Warning Long Off Topic Vent

7 Replies
lily10 - February 12

Yesterday my fiancé (john) and I were going to a small family get together at his brother’s house to celebrate his mother’s birthday. On our way there John’s mother called to say that they would not be talking about my unborn baby at all because Johns 9 year old nephew just happened to be learning about the birds and bees this week and it would be hard to explain to him why we aren’t married yet (well, this is what was said in so many words). So naturally I was very upset and I even asked that I be dropped back off at home as I couldn’t understand why I was even invited if I couldn’t talk about my pregnancy or show excitement about my baby??!! Another thing to point out is that I have not seen my fiancés brother or SIL since he has told them we were expecting a baby and they have all acted excited when talking to John. So we were at the get together for about 2 hours and not a word was muttered about the baby, none of them even asked how I was feeling or any of the normal questions. Mind you, I am 28 years old and John is 37, we are both professionals it’s not like we’re 16 and in high school. When we left I burst into tears, that hurt my feelings so bad and I can’t believe that they thought that was ok to treat us that way. I was not expecting anything like that. Before we left I was even going to grab my ultrasound pictures to show them :( but I forgot, good thing… I thought they would have been interested as our baby girl is their niece and his mother’s granddaughter. But no, they didn’t even mention a word about her and I just don’t get it, as far as I knew they liked me. Am I overreacting due to hormones or is it truly mean the way they treated us?

 

pueppschen - February 12

I think they were plain mean. It is not that you were school going kids, that they were bitter about the pregnancy. Though i do not want you to dwell negatively on their behaviour because that is just going to affect you and your unborn baby, but I really think they could have handled this better. Cheer up, think about the baby. :)

 

aliciavr6 - February 12

I would have felt the same way and... I probably would have had him take me home and not gone at all. It's very selfish of them.

 

steph115 - February 12

Sometimes people are just ignorant. I don't mean that as derogatory as it may sound, but they just get so hung up on the little c___p (who cares if the kid knows you aren't married and are going to have a baby - it isn't as if that is uncommon!) and don't realize how insensitive or, my preferred word (!), ignorant they appear. It would have ticked me off too and hurt my feelings, but what can you do? I was 33 and my husband (then boyfriend of only 8 wks!) was 34 when found out we were expecting. We didn't tell anyone for almost 6 months because I just didn't want to listen to the "hens cluck" for lack of a better term. We've been together for almost 5 years have a beautiful 3 year old girl and another on the way. I know it may be hard, but just ignore their stupidity and insensitivity. These people will be in your life for a long time (hopefully!) and I've learned it's never too early to just let stuff go. I wouldn't feel as if they don't like you, maybe they just aren't able to understand the situation in a mature, adult manner. (their is a touch of sarcasm in that statement :-) !) Good luck to you. Oh... and hormones are probably not helping this situation either. I went to the grocery one day, came out and my car wouldn't start. I started bawling like my favorite dog had died and couldn't hardly talk coherently enough to ask my father-in-law to come rescue me. And I RARELY even cry at sad occasions! LOL Gotta love the hormones! :-) Take Care!

 

LinsTwin - February 12

I can't believe how afraid people are to talk to their own children! While 9 is a little young to bring the topic up out of the blue... When faced with the situation, I think it's important for parents to acknowledge the topic with their kids and explain that people make different choices in life, even if we don't agree with them. Kids are a lot more perceptive than your in-laws are giving him credit for. At 9, I'm sure he's well aware that you're having a baby (even if he's not sure quite how) AND you're not married and can put 2 and 2 together, without you talking about it. So why not use the opportunity to teach your child your own set of morals and how they difer from others, rather than avoiding the topic completely? I have a friend who wouldn't let her son (also 9 at the time) come with us to Disneyland, because my nephew (who was there) has two daddies. It just seemed so sad to me that they couldn't just explain to their son that they don't approve of his parents (for religious reasons), but that it doesn't mean they don't like the boy. Kids aren't stupid. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, Lily!

 

lily10 - February 12

Thanks for your support ladies, it means a lot. Lins, that is how I feel as well. Perhaps they don't agree with our situation and that's fine but what would they rather do lie to their son to shelter him from reality. We are getting married next month anyway. I really did like my fiancés family as well as respect them but this situation has completely changed my perception and feelings towards them, which actually makes me sad. I don't plan to make an issue out of this but I hope they can see how wrong they were and understand how hurtful their actions were. It's not as if we had to talk about my pregnancy all night or anything but a quick acknowledgment would have been the nice appropriate thing to do.

 

squished - February 12

Some people are absolutely ridiculous!! I can not believe that they didn't even acknowledge your pregnancy at all! If your bf's nephew's parents are incapable of talking to their kids about the world around them it's not your fault. What a horrible day for you! I hope that today is better!

 

jessicaspatherapist - February 12

i guess a good lesson in this lily, is that you definitely won't raise your kids that way and you will be honest with them and teach them not to judge others. you can only control how you act in this world, and unfortuneately some people are just rude!

 

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