Quot Can I Be In The Delivery Room Quot She Asked

28 Replies
Renee - December 13

Ok, so at lunch today, my mother asked me if she could be in the delivery room with my husband and I. I am her only daughter, and since she is not close with my brothers or even her second husband, she naturally clings to me. But I found this question quite distrubing! My relationship wtih my husband is, I think, not something she can relate to. (He and I are very close.) So I'm not sure if she will understand that this is something I want to be between only my husband and I. To keep her at bay, I just said that I needed to think about it. Is anyone else facing this issue? How are you handling it? I will eventually tell her what I said above (to keep it between husband and wife) but I know this will offend her anyway. Ugh....

 

to Renee - December 13

Your right, she'll end up a little hurt and offended, but it's ultimately your decision and you should stick with what you want. Maybe mention to her how flattered you are that she would want to be present for the baby's birth, (it may have been hard for her to work herself up to ask) but that you and your husband have discussed it and would really like for this to be an "intimate" moment between the two of you. good luck with everything.

 

Barbara - December 13

i think that they allow two people in the delivery room with you when you are having your baby...it's understandable that you only want your husband and yourself there... but would it really bother you to share this wonderful moment with your mother as well... i am sure she will respect your answer however her feelings will be hurt... i am really sorry to say but i think she isn't trying to take away from the moment.. and i am sure you and your lovely husband will still enjoy the moment.she is trying to be there for you just like one day if you have a daughter you will be there for her.

 

kaley - December 13

i agree with barbara. you may regret it later if you dont have her there and she may be able to offer you a lot of comfort and advice. u should consider allowing her to be there.

 

Thank you! - December 13

Barbara and the first responder- Thank you for your comments. To Barbara - I guess there's just more to our relationship that is needed to understand why I feel strongly about not having her in there. It's also a privacy issue - I did not grow up in a home where it was ok to see someone without clothing on... so just the thought of also being there "spread eagle" with her, is a little odd to me. Additionally, my husband is very shy, and to have my mom in there wtih all of this, may be too difficult to him as well. As far as it stands now, it will be my husband and I in the room and thats it. Besides, these days they let the family in right after while they are cleaning up the baby.... I don't think it's terribly selfish of me to want the actual delivery to be between me and my hubby. I just hope she understands...

 

N - December 13

My mother has not mentioned being in the room to me so far. But I also only want to have my husband there with me. I think the way you explained it above is a good explanation to give to her also. That is exactly what I would tell my mother.

 

To Kaley - December 13

Thanks for your advice too...... I have some thinking to do, but my gut is saying no right now.

 

Lisastar9 - December 13

Just because you were in the delivery room with your Mom doesn't mean she can be in with you. I glad I never had to deal with ths issue. Due to no grandparents in the family.

 

H - December 13

I say keep the delivery between you and your husband. It is a time for the two of you to celebrate your baby. There is plenty of time afterwards for her to come in the room. Just word it like you did above and let her know that you would just like to focus on your husband and that he offers the support you need, but hope that she will stay close by in case you need her. This is what I told my mother. She respected my wishes.

 

to Renee - December 13

I'd really rather only my boyfriend be in there with me. I mean, I'm probably going to poop myself from pushing... it happens, but I'd rather the fewest number of people see me at my most vunerable moment. I don't think you're out of line at all. I personally wouldn't have any problem telling folks they can't come in. You can always just say "Well, if you want to come in, then this person & this person & that person will want to also, and this makes it hard for everyone involved."

 

Jennifer - December 13

Ladies, I had the same problem when I was going to deliver - here's what you do. Tell the nurses a__sisting you beforehand, that you only want your husband in the room, explain the situation, and they are more than happy to tell your mom there cannot be anyone else in the delivery room. They will make up whatever they need to as to why, and won't tell her it was your choice. "hospital policy!" This way you don't look like the bad guy, you get the delivery you want, and mom doesn't get her feelings hurt. Don't cave on this one. Labor is hard enough, don't add to any discomfort.

 

sparkles - December 13

I'm not due until April, but I made the decision not to even have anyone at the hospital during my labor, delivery, and a few hours afterwards. It's such an intimate time giving birth to your baby and we want to be able to enjoy each and every moment in privacy without family standing outside our door ready to rush in. This is a when you and your hubby meet and get to know your little one for the first time and you want to make sure that you have things exactly the way you want them. Even though family will be excited and eager to see the baby after he/she is born, this is still YOUR baby. There will be plenty of time for family to see the baby after the birth. And you can still ask for your mother to come in if you change your mind. Just tell your mother what you have told us and leave it at that. She needs to love you enough to respect your wishes. If she gets upset, she'll probably get over it quickly. Make this your time. Good luck!

 

to Renee - December 14

It's your mom! No matter what she is or how she is, she spent her entire life looking after you and your brothers..she made you who you are right now and have gone through what you are going through right now! So do her this little favour and allow her to be in. Husband's relationship is different I agree, but nothing like a soft mother's touch or hug.

 

Shelly - December 14

Renee,I totally understand your point.I did tell my mom that I really wanted this to be between my husband and me,told her I didn't want her feelings to be hurt ,I was the first one to hold my baby,my DH wa second and my mom was third.And she is very envolved with our lives and we are having a great time.I am sure your mom will understand.Good luck.

 

Barbara - December 14

To: Renee... i understand you and i know that we grew up in different places however your aren't spread eagle because you want and i know your mother understands this... i am not trying to convince you to have your mom there but i could see how important it is to her... if i may be honest here you sound like a great women but i think that you are right if your relationship with your mother isn't strong enough to overcome your embra__sment of being spread eagle in a room then she shouldn't be there.. but i wish you luck and the best... oh wait i have a question what are you having? a boy or girl? i'm having a boy!!!;0)

 

Leah - December 14

I'm sorry, I just don't agree that you owe your mother because she gave birth to you - that was her choice just like this baby was you and your husbands choice. I think any woman who has ever given birth (your mom) would understand that this is not some comfortable family gathering. If you are truly not okay with this - trust me, you are going to have a miserable labor, and birth experiance. Your mom is a big girl, she'll deal - I bet she actually will be much more understanding than you think, she probably just asked to ask.

 

Marlene - December 14

I think this is a personal choice. I will have my mother and sisters there but I also want to type my delivery. If this is how you feel you should tell her sooner rather than later.GOODLUCK

 

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