It S A Girl And Husband Is Disappointed

17 Replies
Kari - September 22

This is our first and my husband had his heart set on having a boy. He came with me to the ultrasound and behold, it is a girl. Afterwards, he broke into tears claiming he'd never been so disappointed in his life. He told me he just isn't ready for this baby anymore and feels like he's been cursed. Help! What is going on? I can't even feel happy about having this baby girl.

 

Brooke - September 22

That is horrible. Tell him to grow up and face reality. Little girls are amazing and once she is born he will figure it out. I am a kindergarten teacher and I think girls are far better than little boys when they are little. Give him some time and hopefully he will change.

 

Rhonda - September 22

Oh Kari I really feel for you hon I can't believe your husband would say such a thing I mean yeah most guys want a boy for their first but come on is this going to be an only child? That was very selfish of him to say such a thing and you should remind him that it is the sperm that determines the s_x of the child and he should be greatful to just have a healthy child not even really care about the s_x of it....I am pregnant with my 3rd child now and it will be my husbands first and I am 35yrs old so I am opting to have a tubal done so this will be our only child before I found out what we were having I would ask him what he wanted he would not tell me all he said is if we don't get what we want are we gonna try again? He knew the answer was no so he said so what does it matter...then we did find out we are having a boy and yes he was happy but if it was a girl I really don't think he would have been less happy...one thing to remember they can be wrong sometimes by saying the baby is a girl and it really turns out to be a boy..sometimes the boy part is to small to tell so they say girl what I am trying to say they have more of a chance of being wrong when they say it is a girl rather than a boy....so how is he going to feel if you do end up having a boy after being so awful about this with you.....I think he needs to grow up and as I said be thankful that his child is healthy!! good luck to you.....

 

Michelle - September 22

My husband was dissapointed the first time we had a girl, but she is such a daddys girl now,,,,I dont think he feels that way anymore. I am 22 weeks pregnant again....and we are having another girl! He and I are both bummed, wanted a boy, but we are glad she is healthy and that is all that matters. So the point is, once that child is born....he will forget all that. We will try one more time. Hopefully we will get a boy.

 

Maggie - September 22

Kari, I think I may be able to add a little insight as to what your husband is going through. I'm 18 weeks now and my husband is terrified of having a girl. We already have a little boy, so I thought he would be more receptive to the idea of having a girl, which by the way is what I would really like to have. My husband explained to me that he feels like if he has a daughter he will want to lock her away from the world, because he can't stand the thought of her having to experience such things as a broken-heart or s_xual harra__sment. He feels like he will always be on the defensive where it would come to his daughter. He told me that he knows that once he would see her little face his only purpose would be to protect her. The thought of anyone or anything hurting her would turn him into a murderous maniac. Basically he is scared of himself, not of having a daughter. I believe what my husband says because of how protective he is over me, his mom, and his sister. My husband also says that when it comes to our son he knows exactly what he is doing because he is a man, and therefore can teach his son to be a man. He has no idea how to be a woman, so he is at a loss when it comes to raising a daughter. Try to get your husband to open up to you. Remember that women get away with a lot when they are pregnant just because they are pregnant. Your husband is going through this with you, and I'm sure he is just scared. Try to cut him a little slack, and if he is seriously just being a jerk remind him that we reap what we sow. How will he feel if his son in law treats his daughter this way when she is an adult? Good luck with everything, and I hope it all works out.

 

pbj - September 22

Maggie, that was so sweet and I know my husband has the same fears. I am 31 weeks pregnant with our first and it's a girl. At first, I think my husband was maybe a little disappointed, and at first I got caught up in it. Then I just decided that I needed to make sure he was just as excited as I was. I explained to him that as a little girl she needed him more than even a little boy, because as her daddy he would shape her opinions of other men. I explained that it would be him who she would base all her male relationships on, that she would look to him and not me to give her an example of a good man. I also worked in a daycare when I was younger, and oh boy, those little boys were a handful. The little girls would come in sit down and play and the boys would scream their heads off for their mommys'. Also, my best friend has 2 girls, with both pregnancies her husband prayed for a boy, no luck; now she is pregnant with her 3rd, her husband prayed and prayed for another girl and of course, it's a boy. When I asked him why after all this time he now wanted another girl, he said, a lot of our friends have boys and they just don't hug like our girls do. Don't worry, he will come around. You need to be excited and he will follow suit, I promise! Go buy some little dresses and let them hang in her closet...it worked for me!

 

me - September 23

kari, i'm so sorry that you have to deal with that. DO GUYS NOT REALIZE THAT IT'S THEIR SPERM THAT DETERMINES THE s_x????? what idiots:)

 

Maggie - September 23

Thanks pbj! I've gone through a lot with my husband, but we took our "for better or worse" vows to heart. We've been married 5 1/2 years, and we both know that the keys to a successful marriage are communication and understanding. We have 2 major rules: 1. NEVER go to bed angry (even if it means staying up all night), and 2. Different people do things different ways, so rather than fight our differences we accept them as openly as possible. It could be because we love each other that much, or that we have endured a lot and survived. We just try to be as understanding as we can be. Marriage is hard work, but to me its beautiful work.

 

Maggie - September 23

Oh, and to me...just because the sperm determines the s_x doesn't mean that the man has some kind of magical control over what chromosome he spits out. Don't mean to sound mean, I'm just really tired of that arguement. Men have as little control over it as the woman does. By the way, Kari how are you?

 

to kari - September 23

your husband will be fine-he will just see GIRLS LOVE THE HELL OF THIER DADS!!

 

... - September 23

Tell him to grow the hell up. Why do guys have to act like that? Even my DH agrees with me.

 

jb - September 23

I thinks its rude of him to say that now he is not ready for this baby and that hes been cursed. He should know that him saying that is going to make you feel like c___p. The important thing is that the baby is healthy. Would he still want a boy if the baby had serious health problems and might not live long after birth. To me that would be worse that having a girl!!! My husband wants a boy too. I asked him if he would be disappointed if it was a girl. He said no as long as the babies healthy. He really is excited either way.

 

To Kari - September 24

Your husband sounds like a big baby breaking down in tears, O BROTHER, Grow up!!! He sounds like one selfish man who likes to get his way. The only thing he should be crying about is for a healthy baby.

 

kr - September 24

Hi Kari, My husband had the same fears as Maggie's. At first he just thought he was bummed because he thought he wouldn't have anyone to play with. I tried to tell him tha she would love him even more than I do, but that didn't work. Then we walked into that "limited too" store. He was horrified to see all the young girls prance around in tiny tanktops and skirts. Ah Ha! It turns out he is worried that our daughter will be destine to wear makeup,bleach her hair and wax her legs at 12. I took that opportunity to tell him what a great guy he was and that since he was looking ahead he could rear a confident and healthy girl who didn't need those things. That really got him going. All he talked about the rest of the day was how he wanted to rear her and what he would teache her about being a women.Kari, I didn't know at what point my husband would turn around, but he did.Yours will turn around too. Just try to stay positive and he'll fogure out how great girls can be.

 

Erin - September 25

Kari - this must be so upsetting for you, I can't imagine how I would feel after getting that reaction from my husband. If it helps, what everyone is saying here I believe to be absolutely true - little girls LOVE their daddys and daddys LOVE their little girls more than anything. He will come around. We think we're having a girl although we haven't been told 100%, and my husband admitted to me that the reason he wanted a boy is because he's afraid of not being able to tell a little girl no, he thinks that she'll be absolutely to cute to discipline and when she grows up he'll have to worry about her constantly. This is course is a problem to me! But I know that he'll be a great dad to a little girl, he's just scared like any first time parent. And that may be the case for your husband too - maybe he's just scared overall and knowing that he's going to have to protect a little girl pushed him over the edge. Give him some time and I really hope he comes around for you.

 

kr - September 25

Hi again Kari, My husband is getting used to the girl idea more and more as we speak.I just went to baby store and found some overalls, a jean jacket and a plaid shirt. He's excited to take his little girl out to the junk yard or to fix a car in her tough guy outfit. Your husband will be more excited when he sees that he can do some of the same things with a girl.

 

Jessica - September 25

I am sorry that your husband said such a hurtful and childish thing to you. Maybe he should talk to my dh and I who went through years of infertility and would have been thrilled to have any healthy child. He has no idea what a blessing a baby is and he needs to grow up and be a man. I hope his att_tude changes once he gets a look at his beautiful little girl. My dh and I are finally blessed with an adopted son and I am 25 weeks pregnant with another boy. We are probably done and it makes no difference to me that I will not have a daughter. I am just grateful to be a mommy.

 

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