Mixed Feelings

12 Replies
ry - October 17

hi. this is my first baby i am 15 weeks and my pregnancy was planned and i am really excited to become a mom.....most of the time. tonight i am having a difficult night where i am nervous and scared of everything. i feel like a horrible person who should be so happy-and dont get me wrong i am but sometimes it is overwhelming. i am scared something could be wrong with the baby and scared of becoming a mother and losing my freedom and closeness with my husband. Does anyone else feel this way or am i crazy? will it go away?

 

Lisa - October 17

It's all normal; there is nothing wrong with you for having any of those feelings. We are all going though a major life change and pretty soon we will be responsible for a tiny little person; it is scary! They say to have a child is to constantly have your heart walking outside your body, I believe that.

 

Maggie - October 17

I think every first time Mom goes through this on some level. Having a baby is a huge adjustment to make. While the baby is a newborn you will need to be there constantly, but then as the baby gets older you will feel more comfortable leaving them with loved ones, or a sitter. Try not to look at motherhood as losing your freedom, but rather gaining a new respect for life. Your baby will make you change your outlook on everything. A social life outside of home is a great thing to have, but you will see that its much less important to you. As for your husband just keep in mind that the whole experience of parenthood is different for him. He didn't carry and give birth to your baby, so his instinct will not be as acute as yours. Be patient with him, and he with you. I would suggest you share this with him because maybe he can comfort you. Above all DON"T WORRY! Nature will take its course and you will be a great Mom, and hubby will be a great Dad.

 

T - October 25

Just wanted you to know i feel EXACTLY the same way, am 24 wks preg with first one too and scared for the same reasons as you--especially the loss of freedom, as my husband and i always took off to Vegas or on weekend getaways alone or with friends (most of them dont have kids either). Dont feel horrible, your feelings are natural. I am sure our hormones probably have something to do with it to. Hang in there, when is your due date and do you know gender?

 

Jean - October 25

I agree this is totally normal and you are going to need to take some time to readjust to what your life is becoming. You will begin to understand that you will develop a brand new closeness with your husband and as you feel more secure with the idea of motherhood you will be less frightened. It will definitely get bettter :) I was miserable for a portion of my pregnancy until I sorted everything out mentally. We planned our pregnancy, too, it's just a shock when It happens whether you planned it or not. Anyway Im 25 weeks now and we are both sooooo excited and feel great about things. You will too.

 

Kerry - October 27

I'm scared of the effect it will have on my relationship with my husband - I want us to stay close like we are now and I'm scared that he won't love me as muxh once the baby is born. I'm also scared that I will hate the baby, and I don't even know why. It's the most important thing in my life (aside from Hubby) at the moment, so why I'm scared of not bonding I'm not sure.

 

T - October 27

I agree, Kerry. I am scared of being resentful toward the baby too. Plus i am scared since it is a boy my husb will bond with him more and i will feel left out. I think your feelings are normal! Everyone i talk to says it is normal and that it will "come to us" naturally so i guess we will see...when are you due?

 

MeM - October 27

I'm kinda the opposte, I can't wait to love this baby and I know everything will be fine with my boyfriend and I. But what I am scared of is what if the baby doesn't come out perfect...with a birth defect or something. I wonder will I love it as much and will I be able to handle a less than perfect baby. That's pretty much what I worry about. I'm 16 weeks now and right now my worries are tame. But last month I got so worked up I made my doctor get me in the next day to make sure everything was ok, because I'm afraid something bad is going to happen. Everyone tells me that the worrying gets worse once the baby is out, I don't know how that can happen :)

 

Rachelle - October 28

Hello! I too felt the same way with my first one. Currently working on number 2. My lil girl is 4 years old now (im 24) And I was pregnant with her when I got married. I was so scared of loosing my freedom and closness with hubby but....Once you have your lil bundle of joy its gonna be hard the first few months (all the staying up all night and doing this and that) but as it grows you will have so much love for this person that you will never want to leave its side. Our baby made me and my husband much closer and we had more to talk about and it gets better and better ever day. Goodluck!!

 

l - October 28

I'm afraid that I won't have any maternal instincts!

 

Cal - October 30

I worry too about the things I will be losing. Our baby was not planned....not for another 5 years, anyway. But, my husband and I left our Las Vegas honeymoon with a little embryo. I wanted to graduate college, finish my master's, work a little, buy a home, and then start a family. However, we are doing things a little different. I still worry but when I sit back and think about it, everything will work out. The baby is due in May, I will graduate with my bachelors in May. The schools I am applying to for a masters offer night cla__ses so my husband can work during the day and I can take calsses at night (this means NO DAYCARE which I am dead set against). I am only 13 weeks right now but I do a lot of things to make me realize that, yes, my life is about to drastically change, but it will be a great change. I look around baby stores and think about all the events (halloween pumpkin patches, santas at the mall) I can take my baby to. We are really excited. I just need to remind myself sometimes why.

 

Shell - October 31

I agree it will get hard sometimes with college because I have the same problem and I am also totally against daycare so do evening cla__ses. You know how much love this child will bring you but its tripled when it actually comes. Goodluck to you all!!

 

Kerry - November 1

Hello T ! I'm due 2nd April.

 

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