44 Pregnant And Alone

53 Replies
anonymous99 - July 14

anonymous99, Thank you for the hugs, I really appreciate them. I'm sending them to you as well. Right around my AF time I sink pretty low about this I would say almost into a depression and then I work my out of it and I get so excited about having a daughter that is out there waiting for me. I need her probably more than she needs me. The thing is about trying to get pregnant is that it is so stressful even without the drugs. I think most people are having s_x a lot more than me. I get so stressed about it I don't even want to try. I have to take blood thinners the day I ovulate and I don't have any. My FSH is 15.2, which is bad. Sometimes I feel like these feelings will never go away. Hopefully, by next week I'll feel better. I don't have the greatest marriage either. We just got out of counseling in March. My husband was verbally and emotionally abusive for 6 our of the 9 years we have been married. Only now has he realized that he can't just say anything too me. I;m not the most forgiving person either. I haven't forgotten the way he has treated me. It still hurts and I still resent him about the second baby. We agreed on two children when we got married and he failed me totally. I would not have married him if he didn't agree on two children and I wouldn't have married him if he treated me the way he did over the past few years. So needless to say , there's no a lot of bd going on at my house. I'm just venting and I'm trying because of my son. We both love him soooo much and I don't want to hurt him. But honestly, if it wasn't for him, I'd of left two years ago and I remember the day. My husband screamed and used the F word at me infront of our son at age 3. Like I said, I haven't forgotten and I don't know how my life ended up to be so sad. I love my son more than words can say, but if some one told me my story 10 years ago, my son would be the only reason I'd relive this. Thanks for listening to my sad story. = Hi SueZ, o, I am sooo sorry your husband was a numbnut to you. I relate to you on quite a few levels. Would you consider buying a clearblue fertility monitor. It detects your LH surge, the hormone that surges right before the eggie is released, you most likely know that already, but that way you can s_x only once out of the month. I have s_x issues with my husband too. Either his work hours are way too long and he is tired or possible stress related erection issues and sometimes just plain don't want to have s_x cause he was being insensitive. I was already to divorce mine after some of his "psychotic" fits after my younger sister commited suicide then the eldest was diagnosed of cancer. I deal with resent ment too. It's not the bestest of feelings..as you know. SueZ I am going to post another TTC board that is really great, great info on how to reduce FSH with herbs, acupuncture, etc. There is a lovely woman on the board whose FSH was 15 and got it reduced to 9.7. I'm glad for you that at least your husband is going to counseling and realizing his wrongs. You are not wrong for still being hurt about things. Forgiving is one long process. And I can just imagine the joy your son must bring you and makes it all worth while. I'm going to post that website for you. There's many women who get depressed when their AF shows up, me included, and it's great to vent there too. I'll be right back.

 

anonymous99 - July 14

http://www.ovusoft.com/forum/default.asp Hi SueZ, o, I am sooo sorry your husband was a numbnut to you. I relate to you on quite a few levels. Would you consider buying a clearblue fertility monitor. It detects your LH surge, the hormone that surges right before the eggie is released, you most likely know that already, but that way you can s_x only once out of the month. I have s_x issues with my husband too. Either his work hours are way too long and he is tired or possible stress related erection issues and sometimes just plain don't want to have s_x cause he was being insensitive. I was already to divorce mine after some of his "psychotic" fits after my younger sister commited suicide then the eldest was diagnosed of cancer. I deal with resent ment too. It's not the bestest of feelings..as you know. SueZ I am going to post another TTC board that is really great, great info on how to reduce FSH with herbs, acupuncture, etc. There is a lovely woman on the board whose FSH was 15 and got it reduced to 9.7. I'm glad for you that at least your husband is going to counseling and realizing his wrongs. You are not wrong for still being hurt about things. Forgiving is one long process. And I can just imagine the joy your son must bring you and makes it all worth while. I'm going to post that website for you. There's many women who get depressed when their AF shows up, me included, and it's great to vent there too. I'll be right back. = ok, I just pasted the site. Let me know if you joing. I don't think you will regret it.

 

Sue Z. - July 18

anonymous99, I look at my life and the pain I'm going through is nothing compared to losing your sister so tragically. And then your older sister having cancer. Are your parents still around? I would consider trying the natural way, but it is so stressful. It boils down to my husband not really caring how much I had to go through to have my son. I know in hind site he realizes how wrong he was. I'm leaning towards adoption. I do have my days that I'm just besides myself with greif that I never had to suffer. I will NOT back down on having two children. My husband was given the correct information about not waiting and he chose to ignore me and give me stupid excuses so I refuse to back down. When I married him, we agreed on two children. If he didn't agree to that, I wouldn't have married him in the first place. I just know in my heart that there is a little girl out there who needs a family. And I will find her.

 

anonymous99 - July 18

Hi, SueZ, o, thank you for your kind support. My sister who had the cancer, she died too. My parents are still living. Me and hubbie had about 3 good timings?.... O, i'm sure there is a little girl out there for you and your child. Like you say, don't back down. I wish you the best.

 

HollyNF - July 21

Julie, my mother was 41 when she adopted me, and 43 when she adopted my sister. I never thought of her as being older than my friends' mothers. My mom is just awesome! She was very active with both of us, as well as my Dad. Mom turns 80 and I turn 39 - both of us next month. My mother looks GREAT for her age! I tell her it's because of me and my sister; we kept her young and active! : ) Anyhow, I'm pregant with my first and I did think about what it's going to be like to be an "older" mother. Then I quickly thought about my own mother.....and I'm going to be just fine!! AND SO ARE YOU!!!! : )

 

anonymous99 - July 22

I've meditated and contemplated and I believe it was not the right time. And it was something amazing my little nephew said to me, it must have been the voice of an angel speaking through him or my little nephew/Godson was the angel himself.

 

christienano - July 26

JULIE!! Are you still out there? You must have had your baby by now a__suming you decided to keep it. I am 40 and just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago, and I'm not sure how I feel about telling him. I don't want to tell anyone who might try to persuade me to terminate. I tried to get pregnant and now that I am I feel that it is Gods will and I am blessed. I am so scared. I have a business that I've been trying to build for over 4 years and it's just now starting to be able to pay off its debts and support me. I live in a one bedroom apartment with two dogs in Hollywood and can't afford more rent than I pay now. I don't have insurance, and my parents don't live here. I'd love to hear how your story ended if you're still logging in...or, if anyone else has any advice or words of wisdom! I need it! xoxo C

 

anonymous99 - July 26

Hi Christine, would you consider a roomate? Are you going to tell your boyfriend after some more time pa__ses? Maybe this will bring him to you, ..if he was kind to you, I'm sure he'll help out wth the baby.

 

kathykile - August 1

Hi, I am pregant again at age 45 in september. I has my 4 child last may. Not sure what I should do.. Anyone have some hope. Thanks Kathy

 

charmagne - August 10

Hi -I just read your article and wanted to respond to you.I am 42 and I recently found out that am pregnant this will be my thrid child, but with my new partner. who is estactic,i have mixed feelings at the moment,being a mum at this age although i do not look 42.I have not been with the father to be for very long and i know people will have something to say as i come from a very very close family. so i guess i also feel alone.in that respect. but please do not feel isolated or alone there are many women in our position.I was in a simalair situation to you 4yrs ago when i was dating my partner at the time and fell pregnant he did not want children yet!! and encouraged and forced me to have a termination i eventually did, it was the worse decision i have ever made in my life the emitional pain was and still torments me when i think about what i did.men can suggest we do this and they ulitimately move on with their lives women have to rebuild and learn to live with the guilt and shame.my ex was from NZ but had lived in the UK for some 7 yrs now.please be strong and make what ever decision your going to make for you.I look forward to hearing from you.

 

kathykile - August 10

Hi back. Thanks for the encouargment. How far along are you? I shouldn't care what other people think. But having older children 21, 18, 16 , it does effect them too. My husband is so happy. I also, don't look 45. As a matter of fact, my husband is younger than me.( 10 years). People say he looks older than me.

 

anonymous99 - August 11

hi kathykile. What are people saying. I hear of so many women conceiving and giving healthy births at your age of 45. Your older children can help out with the baby. best wishes.

 

kathykile - August 11

anonymous99 Thanks for the support. What are people saying, Well for starters, My weren't you using birth control?.. Aren't you too old?... You just had a baby last year.... Why are you doing this. etc. The list goes on and on. I decided the only people that have a right to make a decision, is my husband and myself... Everyone else will have to get use to it. I feel scared and worried almost most of the time. Hoping these feeling are normal and will pa__s.(In time I hope).. Sometimes I wonder if I will have enough energy...... But I don't think I had much when I was 27 having babies either. So its all part of motherhood........ Are you pregnant?

 

anonymous99 - August 12

Hi KathyKile, wow, most of the world is just so malicious! These people, it seems like it bothers them to see others happy. What are you afraid of? So many women get preggers at age 45. We have to change the world. The bias has to stop. Why do some people and some of the medical society want women to stop having babies by age 35. And would prefer women to have invitro after 35!! I regretted telling anyone me and my hubbie begun trying. I have distanced myself from each of those people who wanted to be ugly and throw daggers. I am not preggers yet, but trying. Last year I had a mini one/chemical pregnancy. I call it a mini conception. Sperm and egg met and must have not been compatible since no relationship between them developed, lol.... I would say me and hubbie had about 4 good timings so far this year. After the mini we stopped. Then began again in December last year but had four good timings so far.

 

kathykile - August 13

anonymous99. It sounds like we just want to be happy. If others can't be, they must have sad lives. I certainly don't feel too old ( that's another saying). to have another baby. My body is just very fertile. I find it blessing, to give my 15 month a brother or sister that he can grow up with. I come from a close and large family. I wouldn't trade my sisters for anthing. I just told my oder sister on Saturday.... She was so happy for me. She said that it didn;t surprise her. She knows how much I love children and love being pregnant. Thats the fun part, yea the aches and pains, its well worth it..... My only biggest complaint.... Constipation........ I also believe that society needs to change there statsics. There are more and more women even over 40 having babies. I just can't believe that they think over 35 is too old.. It makes no sense. I would like to wish you and your hubby all the best, and I hope things happen for you..... Thank you again.

 

anonymous99 - August 17

Thank you for your well wishes. I am about 41. Me and hubby have only had about 4 to 5 good timings. Also I think doctors have to change the, 'if you're not pregnant after 6 months see an RE'. You conceived your new arriving child after over a year of giving birth. And my mom too, she conceived me after 17 months of giving birth to me. Obviously my mom and you are fertile. Thank you for your good wishes. Do you take prescribed progesterone? Lots of prune juice is great for constipation.

 

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