Think I M Having A Girl And Kind Of Freaking Out

15 Replies
MelG - January 13

Alot of you ladies might be down on me for what I'm about to say, but I know that I can't be the first to feel this way. All along, my instincts were telling me I was having a boy. All my dreams were about boys. All of my and my husband's instincts were that we felt it was a boy. Yesterday I had my 17 week u/s, and lo and behold, the Dr. (not just a sonographer), said "as best as I can tell, it's a girl". We were shocked. Both of us had been so wrong. Now, whenever I talk to my friends, I hear these stories about all the trouble they have with their daughters. One friend is already fighting with his 2nd grader about wearing makeup and skimpy clothes. Another tells me how she had so many problems with her daughter because she is so strong-willed and had been that way since she was little. Another friend told me how she was so glad she had boys because her friend who has a daughter is having so many issues with her. My neighbor's teenage daughter sneaks boys into the house when the parents are out. The list goes on and on.... I don't seem to hear the same type of stories from those with boys. I feel so bad about it, but I now find myself worrying about this ever since I found out. I also feel terribly guilty for even thinking about these things, but yet they still concern me.

 

April - January 13

Boys can be really obnoxious, smelly, enjoy filth, play with themselves in public, pee on you during diaper changes, be SOOO rowdy, and loud, and play fighting games, and alot of times their "awkward phase" is a billion times worse than a girls. Lol, nothing against boys, just saying, they have their definate downsides. Girls can be emotional, sure, there's also something so special about having a daughter. Think about all the good things, and I promise you, when the hard times come, you'll be able to handle it. Trust that boys and girls are both joys to have - and can both drive you up the d__n wall.

 

Ashley - January 13

No kidding!! I have a son, (pg with another) - and let me just tell you, as much as I love him, he can be such a little weirdo!! I would love to have a girl. You'll do fine, I promise.....and you're welcome to babysit my boys.

 

hi - January 13

Sounds to me those people are having problems not because they have girls but because of their parenting styles. Just watch what they do and do the opposite. I have two girls neither will be wearing make up or skimpy clothing in second grade.

 

Teacher - January 14

Let me put your mind at ease. I work at an alternative high school. We have 19 students total. 15 are boys...need I say more??? Not saying thats proof or facts...but it just goes to show that yes boys can be bad too. Just depends on how they are raised.

 

Deb - January 14

I agree...I am a teacher and I tend to have more problems with boys than with girls. But a lot of the problems are due to parenting issues. Letting boys get away with distructive or violent behaviour because "boys will be boys" is to me an abomination in the realm of parenting. I have a lot of very sweet boys and girls and it is because their parents spend a lot of quality time with them, and set up clear boundaries and expectations for their behaviour. Kids need to know what is acceptable and not acceptable, and they also need to know what consequences will follow if they act in an unacceptable manner. I know I'm starting to sound like Dr. Phil...but the man is right. If you have clear expectations with clear consequences, you will have do just fine raising your child...boy or girl.

 

Drew - January 14

I have a little girl who's seven, (she's supposed to be in grade 2 this year) and NEVER have we ever had to fight with her over skimpy clothes and the only fight over make-up is when she's playing dress-up. She is so sensitive and thoughtfull towards others and people have told us she is the most politle little girl they have ever met. Never, would I ever trade her for a boy! I think the way your child acts is all in how you raise them. You'll do fine, especially if you look at those people with the little girl in grade two as an example of how not to raise your daughter. Enjoy her!! :)

 

Shawna - January 14

Think of this aspect... you said, "My neighbor's teenage daughter sneaks boys into the house when the parents are out." Someone's SONS are the ones sneaking in, aren't they? So boys are doing wrong in this scenario as well, not just the girl who invites them. The young girl who wants to wear skimpy clothes probably wants to do so because it draws attention and makes her popular with BOYS. Neither gender is automatically angelic, and a great deal of what makes a child "easy" or "difficult" depends upon the personality of the child, and not just the gender. But as Teacher pointed out, more boys end up in alternative schools. The same goes for prisons, too. All of those young boys and men who find themselves in this sort of trouble are the son of someone. Perhaps those parents wish they had given birth to a daughter instead! Besides, it could just be that your particular friends who comment on the difficulty of raising a girl would do the same if you had announced that you were having a son. Think of how folks like to scaremonger, and bring up the worst possible scenario when we mention being pregnant or things like that. Unless if just happens to me (which I doubt), others seem to want to share a bad story more than they do a good story. As an example, when I mention my plan to exclusively b___stfeed, automatically people tell me about all of their friends and relatives who "tried but couldn't," while sharing none of the success stories that I know are out there. One woman told me in detail about her adult daughter who couldn't get the baby to latch and who had to supplement within a few days and went exclusively to formula in a week, but when I asked about her older daughter, she did (almost reluctantly) admit that she successfullly nursed three babies without using any formula at all! You see, this woman wanted to share the negative, not the positive. It is in our nature (for some reason) to give the negative aspect of things, and I think that many of those same people who decry girls would possibly do the same for a boy if the situation was reversed!

 

K - January 14

Don't feel guilty about these concerns, it's normal to worry when you hear negative comments. My husband and I have a 2 year old son, and we're expecting a girl in April. My husband was born in another country where the culture is very different regarding girls and how they are raised. They believe young girls should be taught about respecting their bodies AND minds, and that, in a culture where girls as young as 11 or 12 wear clothing and make-up meant for adult celebrities, a young girl doesn't have much of a chance of learning about respecting herself for who she is instead of how she looks. It's true that girls seem to be getting older way too fast, and in mainstream society, it takes alot of love and patients from parents to help young girls understand that the most important thing a woman can do is respect herself. In all honesty, my husband was nervous at first when we found out are baby was a girl. He said it scares him to look around and see so many girls dressing provocatively, staying out late, and worrying more about boyfriends and teen-magazines than education and their futures. I agree that it's a problem, but I think it's also about personal beliefs and taking responsibility for our kids. With love and guidance from you, your daughter will learn to guide herself with respect and dignity. Congrats to you both, enjoy your beautiful little girl!

 

livdea - January 14

I feel the same way! I'm actually going to be a single mom and well I'm freaking out. I don't know yet if I'm having a boy or a girl but before I even had a prefrence I had the feeling it was a boy. I'm 14 weeks along and dying to find out what I'm having. I've even "joked" about having a girl and locking her in a room until she's 30...I don't think I'd actually do that but I'm on the verge! Being a young mom I see what is going on out there, and by NO means am I ready to have a daughter and raise her alone in this world! I think a boy would be so much easier at least when it comes to worrying! It seems like society is making girls grow up way way too early and there's really no way to prevent that, unless you are going to be an overly protective mother which isn't healthy either! I think your feelings are normal! At least I tell myself that they are. I know though that if the dr. tells me that I'm having a girl, I'll be slightly disappointed BUT not for long. Once I have her/him in my arms I don't think it will matter. And I know it will be up to me to raise me daughter/son right and instill the right values! You're are going to do great with a little girl and be just as excited. Besides, there's way more cute girl clothes out there!

 

teeniemoon - January 14

I am also a single mother with three girls. I always said that I only wanted one boy and then ended up with three girls. They will be who you raise them to be. I would trade my girls now for any boys in the world!!! They are charming, beautiful, thoughtful, sensitive, sharing, snuggly, and smart! I wouldn't have it any other way. God nows what is best for us! I have a "girls" girl, I have a sensitive girl and I have a tomboy. One is all about music and makeup (she's almost 13), I have one that's all about dolls and cooking (she's 6) and I have one that loves to jump off the furniture and play in the dirt (she's 4). They are wonderful! Just go with the flow, and you will be fine :) Hope the best for you :)

 

teeniemoon - January 14

Sorry, I meant that I would NOT trade my girls for a boy... I gotta learn to read BEFORE I hit submit :)

 

me - January 17

Well, if it's any consolation, I originally didn't want children becuase of my niece and nephew and how they behaved when they were younger. When they got older, they had some MAJOR issues going on and I was there to help them through those issues. Now, it sounds weird, but the kids that made me NOt wants kids are the same ones that made me realize that I could handle raising my own and that Iwould do a good job. The point of the story? For the most part, it's how the parents raise them, boy or girl. If you learn what to do and what not to do from those other people, you will be fine and have great, well behaved kids. You can do it!

 

To MeIG - January 18

My two cents - The 2nd grader that you are referring to can only wear makeup and skimpy clothes if her parents buy it for her. That is the key here. If the parents wouldn't give in and support whatever their kids want to do, the kids couldn't do it. Even in high school - my DH is a high school teacher. Those kids wear ridiculous things and most of them don't work so guess what - the parents had to buy the c___p for them. I think if you raise your kids right, that's all you can do. Sure, they'll make bad choices, but they will return to the way they were raised. My parents had me and my brother. We never gave much problems to them at all because we were raised with values. That's the ticket. Don't let "anything" go and be consistant and you'll do fine. Girls are loads of fun.

 

Kristy - January 18

Well I have a girl and a boy and am pregnant with another boy. Both my boy and my girl drive me up the wall at times. I love them both and the one growing inside me equally. It is all in how you raise them. They can only do what you allow them to do, you are the parent not them, that is the problem in this day and age the parents give the children to much control. If you say no to them you mean no and if they disobey there will be consequences to face. I remember a time when my son was about 5 or 6 and we were in Walmart and I was getting him some things for the summer, clothes, a hat, and a couple of summer toys, well I found this little watering can exactly like what I had been looking for for a couple of years, because he liked to help my dad in the garden, so I decided to get it since it was only like $2 and he started screaming his head off. I was like what is wrong with you, he screamed that he didn't want the watering can. Well I thought that maybe he was thinking that I would make him put back one of the other toys so I explained to him that he could keep everything else that we picked out, but he would not stop screaming (he had wanted a watering can for a few years!) So I told him that if he didn't stop screaming that I was going to put everything back and he still wouldn't stop, so I went and put everything back with him attached to the front of the cart screaming his head off just because I wanted to get him one more thing, I have never seen a child scream because their parent wanted to buy them an extra toy! Well anyway he didn't end up getting anything that we had picked out that day, I put every last thing back, what a scene we caused, my mom could hear him screaming at the other end of the store and she even tried to reason with him but it didn't work. Any way the point of my story is is that I could have given in to him like so many people do just because they don't want to cause a scene or whatever their reasoning is but what does that teach the child? That they can get whatever they want if they just scream their precious little heads off! So you just need to make rules and stick to them whether you have boys or girls and let them know that you are the parent not them.

 

TM - January 22

I totally agree, we are the parents and it is our responsibility to raise our children right. I too hear stories of children with bad behavior,causing constant trouble, and I think to myself, I would of never acted that way when I was that age, or I would of never done that. Guess why? My parents would have punished me and there would have been consequences for my actions. My parents were very loving and good to me, but I knew what was right and wrong, and I knew NOT to cross that line. So I think it doesn't matter if it is a boy or girl, either one, children in general can be difficult and each is going to have its challenges. I am just a firm believer it is all in how you raise them.

 

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