Am Not Speaking To MIL

15 Replies
frankschick2001 - June 20

OK, I am sure I will have people who can sympathise with me on this topic. Anyway, without boring you with a ridiculously long story, my boyfriends mom and I are not speaking. We had a very bad fight and both said terrible things to each other. I have no desire to make up with her and feel she would be toxic to our baby anyway. We would never let her babysit and don't feel that she can be really trusted. Anyway, my problem is the baby shower. It won;t be anytime soon, but I really don;t know how I will handle it. My mom is as sweet as maple syrup and I don't want to invite MIL, and have her start a fight or start trouble or God forbid say something mean to one of my family members or friends. What do I do? I don't want her to ruin the shower. I am very close with her sister (my boyfriends aunt). The two women could not be any more different! And I want her at the shower as well as other family members of his, just not his mother! Any advice please?

 

HannahBaby - June 20

Let your mother make and mail out the invites. That way it doesnt look like you are excluding her, she just didnt get invited, kwim? Its your shower, its your special day and if you think that she is going to do something to cause i scene then i would leave her out of it. Iam that way about my grandparents. (well, i invite them and they RSVP then dont show up so i just stopped inviting them) You should really discuss this with your husband to make sure that he wouldent be offended if you didnt invite his mom. If he insists that you invite her, insist that he talks to her about how to act at the party. Good luck

 

Perl - June 20

You might just have to suck it up and deal with her. Forewarn your closest family members and friends and ask them to keep an eye on her and ask them to stick up for you if she steps out of line. You can ask your mom and some of your own relatives to approach her if she gets mean and they can rightfully ask her to be nice or else leave the shower. She may not even do anything in a group setting because then everyone will know what a terrible person she is. But if you don't invite her it will only make you look selfish and mean and will only give your MIL fuel to attack you. Don't fall into that trap. Be gracious even though she isn't.

 

frankschick2001 - June 20

Both of you give great advice. I already told my closest friend that when the time comes for the shower, to keep an open ear and her eyes open and to tell me if she sees any trouble starting. And yes, I will ABSOLUTELY tell him that if I invite his mother he has to speak to her and tell her that if she starts anything she's outta there. And if worse comes to worse and she does say something to my family, or starts anything I will just tell her to leave. Hopefully she will see that she is outnumbered by people hwo care about me, so she won;t feel comfortable starting anything. Anyway, in a couple of weeks I will be seeing her at her niece's graduation party so I'll be able to see what her att_tide is there as well.

 

venus_in_scorpio - June 20

hopefully she will behave.. there is ALWAYS drama in my family because my mom hates my grandmother (her MIL) and vice versa, and my hubby's grandmother who raised him (so she's like a MIL to me) and I dont agree on anything... BUT usually we can all behave in public. Hopefullly that's the case for you too. i would say be the bigger person (I KNOW I KNOW IT SUCKS!!!!!!) and invite her... then if anyone starts drama its ion her not you and everyone wil see that and be like WTF is with this woman it's this poor girl's babyshower for crying out loud!!! Good luck

 

JESS1980 - June 20

Hi frankschick! I am have the SAME problem! My MIL and SIL are driving me crazy! Every time they are around they are constantly bugging me about the baby and giving me advice, asking me questions, giving me more advice, asking more questions, etc... I finally got so sick of it that I stopped answering the phone when they called and stopped responding to their emails. They live a couple of hours aways, and fortunately I don't have to see them all that much....but I do see them at least once a month (which in my opinion is too much). Anyway, they bug me so much that I DON'T want them at my upcoming baby shower. My mother is also very sweet, but I have given her strict her instructions not to invite MIL and SIL. I have tried over and over again to be nice to them and politely tell them that they are bothering me when they ha__sle me about baby stuff, but they don't listen. And I've complained to my husband as well. He is understanding of the problem, but he hasn't really done much to help make it better. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago my SIL came to our house and started bugging me about stuff again, and at one point she was very rude with me and DH. She was basically insulting us (this is her personality), and I finally just stopped being nice. At first I felt guilty about being mean to them, but now I don't care. Sometimes being "rude" is the only thing people understand. Most people will probably tell you to invite your MIL and just deal with it......but I am telling you the opposite. Don't let her ruin YOUR day. This is your baby and your pregnancy. And in my opinion, people should let you enjoy it instead of trying to ruin it for you.

 

tndrlvn - June 20

see I am not sure if I would have those problems, but with my hubby's family it is quite big, as well as mine, so we are having two. one for his family one for mine,,,,,,,,,,this way the families already know how the others act, and there wont' be any problems.....hahahaha, maybe this will help, and if you don't want your friends to see the IL's then invite them to the other Baby Shower.......good luck to you all............my biggest concern is how the wedding is gonna work,,,,,,,,my MIL is one that likes to put her two bits in on how things should be done........eeeeeeeeeeek

 

jesnewmomagian - June 20

I say it's your special day and you wouldn't invite an ex-friend after a fall out like that so don't stress it your man should understand and you two and the baby are who matters as well as the comfort of your guests so do what u want it's your baby and your life if she's as horrible as she sounds then she deserves it right?

 

mischelly30 - June 20

I disagree with the last post. I wouldn't exclude the MIL while inviting MIL's sister. That is likely to bring more trouble down the road. Imagine how upset you'd be if your DIL did the same to you. You'll be putting up with this woman for a long time, so it's important to try to work things out. Although, I can understand why you don't want her there. What about having two showers? One with your best friends and family members, and one with his family?

 

charliepaulchloe - June 21

why not have two parties then the MIL can ruin her own if she so wishes! we dont have these problems in uk as we dont tend to have baby showers which is a shame we just have a drink when the baby is born.

 

KLT - June 21

See i'm on the other side of this...my own mother isn't speaking to me and the baby shower was supposed to be at her house. It's not until August, so there is still time for her to decide to come around...but she's a VERY stubborn lady...so I dunno. But..we are very close..its always been her and I...and I know that if she is excluded from the festivities..and especially if we have it at my MIL's house (which MIL is more than willing) then my mom would be crushed... While I know my mom is being overly dramatic at this point - which is why i've chosen to remove myself for the time being - I also love her very much and don't want to crush her....

 

KLT - June 21

By the way...what does your boyfriend think about all this???

 

venus_in_scorpio - June 21

i just feel bad for you. why are family members esp. the female ones so pet_t that they have to make it all about THEM? for nine months, thats all we pregnant women ask, why cant they behave for US? you know? you poor thing. I still say, at least if she does act like an a__s, everyone will see it is her and not you, and wonder what the hell her problem is.

 

KLT - June 23

Does your family know how whacky your BF's mom is?? Give them a heads up if they don't...and like venus_in_scorpio said....they'll all see what's crawled up her a$$ when she acts up..and know its not you. If she lashes out at anyone....let them handle it...if your BF is there, let him handle it. Remember, its YOUR party...don't worry about her...just enjoy the day!

 

frankschick2001 - June 23

KLT: My mom and sister and some friends know that she's nuts (she really is) and not nuts in a fun way at all. Nuts in a mean scary way. But they do not know that we are currently not even speaking and that we had a big fight. Well, a couple of friends know but not my mother and sister.

 

KLT - June 24

frankschick2001: I'd say if you two still aren't speaking by the time of the shower...hell..just leave her out. Have you talked to her sister about it yet? Whats her take on things? If she's cool with leaving her psycho sister out of it and still coming to your party..then i'd say thats the way to go. I mean, your BF knows how his mother is... and it seems she is stressing you out with this issue way too much. LIke I said, its your party..if she's going to be a ha__sle and ruin it for you...she doesn't need to be there...she doesn't even need to be told about the party. It doesn't sound like she'll be doing much for you and this baby anyways.

 

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