Anyone Else Consider Quot Running Away Quot

8 Replies
Cassie06 - May 6

I am about 27 weeks pregnant, and I am just so depressed and stressed over everything. Money is such a big issue right now, and we just dont seem to have enough. We have rent and other bills coming up this week and no way to pay them, my husband usually makes good money but they just havent needed him this week (which figures since this is the week we need money!) Not to mention we have tons of birthdays, anniversaries, showers, and other holidays in the next few weeks I need to buy gifts for. This irritates me, and then on top of that you would think he would try to do something to help this week since I am in finals and he knows I am stressed. But instead of doing anything useful, he sleeps till 1 p.m. then gets up and goes down to his moms and works on his brothers mustang with him. I have had to study for finals, plus clean the house and cook and worry about the bills. I figured he would at least try to find some way to make some extra cash (mow grass or something!!) or help around the house. I am just so irritated. I have exams on Tues and Wed and am seriously considering leaving when I get out of class. I might go visit some family that is a few hours away, or just go anywhere but here. I just feel like it is hopeless and I dont see any end in sight. Is this just the hormones? How would you handle this??

 

Hana - May 7

Aw Ca__sie im sorry things have been so stressful for you. We're in an aweful financial mess too..the sudden two earning household to one probably causes lots of probs for many pregnant couples. I would say that perhaps your husband maybe feeling like a failure now being unable to support his family and is perhaps leaving the house to deal with his feelings. This is a time (even with animals) that the male protects the females and it almost like his is failing his biological role and perhaps doesn't want to face you because of this as it reminds him of his failtures. (which aren't failures because this is the nature of his work- but he may feel it is such). I would say that a break is good just to allow you to think things through a little, but do try to get him to communicate his feelings but for him to do this he may need a little support. As for anniversaries and birthdays, im wondering if your friends/family can understand your situation at the moment and nolt expect much...at the end of the day your bills are far more important to pay and im sure your loved ones would understand. Im sure this is a terrible thing to be experiencing before your exams! Think of all the stress your under; exams, financial stress, stress of pregnancy etc , im mean wow you really need tolet him know how he can be useful to you and its all about communication. (this coming from a couple's therapist who's been having fights with dh non stop all week! LOL) Good luck honey with your exams and everything, we're here for you!

 

Been There - May 7

Ca__sie, I think your husband feels stress too. However, he's dealing with it the way he knows how. In all fairness, with you in school, he is the only breadwinner. He has to feel the stress all the time. His not being to earn enough right now is even worse for him. Don't hound him, but do try to talk to him about how you're feeling. Also, you need to just forget about those birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Those people will just have to understand that you don't have the funds right now. You should never stress yourself to pay for things you cannot afford for someone else, when your household needs it more. This past Christmas, we were supposed to be moving, so we told everyone that there would be no presents (except my children) because we couldn't afford it. So, don't leave your husband when he needs you just as much as you need him. Men just express themselves differently. If you approach him the wrong way, you'll make him feel like he's failing. By the way, my husband lost his job 8 years ago and I could have just punched him in the face. For two weeks he did nothing but run around with his friend doing stupid stuff. I was so irritated and ready to leave him for being so silly. He did get a job, but for those weeks watching him act (in my eyes) childish was a breaking point. Not to mention that we had a 6 month old child in daycare. Which meant I had to pick up all the bills. So I truly understand why you want to leave. But I stuck it out and that was the last time he did something that stupid when it came to work. We were a lot younger then. Your husband will learn from this experience, continue to grow, and move on. You'll get through it to. Remember, for better or worse. Good luck and try to focus on your exams.

 

Micky - May 7

I would not worry about the birthdays and anniversaries..I would just say that I don't feel too good and avoid attending the parties....You can give the gifts sometime later when you can afford it...It is definitely not worth it..I would not get upset with my husband if I would not be able to afford gifts...Your household comes first...that's how the world is...

 

falafal0 - May 7

All I would do at the moment (yeah I know, I'm not in your shoes, it's easy for me to talk...) would be to ring the bill companies and organise a way to pay them off. If it's gas and phone bills, we pay per fortnight...organise at least a little something if possible to go to them. If not, forget it until you can. There's nothing you can do if you don't have the money. Just try to make it up when you get paid...we are behind in a few things too and trying to consolidate our debts at the same time and it is REALLY stressful. Because I'm a SAHM with three kids (two at school) and one at home and pregnant with this little one, it seems to have become my role to sort things out, which I don't mind. My DH wil get in there when I want him to or he'll come asking how things are, but the last couple of weeks with him doing exams at school (high school teacher) he's ben anywhere else but here. It's been really hard. We have to wait and see wether his contract continues next semester as well...bad timing if it doesn't. There's no way we were even able to give our 7 year old a party in March, he has to have a combine one with his four year old sister at her playgroup because we simply can not spend money on a party. It's only $30 for the three hours, let the kids have fun in a large area...have dentist bills, car needs fixing, behind on the phone bill, keep using the credit card ...it's really gets to me and after awhile, I jsut shut it off and do not ring any businesses, don't organise anything, don't deal with any more people otherwise I really will go through the roof. I need the day, or two, to jsut stop everything, put things in perspective then get into it again. He works an hour away, so petrol at the moment is a huge expense, over a $100 a week...luckily the kids go to school across the road so we walk. As for presents and such, don't even think about it. If youa re close to them, tell them you can't do it at the moment, and they'll understand. Do you have a $1 where you could buy little cards, moisturizer, pretty things? Maybe something just small if you have to. Good luck with everything. I agree with the other posts though - you MUST let you partner know what's going on and how you feel otherwise you'll explode!

 

Ddvinson3 - May 8

Wow....I thought my husband and I were the only ones with no money!!!! Man it's nice knowing that we aren't alone. Well right now my husband and I are trying to sell our house just to get that huge mortgage payment off of us because when the baby comes we aren't going to have any money to even support the baby plus we are trying to put some cash back for when I'm out of work because I'll only be recieveing 1/2 my salary for 6 weeks that I'm out. So trust me I understand where you are coming from. And not having money causing my husband and I to fight and I hate that. We are both stressed with trying to sell the house. I have to clean constantly and we only have until July 15 to get the house sold because the apartment that we want is available at that time and they can't hold it past the 15th so I'm really freaking out because I'm scared that we won't be able to sell in time. So trust me I'm stressed too!!!! It's ok to feel stressed and want to get away just tell him how you feel? And try and get him to talk about it. Everything always works out. So just get away for the weekend and rest. You don't need to be this stressed and neither do I.

 

Ca__sie06 - May 8

hi everyone!! Thanks so much for your advice. When my husband got home, I sat him down and told him everything I was feeling. He said he was very sorry and not to worry that we would figure it all out. Today I came home from an exam review and he had cleaned the apartment and got me roses and chinese food and went to a few interviews to see about getting a new job. Everything is not better yet, but I am feeling a little bit better. I sold a few of my textbooks from last semester and have listed a few things on ebay, and I am going to check with a few day cares around here and see if anyone needs some part time help until the baby is born. Oh, and I got A's on the 3 finals I have taken so far, and only have 2 more to go!! :)

 

mommatx - May 9

I dont know what I will do about money either. I work full time right now, but I barely get by as is. I am unmarried. I'm just taking it one day at a time, and somehow, the bills always get paid. try not to stress out. I know that easier said then done, but everything will be fine. I agree about skipping buying gifts for others right now. You have your own bills to worry about, and they are more important.

 

Rebekah B - May 12

Ca__sie, I read all of your strands. Sounds like everything is coming down at once. It happens to all of us. Take comfort in the fact that things can't stay bad forever. Continue to make the right decisions (as you did in discussing your fears with your husband). There have actually been studies that proved that prayer works. I read it in Reader's Digest. Religous or not, it can't hurt right? You are doing the right things from what I can tell. I'll be thinking of you.

 

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