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Louise - February 9th, 2005 5:29 AM

Please help I just dont know what to do, I am 4 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend wants me to get anbortion. He hasn't been horrible about it, but has explained that now really isn't a good time to have a baby and don't get me wrong I agree, we have a lot going on at the moment, it couldn't have come at a worse time. The thing is I had an abortion 3 years ago and I just really dont want to do it again. But he really dont want to have a baby yet, and I feel that if I make this decision I will be forcing it on him. I love him so much and look forward to a future with him, but I dont want to force a child on him but also dont want to have an abortion - what should I do??????


Hi Louise - February 9th, 2005 9:44 AM

I hope I don't offend you in any way...keep in mind that this is just MY opinion. I know how you feel sweetie. My first pregnancy I aborted because the father did not want a baby at that time. I am not blaming it on him cause he didn't drag me in there. But I was scared and not ready myself. I regret the decision I made everyday. The one thing I wish I would have done instead is given the baby up for adoption. Please consider this option instead. No matter what, it's not the baby's fault that he/she was created....try to give them the chance to live (God willing). Are you two using protection? Sorry to get personal like that but I was just curious. If he does not want to be a dad then he should consider not having sex at this time cause there is always that chance that pregnancy will occur. He may not want to realize it but there was a reason this happened. God's reason. Obviously for some reason it was meant to be. I completely understand that you love him and don't want to force anything on him but think about it....did you make him have sex with you? I am sure he is a grown man and knows the risks. Do not for one second blame yourself. I honestly don't think you should have an abortion. your heart is already telling you not to. Listen to it. You have other options. After my abortion my husband and I tried to get pregnant. I miscarried twice and I was so devastated. It is truely God's blessing to grace you with a baby. If not your blessing at the moment then it could be another family's blessing that cannot have children. I am now 6 months pregnant and it is the best feeling I have ever experienced. I wish you all the luck in the world Louise. I will keep you and your baby in my prayers. Please keep us updated. :o)


cheryl - February 9th, 2005 9:07 PM

http://www.geocities.com/bctraveler2000/child.html


Lauren - April 20th, 2005 2:43 PM

Hi Louise, Im in the same situation right now. I just found out I was pregnant this past saturday and I have been on the pill for two years so granted it was a suprise to both of us. I have also had an abortion about 2 years ago and just can not see myself doing it again. I love him with all my heart and don't want to ruin his plans but I learned very early on in life that things don't always go as planned. He told me this morning that if I make the decision to keep this baby that I am going to be alone and that he wants absolutly no part of it. For one I know I will never be alone and two I have to assume that at the moment he is just scared. Definatly go with your heart. If you don't want the abortion don't have it, as selfish as it may sound you need to do what you feel in your heart, or you will regret it in the future. I wish you all the best in whatever decision you make.


kisses - August 10th, 2005 2:58 PM

Hi I found out that i was pregnant this past july. I wanted to get an abortion but when i went to my local clinic turns out I was 16 weeks. They stopped doing abortions at 15.6 weeks. You can image how i felt. I'm still pregnant and my family doesn't know. My baby father knows but I feel that it just not enough. I know that the love we have for eachother is young and in the long run i will be the one having to deal with the stress of raising a baby on my own. I'm only 16 so this has the potential of changing my life forever. If your boyfriend wants you to get the abortion sweetheart I would do it. If he doesn't want a baby he probably won't want to take care of it when you have it. It's up to you.


2Louise - August 10th, 2005 5:24 PM

This is a decision you will need to live with for the rest of YOUR life. Is abortion something you can go through again without regrets? I understand you don't want to RUIN his life, but what about the life that is growing inside of you? That's your love child together if you claim that the love you both have is mutual. When theres a WILL theres a way. If you consider having this child you will not be the first nor the last single mom to make it. I hope if you do decide to keep it, your boyfriend will come around...this child is one thing that can bond you for life. Good Luck. God BLESS!


- August 10th, 2005 7:03 PM

its ur life do what u want, dont let him take controll of u


L - August 11th, 2005 12:47 AM

Dear, if he loves you he will understand if you don't want to abort.

Besides that, you have a baby growing inside of you. Remember that. Remember the child.


Elisabeth - August 31st, 2005 9:34 AM

I just found out that im 5 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend wants me to have an abortion too. I told him that i am against it and would not do it even if it meant the end of our relationship. I would not be able to live with myself. sweetie don't do it if you don't want to. it is not worth the pain and suffering that you will go through. It is going to be hard but god is with all of us and he put the baby there for a reason maybe it was for somwone else that can't have children, maybe it was for you who knows. but do what your heart tells you. Its the right decision. don't let him make the decision for you. It is so easy for the guys to say, but we are the ones that have to do it. remember that is your child, don't end its life. It is still human and growing. maybe consider adoption if you really can't take care of the child. Good luck louise!


C - August 31st, 2005 4:01 PM

I love how some of these guys think that having sex with a women makes them a man, but then they can't act like a man and take responsibility for the possible consequences. If you can't be responsible for the possibility of getting your girlfriend pregnant, don't have sex with her! (Sorry. I just hate how this historically always falls on the woman's shoulders.) On the flip side, I think that we women have to be responsible with our bodies, too. I have been sexually active for almost 14 years and on BCP for 13 of those 14 years. I was very lucky in that I never got pregnant in all of that time, so I never had to be faced with the decision that some of you ladies have. However, I always knew in my mind that I could NOT count on most men to be there for me in the event of pregnancy. I let my boyfriends know before we had sex that abortion was not an option for me, and if they were to get me pregnant, I would not have an abortion. Would they have stuck around if it happened? I don't know, but I figured they wouldn't be around in such an event and that I'd have to give the baby up for adoption or take care of it myself. In any case, I think it is important to discuss what you'd do in the event of pregnancy with your partner before you actually start to have sex with each other. If you aren't on the same page about how you'd handle an unplanned pregnancy, then maybe you shouldn't be having sex with each other. (I know- easier said than done when you are attracted to and/or are in love with someone.) As for what to do once it happens, only you can decide. I would rather see someone give a baby up for adoption than abort, but that is me. I have a few friends who kept their babies in this kind of situation and things turned out fine for them. Of course, they had very supportive families, which makes a huge difference. Whatever you do, do it for yourself and your future baby, not your boyfriend. You will bear more of the brunt of that decision's burden than him.


Brooke - September 1st, 2005 2:57 PM

NO and NO ... The decistion is yours . It is the worst experience you could ever amagine . The baby is a part of you ,your flesh and blood. If the father doesnt want to have a part the child can be efficentlly loved and cherished by you alone and other family . I am a single Mom of two , married with my first and had to make the decistion to keep my unplanned daughter . She is almost two now her father still to this day does not claim her . My personal feeling is we are all her for a reason and it wasnt my right to terminate my daughters life . I conceived her and I love her.As you didnt choose to be here neither did I . I am happy our Moms didnt take our life . My Mom was sixteen when she got pregnant with me .I hope this will help anyone who may be having a hard time . Take care .


B - September 3rd, 2005 1:14 PM

I went through the same thing with my first child. My boyfriend wanted to abort, I did not. I didn't want to lose him I loved him so much! But now here I am 14 years later...and Iam SO GLAD I decided to keep my baby girl...she is EVERYTHING to me. And thankfully I'm still with that man...14 years later,happily married, and we are weeks away from expecting our 3rd child :)
YOU JUST NEVER KNOW WHAT GOD HAS PLANNED FOR YOU!
It will work out...please don't abort. I will keep you in my prayers.


Shelly - September 17th, 2005 8:24 PM

I do believe that we as women should have the personal option to have an abortion. I have found out that I'm 4 weeks pregnant and have struggled with all the options myself. Being a newly divorced mother of two, I'm aware of the obstacles ahead for myself regardless of which I choose. Having had children, I know of the wonderful things that motherhood brings to your life that can't compare to anything else. The worries and hardships are par for the course I think. In any case, we must give every option a minute of thought to decide where we each stand. Not thinking of what others might say is very important. You need to do what you feel is right. What is right to you may not be the easiest road. Bare in mind that none of us are ever truly prepared in any sense for a child. There are no quick fixes, no parenting books that explain every possible situation, no families where everyone is going to support your choices, and certainly there are no perfect answers to all of life's big questions. Just know that whatever any woman chooses to do, it needs to based on the chance that you make walk this road alone at some point. Whether the father is your husband or boyfriend, you will always be Mom. No matter your career, financial situation, or relationship with any man, your child's needs have to be your number one priority. There are many couples who can't have children and try for years only to be left with an empty spot in their lives and hearts. So I think before abortion, adoption should truly be considered if you feel this is something you are not ready for yet. I think that this may not be the best time for me to have another child myself. But I also firmly believe that children are a true blessing both planned and unplanned and they deserve our love, support, guidance, and the chance at life. Remember there are many different agencies that you can contact to research what your best option happens to be. Do not feel that you are ever alone in this world. Most of us have been there or know someone that has struggled with the same thing. I wish you the best in finding your way.


Anamari - September 19th, 2005 1:56 PM

I am in the same situation. I just found out that I'm 5 weeks pregnant and the man I've been seeing for only six weeks is pressuring me to abort for the sake of the child and everyone involved. He has grown angry with me because I simply cannot go through with it. I had an abortion almost exactly 13 years ago and have lived with that pain and regret ever since. If I had another abortion, I might as well off myself right then because I could not go on. He cannot understand my perspective and when I told him he could walk away, but I was going to have this child, he said if I didn't abort, he would be waiting with lawyers to take full custody. He doesn't want the child split between two households. So in his mind, it's either no child or his child. I'm so frightened despite the fact that I am a 35 y.o. woman with a successful career and supportive family and friends.


dj - September 20th, 2005 4:33 AM

Him taking full custody is not likely. Stupid scare tactics. To the original post and others like it I would urge you to consider adoptions. Many couples, like my wife and I have trouble having children. We have a couple but it was very difficult on her and she has miscarried multiple times. It is so difficult for some people and if it is right for you... I think its better than abortion...Of course its always your decision.


sneezy - September 20th, 2005 4:55 PM

i would not have an abortion. if he is responsible enough to have sex with you, then he has to take on the responsibility of having a baby with you. i also want to say congraduations. 6 months ago i thought i was pregant and my boyfriend wanted me to have an abortion i told him no. i ended up having a miscarriage (probably) because the doctors couldn't figure out if i was or not. if you had a miscarriage before, and do it again, then if you want to get pregnant someday, you might not be able to.


rose - September 20th, 2005 11:41 PM

im also in that situation now and also im so afraid. my family also dont know my situation. im only 19 yrs old. what should i do?


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