Do I Really Hate My Husband

7 Replies
Tootsie5c - January 9

I'm 21 weeks pregnant and really struggling with my relationship with my husband. I know I love him more than anything, and I try so hard to show that. I've never been a typical housewife (I've always worked full time, never been much of a cook, and cringe at the sight of minivans) but I've been trying really hard lately to embrace motherhood and being the stereotypical 50's wife. I have dinner ready on the table, I've organized the entire house, I even give my husband back rubs just to make him feel good. But he treats me like total sh*t. He doesn't ever comment on all the work I'm doing (mind you I still work full time), he doesn't want anything to do with the baby and he won't help me with anything. If I ask him to do something more than once, he just tells me to f*ck off. He's never treated me like this before and I'm really starting to resent him for it. I just don't know how long I should hold out before doing something really drastic. Thanks for reading my ramble, any advice would be great

 

kay101 - January 9

You are a woman after my own heart! I work, go to school, I can't cook, and I absolutely hate cleaning. I've gotten this 'nesting' syndrome where it now bothers me if the laundry baskets are full or if the house is messy. I even ironed my husbands clothes the other day! I still work but for some reason have felt more housewifish lately. A friend of mine said she was the same way and would even get down on her knees and scrub the floor instead of using the regular swiffer. I've chalked it up to being a normal pregnancy thing. As for your husband. you're emotional and everything he's doing is going to seem worse (not saying that he's acting right because he's not). Oddly, a lot of men can become more aggressive during pregnancy. I think it's their fear of responsibility and losing their center of the world attention that manifests itself. Was this not a planned pregnancy? I'd try to talk to him about what's bothering him, express how you feel about the work you've been doing around the house and how you are making an effort to make things work.

 

Rachel29 - January 9

Hi Tootsie! I know that you're probably going to get a lot of answers from people that may tell you to do something drastic, but my advice is to ask yourself how long this has been going on. Is this more recent, feeling, or has this been going on for months and months? I know that I tend to have really bad mood swings sometimes (pregnant or not), and HATE my husband, but 95 percent of the time, I think he's fantastic. If you feel like this has been going on for a long time, or if you're still upset at him say next week, I would try to talk to him and tell him how you feel. If that doesn't help, maybe you might try councelling. As for trying to please your husband, I wouldn't worry about that! You're having his baby, and he should be throwing petals before your feet everywhere you walk! I hope things get better for you!

 

disko love - January 9

Hi Tootsie. I wouldn't do anything drastic just yet. From my past experiences and believe me... this is my fourth baby... men don't get any better in dealing with them not being the center of your universe! You are caring and carrying his baby and I'm sure most of your focus and those around you are mostly about your belly and the little bundle of joy that you are gonna have. Men tend to find this very hard to relate to... I mean really their "job" is done so to speak. So, just keep nesting your little heart out (I'm doing it too) perhaps just chalk it up to pregnancy and maybe if things don't get any better try to have a heart to heart chat with him and tell him your feelings. A rule of thumb from my experience is when talking to your husband always you "I" and not "you" when talking about feelings. You don't want him to immediately get on the defensive. Hope it helps.

 

Gemini_Girl - January 9

Hi I know how you feel, Im just on maternity leave so I am trying to become a good housewife, he normally does all the cooking, and when I tried to cook the other night I under cooked the pasta (i know somehing so simple) and he was so hungry he wasnt nasty but moaned that it was unedible and i really cried and felt useless :( Your hubby must feel like your nagging him, when you ask him to do things more than once, I guess just coz you suddenly want the place spotless 24/7 he probably doesnt agree, but there are better ways of speaking to you! It is difficult I feel like I clean and tidy then he messes it up again, and I clean up after him and get no thanks for it. but instead of expecting thanks and nagging him to do things Ive worked out to just get on with what im doing and let him do his thing, until decent talking time comes round, but im sure a time will come, when you can both sit down and calmly discuss any problems!

 

xvkx - January 10

I agree, don't do anything drastic. My fiance is great but I've found myself hating him during this pregnancy, too, for not being as sensitive/responsible/fill_in_blank_here as I think he should be/used to be, and we've gotten in to sooo many fights while before we hardly ever fought. And it's not just me, it's him, too... he's a lot grouchier and snappish than he was before... you just have to remind yourself that guys go through a lot during pregnancy, too, and they have their own share of mood swings thanks to things such as courvade and all the worries that afflict them along with you. I know it's rough, but hang in there! Don't make any drastic decisions until you've spent some time together *after* the baby comes. Just out of curiosity, have you tried calmly talking to your DH about his behavior and how you feel about it? Doing so has helped us a few times... just make sure to prod him some and try to get him to talk about his concerns as well and really listen so you're not the only one getting things resolved. Don't feel bad if he jumps to the defensive though and it just doesn't work... sometimes no matter how gently I approach a topic with my fiance he still goes defensive and it ends up going nowhere... you've just got to chaulk it up to both of you being under a lot of stress right now.

 

Tootsie5c - January 10

Thanks everyone for your answers. I guess its good to hear that my husband isn't the only crazy selfish b___d out there hah. I kind of made a break through with him last night. I woke him up at 1 in the morning because I couldn't sleep and kind of poured my heart out to him, and even though he defended everything I said against him he was still responsive and not aggressive. So i guess that's a step in the right direction.

 

newlywed0915 - January 10

Pregnancy does a number on the women AND men. We both suffer inevitably. These hormones have us acting physcho and doing things we'd never done before. Our husbands/fiance's/boyfriends are trying ot cope witht he new changes too. So the best thing to do is sit down and talk, yell, and get out the frustration. Get back on the same page and try ot communicate both your feelings. A good book for guys to read during pregnancy is "pregnancy suck for men"...and theres one for women called "pregnancy sucks". Both have a lot of humor in it and it talks about the 365 degress of pregnancy for better coping and understanding in this beautiful time. We're here for support though. ;-) believe me , we know what you're going through! This is a time of change in your relationship and coming out of it together will only make your bond stronger.

 

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