How Can I Stop My Friend Having Sex

15 Replies
sarah - February 23

my friends boyfriend is going away in the summer and she's upset about it, he suggested that they had s_x as a going away present, and she keeps joking about it, i talkied seriously about it to her, and i think that she might do it, i think that he's pressuring her into it, and she feels ablijed to have s_x with him, i really dont think that it is a good idea, wen he's gone, he'll meet other girls and she'll have lost her virginaty to him, she's gonna be really vunerable when he goes and im frightedned that he will take advantage of her and make her do somthing that she's not ready for, she always said she loves him, but she's only 13 and i think that its a bad idea, i need to let her see this, i mean, what if she became pregnant, i dont want to tell an adult because then they wouldnt be able to see each other, what do i do???

 

liz - February 23

Sarah, I’d tell her exactly what you wrote in this forum. Tell her you love her, you're looking out for her, and you know her well so you know what's in her best interest. If she sees that a good friend has a genuine concern hopefully she'll revaluate her thoughts about s_x. A lot of times hormones can get in the way of rational thought and make people do stupid things, like having s_x. Losing one's virginity is a beautiful gift that should be given to someone that they truly love, and it can never be taken back. At 13 your body is still changing and hormones are going crazy, so she may be feeling things she never felt b4 and may be misinterpreting these feelings as love. I guarantee it’s not love. Love is something that can only be cultivated over a long time through sharing many experiences with your partner and by yourself before that. One can only know true love once they know themselves completely and honestly. This is impossible at 13 since there are so many more exciting things to experience in her life, school, college, traveling, going out with friends, exploring new places, HER FUTURE. There are too many terrible consequences to having s_x, especially at such a young age, STDs, pregnancy, broken heart, regret….when you add it all up, it really isn’t worth it. Honestly, S_x for the first time hurts so it should be shared when you’re old enough to handle it and with someone who loves you for who you are and is willing to work through the pain to show love. Please show her exactly what I’ve written and the lengths you’ve taken to find information on your question, she will see how much you care about her and that you want her to have a bright future and past that she can think back on without regret. Believe me, I lost my virginity almost a year ago to my current bf, and I still regret it, although I too believe I love him, it just hurts to think that this may not last and I gave it up to him. I would also suggest listening to the song “Save Yourself” by Sense Field. It is a beautiful song that really drives the message home. I wish both of you the best of luck, God bless. turn out the light just say goodnight, to yourself may I remind you when you find you, you're all alone is when you've got to be strong cause that's when they call you, in the night he's got your picture in his mind he's got your number on a paper at his disposal anytime is it really true could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you so many times we just give it away, to someone who someone who you met in bar the back of a car and for a moment you felt important but not in your heart my self esteem, it's been low, go ahead and count it's been lower than low i know the feeling of it stealing life out from under me i want to learn, how you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you so many times we just give it away to someone who, couldn't even remember your name could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you, loves me for me give it away to someone who someone who will cherish your name cause I want to learn, can you save yourself for someone who will love you for you so many times we just give it away, someone who, couldn't even remember your name you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you, loves me for me give it away to someone who, someone who will cherish your name cherish your name

 

liz - February 23

the second part of what i just sent, after i said "god bless," is the lyrics to "save yourself."

 

CeeCee - April 15

Well im 13 too. Me and my boyfriend has been dating for 7 months now. I mean i love him and sometimes when im around my girls me and my best friend has this friend who have had s_x and she is in tha 8th grade. I mean i be thinking about having s_x too. I know how it feel's. Its like you wanna do it because everybody else is diong it but I;m still a virgin and plain on being 1 so if my boyfriend cant handle that then F**Him lol no offense. and she should tell him that she isnt readyyy and if he dosent accept that then hey he isnt good for her. My boyfriend will ask me when can we do it i tell him when im ready and he be like okay he will wait. She is too young anywayz and yes i heard it really hurts. Talk to her or even talk to her boyfriend. Losing ur Virginity is a BIG THING like a x-mas gift. She should wait because "losing it is like a special gift that your giving away to a special person".

 

Lily - April 16

I agree with Liz. Sarah you need to tell this friend exactly how you feel, and exactly what you think the consquences of her actions could be. If she still insists...and as embarra__sing as it could be ask her to think about telling her boyfriend to use a condom. Even talk to her, about going on the pill. You're right to think it's a bad idea. Just remember it takes a lot of bravery to stand up to a bully, but it takes heart to stand up to your friends. Good Luck.

 

haha - April 18

well, she have her opinion on what to do in her life. in if she decide if she want to do it she is going to do it. but as a friend you should go to her in tell how you feel about the situation. but if she do it are not that is all on her so advise her all the down fall from it to make her see what you are coming from on what you are trying to tell her. so if she become pregnant on her decision let her feel gulity of not listen to you. so ever body got to live with they own mistake

 

Melissa - April 19

Sarah, I agree with Liz. Just tell your friend how you feel. I was in your friend's shoes except he wasn't going away, but afterward I regreted it. After we dated I found out he got some girl pregnant and he still tried coming to see me years later. Now I'm married to the greatest guy and I'm 6 weeks pregnant. I know your friend is young, but if she had s_x with this guy she would regret it and there's a great guy out there for her somewhere. Good Luck hope she takes your advice.

 

Gina - April 28

I had s_x at 13 too. I think it's no problem to have s_x at that age.

 

milika - May 9

At 13 she shouldnt even come close to loosing her virginty. And i hope that she doesnt. Beause most men out here are in it for one thing. And they can be in a relationship with u, and tell u things that u would want to here. Just so that they can get what they want from u. I seriously hope ur friend will not have s_x with him. And to me, it sounds like he really doesnt care about her virginty. Because a going away present isnt a good explanation into talking someone into loosing their virginity. She should even think about having s_x until she is atleast 18 or over. Just in case something happens and she is able to get a job. Because now days they barely take jobs at 16. But she should loose it to someone who truly cares about her. And she should wait way longer than 13 to loose it. Because once she finds that person she wont regret it.

 

THE REAL ANSWER - May 12

TO BE HONEST YOU CANT STOP HER BUT BE TRULY HONEST AND SPEAK YOUR HEART THE WAY YOU JUST DID. BUT HER CHOSE IS HER CHOSE AND YOU JUST BE THERE FOR HER OK. AND IF YOU ARE THAT WORRIED TELL HER PARENTS WHAT HE IS TRYING TO DO TO YOUR FRIEND. THIS IS TAKING A RISK ON THE TRUST IN YOUR FRIENDSHIO BUT IF YOU LOVE AND CARE ABOUT HER YOU WILL KNOW THE RIGHT THING TO DO, BEST OF LUCK SWEETIE. GOD BLESS.

 

Carri - May 18

Anyone who thinks s_x at 13 is still too young to be making that decision - take it from a 34 yr old who lost her virginity at 13. I don't know if there is anything you can do to talk her out of it but in future, it will ruin her. It will diminish her own self respect and her chances at a healthy relationship. What's worse is she won't even realize it until much later in life and she's going to have to come to terms with it. I know that some of you younger readers/ writers may disagree but I'd be curious to see how others closer to my age feel about the subject and what impact early s_xuality had on their lives.

 

emma - May 26

id tell her the consequences and really get on her case and if she took it upon her self to still do it whatever becoe her after that is her own folt just tell her i warned you and gave you all y heart and tie to tell you that and you obviously wanted to find out the hard way instead of taking the easy so for all im concerned like the used to say in the olden days who dont hear ust feel emma p.s i know it hard to say that to a gud mate but youll find in life soeties people just ave to be told and there will be times youll ave to walk away its hard but its the only way they learn believe me iv bin through it all.wish you the best.

 

jesse - May 26

hey i dont think she should do it. i was only 13 when i first did it then the next times was 16. and its nothing to mess around with. and if she does have it with him and he goes away she might miss if so much and want to do it more and more once you do it the first time you are like hooked on it. If you need more help on this my email is [email protected] Jesse

 

desire - August 25

sweetie its good that you've talked to ur freind but let her have her dissicion if she thinks its good to give it up that's her choice .she will soon will learn from her mistake but if he's pressuring her then ask if she's really ready to take there relationship that far or if they are really ready for the conciquences and repucutions of being s_xually active.

 

Jessica - September 6

You should tell her that she is not ready yet, this is a big thing to do. I know u love him but he is going away and he will fine other girls to do that. You keep your virginaty and urself untouched and just tell him that u love him and have a good life and cry later. I wish i can take back my insodent but it happen if he is leaving then he is not the right person find somone ur going to be with for a while and somone that is truthful, faithful, and loyal i know u dont want to hear this but loose it when u are married

 

Marie - September 6

I am 23 now. I lost my virginity at 13. I did it, just because it was the first guy I liked. He was 14, tall 6'1 very cute and all the girls wanted him. The s_x really sucked. It was not special, I should of waited for someone who loved me back. I never had anyone to tell me about how valuable giving yourself is. I wish I could of lost of with my Husband.I sure could of used your friendship in my days. Im glad that you are there for your friend I hope she can open her eyes and wait until she gets a little older to understand what s_x is really about.

 

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