Stress And Effects On Baby

8 Replies
stressed out! - June 13

I am 41 and 32 weeks pregnant. My amnio was fine but now Im having relationship problems with the father. I am so emotional, crying all the time, and strung out because of various things he is doing, or more so, NOT doing. I can't control my emotions and I can feel this baby is stressed too. He starts to kick hard and then has the hiccups. I don't know what to do to get my problems off my mind. I wish I could have a glass of wine but I know I can't. I just can't relax, the father is playing games with my head and all I want is for him to be there for the birth. He still can't decide if hes going to be there. I am so alone and he has abandoned me too. I will never forgive him if he misses it. He doesn't understand why its so important to me. I don't understand how he doesn't understand that. I feel like I am begging him to participate in this. The frustration of it hurts me so much I cry all the time... and now Im getting depressed. Its not the way I wanted to spend the last few months of my first and probably last pregnancy. Hes making this experience so miserable for me. I know I am a high risk pregnancy because of my age but what can this kind of severe emotional stress do to my baby. Im so nervous Im going into premature labour but usually its just braxton hicks contractions. I just want to make another month... what can I do? How can I deal with this stress drug free? I can't even sleep at night. Its really sad for my baby I want the best for him and I feel so guilty when I can't stop crying. I don't want to stress him, what can I do to stop the stress? Other than getting rid of the father.


j. - June 13

Hey..congratulations on your pregnancy. Soon, you will be holding your baby in your arms, which will be the most amazing feeling in the world. Many other problems will seem less important, as he becomes your primary focus. This baby needs you and you will be there for him. As to the dad not being sure about being there for the birth, many loving and devoted husbands/bf have strong qualms too. I don't know if dad has been a dad before, but being there for the birth is something that many prospective dads dread. Partly because they don't know what to expect, how they will react, how mom will dad will handle standing on the sideline, how dad will handle watching the pain. Some think it's yucky, some feel out out of control. Maybe you want him there, so he can bond with his child and also you. Even if he did not witness the birth, he will bond with the baby, if you encourage him to take actively part in the baby's life. Some men treasure their partners more for having managed the birth, and some treasure them less s_xually for having seen the gory details. It depends on the man, who knows. However it sounds a little like your partner is using the birth issue as a means of controlling you, since he knows it's so important to you. Maybe it would be advisable not to say too much more about it. Sure, make it clear, one last time you want him there. (Not quite sure why, since he doesn't sound like he will be able to offer much emotional support. Not great fun having a frustrating man next to you, when you just want to concentrate on the task ahead.) Either way, if you do, say it and tell him you're not going to mention it again. Inform him you are not going to beg him to be at his own child's birth but you don't want to deny him the once-in-a-life-time chance, to see his child come into the world. He might see the baby just as 'any baby' for now but it will be HIS (both your) baby once it is born. Maybe if he sees that 'the birth' is no longer something he can manipulate you with, he will stop playing these games. This is his child we are talking about, not a bargaining chip in some relationship game. As to the stress, don't worry yourself about the effects on your child. He won't be harmed and the kicking suggests he is strong. I wish you happiness and peace and just remember feeling emotional is normal but talk on here whenever you feel the need for support. <hugs>


MCC - June 15

Hi, I am 40yo and had a baby 3 months ago. I empathize with you very much. Don't worry about the stress. Your concern about the stress will make you stressed, and, you don't even know how stress can affect your baby. Listen, we all cry a lot and have emotional ups and downs during pregnancy -- with a good or a bad partner. Since this occurs naturally because of changes in the hormones, then why be concerned if your emotional upsetness because of your partner will affect the baby? It is the general rule that women get upset easily during pregnancy, some get depressed, some have strong moodswings. So, regardless of the cause, this is the way it is, it is the norm. So, don't worry about the effects on your baby too much. I too had lots of problems with my fiance during pregnancy. My baby is fine, relaxed, cute, healthy, calm! Don't worry about it. He also used to kick a lot, and hiccups are very common too. Your baby is an energetic one and will be a great athlete. My baby now kicks for five minutes no stop when he is... excited! He gives me that big smile and kicks, kicks, kicks, just as when he was inside of me. It has nothing to do with stress. My fiance too made my life hell during pregnancy. He wanted the baby so bad he talked me into having one before getting married because he was worried about my age. Then, once I got pregnant he turned into this jerk, playing games, treating me really bad, screaming, fighting all the time, always in a bad mood and taking it on me. He knew I did not want to fight back because of the baby, which made him feel very powerful. I thought he was going to be gentle, sweet and romantic with me as he was before I got pregnant. He turned into a monster. And, there was no space for my own emotions. I had to shut myself down. He has a control issue and uses anger to control me and do whatever he wants. I was feeling so vulnerable during pregnancy, he took over. After I had the baby... I conquered back my space as I felt OK to fight back. But I did fight a lot during pregnancy and I was under A LOT of stress. His fights and anger were combined with us moving across country, which is very stressful too. He was very loyal before my pregnancy, and during it started playing games to make me jealous, like going out with his ex-girlfriend to bars -- and letting me know about it during it, or arranging trips to Las Vegas with the guys. What amazed me was that this never came up before the pregnancy --- control control control. Anyway, I put him back in his place now...:) Just relax, I asked doctors, there is research that shows that women who were pregnant in the middle of a war, losing their partners, kids, husband, gave birth to perfectly normal babies. Also, there is research that shows that there is a small probability of effects on babies due to stress and any effect is reversible by the way you will care for him after he is born. Hang in there, it is almost over. Soon you will have the most important thing in your life in your arms, and your partner actions will become so unimportant. Good luck


PLEASE - June 15

PLEASE discuss your feelings and stress with your doctor, it's not good for you or the baby.


stressed out - June 18

Thank you j and MCC. You helped me so so much you don't know. Sometimes it takes someone else to see whats really going on. Emotionally he has me running around in circles... that control issue. You were both right. Hes not going to effect me anymore. Im going to embrace my pregnancy and forget about his insecurities. Hes gonna have to work out his own problems and insecurities at the moment... Im a little busy getting ready for my baby boy...Thanks again :)


j. - June 18

Hey, I'm glad you feel a little better. We'll be thinking of you and any time you want to vent, come on here. It's fantastic that the amnio was good, and now it's not long at all. Your baby will be amazing..and will more than make up for any difficult times you faced...Let us know how you are doing...<hugs>


to MCC - June 19

are you still with this person? sounds like a bad situation.. I had a relationship like that - some call it control- some call it personality disorder.. I walked away and have a wonderful husband now.. never regretted it.. Hope all is ok.


MCC - June 20

Yes, I am. You are right, it seems he has borderline personality disorder. Very hard to deal with. He is the father of my son, though, and I love him very much. We are seeing a therapist and he is on his best behavior now. I know the ups and downs will be a constant, but at least now I know why and somewhat how to deal with it. But what a hard time I had during pregnancy because of him...:( It was supposed to be the time of my life, as I was so looking forward to have a baby and I was so happy to be pregnant. But everybody around me was so supportive, colleagues, friends, family, and so many nice people I met in the streets, in the stores -- I learned something I had no idea existed -- the sisterhood of motherhood -- lots of strangers I met around treating me better than my fiance, caring for me, worrying about me. Every age, men and women, they would look at my belly and start sharing their stories, their experiences, their happiness, their pain of having a child. It was an awesome experience to be pregnant and live through this. I guess all bad come with good so we can handle the problems we face. What I did not get from my fiance I got from everybody else. Now, I don't feel I need him, and now he is the one who comes around.


MCC - June 20

To stressed out. I am so glad you are doing better. YES, invest all your time and energy enjoying your pregnancy. It is such a magic and precious time! As you do so, and he feels you are not vulnerable and do not need him to be into you, the pregnancy, or the baby, he will be the one coming after you and, later on, trying to conquer your son's heart. Enjoy these last weeks, they are amazing. Take care MCC



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