In Laws Sitting

7 Replies
Roary - March 10

Well, I may be in a slightly different position than some others here. My Fiances family has not been told about my pregnancy, even though I am already 23 weeks pregnant. They can not be expected to behave in a mature, rational, manner and neither of us are up to dealing with the onslaught that might ensue. Just lastnight we went out to dinner with them and yet again didn't managed to tell them--which is getting ridiculous even if the situation is slightly complicated. That said, after an inital bout of red faced flush and anxiety, I spent the better part of a 2 hour period sitting bent akwardly forward in my chair. While he and I were walking home my lower abdomen was sore, and I had some how managed to strain my neck and shoulder. My mother assured me that sitting in that position can't harm the baby, even though the baby was head down at that time, but I wanted to double check with other people here...? I had assumed the only person being made uncomfortable by this was me not baby. Also, any advice on the in-laws being kept in the dark or rather bringing them into the light (something that will culminate in a totally different set of issues if they are not told soon)....?

 

Been There - March 10

I'm sure the baby is fine and you are the only person who felt uncomfortable. But I just don't understand why you allowed yourself to be made uncomfortable by these people. You don't say why you are both so scared to tell them. Aren't you adults? Why are you withholding information and why are you so sure it will be an ugly situation?

 

Emily - March 10

I have to say that I agree with your mother on the comfort thing. The baby is well cushioned. As for the in-law thing, the longer you tell them, the more upset hey will be when they do find out, and what if they dfind out from someonme other than you two. You need to find a way to tell them. If you are afraid they may casue a scene, invite them to your hosue dfor supper opr something, unless you feel they would casue less of a scene in public. you are adults and they can't really tell you what to do, but you should tell them. Plus all the stress you may be under by keeping it a seacret, is probably not good for you or baby. I know it wil be hard, but you have to tell them sooner or later beofre they dfind out themselves.....

 

Roary - March 10

We are both in our twenties and in university. My family is thrilled about the situation, but his is under a huge amount of external stress and generally reacts in such an acutely exaggerated way that neither of us can muster the courage to even let them know. His mother did tell me a few months ago that she had had a 'nightmare' about me being pregnant--the nightmare appellation I wager is the result of her fear of aging as she was not remiss in mentioning how hoary, shrunken, old she was as a grandmother in her 'nightmare' . There have been numerous other wholely negative interactions that tend to disuade us from telling them. Including her giving a girl my fiance used to know (who has since he knew her gotten involved in the PORN industry!!!!) my phone number--this was when we had only been together for 8 months. I am rather aware though that the longer we refrain from informing them the worse their reaction will enevitably be. Has anyone ever seen the movie Monster-Inlaw...(sigh) I suspect just calling them on the phone and telling them would be best--easy to dislodge oneself from a conversation turned sour. Thanks for your input Been There and Emily.

 

Been There - March 10

Roary, are you afraid they think you won't both finish college? I say you find a way in which you feel comfortable telling them. If you are that afraid of a reaction, you shouldn't be present. Let their son handle it and you stay somewhere else. If you feel you need to be in the room, then I'd suggest doing it over the phone. You can always hang up if you need to. I know it sounds rude to do that, but if you feel they are being rude, then you must do what you need to do to keep from dealing with stress like that. Unless the two of you really need them for some reason, you have the right to tell them they need to either act like they have sense or stay away. I do think you need to let them know and get it over with. You may be surprised and they react totally different than you thought.

 

Emily - March 10

I also had he same thought the been there had, that they may surprise you and react so totlally diferently. When dh and I were engaged, we planed the wedding origanlly for the Fall after I grad college. (He already had a steady job and his own house after attending a trade school) We wanted to move it up to the fall before I graduated. I was so nervous about telling my parents. his were fine with it, but my mom I knew would not be. We prepared for a battle. all she said was why not the summer eofre so you dont get married in the middle of a semester? I was compeltely shocked. We chose the Oct wedding still and my mom suported it, but her soncern was the hardship for us, not for herself. Good luck and hopelfully your inlaws will suprise you like my mom suprised us.

 

Sarah25 - March 10

Send them a card in the mail. Have it say: Congratulations! You will be grandparents in approximately 17 weeks!!! At least they can't react immediately at you. Then maybe they will call their son and he can diffuse a bit of negativeness before you talk to them.

 

Roary - March 11

I really appreciate all the input, Thank-you. A letter or the phone call is probably most approriate. I definitely will NOT be the one to tell them, in either case. We really rarely even see them--which is definitely for the best. If we ever do get around to telling them, I will let you all know. As for college, he will definitely be finishing his degree--hopefully his phd. That is both an intellectual and a financial necessity. However, his mother doesn't actually care very much about University. As a side note: We also haven't told them that we are planning on getting married this spring before the baby is born. They are aware that we are engaged though. Hopefully they will suprise us. Thanks again.

 

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