Should I Terminate My Pregancy

17 Replies
concerned prego - December 4

my boyfriend is adamant about me needing to get an abortion b/c of drug use during my first trimester. i recently found out i am pregnant and had NO idea i was b/c i was on the depo shot. during my first trimester i had a drug problem and even went to rehab. i'm in my 14th week and i really want to keep the baby. my doctor told us that IF i was going to do drugs, the first trimester was the time to do it and most likely my baby will be fine, but my boyfriend keeps insisting on an abortion. can anyone help ease his mind?

 

to concerned - December 4

I know a girl who did crack from month five to month seven of her pregnancy, and her child (now 5 years old) is fine. This is not advocating heavy drug use at any time, pregnancy or not, but I wonder if your doc has it right. I've always heard that the first trimester is when the baby is developing (brain, heart, spinal cord, etc.) the most. The rest of pregnancy is mostly (notice I say mostly, not all) baby getting physically bigger in size overall. Maybe there's a special detailed ultrasound you can get or some kind of testing that would show how your baby is doing at this point.

 

concerned prego - December 4

thank you for your reply :) i always heard that as well (first trimester being most critical); however, he even printed out an artical stating that it is later that will have side effects from drug use. i am hoping and praying he is right! i want this baby (especially after seeing it on the sonogram!) and i'm having a "level 2" sonogram in two weeks which he said will help ease my mind. i'm just trying to convince my boyfriend that abortion is not needed because of the drug use but he won't back down and it is really stressing me out. i can't take another 5 1/2 months of his constant nagging about my past.

 

<> - December 4

Have you considered adoption? Sounds like your BF is not ready for children, and seems like you need to get yourself totally healthy and ready for kids as well.....

 

Kelli - December 4

Hey, you're going to have a baby!!!! Get excited. Be happy!!! This is your chance to be a mom!!!!! Who wants to carry the baby for 10 months and then give it up for adoption--I know I wouldn't---too much torture for free if you ask me. I say if your boyfriend doesn't just get over it----forget what he says. I had my daughter when I was 20 and I never made a better decision in my life. Those beautiful eyes and that cute tiny little body makes life all worth while. My daughter is now 2 and I am pregnant again and I just believe that you should take this chance to be a mom. Plenty of moms know they are pregnant and continue to use drugs-----God knew you didn't know---he will make sure everything is alright for you. Trust him and make your decisio with him--not your boyfriend. Good luck.

 

Renee - December 4

concerned prego, I understand that you are concerned with how your boyfriend feels about it but ultimately, it is your body!! I had to go, am going through, a similar situation because my bf wanted me to terminate and, at 28 years old, I chose not to. Just please keep in mind that although he is your boyfriend and I'm sure you really care for him, a child is forever. I had an abortion at 17, when still in high school, and I don't regret my decision but I think about it often. Please rely only on yourself to make the right choice and try to be as informed as you possibly can about all the options out there. You are in my thoughts!!

 

Katie - December 5

To concerned prego u have no reason to abort your pregnancy. The doctor knows best just think of how many people drink and smoke and do drugs and boom find out that their 2 to 3 months pregnant. Im sure your baby is fine. Your boyfriend on the other hand sounds like he just doesnt want the child but its your decision it is your body. Please think hard and strong about this you have a baby inside you that needs love and care at least give this child a chance to get that.

 

to concerned. - December 5

nevermind your boyfriend. what do YOU want? if you don't follow your own insticts on this, you'll end up regretting it. as for the drug use....I shudder to remember all the drugs I was doing before I found out I was pregnant with my first son. laid awake crying, because I knew he would be born with a birth defect of some sort. he was the healthiest thing you ever laid eyes on! don't listen to anyone but yourself on this!!!!

 

hi - December 5

really this is a decision only you can make. There are several Q's you should ask yourself-are you ready to make that commitment to stay clean-even after pregnancy and there is nothing there saying to NOT do drugs? Do you have that will power? Are you prepared to do this on your own if he doesn't come around? How do you feel about that? You need to answer these things truthfully and then base your decision on whats good for you-not your boyfriend. Good luck to you.

 

kira - December 5

maybe your boyfriend is usiong that as an excuse. at the end of the day, if you really want to keep your baby, id tell him where to go. seriously. and also look up what an abortion does to a baby. it can cause them physical pain. and depending on the drugs you were using, it may not even affect baby

 

K - December 5

Actually I think this is where nature takes care of itself. Although the first trimester is important it's not until closer to the end weeks that the baby is getting completely dependant on you for life. As an embryo it's somewhat seperate from you. I think this is to protect the baby until we know were pregnant and can stop any habits that we need to for babies sake. By all means carry that baby to term and embrace motherhood.

 

Keep it - December 5

Keep your baby.

 

L.S. - December 5

Your boyfriend has absolutely no right to tell you what to do in this case. Its your baby, your body and he is not your husband. So what if he is the father, it is your body. You would be the one to have to go through this. Tell him to take a hike. Do not let anyone force you to make a decision about this. YOU and YOU alone will have to deal with the consequences of your actions for the rest of YOUR life. Long after the boyfriend is out of the picture. If he can ask you to terminate this pregnancy so nonchalantly then he will not be there but your baby will bring you so much joy. I wouldn't worry about the first trimester drug use. You will love this child so much that you won't even remember your boyfriends name.

 

concerned prego - December 5

thank you ALL so much for your input!! i really appreciate it. i'm 29 years old and i've explained to the bf that i have NO excuse at this age to terminate the pregnancy-even with the drug use when i didn't know i was pregnant. i feel absolutely HORRIBLE for what i've done to my baby thus far, but i refuse to hurt it even worse my killing it! i just don't see how he can want that after seeing it's little arms and legs and heartbeat on the sonogram last week! i'm having a level two sonogram next week so hopefully that will give us more answers. does anyone know of any tests that can be run to ensure my baby is okay? thank you all so much for your support since i'm not getting it from the father-i can use all the information i can get to ease my worries :)

 

to concerned... - December 6

I am so proud that you are taking a stand for yourself on this! Pregnancy can be hard and support is nice...but not essential. To answer your question about tests for the baby... Certain genetic testing is offered to most pregnant women. At around 15 weeks they usually offer a combination blood test (Triple Marker/Screen) that checks the levels of AFP, HCG, and Estriol in your blood. The results from these tests can help determine if you are at a higher risk for having a baby with problems. This test does not check for every problem and unusual results do not always mean that there is anything wrong with the baby. If there is anything abnormal they can further screen with U/S and amnio. More often than not, the test results come back with good results. I hope that helped some! :) GL

 

Shell - December 6

Good luck, concerned prego. Let us know how you go.

 

Lindsay - December 7

Hi concerned, I was in your shoes, your baby should be fine, rarely does drug/alcohol use during beginning hurt the embryo/fetus. Just quit now, or it might. If you cannot quit, just struggle with it your best- only you know what your best is, and realize everytime you use might be the beginning of a lifelong struggle for your baby. As far as terminating, I gave it thought and decided I believed it was murder no matter how early on, but no matter what anyone says, this choice is yours and yours only by law. As much as I didn't want to be preg and go through all the pain emotionally and physically and financially, I couldn't go through with an abortion. I'm not ready to be a mom, some people dont want kids or arent ready. Don't let people rush you, don't listen to women who tell you to disregard your bf in favor of the baby. This isn't necessary unless he's being completely unreasonable, but he's probably just real scared, care for him like a good gf should, and he'll be very likely to be a good bf back. This is a scary time for you both, not just you, men tend to want to fix problems, and the confrontation of an unexpected pregnancy combined with not knowing the life in you like you do makes them treat it like a problem and abortion as a fix. He probably also sees you're in fear and wants to help you. The first 4 mos of my preg me and my bf were totally freaking out. I was on bc too and it failed due to some meds I didn't know reacted with it. If I were you, I would try to go through with the preg if you can, and then decide if you want to give the baby up when that decision has to be made. Youll either be ready or not, the other mothers on this forum cannot answer that for you and the father, I cant, Drs cant, and your parents cant. The only people who's decision this belongs to is you and the father, but be careful not to cut him out, you'll lose him and he'll have a giant hole cut between him and the child whether you do adoption or not, and thats not good. Remember a lot of women are really nasty to their dh/bfs during or not during preg, don't listen to their poor advice, he does matter, he'll always be the bio father to that baby. I'm doing an adopt bc I'm not ready to be a mom, it makes me cry thinking of doing all this for some other couple, and that I won't get to see my dd first steps or hear her first word. But for me, I couldn't abort. I can't punish a person with death for being conceived by me. It will be a difficult year for me, and I'll be sad giving her up, but I'll wipe all my tears and stifle my sobs and quiet my family's rebukes of the adoption with the knowledge I let her live and gave her a nice family that was ready to care for a child. In the end I can smile knowing I did probably the hardest thing anyone could ever do, for no payment. Just an act of incredible love for someone who's basically a stranger to you when the abortion decision can be made. I'd rather look back on life than an abortion, and all time pa__ses, this will be over and I'll/you'll be forced to look back on what you did, so now is the time to make the decision you truly think is the right one. You'd be amazed on how strong you can be. Take it day by day.

 

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