Family Issues Sorry Its A Bit Long

4 Replies
MystinaAlise - April 23

ok i didnt know where else to post this... so here goes... ok my grandparents have never really approved of me... and im ok with that but my mom has a hard time accepting it... she really wants to think they are better people than that... i decided we would announce my pregnancy the same way my mom did... so i mailed them a picture frame with a cute little picture of my first U/S (at like 8 weeks) and a card... and waited and waited and waited... and i finally told my mom they werent going to call... she really wanted to believe they hadnt gotten the package yet so when she called she was like have you gotten anything interesting in the mail? and come to find out they had... i was really upset by this... not because it bothered me but because it really hurt my mom that they treated me like this... she has been my biggest fan (which means a lot because im only 20 about to be 21 and most of the moms i know would have a hard time with it... but she is convinced im going to be a wonderful mom)... we also have a family cradle that is used by everyone and when my mom asked about it my grandmother lied and said she didnt know where it is... i really think that broke my moms heart... i know they are disappointed because im not running off to marry the father of my baby right now... and my baby is going to be mixed (the father is black)... but why do they have to be so evil? i guess my real question is how do i deal with family members that keep doing stuff like this? my mom is so excited and it kills HER when people look down on ME... she has done such a wonderful job as a mom and her support means so much to me... i dont think i could go through this without her...

 

sa__sifras - April 23

I went through the same thing with my moms parents, only my grandmother accepted my pregnancy because she was having an affair at the time and had no room to talk. My grandfather however never really accepted it and looked at it as a financial burden on my mother, which it was not. This is a different time, and while they don't have to respect it, they have to accept it. This is round two for me, a different father that I was planning on marrying but we are having some issues right now. They won't even tell my grandfather, and my grandmother actually has the b___s to say she does not know why I make these stupid decisions. It hurts that they don't accept me for me and my children as family, but I will not let this ruin my pregnancy. I am a d__n good mother and they know it. Your mom sounds very supportive, make sure you always tell her how much you appreciate all that she does for you and how much you need her there for you. Good luck!

 

amanda103 - April 24

Just out of curiosity, why have they never approved of you? Even all that aside, forget them! Why do you need (or want) their approval and/or involvement in your life and the life of your baby? And I know it's easier said than done, but if I was you mom I would cut off ties with them as well. If my parents don't accept my baby then they don't accept me. They're obviously never going to change so why put yourself (and you baby) through all that? It sounds like your baby is going to have all the love it needs between you and your mom. He/she doesn't need anybody else! Good luck, I hope things work out the way you want them to:)

 

mcatherine - April 24

If you really think about the world, MystinaAlise, you will see so many changes over just the past 20/21 years since you were born - not to mention the last 50. It used to be a terrible shame on a family to have an unwed mother as a member. It wasn't celebrated, it wasn't even accepted. Women were shipped off and were forced to give away their children or to marry the man that got them pregnant And until the late 50's (or around that time)- it was against the law in many states for a black man to date or marry a white woman. This isn't the world we live in, but it is the world your grandparents grew up in and are undoubtedly still living in despite the dramatic changes we have under gone. Don't be mad at their evil, PITY it!! Feel sorry for the two people that will miss all the beautiful things that will surround your baby's life. And be glad that your mother managed to escape their "ideals" and went on to raise a strong daughter and will who no doubt aid in helping you do the same for your child. The way you handle them is to be happy and to always be the better person. I'm glad that you have such a wonderful mom - let her lean on you as much as you lean on her because I know it must really hurt her to watch your grandparents hurt you. And about the cradle - get a new one for your child and let it be the beginning of a new family heirloom, one that can be pa__sed down from your child to their own with pride and love, despite the circ_mstances surrounding the pregnancy. And congratulations on your little one to be!!

 

Micky - April 24

I think we should all just enjoy our pregnancies and put family issues behind us..they drive me nuts sometimes but i try to get over it...

 

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