anything to him, becasue for 1. he wont talk to me 2. he is with one of my friends now and 3. anything that i say about what happened, they will just say its because im mad at him for not talking to me, or i regret it, or that im mad becasue he telling everyone or becasue hes with one of my friends. my mom already dont trust me because of a friend that live like 3 hours away from me, and she got into drugs when she moved. so my mom dont trust me becasue she thinks im like her, but im not. so i cant really tell her what is going on because well then i would have to go somewhere else becsaue if i mess up then i have to live with my father. so i cant relly tell her about this stuff. thats why im here. to get help from some people that would no what to do, other then talk to my mom about it, but its late so thanks again for everything have done.

 

dani-chicka - July 1

hey its me, dani here. just fillin in the blanks. ok so phedre, i have drank with one of the guys at the party/get together and one of the girls, they both no im not likely to hook up with who ever is avalable. my frind has known me like my whole life and (lets call him bob) bobi have known for like 5 or so years. and then both no im not at all like that. i do reember him asking to have s_x with me, but i also remeber saying no to him and to bob earlier that night. bob asked me to hook up with him in the truck with we were bringing him home, and i was like you no im not into that, so no! and everyone in the truck hurd me(all five of us), so everyone knew i did not want anything to happen with anyone that night. yes, he ignored me when i next seen him, i dont no why, but he did, and his friend that i no, just kind of looked at me like i should not want to be there or something. maybe he nos if dave drugged me or whatever. i have never been in trouble with the police, i dont do all that well in school, i do smoke, i dont no drugs, and i do drink. i have never been in any serious trouble about anything. i dont skip school much, i just cant concintrate in school. i have also made a pact withmy self to not let me domething that i would not do when im sober, for the simple fact, it would not be me then. i no im responible for what happened that night, just for the fact that i lied and i was out drinking. so i blame myself for what happened. if i would not have lied i would not be in this mess right now. i dont think i am ever going to be able to trust another guy, for the simple fact of this and about two years ago i was molested(touched unwillingly or what ever) by another person that i totally trusted, he was a really good friend. i want to tell my friend that was there what i think happened, but i would not want to lose her as a friend because of it. she would more then likely just say that im p__sed off becasue he is with another chick(he hooked up with her the next night!!) i have been friends with her for a very long time and i would not want to ruin what we have. i no i already cant hang out with her anymore becasue of the fact that she is always with her boyfriend who is always with dave. i cant even talk to bob about this becasue he is p__sed at me for hooking up with dave and not him. dave is going around telling people that really dont have any reason to no about it. i have talked to one of them when dave was with hima nd he was saying that he cant to me about this and would not text me back after that. but he kept talking to my frind in witch i was talkin to on the phone. two of my frinends have been drugged that i no of, and i have talked to them about this and they are totally there for me, they help me thu day after day. i would try to worn people about this guy, but then if it gets back to them on what i am sayin, i will lose alot of friends becasue they will be like 'what a whore, oh my god, she is having s_x, she has this and she has that', jut becasue thats the way people are around here. i dont think we have any planned parent hood around here. i live about 5 miles from a town that has like 1000 people in it tops! so im like limited to what i can do. my parents are divorced, they have been since i was in 2nd grade. i cant talk to my father about this for the fact that when my older sister got into trouble he had me, my older and my younger sister taken away from my mom for about two weeks. and if he knew about this, he would do it again. he thinks im always on drugs and im always dong the wrong thing, no matter what i do. i cant go to the hopsital becasue he works there, and they all no who i am. he is like a paramdic, er person, heicopter person, flight attendent, disbatcher, and alot of things for the hospital(its a big hospital). i no could easily get his a__s kicked, ill just say i have connections! alot of people i no, if they new about this, dave would be dead! but thanks for all the help!! it really does mean alot to me. thanks!!! ill check and fill in more blanks later.....

 

phedre - July 10

Hi Dani, I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. first of all, it doesn't matter if you were drunk, drugged or wearing a string bikini! if you said "no" then these guys should have respected that. it is NOT your fault for drinking or lying. when i was your age i used to sneak our of the house because my dad was super strict and i'd drink but nothing bad ever happened to me and i was lucky. but just because something bad happens doesn't mean it is your fault. a real man would not take advantage of a woman who had been drinking or been drugged or who might have just been dumped or whatever else can lead us to misjudge situations. so get it out of your head right now that any of this is your fault. it can be really hard to trust men and i'm sorry you were abused. i was too when i was a child. it's had a major effect on my relationships with men. i'm often angry and find it hard to emotionally connect to men but i've been getting help for it for a long time. i don't think i'll ever fully heal but i do refuse to let any man ruin my life. what you do about this is up to you. i know it's hard to say anything, especially given the way people can be. i'm sorry you can't share with your best friend. do you have a school psychologist? or a teacher you trust? i know you say you don't like school but let me tell you, i grew up poor, really poor. my parents had to get me shoes and clothes from a charity that gave them for free. my parents left high school as 16 as did all my sisters and brother. i was beaten by my dad and s_xually abused and i refused to give in. the only thing that kept me going was the thought that i could educate myself and be better than all the kids who made fun of me for being poor and wearing hand-me-downs. and today i'm a university professor. my education has allowed me to become stronger and to teach others and help others. i know this might not be a plan that works for you if you don't like school or learning but think about it. an education can help you get away from your small town (if that's what you want). and keep in mind that all these jerks who make life tough now won't mean anything to you after highschool is over. and if this guy is telling everyone he had s_x with you, just tell them that the only way he can get women to sleep with him is to drug them and you're fairly sure he didn't have s_x with you since you remember he couldn't get it up. then keep quiet. don't be drawn into an argument or anything. just sweetly suggest he might want to ask his dad for viagra. if there's anyway you can get checked out by a gynecologist you really need to and be checked for STDs. can you tell your mom that your periods are really, really painful and ask her to take you to a doctor or gynecologist? i wish i could help you more. i wish we lived in a society where women were not punished for s_xuality and men congratulated. it's ridiculous but it gets better in that respect after you get out of HS. hugs.

 

panicpure - July 13

dani-chicka, a friend is someone who you can rely on in times of need, among other things. If you have no "friends" to talk to, chances are they aren't your friends. They should know you well enough to believe you when you tell them something. They should care about you. None of these people seem to care, to want to help. You know, you aren't cmpletely responsible for what happened to you. Yes, you did go and drink, but if the guy drugged you, you didn't ask for that. And if you know you wouldn't have had s_x with him, with or without alcohol or drugs, and he used your drug/alcohol induced state to have s_x with you, that isn't your fault. And now that you've been in this situation, you can do even more to keep yourself safe. Don't leave you drinks anywhere. Always keep your drink with you. Don't take a drink that someone makes for you. Even soda. They can put drugs in soda too. Make your own drink. Watch your own drinks. Better yet, stay away from these people. There's a reason why your mom doesn't want you doing things. She knows what can happen and wants to protect you(a__suming you have a loving mom). If she thought she should send you to your dad, maybe it's because she wants to help you(again I have no idea what your dad is like). Just be careful. Don't trust young guys, or older guys if they are wanting you to party. You can usually tell when they are only wanting s_x. They have a look in their eyes. Maybe that's just what I see. Please be careful. Find some friends you can rely on. What about the girl who wants you to go get checked out? She seems ok.

 

Lorisboyd - July 21

Can you go to a friends house and do a test without your parents knowing? Taking a home pregnancy test will probably be your best solution. Do you know how late your period is?

 

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