VENT -pg119245481487

9 Replies
sahm2alaj - October 15

Yesterday there were a billion football games going on so DH invited friends over to watch. BY the end of the night (about 9pm) everyone began to leave and he picked a stupid fight with me out of no where and said he was going out to play pool. I BEGGED him to stay and stressed to him that's just not what married people do! You just don't leave and go out to do whatever you want while your family is home. He left anyway and didn't come home till almost 3 in the morning. I cried my eyes out while he was out and i am still really hurt that he would just leave when if I did that he would kill me. Am i over reacting? How can I get my point across to him on how this makes me feel? Will I be wasting my breath? I am having a horrible time over this and the emotions with the pregnancy is not helping either :(

 

corbin289 - October 15

I dont think your over reacting at all!! I had the same thing when I was pregnant with our first. We had only been married 3 months when I got pregnant. He would still want to go out with his friends and do everything we used to do but with out me. I reminded him we were in this together and if my life style was going to change SO wasnt his. I dont know your dh or what would work to show him he needs to turn into a family man but I dont think you would be waisting your breath at all. You shouldnt be the only one who's life has to change because of your pregnancy.

 

tish212 - October 15

please do not take what I say as iggnorant or evil... but relax...I know u r going through a hard time right now with ur emotions and everything that is 100% normal... but he may not be telling u how he is feeling...he may be scared or worried...his emotions could be going crazy as well but guys deal with that stuff much differently than women. my husband was petrified at the beginning of my pregnancy (and we had been trying for 5 years) he got him self so worked up about whether we were financially prepared that he came down with shingles I don know if u know what that is or how bad it is but he was in really really bad shape...he didn't tell me for another 2 months how worried he really was....we talk a lot..however he doesn't express his feelings cuz he says he doesn't want me to worry...and there r days he goes out riding on his sportbike for hours on end to get his mind off it...I get upset too when he's gone too long but I have to take a step back and realize he feels his life will drastically chage when the baby comes and he is trying to get as much "fun" in as he can...if that makes sense. ur hubby maybe having trouble dealing with the idea of life after baby...or seeing u so different (please don't take that wrong) I suffer severe depression b4 I got pregnant and my hubby was with me b4 meds then when I was on them and now being pregnant u can't take em so he sees me back into my depression and he can't stand it... he doesn't get mad it just worries him to see me where I was and knowing it won't be fixed for a while .... I completely understand u want him to be there for u...and u deserve that 100% so try to talk to him... see what's really bothering him..I don't think he's doing this to be mean...I think deep down something is bothering him and its easier to start a fight then explain it..ya know? men r so weird...hugs to u..and please please know I'm not attacking u or being mean just saying what I found out after being in ur exact same position... talk to him...keep trying to talk to him... I find the best time to get my hubby to be honest with his emotions is right before he goes to sleep...try to figure out when he is most "vulnerable" to his feelings and talk to him then...again hugs and gl....

 

sarah21 - October 15

Oh man I would have died! I am so sorry that happened. I would kill my husband. You are not over-reacting at all. You just need to be honest and tell your husband what your needs are, and maybe negotiate a time when he can do things like he did, but schedule it so you can plan an evening for yourself when he does that where you can get a pedicure or something fun. Especially once the baby gets here because you'll need some time out, and it would be something to look forward to. Sadie (corbin) is absolutely right-- it's not just your life that is changing with this baby. But remember that men change once the baby is here, too-- sometimes they have a hard time connecting with what is really going to happen until it does, especially with the first. Hang in there-- it gets better!!

 

sahm2alaj - October 15

thanks for your responses ladies, but the sad part is that this is our 3rd :( I don't know what to even say to him.. he hasn't attempted to contact me at all today. If i wasn't at work i would be crying my eyes out. I want to scream at him and tell him everything i feel from A to Z, but at the same time I am so emotionally and physically drained already that I don't even feel like seeing him. I am just so hurt.

 

evae777 - October 15

everyone here makes a good point. yes.. men deal with things differently and being compa__sionate is very important in a partnership. but unfortunately there are healthy boundaries that every person has that has to be respected. you are not just his wife, you are his family and his friend. people usually don't treat their friends that way, not to say family. i think he was being irresponsible and maybe there is some underlying fear that sparked it, but it still is his job to take responsibility for his role as a partner and a father. i've been dealing with petty stuff lately as well with my partner. i said it in another forum, it's like death by a million papercuts, all of those little disrespectful things add up to a world of resentment.

 

sahm2alaj - October 15

evae777 you hit the nail right on the head with the comment you made. It is so true that the smallest things just add up and i think that is what happened to me yesterday. I had been strong about the little things here and there that bothered me and just accepted it, but last night I reached my boiling point.

 

evae777 - October 15

gosh i know how frustrated you are... those are the things we go through while we are dating!! the football games, the friends coming over.. going out etc. the goal to getting married was to not feel like we are still dating but unfortunately it isn't perfect and marriage takes more polishing and finessing on a regular basis. at least when we are dating, they are still afraid we are going to break up with them! i told my partner last night, that all of these little things, unconscious or not, subtle and innocuous as he makes it seem... is not funny, not mature.. and i'm not here to raise another brat, another rebel child. the man is 35 years old (my husband) for crying out loud. i was bent out of shape over some arguments he had with me over something very trite. he is being a total brat. how he couldn't budge on rising above it and letting it go after we agreed to drop it. but this morning when i woke up i realized that we are not kids anymore and this is a battle i will not fight. if he doesn't want to treat me like his equal and show me the utmost respect, given that i treat him very well, then that means he is ungrateful. so therefore, i am going to do what i need to do for myself to keep my sanity & until he learns to treat me with more consideration during a time like this, he has forfeited his privileges of being pampered and taken care of. as good as i am with words, i learned that some battles cannot be won with words. i'm sure there are some great things that you do for your husband, until he appreciates it enough to not stomp out until 3 am with 2 kids and a pregnant wife then maybe you should show him how much he will gain (sarcastic) if he continues to act that way.

 

tish212 - October 15

wow...uhm I came off wrong 100%...I didn't realize u already had children...I'm sorry my view of ur situation is completely different...he needs to grow up. that's all there is to it. if he isn't going to treat u in a respectful manner then honestly I don't feel he is worthy of u. having 2 kids already and being pregnant agin has got to be tough and leaving all that on u alone isn't working ... marriage is a partnership and so is parenting...but ur partner is slacking... leave him home all day and late with the kids one day...don't tell him where ur going and don't answer his calls give him a small taste of what u r dealing with daily. I am truly sorry that I "took" up for him now knowin just how bad it is... I pray things get better for u...

 

pomny143 - October 15

I am so sorry to hear that you are upset. I too have been dealing with a similar situation with my guy. He has been under an Extreme amount of stress with work and I have had to deal with his c___p for the past couple of days. I am trying to understand what he is going through, but when is it his turn to understand what I'm going through. Let's see our men get sick every morning, feel sleepy all day, go to work, make dinner, take care of the house and kids for just ONE DAY! Yeah right!! The house would fall apart, they would los etheir job, the kids would be filthy, and no one would ever be fed! Am I right or what??? Needless to say, I ahve to agree with evae777. A lot of little things do add up. You have to tell him how you feel, but when you are both on a common ground. When you try to talk to one another while still holding on to the anger, you will get NOTHING accomplished. It is a very stressful time for you both, especially since you already have children! Find time to be alone and tell him how you feel without being confrontational. Explain to him that it is ok that he needs a break every now and then, but not to do it the way he did. Tell him that it hurt you, and if he is stressed or upset that you are there for him. Let him know that you two are on the same team, an dthat whatever happens you are there for eachother. Good luck!

 

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