Anyone Having Inlaw Problems HELP

10 Replies
Michelle - February 1

Ok I am 24 weeks, My mother in law is always saying not so nice things, like my husband and I only have 3 months to spend with the baby and then he is hers. She is always telling us what we can and cant do with our baby. She is driving me crazy. Am I alone in this?

 

lk - February 1

Hi Michelle. My inlaws live 20 minutes away and my family is about 800 miles away. My step-MIL has said about the same thing, that this is HER baby. I am 15 weeks and she has already made plans for being at the hospital, then at our house, then the time frames where she will have out child. My mother will get to see her first grandchild for about 5 days, then won't again for months and she is just happy that we are happy and healthy. My FIL really doesn't say much. My husbands mother also lives far away and isn't freaking out either. It's just my step-MIL is telling us what we need to do, what I need to eat, she also told me that my stomach is bigger then it should be- so I told her that hers is bigger then it should be too. She told us that we have to tell her if it is a boy or girl and they are p__sed that we won't tell them any names that we have picked out. THEN she got started on what church the baby will go to, knowing that husband and I do not attend. Sorry, I had to rant as well. They are driving my crazy!

 

Been There - February 1

I don't have those problems, but I can tell you that if I did, MIL would know her place. It's your baby, let her know that. I'm willing to bet that she only does it because she gets away with it. If you give her a piece of your mind, she can only respect you. No yelling, etc. Just look her dead in the eye and speak your mind. My FIL has tried to tell me what rules of mine he agrees with and doesn't. I shut him right up by letting him know I couldn't care less what he has to say. I'm raising my kids. He'll tell you I don't put up with that if you asked him. I don't like aggravation in my life, so if that means I never speak to the person who is aggravating me again as long as I breathe, so be it. Yes, my husband knows and has witnessed me in action. He just stays out of my way when he sees someone has hit a nerve.

 

KelyFranz - February 2

OH Michelle, good luck. I think the hardest people in the world to deal with are the in-laws, the mother in law in particular. I have a very difficult mother in law, but, thanks to the grace of God, I have an understanding husband. It took a lot of talking with him and fighting with him before he would even admit that his mother wasn't the sweetest thing in the world to me, but he finally see's it. He is the best buffer in the world. Now if your husband is one of those "in denial" men who think there mothers are saints, I dont' know what to tell you. they are so hard to deal with and you can't set them straight like you would your own mother. Just remember, as soon as your baby is born, you are the mother, you are in control. You will be able to read your baby and know what your baby needs and she won't. I wish you the best of luck, I know how hard in-laws can be.

 

Mia.Me - February 2

Michelle, my MIL knows that I need a caregiver for when I go back to work, three months post baby, she works too, but she keeps saying that when I go back to school, the baby will stay with her mother (ie. The great grandmother) who is 78 years old!!! She is definitly not capable of caring for a baby, I've tried politly to mention that that won't go, saying that " well I'm palnning on b___stffeding, and by the time I'm done, baby will go to daycare" But she insists! SHe is already buying baby stuff for her house, like she will have partial custody. I want to cry from all this!! You are not alone!

 

Kim - February 2

This same subject is on the third trimester board, looks like everyone can relate to this one! It really seems like MILs have a hard time letting go of their place as head (read: dictator!) of the family. Some even refuse to accept the idea that their sons have families of their own, and that their not a part of this new family. I think that's what it's mostly about, them not being able to handle not being center of attention anymore.

 

Michelle - February 2

Thank you everyone. At least I'm not alone. What I failed to say is that my inlaws live next door. She doesnt come over much, Yet anyway....My hubby and her have never been close. But all of you are right, no one has ever confronted her before. My hubby is GREAT and is starting to say things to her when she speaks out of line. Also my MIL has never worked, not that there is anything wrong with that. but, She does nothing all day but complain, she has no friends, she goes nowhere. So I am afraid that this baby is her sole purpose now. It makes me nervous. She already keeps saying that we will have more children, after we have told her we cant. She is very negative and does not listen to us at all. My mom is no problem..Thanks

 

lk - February 2

My husband can't keep his mouth shut around his step mom, and it causes a lot of tension. He's there to back me up, but then I feel like he's too mean so I end up not saying anything. We've already decided to not tell them we've gone to the hospital until after the baby arrives. It's been 27 years since she's been pregnant so maybe she misses it. I just don't answer the phone anymore when she calls.

 

me - February 2

hi michelle i feel for you it's an everybody loves raymond episode!

 

Brit - February 2

I don't have quite the problem that you do but my mother in law always wants to hold my son and babysit him. He is 16 months and has only been babysat by my mom or grandmother and that is even rare. I just don't completely trust her and her house. Her house has a cat walk in the upstairs and if my son would manage through the railings, he'd fall into their living room! Thats not the only problem though. I just wish she'd stop being so clingy. Your not alone though. When it comes to children, everyone thinks they know more than you. Sometimes, things get on my nerves so bad that I nicely say how I feel...like...it's not 1962 anymore, and things like that. This baby is you and your husbands! Don't let her do that to you.

 

Brit - February 2

O yea and I forgot to add, I always say that our older family members have already had their chances at parenthood and it's our turn to take over with the joys of everything. I am pregnant with my second and once she is born, I will start telling people how I feel unlike with my first. With my first, my mother in law would just go and pick him up without asking me. I went to where he was SUPPOSE to be and he wasn't there, I almost flipped out because I thought he got kidnapped...funny but scary. But once my daughter is born, I will tell my MIL that she had her chance to bare three kids, it's my turn now!!

 

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