Problems With Mother In Law I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE

20 Replies
Mommiex20803 - February 11

Alright this is my story and my time to vent lol...alright well first off im young...im 18 and im pregnant with my second baby....and my big problem is my mother in law....shes driving me nuts...i dont know if its HER or just the fact that im pregnant and cant stand the way she is lol anyways...oh and im 15 weeks....okay well lets see where i can begin...well my husband is the father of my first baby which is great because not most teen dads stay around....and we just got married back in August....and before we got married we never had the chance to live together because we both were stubborn and didnt want to live at each other's houses (like i didnt want to live at his house with his mom and he didnt want to live at my mom with my mom....) anyways once i found out i was pregnant back in november i knew i needed to be living with him.....i cant barely handle our busy busy two year old being NOT pregnant...i couldnt imagine trying while being pregnant lol...anyways so i gave up and i moved into his house (which by the way im NOT happy at...im just doing it because i want to live with HIM)....and honestly i am not doing as much as i should for a wife....i dont have a job because this pregnancy has been a stressful one...i had a threatened miscarriage at 10 weeks and was put on bedrest for about a week and a half almost two.....and i am just uncomfortable all the time....i cant stand for a long time without feeling as if i was 9 months pregnant.....and i just feel like c__p (nausea and acid reflux and all that bad stuff) all the time!! anyways so i dont get to cook and clean as much as i want to...which is very stressful on my husband...he works and still has to cook.....and to be quite honest i DONT even feel comfortable enough to cook at his house because i have to answer to his mom which half the c__p they have in their house is either expired (and she would still try to get my to use it)....or just still i dont know if i can use....so its harder to be able to cook....and the cleaning part i have cleaned up his room...and frankly its hard cleaning a guys room lol....i mean i cleaned it good and all i got from him was a "oh wow...." (he wasnt too thrilled about it)....anyways that doesnt make me too thrilled to clean his room if you know what i mean....and so his mom sat me down and talked to me about her concerns...which didnt bother me too much.....but she kept saying that since IM the women i need to answer to the man of the household (my husband) since thats what it says in the bible....and i mean i have nothing wrong with the bible or anything like that but i DO not answer to any man like that....me and my husband have a 50/50 thing...i mean we both ask each other instead of me asking everything or him asking me everything....so that bothered me a bit...so a couple of days later (oh normally during the day at his house while he is at work...if i dont have stuff to do at his house i normally go to my mom's house....to spend time with her)....i was gonna go to my moms house and i was heading to change my son's diaper and he started telling her that we were going to grandmas house and she was still talking to him but said..."oh your going to grandmas house again?.....when is mommy gonna clean daddys bathroom??..." (i didnt say anything...so she continued to say)..."well mommy needs to start being a wife...." !!!AH!!! shouldnt i have every right to be upset/mad with her?! she has no buisness saying that!! i was soo mad!! and to top everything off....i went and told my husband about it and all he said was "well i dont like how she said it....but shes just saying what she sees...." like he freaking agreed with her!!! ugh! so what do you guys think....i mean i am gonna start trying to do things for him (right now we are staying the weekend at my moms house and i plan on making him some dinner tonight)...so im slowly trying....but what do you guys think?...do you think that since im not happy at all and since i dont feel comfortable doing things at his house like the cooking and cleaning...should i maybe try to see if we should move to my moms house for a bit...to see if that helps any??...or should i just bite my lip and put up with the bull...? im just NOT happy being around her! she is driving me insane with the little things she does...she wants everything her way....and if it isnt...she gets this annoying little voice that ughhh! its so annoying lol....and i mean honestly like i said earlier about the old food stuff im scared of what she is cooking.....i dont know how old it is....and i certainly dont want her giving old stuff to my son.....like shes tried giving him juice that is a year past its "best by" date....and stuff like that....i was never raised like that so i wont eat anything thats like that....good or not....and since my hubby has been raised that way he doesnt see much wrong with it...which bothers me soo bad and all he does is joke and make fun of me about it....anyways what do you ladies think i should do?! i just dont know what to do....thanks for letting me vent...sorry its so long and so confusing lol i was thinking and typing....please respond!!

 

Mommiex20803 - February 11

wow i didnt realize i typed that much! lol

 

Tammy276 - February 11

WOW!! Long post girlie, but I feel ya...Me and my MIL do not get along....Granted I don't live with her, but still.. I feel for you.. I get annoyed when she comes to stay with us for a weekend and she tries telling me what to do, in MY own house, or she re-arranges stuff to the way she thinks it should be. My MIL is VERY religous and lives her freaking life by the Bible and thinks that a woman should take care of a man and do all the house hold chores and cooking and blah blah blah....Well guess what? Not in my house hold, that is not the way I was raised and to be honest, she doens't like me because of it...in her eyes I'm not good enough for her son......We've been married for almost 4 years now and finally a few months ago, I put my foot down and said something to her....up until that point, I had always kept my mouth shut. Granted, you are staying in her house right now, but it is still YOUR marriage, not hers, and she doesn't have any business telling you what you should be doing for her son.......sorry, but her son is capable of cleaning his own bathroom and doing stuff too......and it is harder the second time around.. I as well have a son who is a litlte over 2 and this pregnancy has been hell for me!!!! I don't cook that often, barely clean, and am only working like 10 hours a week because I can't be on my feet, I get so tired. I think you should sit down and talk with her about how you are feeling and if she can't respect you then maybe it would be best if you or you and your hubby moved into your moms house and see how that goes. Thats what stinks about living with a mother because you know they are always watching over you and every little thing you do isn't going to be good enough...To me, it sounds like you could cook, clean, shine his shoes and she would still have something to complain about.......She needs to realize that your marriage is just that.....YOUR marriage and she needs to b___t out of it

 

aliciavr6 - February 11

My bf's mom is very religious as well, and it's often VERY irritating, but I try to not listen when she says things that bother me. I know I couldn't live with her, I couldn't even stand living with my own mom right now. I know you are young but can you guys afford a small apartment nearby or anything?

 

DownbutnotOUT - February 11

Its a hard situation because your living in HER house. I would discuss moving into your moms house for awhile and if he objects just casually mentioned you tried his house its not working out and you think he should try your house for abit. Also if anyone tried to feed me expired food or my children I would absolutly freak right out! if you are going to stay at his moms house I recommend you buying your own food. About picking up I know its hard im on bedrest because im a high risk pregnancy and I still get up make meals and do some cleaning but most of it falls on DH which he does without complaining. About in the bible it says for a women to be a slave to a man? Im not sure exactly what it says but i would tell her that you and your husband BOTH feel it should be 50/50 and its your guys's decision on how your relationship will be handled. take care and good luck

 

Sindel - February 11

OMG get out while you can!!! Tell him its time to move! My EX mil.. shes been disowned because of her bible thumping ways.. and i do mean thumping in a physical way..literally.. We moved to another state and stayed a total of 2 weeks there before she went insane and attacked me.. she was the same way.. comments here and there about me all the time.. It was HELL.. You will be happier at your mothers house where YOU feel comfortable.. I doubt she will treat your husband the way his mother treats you.

 

jendean00 - February 12

I think if you have already had complications, that you need to be under as little stress as possible. I would discuss the idea of moving to your mom's or see about getting a small apartment for just you two. If you do stay there I think you need to have a talk with him and her. They both should refer to it as our room & bathroom, rather than his room. That way you feel apart rather than a guest. Good Luck

 

Mommiex20803 - February 12

Thanks for your replies!! it makes me feel better knowing im not the only one with a MIL like that! lol....and i know a bunch of you asked if i could get our own place....well honestly where we live its soo expensive...(we live kinda close to Washington D.C. so that "city life" is moving down here and the cheapest (prolly a peice of c___p) place would be in the higher 800's or 900's a month and honestly with him working and im not we cant afford it... :( and honestly me and my husband have tried to talk about moving into my house and he never really replied to it...making me feel like im stuck there...and honestly i think he is scared to move out of his house because he has honestly told me that if i was so unhappy there at his house i could just move back into mine...(and that he wouldnt go)...which p__ses me off because i made the effort to move into his.....anyways yeah and honestly with this weekend at my moms house i've done more for him than i have in a while just because i feel comfortable here doing it...like i cooked him dinner last night...i picked up the house a bit...and stuff like that...and oh guess what?! i have to go on a trip to michigan in the CAR with her! for like 12 hours maybe a bit more.....UGH! imma die lol....we leave thursday so just wish me the best of luck lol i'll be on after that trip i'll post back on here on how it went....anyways thanks again for posting!! i have to go back to his house tonight and im dreading it...i dont wanna be anywhere near her! thanks again! :) oh and just curious how far along are you guys?

 

aaaaaaaaaa - February 12

Ugh I know how you feel. I lived with my husband's family, in his house before we got married for almost a year. It was terrible. I mean, theyre nice enough people, but its just odd being in someone ELSE's house - never, ever really felt at home there at all. Good luck with everything...

 

KristinTone - February 14

Here is my advice get the heck outta there! I know it is important to be living with your hubby and all, but this isn't worth your sanity. Move home with your mom until you can save up enough to get your own place.

 

mrs.vegas - February 15

okay mommiex, you need to get your pregnant b___t out of that house! i don't think its fair that your hubby wouldn't be willing to move with you to your moms, especially since you did that for him! i know you don't want to live apart, but maybe you should teach him a lesson by moving in with your mom! you shouldn't be stressed out at all, especially with what happened to you at 10 wks! i don't think there is anything you can say or do (short from doing exactly what she says to do) for your mother in law to understand where you're coming from! i don't think anyone gets a long with thier mother in law! i did untill she bacame my mother in law! i think they feel threatened by the wife......"who's this girl that gonna take my spot in my little boy's life?" don't let anything she says to you bother you one bit! and don't hold anything back either!! if you do move back into your moms, and she asks why, tell her its because she serves expired foods and beverages which you completely disagree with and find repulsive, and you won't have your son, or your un born baby eating and drinking things that will make them sick! she is hard core for the bible? well tell her you're hard core for eating food that's still GOOD! sorry, but i'm having an issue with my mother in law at the moment!!! good luck to you on your 2nd baby, and i hope everything turns out to your favor!

 

Allisonc79 - February 16

Well, don't get mad at this but maybe your mother in law would prefer you did clean and cook because your putting forth effort. I'm just saying this because your not working, and as you get older you'll find that give and take becomes the staple of your relationship. Your husband works all day, of course he would rather things be neat or have a meal fixed up for him. Don't get me wrong, I am not old fashioned, I plan on being a career mom, but when one person ends up doing most of the work in the marriage it can cause alot of distress. I know if my husband were out of work, I would for sure like to come home to a clean house and maybe a hot meal! lol

 

BiancaM - February 17

Hey Mommiex. I would move back to your momma's house. I've been married for almost 3 years and my MIL still hasn't changed. I married her son when I was 18 and although I've never lived with her she treats me kinda c___ppy. She calls me controlling and when my husband was in Iraq she told him that I was just doing my own thing... funny since I didn't talk to her the whole time he was gone... wonder where she got that from. Anyway I can't stand her... I tried to be nice to the woman and I invited her over a few times for dinner with my family but she refused to come and lied about having to work. I would tell your BF that you aren't happy living at his mother's and if he won't move home with you then you're moving home alone. You're happiness is more important right now. Being pregnant can be tough and you don't need any extra stress.

 

Terio - February 17

Omg, "Mommy needs to start being a wife"?...... maybe she's right, and you can tell her THAT snide little comment is just one of many that's helped in your decision to move home - where you CAN feel comfortable being a wife, and not feel under the thumb of such a critical and controlling woman's dictatorship. Wheww, I feel great after getting that out! Maybe this topic has worked me and others up because a lot of us find out MIL's annoying, tee hee. Ok but in all seriousness... play it cool, you're under her roof for now and try to make arrangements to move in with your mother. I wish I would have read that your husband had been more receptive to the idea... because as others have said, you really do need to minimize your stress levels right now. Best of luck to you -- you sound like a lovely girl! Keep us updated on your story.

 

Mommiex20803 - February 17

OHH and i forgot to post...well i found out about that peanut b___ter scare when i was traveling to new york (with her and my husband and his friend) and we were dropping my son off with some family and as soon as i got there i told my husband's aunt about the peanut b___ter and she already knew about it and so she told tims mom that she bought that peanut b___ter back in august so she didnt think it was infected so she told her that she could take some to eat if she wanted....i felt soo sick by that i mean when the news and all that tell me to throw food out because it could get you really sick then i do...i dont just a__sume and eat it anyways...i mean i know a lot of people who have had the peanut b___ter with the 2111 and they ate some and never got sick but still....and so when we got in the car she heard the news report about it and she looked to see if it had 2111 and it did and i told her well you'll prolly want to throw that out and she was like well it'll be fine...all i could think was her trying to feed me or my son it! UGHH! its silly to get upset about small stuff but i guess it bothers me that bad...am i wrong to feel that way???

 

Mommiex20803 - February 21

Alrighty a new update for everybody...(i dont know if anyone cares anymore but i figured id post it up anyways) well me and the hubby had a chat today...no fighting...no arguing...no crying so it was a good talk...i just pretty much told him everything that bothers me...and we kinda agreed on maybe switching houses every now and then maybe stay at my moms for like a month then his house for a month or whatever....just until we figure out whats better for us and the children....anyways he is gonna think more about it but i believe something is gonna change which is good but if it doesnt i MITE just have to leave for a bit to get him to realize how serious i am about all of this....anyways do you guys believe its in the better interest of my unborn baby.....to move into my house because when i was on bedrest for my threatened miscarriage (i mean complete bedrest...only could get up to use the bathroom)...and his mom was the one who had to bring me food and what not and so i swear most of the time i would only get fed like two times...UM im freaking preggo i need more food! anyways i would go through pain because i couldnt get up because i was scared of hurting the baby...(i know this sounds extreme but i mean i just want everyone to see how i get treated there) anyways when im at my house my mom is constantly checking on me...if im hungry i eat...theres no if or buts about it...anyways thanks for listening again! respond and let me know what you think!! please

 

bvue - February 21

Bottom line is that is your mother in law's house and she has the right to have things her way. You and hubby should get your own place, with 1 child and another on the way, you need to not rely on the mothers to house your family. If you do need their housing, things are going to get done their way. I've been there done that, the only way to have things done your way is to have your own place.

 

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