Trisomy 21

57 Replies
Sylvie - October 5

Is anyone out there 40 or over that is pregnant with a Downs Syndrome baby and has to decide whether to ride it out or terminate before 20 weeks, I just got the bad news and my husband feels the pregnancy should be terminated but I am having thoughts of guilt, anger, sadness, frustration, you name it, I still have three healthy sons age 19, 14, and 12, please give me your opinion as to what you might do in this scenario, the baby has many things wrong according to the ultrasound!

 

Rhonda - October 5

I am so sorry and I know you wanted to hear from ones in the same boat and I am not but I was faced with something my afp screening came back with 1/41 chance of trisomy 18 and I was scared to death I am 35yrs old I worried about what I was going to do and I felt that if it turned out that my baby was going to have these horrible problems because trisomy 18 is really bad that I just could not bring a child into the world to watch him/her suffer then die....I however found out mine was a false alarm and there were no problems but I still feel the same way if there are going to major problems and you feel your child is not going to have a quality life why do that to a child and that is what you and your husband have to decide if you think that the child would suffer I am so sorry for you and I wish you the best of luck and will keep you in my prayers please just trust your heart....and you will do what is best for you/baby/and family

 

Tammy - October 5

Sylvie- Did you have an amnio or just the ultrasound? My heart goes out to your family. What a tough decision. I am 45 and pregnant with my 3rd child. I had 2 prior miscarriages so when I became pregnant, I had the amnio at 16 weeks. I was one of the lucky ones. I am having a healthy son. My husband and I previously discussed the possibility of having to make a decision if this baby had problems and we were leaning toward terminating and try again. Children with multiuple disabilities are going to outlive you and your husband leaving them in the care of their other siblings. God Bless you and be at peace with your decision.

 

Maidencanada - October 5

I am so very sorry for the pain that you and your husband are going through Sylvie. My sister-in-law's sister just went through the same thing. Her and her hubby are 24 and the have a 4 year old, a 1 year old with DS and 2 weeks ago they found out that the child they were expecting also has chromosomal problems including DS. They made the very difficult choice to terminate the pregnancy for the sake of themselves and the 2 children they already have (the Dr told them when their second child was born with DS that it was a fluke and it would not happen again). In this situation there is no wrong or right, just what is best for everyone concerned. Some people have and accept a DS child and say that they get more love and happiness out of that child than they could have believed possible, but the other side of the coin is who will look after the child when the already older parents pa__s away. You have to do what is right for your family and when you have made the decision you must try to never look back. terminate and live knowing it was the best thiung or keep it and know you are doing the best thing. Only you can search your heart and find the answers. /hugs

 

To Sylvie - October 5

I have walked in your shoes, Sylvie, and have had to make the decision that you face. My husband and I were on the same page when it came down to deciding, though, and I am greatful for that. We terminated the pregnancy at 19 weeks due to T21 and other things wrong. We felt it best for the baby and our family as a whole. Whatever decision you make, it will affect your life forever. You and your husband have to decide what decision you can live with. It's a tough decision that I wish no one had to face.

 

Debi - October 7

Hi Sylvie, did you have a CVS or amnio to tell you that the baby for sure has T21? I am 35, (34) when I had the quad screen done that showed my baby had a 1:47 chance of T18, which is horrible. My doctor immediatly set me up for the amnio which came back fine. I will have a healthy little girl. If it had indeed come back positive for chromosome abnormalities my husband and I decided we would terminate too. It is sort of a different senario and to be honest with you I am glad that mine did not come back positive for Downs. With T18 the babies generally die with-in the first days or weeks of life, so for me the decision was much more black and white then yours. But I do have other children too and would it be fair to put that kind of responsibility on them when my husand and I die. It is such a hard, personal decision and one that you need to feel comfortable with. My heart feels for you. Best of luck with what ever you decide.

 

Josephine - October 8

I am 37 yo, I had gone thru that terminating just 2 months ago in my 20 wks. I am lost really lost and long for my son who I had taken a look for just few minutes. I felt guilty but nobody know the consequences if I really bring him to the world. Thus, such decision was made. I had a girl at 9 and a boy at 6 and also had an unplanned pregnancy 4yrs ago but had evacuated it due to foetus no heartbeat. I try this round thinking that my children are big enough and to prove that I can conceive again with healthy one but it didnt turn out well again. I am now thinking of trying again but a bit scared. I saw a website mentioning that taking enough folic acid can reduce downs but my gynae doesnt agree. She too nv heard having 2 ds in a row but she had a patient had 1 T21 n next T18 and nv keep any of them...

 

Elizabeth - October 13

First, I am sorry and am praying for you. I had a screen positve for trisomy 18 and then an amnio whiched ruled it out and looks like everything is okay. If in your shoes I would have an amniocentesis, and depending on what the ultrasound showed I would seek a support group of mothers with children of downs sydrome before you terminate. This is a decision between you and your husband and no one else. You are helpless regarding your babies physical condition and should not feel guilty if you do decide to terminate. Please understand that your feelings are very valid and give yourself the right to grieve. Explain to your husband that the baby is inside of you and it is very real, and ask him to stand beside the decision you make. You will come to a decision- but give yourself time to grieve first. This will help you cope after you decide what is the best for you and your family. I am praying for you and here if you need any support, please ask - I am here.

 

Ticia - October 18

That happened to me about 6 years ago. I chose to keep the baby and see what happened. The baby died in-utero. Though our daughter is gone, we are not responsible for her pa__sing. I can deal with that, I don't think I could deal with any other path.

 

B - October 21

This just happenend to me. It was terribly hard but we decided to terminate. We just felt it wasn't fair to bring the baby into the world under those circ_mstances nor would it had been fair to out 7 yr. old son. It is still, however, the most difficult thing we have ever done and are still going through the greiving process. We spead our babies ashes on the beach where my husband proposed to me just this past Wednesday. We told him we loved him and wanted him to be in a better place where he could be free from illness. We hope to be joined w/ him someday. believe me, I understand the guilt.But not not for a second do I feel like I didn't do what was right by him. Sylvie, and to anyone else who has gone through this, my heart goes out to you. Let us know how your doing. I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

to B - October 21

I am so sorry for your loss that must of been very hard for you to make that choice and my heart goes out to you and your husband my prayers will be with you....I think the way you spread the ashes of your dear little baby boy was very touching and I hope your heart soon heals take care

 

kn - October 21

You are very special person that you were chosen to have a baby with challenges. I truly believe you'll regret a decision to terminate. I'm 38 and pregnant with my first, I'm scared but believe if given a child with any problems that, I am better than I give myself credit for that I was given a baby that needs more of me. So many of these tests are wrong that you may have a baby thats not quite as bad as the ultrasound is showing. You're also in a better position to care for a baby that has special needs, if this happened to one of your boys imagine how hard it would've been to raise a baby and boys at the same time. Something to think about.

 

To Kn - October 22

Please consider holding your thoughts when it comes to telling someone what they may or may not regret. The painful decision that was made was hard enough without any other hurt being directed there way. Deciding what is best for your family is the only right answer that counts. Support from others is what any one needs in this situation. My heart and prayers goes out to any family that has to face such heartache!

 

*** - October 30

to kn you are not chosen to have a sick baby thats so wrong to say why would go want a child like that is defect something gone wrong

 

Hi B and Josephine - November 22

Are you ladies still around? If so PLEASE post on this thread.

 

B - November 24

Yes, i'm still here.

 

Jenn - November 24

I am so sorry to hear the bad news my heart goes out to you , as alot say its in the end up to you , but I am 36 and had the test done as I knew that if it had ds or onther disorder I needed to abort as it wouldn,t be fair to the child or my family to deal with I know some can do it but its not a easy road for baby or family and with lots of struggle health concerns growing to me our choice is let god take care of the baby and dont feel any guilt as what kind of real life does the baby have honestly . But if you are stonge and willing to give the rest of your life up with lots of work money and heartache they can be loving children but I see the ds adults everyday and i just feel so bad for them as children they are cute loving but they are also very tempered and can be adbusive , I thank my lucky stars i live a normal life . All the best to you .

 

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