6 Months And I Feel Alone

14 Replies
cindi - April 19

Hi everyone. I will be six months pregnant very soon and I am incredibly excited about my new baby but the problem is the father. We do not live together and were only together about 4 months before I got pregnant. We hardly see each other and although I have told him not to stick around simply because of the baby, he claims to love me and doesnt want to break up. He makes no effort to spend time with me at all and I feel really frustrated by this situation. He says one thing but his actions say something else. He rarely discusses the baby and if I bring up the topic he seems so bored by it all. I try to include to him but he acts as though he doesnt care. I feel like he is adding a negative element to my happiness. I almost feel like telling him to leave me alone and I'll give him a call when the baby is born. I am enjoying the changes I am going through so much and love being pregnant. I dont want to argue with anyone and be surrounded by the drama but that is all we do when we speak. His priorities are so wrong...he constantly talks about buying new computer equipment or an ipod, never a crib or stroller for the baby. He is so damn selsfish and I am sick of it. I want out!! It's not worth my time to be so stressed out by him and I dont even feel like he cares. I guess I want some feedback or words of advice from some of the other ladies. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

LL - April 19

Cindi, I feel your pain. I'm 26 weeks and going through a similar situation and actually mine sounds a little worse than yours, my man has turned out to be a complete looser. I feel like you, it would be easier to go this alone than with someone who stresses you out and who you’re not sure you can depend on. I really don't have much advice to give since I'm in the same boat, but trust me your not alone. I wish I was one of the happy couples expecting, but instead I'm a single mother struggling. I have my good and bad days and sometimes I think to myself is this all worth it and then I feel my baby kicking and I know that it must be. I've been so stressed out these six months and I'm totally feed up and have decided it's just not worth the aggravation of arguing with him. The father of my child hasn't helped me buy one thing for the baby yet and I've been doing everything myself. He also tells me how much he loves me and that he wants us to be together but his actions say a totally different thing. Then he has the nerve to call me at work and ask how the baby is when I really wish he'd just leave us alone until it's time to deliver so I can be stress free for the remainder of my pregnancy. Good luck honey, sounds like we both need it!! I’m sure you’ll be a great mommy.

 

Krista - April 19

I'm sorry you guys! man that would be hard. I feel so selfish! My hubbie is great and SO excited for the baby...he even just put $800.00 down on baby furniture..=)...but I've been moody with him because he's been working too much..then when he comes home during the week around 7 or 8 he'll try to go to the gym but doesn't get home from there until after 9 somedays and it makes me sad because I start to feel alone. =( guess I should count my blessings.

 

Krista - April 19

One suggestion to both of you though...my hubbie didn't really understand that a BABY was inside of me until we went to the ultrasound...it might be a good idea to get your men to go with you to that...just seeing THEIR baby might help them see that this IS real...? good luck!

 

Rebekah B - April 19

Cindi and LL, You have a tough situation, but first let me congratulate you. Everything happens for a reason. Times are hard now, but try to focus on the blessing inside of you and not on the negative. Take all that negative energy and use it to give your baby all the love you can stand. Try not to expect too much from the baby's father right now. If finances are an issue, find a crises pregnancy center in your area. I am sure they will hook you up with some great resources, but most importantly they will give you the emotional support you are missing. Keep your excitement about the baby. Stay focused on the big picture and take one day at a time. You do what is right for the baby and for you and things will become clearer. I wish you all the best!

 

cindi - April 19

LL, I feel like we are kindered spirits, lol. You described my man perfectly when u were talking about ur own. Mine refuses to get a job and makes a million excuses for his laziness. I have had a headache all day dealing with this and I know that's not healthy for me or the baby. The way I feel right now, he can do whatever the hell he wants to. I have a 10 year old son and this new one to worry about. It is his loss for not being involved and he's missing all these great things that are happening. But that's not my problem anymore. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. We'll both be just fine...Congrats on your baby too:)

 

LL - April 19

Cindi, I have a daughter that will be 12 in May so this is my second child as well. I think what really upsets me sometimes is that they can just walk away from this like it's no big deal and go on with there life. We didn't make these babies on our own. I've decided to have my tubes tied and not have any more children after this one and I was hoping to enjoy this pregnancy because it will be my last but it's been the total opposite. I feel like he's gotten worse since I became pregnant. He begged me to keep this child and now doesn't want to do anything to help support it or me. He constantly has excuses as well for not having a job yet and not being a responsible adult. I know we get ourselves in these situations and if it was like this in the beginning I'm sure we both would have run the other way. It seems like they do a 180 and everything instantly changes from what it use to be. I agree, mine can do whatever the hell he wants as well. I intend to raise this child to the best of my ability and give it all the love and support it needs and I'll be fine with or without him. Thanks to all you ladies for your support and encouragement!!!

 

LL - April 19

Cindi, when is your baby due?

 

cindi - April 19

LL, I dont really understand how they can just walk away either but unfortunately that is exactly what many men do. My son will be 11in September and his father has not seen him since he was 2 or 3 years old. The only reason I know he is alive is because the child support check comes every two weeks. Many men just dont care and have no conscience. I would not be able to live with my self, but that's just me. I guess it it is different for women because we have the experience of bonding and loving our babies even before they take their first breath. I'm just p__sed atmy self for choosing another guy who is gonna be a deadbeat. But I will not beat myself up about it...like you, I will do the very best that I can and give both my kids all that can. I think I done also with having the babies, lol. That is why I am determined to enjoy this one cause I was so young with my son that I really did not appreciate what was happeneing to me. Try, although I know it is hard, to enjoy this while it lasts cause it will be over so quick beforeyou know it. Remember that everything you feel and all your stress and anger or whatever has an affect on the baby and no man is worth that. Feel free to email me anytime if you ever want to talk. [email protected] Take care.

 

cindi - April 19

I'm due on August 13th, u?

 

ThePezChick - April 19

I'm not in your situation, so I won't even begin to act like I understand. I do think, however, that it would be best for you to stop focusing on the dad and put all that energy into loving and being excited about your baby, which I can tell you are. There's a great book that helped me through a hard time in my life (a break-up that was devastating with my now-husband). It's called The Art of Happiness by the Dali Lama. I learned so much about taking care of myself and how to actually find happiness from it. I wish you both nothing but complete happiness. You have a lot of good stuff coming your way. I hope you can put your focus on that without letting your guy bring you down. Good vibes being sent your way...

 

cindi - April 19

ThePezChick: Thanks for your kind words. The book sounds interesting, I will definately look into it. :)

 

LL - April 20

Cindi, I feel you. I get p__sed at myself as well because I want my baby to have a responsible and involved father and I feel like it’s my fault for getting involved with a looser that neither of us can depend on. Your right, we could beat ourselves up for it but there’s no need. As Rebekah B said, everything happens for a reason and there’s a reason for this happening to us. These babies are meant to be and will bring us both much happiness I’m sure. I was with my daughter’s father for a few years after she was born and then I broke it off with him. He’s still involved with her, but actually only sees her a few times a year because he lives in another state. He pays child support, but he has a wife now and they have 3 kids together so my daughter only gets a little bit of his time. Is your son excited about the new baby? My daughter was upset a first, I guess it was the shock of her no longer being mommy’s only child, but now she’s excited and looking forward to it. I’m sure there will be some jealousy issues to deal with. She went with me to the ultrasound when we found out the s_x and I’ve also let her pick out the babies first name, Brandon. I’m due July 28th. I’m going to try and be as positive as possible for the remainder of my pregnancy and enjoy my final 3 months. Everything will work out for the both of us! My email is [email protected] if you ever need/want to talk. ThePezChick, thanks for your post. I’ll have to check that book out as well.

 

Rebekah B - April 20

The book of Psalms is not so bad either if we are recommending books :-)

 

cindi - April 22

LL: My son is soooo excited about his baby brother...that is all he talks about. I'm sure he'll have his moments of jealousy but on the whole he's just really looking forward to everything. Im kind of having a bad day today because although I know I need to be strong but I miss my boyfriend so much it hurts.I feel so ridiculous saying that but I cannot help it. I know he has alot of work to do and needs to step up so for that reason I cant go running back to him. If I dont put my foot down then he'll never respect me or do the right thing. Ughhh, this is so complicated but i'll be ok. Thanks for listening.

 

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