My Boyfriend Says Abort Or Our Relationship Is Over

70 Replies
Angela - August 20

I'm not sure what to do. I've just turned 44 and recently found out that I'm pregnant - around 6 weeks. My b/f whom I love a lot wants me to abort because he's not ready to be a father, but in a year's time he will be and wants me to get pregnant then. We were using the rythem method we both mistook my dates I then took a morning after pill and that through my cycle out of sync. I'm scared that if I abort I won't be able to get pregnant again. I have a 7 year old son and I work full time. I sometimes feel that I should abort as I won't be able to cope on my own. The other thing is I can't bare to think of my b/f with someone else. I sometimes thing of going through the pregnancy then giving it up for adoption. I've had two abortions in the past. The first because I was under pressure to do so by my 1st husband and the 2nd because i was raped - my choice. If I do this one i feel it will be because of my b/f choice - any suggestions of what I should do?

 

carol - August 20

there is no guarantee that you will fall preg next year being 45 and all chances could be slim this could be your last chance at having a baby you willinbg to throw that away?

 

carol - August 20

there is no guarantee that you will for preg next year being 45 and all chances could be slim, this could be your last chance at having another baby you willing to throw that away? i wouldnt whats the diff a year makes with the boyfriend i think he just dont want one if he isnt ready now he wont be in a year i would have the baby and hope for the best its a gift that shoudnt be taken lightly

 

angela - August 20

frankly, it's amazing you got pregnant at 44. I wouldn't a__sume you will ever get pregant again (although you certainly might). If you abort, you should be prepared that it may not happen for you again in the future. 44 is very late to get pregnant. Many women younger than that can't get pregnant.

 

Kimb - August 21

Angela, You should definately do what your heart tells you to do. Abortion is a serious choice, and not only does it harm your baby, but it can seriously harm you. As for your boyfriend, what is the big difference between now and 1 yr? So you hit a bumb in the road, maybe you should just improvize, no need in harming your self and the baby over a 1 yr waiting period. If he truly loves you, he'll understand, plus you are 44, you really shouldn't wait any longer

 

KP - August 21

As said before..what is the difference between now and a year from now...do what you think is right...never allow anyone to pressure you. Someone who really loves you would not give you an ultimatum. He will be there for you no matter what.

 

C. - August 21

Your boyfriend thinks it would be a good idea to delay your getting pregnant til you're 45? So, he thinks around 46 is a good age for guys to have kids? Well, how much does he know about women's fertility? There are very few women who manage to get pregnant at 45. Many women struggle (!!) at 44. One year makes a huge difference at this age, every month can make a difference. What does he think about the chances of conceiving a genetically challenged baby? The odds are high. In fact, Angela, the very sad thing is, that many women m/c their baby, if they do get pregnant at 44. So, your b/f may get what he wants anyway, without you choosing that path. You're only 6 weeks, and the next 6 weeks are critical. But there is a chance, that things will be okay. But if they are, then you are truly blessed. I wish you all the very best, strength, courage and a happy pregnancy. Vent on here, anytime you need to. We are here for you.

 

Not to be paranoid, - August 21

But have you ever listened to Tom Leykis on the radio? He is a DJ who advocated to guys this thing he calls the "hail Mary" (a term taken from football that is sort of akin to a last ditch effort). The way he tells guys to go is to tell the women to get an abortion, and all the while they rea__sure them that they WILL want a kid later on. I'm not 44, I'm 28, but my bf used his own variation of this on me when I got pregnant. I decided to do my own thing with or without him because I want my baby. I'm now due in a month and he has come around, but I really didn't expect him to, and would still be doing it even if he was long gone. Good luck, I feel for you.

 

Tammy - August 21

Angela- Take it from someone who has been there. I had 2 pregnancies prior to this one and both ended in miscarriages. It took me a long while to get pregnant with this baby. I am 45 and as others have stated, it is a miracle to conceive on your own at (sorry) "our age". In addition, the miscariage rate goes up to 50%. If having this baby is important to you, then do so. I cannot imagine how more ready you boyfriend will be in 12 months. It sounds like he is stalling some. You may not get another chance. He should not be giving you an ultimatium if he loves you so.

 

mandy - August 22

Hi Angela,1st of all,you make the decision,if you abort you may not get pregnant again,if you keep the baby you risk loosing your fella.Like others have said,why wait a year?Its not as if he does'nt want kids.Also if he's planning children with you then he should love you,yet is quick to say he'll leave you if you keep the baby.do you know,my husband has stuck with me through thick and thin,always putting me 1st,you have a child,he said a long time ago,even if we just had the one,but because he knows I am scared to death at the thought,he's still stood by me without pressure,saying it takes two to have a baby,if I don't want any kids then he respects that.If it was the other way around I bet women would be saying, "dump the man,find someone else" I would be so upset if he ever left me because he got sick of waiting,but as we've been together so very long,we know each other,and I hope I know and trust him well enough to know that he married me because like me,he loves me.

 

Linda - August 22

Angela, did you have any of the abortions before you had your son. I had one 9 years ago and I am now pregnant with my first at 35. I read that there may be scarring in the uterus that can lead to all kinds of complications, like the baby not forming properly...etc. I'd appreciate anyone's info on this.

 

kira - August 22

YOU MAY NOT EVER HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE..BUT HIM HE COULD DUMP YOU EVEN IF YOU DON'T KEEP THE BABY. AND HE COULD HAVE A BABY AT THE AGE OF 90 IF HE WANTED.

 

Lucy - August 27

Angela, a boyfriend who gives out the threat of 'do what I say or I'm ending the relationship' for ANY reason is not a boyfriend worth keeping. Dump the guy. Keep the baby.

 

Angela - August 28

Thanks for all your responses. Its been really hard that last few days. I didn't want to reply to anyone before now because I wasn't on my own. I keep thinking about the situation and went for a check up last week and was told that I was 7 1/2 weeks pregnanat which means I am now 8 weeks. He still says the same - his att_tude towards me has changed and he says he can't get used to the idea and how this situation has come between us. The doctor said I could start the termination there and then - but I couldn't and said I would wait another week - to have more time to think. I really don't know how I feel. I know that I won't be able to manage on my own - financially and mentally. I don't know how I'm going to feel if I have the termination - I just feel numb. Linda - yes I have had an abortion at 21yrs because my husband at the time didn't want anymore and said he would leave me - I already had two at the time. I had another termination - medically after being raped, but later had a son - 2years later. If I have an abortion it will be done medically so as to lesson the chance of damaging my womb etc.

 

kira - August 28

ANGELA IM HERE FOR YOU. I AM A SINGLE 30 YR. MOTHER GOING TO SCHOOL AND ON WELFARE. TRUST ME..HE MAY NOT WANT TO KNOW THAT CHILD RIGHT NOW..BUT WHEN HE'S SICK OR THAT CHILD BECOMES SOMEONE GREAT.. HE WILL TRY TO BE IN THAT CHILDS LIFE AND THAT CHILD WILL KNOW THAT HIS OR HER FATHER WASNT WORTH NOTHING..THAT CHILD IS INNOCENT WHY DOES HE OR SHE HAVE TO DIE BECAUSE YOUR MAN DOESNT WANT IT..ONLY GOD GIVES LIFE...ONLY GOD..YOU WILL MAKE IT..

 

kira - August 28

im sorry my email address is [email protected]

 

linda - August 29

i am 44 and would love to get pregnant we have tried for a few years . I would think of this as a gift from God. I wish it was me

 

ADD A COMMENT:


You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!


Already a member?
Please login below.





Forgot your password?
Need Help?