My Rude Mother In Law

15 Replies
reneenay - December 20

I'm 18 and a half weeks pregnant and I saw my Monster-in-Law today. I hadn't seen her for about a month. I am surprising the family with the s_x of the baby and jokingly said, "who knows, maybe it could be twins and be a boy AND a girl." Well, she took that totally the wrong way and said, "well, I didn't want to say anything because, you know, pregnant women can be sensitive, but it looks like it could be twins," obviously refering to my size, and then muttered a few more comments about how "big" I am. The funny part is that I don't look any different from any other woman at my stage, and my weight gain is totally average. She is just totally judgemental. Just put it this way: she STILL to this day tells her recovered anorexic daughter that she needs to work out and lose weight. Yes, she's totally nuts. Her comment about me is really ironic because it came from a woman who actually had twins who was made fun of in a restarant by someone who said it looked like she was giving birth to a calf! You would think she would have a little more tact, but she never really has anything nice or supportive to say to anyone, ever. Plus, she's really overweight herself! Ugh. Well, the point to this story is, what can I do to shut her up in a polite way for the rest of my pregnancy? I really don't want to have to put up with her comments every time I see her. Now I am just dreading seeing her on Christmas, wondering what she'll say next. Thanks for letting me vent. Help!!!!!

 

another Karen - December 20

Ha ha, when she makes a comment refering to your size again very diplomatically, and I mean sweet as anything, say "It must surely come from his genes as there's never been any signs of obesity on my side" and do not bat an eyelid. Sometimes it's best to reflect their own ignorance. I lived with mine for 4 years and there are ways to handle them without losing the plot. Remember that once you do lose your cool OR swear you've lost. I think the best thing you can do is laugh on the inside and forget it, they're not worth the misery, seeing you bothered is just a power trip for them.

 

wv_red - December 20

LMAO!!!! To funny, what is it about mother in laws. Reneeney I totally feel your pain, mine made a comment like that and I told her at least I know it will go away in 5 more months. It seems we have to pull the smart a__s card on them when we are preggers. At least then we can blame it on the hormones.Karen I have to say you are a very strong woman. Any woman that can put up with someone looking over their shoulder for 4 years deserves alot of kudos! Good luck and I hope everything works out.

 

Rachel29 - December 20

My Mother in law is totally obnoxious too. Because my husband IS a little overweight, she has told me that I was fat for the 4 years we've been married even though I work out 5 days a week, (well prepregnancy), eat well and am totally obsessed with health. Somehow his weight is my fault though and she always says "when he lived with me he was 180 pounds" (he's 6'1, and wasn't finished growing when he moved out of her house at 17). Now he's about 250 lbs, and this is completely my fault for some reason. In my mind if he wants to diet, that's up to him. I am not responsible for that (he's always going out with clients and stuff to dinners, lunches and functions so really if you want to blame anything that's it). Anyway, now that I'm pregnant it's worse. I've only gained about 7 pounds, (I'm 16 weeks), and you'd think I had gained 50 from the way she goes on and on. Unfortunately, I really don't have any advice for you, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. My tactic is just either to laugh like she's making a joke and isn't serious, or just to let her know that my doctor tells me I'm on target. Oh, and She also gives me tons of diets she tells me that I need to go on once the baby is born. She even gave me one for fasting, like loosing weight is the most important thing for me to worry about once my child is born. Oh, and by the way, my MIL isn't thin either, so I don't know why she's so upset about my baby weight! Good luck!

 

sarahnicolesmom - December 20

Oh reneenay, just ignore her -- you're reacting exactly the way she wants you to react which is the whole point in her saying those nasty comments. Don't pay any attention to her, just change the subject like you didn't even hear what she just said, or say something like "my fat must be reaching my ear ca___l cause I can't hear a thing your saying, sorry!" maybe she'll get the point. You should enjoy your pregnancy and don't worry too much about comments made by crazy people -- good luck!

 

jennifer_33106 - December 20

That is the exact reason why I refuse to send any pics at all to my husbands mom and grandma. Dont even sweat it. I seriously think that MIL hate us for having their sons baby. I mean it is like we steal the last bit of their baby boy or something. Hopefully there are some women out there who never have to deal with a c___ppy MIL but the awful truth is, most of us do. Everytime I talk to Shons mom or his grandma, they have something to say to me about you better be excersizing and eating right! How much have you gained? How big are you? WHy dont you take care of yourself better? Shon has alot of stress to go through with out you adding more. Dont complain about how you feel to him. YADA YADA YADA!! They make me wanna drink rat poison. haha Anyways, just dust that dirt off your shoulders hon!

 

xvkx - December 20

Don't worry about it. You're going to get a lot of comments about how big or how small you are compared to what you're "supposed to be", and not just from your mother in law. There is no "supposed to be", honestly, and you seem like you realize that. So just ignore it. Or, if it really gets to you, take another Karen's advice, hehe. >:) Ok, maybe that's not the best idea if you want to keep peace obviously... in that case, just walk off. She should get the message from that alone, and honestly what does it matter if she thinks you're just being a sensitive pregnant woman if it gets her to stop? From what you've said it doesn't look like you're going to be changing her opinion on what a healthy weight is any time soon. :S

 

another Karen - December 20

Oooh I love to share some of the opinions, suggestions, comments, blame, behaviours and habits I've had to endure over the years. I would definately know where to start yes, but I'd probably lock the keyboard up once I get going. Absolutely mind boggling stuff, if I couldn't see the funny side I'd be inst_tutionalised. The experience has taught me alot about my tolerance and powers of a__sertiveness. I know it is best to manage to keep the peace but there are times when you think, "Well if keeping the peace is so paramount, why is she coming on like this?" Simple answer is lack of respect. I am huge on respect and I demand it, I will reclaim it if someone is trying to degrade my person. Yes maybe I sound like a snob, but we all deserve to be treated like other's expect they ought to be treated.

 

reneenay - December 21

Hi ladies. Thanks so much for your opinions and stories...it makes me feel not so alone, although I could pretty much a__sume that I'm not the only one with a crazy MIL. I mean, I really shouldn't put any thought into her comments, especially when she's they type of person that bugs her anorexic daughter about her weight. Gee, I wonder where her anorexia came from?!? She is a totally judgemental person and always has a snide remark. I saw her tonight and she said is so many words that I should get a tent to wear instead of a coat! The funny thing is I was really slender when I became pregnant and I am totally average. But even if I was as big as a house she has no business saying anything to me. The only person who needs to worry about being overweight is her. Thanks again for all of your support...I think if her comments continue I am going to have to take a stand in my own polite way. Wv_red, I like your comment about it going away in 5 months...if she pushes me to it, I might just have to go there! Rachel29, I like your suggestin too of telling her that my Dr. says I'm right on target. Why must MIL's be like that? Mine is the worst...and I mean certifiably insane. Plus I married her only boy, who is the "golden child" and I am sure she feels that nothing is good enough for him. But she's clearly a narcisist, which means nothing will be good enough for her. So why try to please someone like that or even entertain their comments? She can't maintain a good relationship with her own children let alone me. But I can only be pushed so far before I lose it, so she'd better watch herself. Thanks again for your support.

 

HeatherIsHopeful - December 21

lol after reading through this blog I have decided we should make a "dumb/ rude things our MILs say" heck we can even throw in "dumb/rude things random people say" because I have heard of strangers being just as rude... like your MIL with the tent instead of coat remark Rachel can you imagine if a total stranger said that to you!! I have seen it happen. anyway good luck with your MILs guys!! hope you all have happy and healthy pregnancies.

 

HeatherIsHopeful - December 21

I meant to say "we should make a 'dumb/rude things MILs say' post" lol I just got to excited and didnt add the word "post" in there lol.

 

HeatherIsHopeful - December 21

and by Rachel I totally meant reneenay LOL I think I need to go back to bed..

 

sammommy - December 22

Hey Reneenay!!! I have a wonderful MIL!!! It is my mother that makes me crazy!!!!! : ) If I were you I wouldn't even mention anything to her about the pregnancy again. Don't give her anything to make comments about. If she has the nerve to bring it up again, ask her if she'd like to diet with you sometime after the baby is born so you can both lose the extra weight you're carrying!!! Maybe that will shut her up : ) Best of luck!!!

 

Gemini_Girl - December 23

heya! yeh i know what you mean, suddenly everyone becomes an expert on how big a pregnant lady should be! I feel like im the size of an elephant (I have 6weeks to go) and evryone is always commenting on how big i am "are you sure there is only 1 in there" and "oh you'll never make it to your due date" and my mil said the other day "are you sure you have your dates correct" come on!

 

reneenay - December 24

Ugh, it's just so annoying! Especially coming from a woman who's been there herself. You'd think that they would remember what it was like for them and be more polite. But no! However, after posting this and reading all the responses, I am certainly not alone...and if it's not your own Mother or MIL, then it's some jack#%$ on the street that just has to say something. The really funny thing about all the things my MIL has said is that most people don't even notice that I'm pregnant yet...I'm just that "huge." You just can't win...you're too big, too small, having twins, your dates are off. Why is it that all of a sudden when you become pregnant your body is up for discussion? It's not appropriate when you are not pregnant, so why do people think it is when you are?!?

 

reneenay - December 24

Ha ha, HeavenisMine, I AM having a boy, and I will be sure to try and be the BEST MIL to his wife someday. After all the c___p I've had to go through with my MIL (her pregnancy comments, her trying to take over our wedding, her trying to be our marriage councelor, her bossing us around, her judging, etc.) I will certainly do my very best to be nothing like her!

 

ADD A COMMENT:


You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!


Already a member?
Please login below.





Forgot your password?
Need Help?