Regarding Friends Is It Me Or My Pregnancy

6 Replies
mahagen - October 2

I know this is kind of and odd questions but I am really needing some answers and support. I just moved from my hometown a month in a half ago to which is 5 states from my hometown. I am starting to feel like I don't have any true friends other than my family and my husband. I have one friend who owes me almost $300 still from about 7 months ago when she was to pay me and I am in need (she knows this) but she has not quit talking to me and communicating with me in any way. I am not sure if she is too busy or what but I was having problems getting her to pay me back as planned before I left and now that I am over 1000 miles away its just email and phone calls. Another friend says she is going to call me and doesn't call me for weeks on in. Another friend I just found out slept with my brother and she is on a whim because she is going through a messy divorce and of course she hasn't called me I just found out through the grapevine this happened and I honestly don't think she will tell me. Another friend just doesn't bother to call me unless I call her first. Another calls me all the time but so much I can't always tend to her since I am pregnant and also have a 1 year old I am taking care of so I feel like she gets mad at me or just annoyed. I think you get my point on the friends matter. I know it sounds very dramatical but I am wondering if its me over reacting because I am pregnant or I really should be questioning my true friendship with these girls. I know when I moved here my mother-in-law told me that 90% of my friends will not stay my friends once I move here. It seems to be coming true and it concerns me because I would never treat my friends like that even if they moved far from me. May be my heart is in the right place but my head isn't. Help me I am sick over all of this and during a time I really need my friends. Thanks

 

evae777 - October 2

well, just like the friend that always calls you but you can't always tend to her because you are busy, maybe your other friends are busy too. being a consistently good friend that calls at the right times is hard and having though expectations creates more dissappointment. i think that the friend that owes you money. it is her responsibility to pay back, but at this point you should be able to speak up instead of having more resentment in the future. some people are terrible at paying back money. when the day comes that you are genuine and straightforward with her and she neglects to send you a 300.00 check then you can better determine if she is worthy or your friendship. As for the others. I think that healthy detachment is always the best way to deal with these types of issues. moving away is always hard and is a really tough adjustment especially when it comes down to us feeling like all we have is our husbands and family and no other healthy outlet. i say screw it... keep the friends you can, keep the ones that genuinely want to stick around that have good intentions and detach from the rest. hope you feel better. what state did you move to by the way?? if it is california than it shouldn't be hard to make new friends at all!!

 

mahagen - October 2

evae777, Well said and that helped me understand a lot better but as for the friend that owes me money I have asked her several times and told her how in need I was of it and she always tells me that she is going to put money in my bank but never does. At one point which was torwards the beginning of the issue when she should have paid, she said she was putting the money in on a certain date and I had bills that were due and I paid. Of course she didn't put it in and I had to pay overdrafts and everything. I didn't ask her to pay those but I did stress to her repeatedly how important is was to pay me back and it was insulting she wouldn't pay me back when I needed but when her car got repoed and I loaned her the money she didn't hesitate to borrow it. The sad thing is I was her maid of honor in her wedding 2 years ago and she got a divorce less then a year later. Enough about that cause obviously I have been feeling like she is one of those friends I am going to say screw it about and forget her and the money. She obviously doesn't care about me and I have to stop using my heart and use my head. I moves to Pennsylvania and the area I moved to is right by Baltimore, MD and people are rude around here compared to where I am actually from which is the central part of the United States. I did hear that California has very nice friendly people. I have a friend who just moved there and loves it. Thanks for your imput because now I feel like I have more closure on this situation and its not just me being pregnant but more paranoid about keeping friends. In the long run like you said I will have to make sure to keep the ones that genuinely want to stick around that have good intentions and detach from the rest. Thanks again

 

sarah21 - October 3

It is always hard to move away and keep relationships going, no matter how good they were when you lived closer. I hope everything works out for you and you find some good, helpful friends close to you.

 

karyn - October 4

Why don't you focus on making some new friends? I think that might help. There should be some great prenatal cla__ses at your local hospital. Prenatal yoga is also a great place to meet expectant new mothers.

 

Krissy25 - October 4

I think you are right to forget about the money and end the friendship. I know it's probably hard but a true friend would have made some attempt to pay you back, she has been lying to you about it and it cost you even more money. karyn is right, you need to focus on making new friends, ones with kids or expecting kids. Then you will have something in common with them. Look around your neighborhood and introduce yourself to moms.

 

Iamamiracleangel - October 9

You know, I completely understand. My husband is in the airforce, I moved from Ks to Ca July of 2006. I barely have any friends who are willing to call me first. If I have communication with my old friends, it's talking over the computer or text messaging. Only 2 or so still actively call me to see how I am. I'm bad at calling people also, so I really can't say much. Moving away really does show who your true friends are. It took months and months for me to make friends out here because I'm pretty shy. It'll all fall into place.. The money situation though, ouch. If she won't call you back and what not you might just have to cut your losses. OR..... take her by surprise and stop by next time you're in town:) Where'd to move to, by the way?

 

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