I Want Another Baby My Husband Doesn T

41 Replies
Grandpa Viv - March 2

Sympathy! You are grieving a loss. Please try to find a way to let it go. I remember having the same feelings as your husband, worried about having a child still in college when I hit retirement age. It does not all end with the childcare.

 

SaneSally - August 9

I think we should all be grateful for the children we have—some people don't even get that! If you feel there's a hole in your life that your marriage or children doesn't fill, try volunteering to help others in need. And going behind your husband's back to get pregnant is LYING. Don't do this, it will hurt your marriage and it's a terrible thing to "oops" someone. We don't always get what we want but it's important to be grateful for what you have! Adopt, or foster children, or get a puppy! No one NEEDS another baby, you will not DIE without one.

 

hopesohigh07 - September 27

I'm 23 and i have a four year old daughter with my husband, and he has a 6 yr old son from a previous marriage that we dont ever see. I am the oldest of 8 children, form my mother, and my father has 2 more daughters from other relationships so i grew up with a big family and I always exprected to have at least 2 or 3 kids. I would be completely happy woth one more, but he won't even consider it. He even threatensthat he'll get a visectomy. I asked him why and he said "i just don't want any more kids, i allready have 2". I feel so angry towards him because we dont even see his son at all, and he may have a son but I don't! I cry alot about it, especially when several people clode to us are currently pregnant with baby #2, including my younger sister. I keep praying for god to either change his mind or to remove the desire from me, but It's just getting worse. I don't want to keep harra__sing him, but it kills me! I know i'm young, but I really want my daughter to be close in years to her sibling, plus If I have a baby right after my friends, our kids will still all be around the same age.. I don't know what more I can do, and my sadness and depression is only getting worse...

 

Eva2011 - November 9

I am 33yrs old and my husband is 42. We have 1 beautiful 2.5yrs old girl together. He has two older girls (15,20) from a previous marriage. Our relationship has been rocky at times. It has not been easy since our daughter was born. I think a lot of it is due to my low s_x drive which makes him feel unimportant. We recenly had a small scare when my period was one week late. He is now pushing for a vasectomy. He does not want another child. He says he would be to old when this child finally left home, we can't move to a bigger place anytime soon, our relationship isn't strong enough. Nothing I say seems to make a difference. My feelings don't matter. I just need to suck it up or make the decision to leave. I love my husband with all my heart but have never in my life felt more resentment or anger towards anyone. Why doesn't my feelings matter? I am grieving a child I was never pregnant with but now will never have. My future that I wanted more than anything is being destroyed. I am going through a sever amount of depression. I can't think of anything else. I am crying all the time and can't catch my breath. I am worried I will end up making my daughter upset as well. I don't know what to do.

 

mama07 - January 18

I am in this situation as well. My husband and I have 2 amazing daughters, 4 and 2, and I have been wanting another baby for awhile now. We discussed this last year and both agreed to having another in Dec/Jan 2012. It's been brought up again and now my husband has changed his mind. He says it's too stressful and he doesn't think he can handle another one. The fact of the matter is that we both agreed and now he changed his mind. It hurts me so much because for months I have been planning and looking forward to having another and he just rips it away like that and says sorry. Is that right??

 

Sam77 - April 11

I am surprise to see how many other women are in the same situation as I am, I have a beutiful healthy little girl who is 19 months, and I like many others, feel that I am destine to be a mommy to another little person. Besides my reasons for wanting another baby, I want it for my daughter, I don't want her to be an "only child" I want her to grow up with someone, and have a sibling to some day when my husband I are not around to have , and be an auntie to their children. My husband has Layed down the law, no more!! and what hurts, is that he is not willing to compromise, he always makes it about himself and how HE can't afford it and makes every excuse without sitting down and talking about it, it turns into a yelling match, I try to tell him if it is a money issue that I was willing to go back to work full time for my family, and he just says no you cant. I am angry and hurt and notice I am starting to feel resentment, he has taken away from me and my daughter.

 

kamia - April 27

Hello, I am new to this site but I was "happy" to see that I am not the only women experiencing this issue. I am a 39 years old with one child through IVF. I had one miscarriage 1st trimester, a placenta abrupt ion third trimester, and a still born before having my daughter who was 4lbs at birth with a host of health issues. Yet and still I knew I always wanted to be a mother and so I fought hard to be one. Well my husband has since pa__sed and I am about to wed again. I always knew I wanted to have another child despite my heartaches. So here I am now three months before my wedding and this man says he doesn't want more children. He has two from a previous relationship that he never sees (mother took out of country). I have found myself begging this man to have another, explaining I am not complete, I think about it everyday, heck I even hate looking at other pregnant women because I want one so bad. I'm at a lost because I am so angry, sad, hurt and frustrated that I want to just call the wedding off. I have compromised with him already on so many other things and all ask is for another child. It is so sad that we as women give our lives for family and yet in these situations we are at the mercy of a man to have something we so desire. Wow So to all the women who have posted I feel your pain.

 

theguy - May 2

Hello, I came across this site looking for answers to the same issue myself. However, here is the spin… I am the guy that’s causing my wife to go through the same issue the majority of you are describing. Now, before you take it out on me I want to say something. I love my wife very much. We have a 19mth old son which I also love. She now wants a second one and I don’t. She feels very much the same way you all have described and I feel awful because of it but I really don’t want any more kids. The reason I am writing in this forum is because I wanted to have an adult/unbiased discussion between the two sides and maybe we can all help each other rationalize this predicament. Ask/comment away…

 

Issa7 - September 5

I am in a similar situation. My husband and I have a beautiful little girl, 8 years old and I have wanted another baby for 2 years now. I am 30 years old and I feel like my best years to have a baby are going to waste.He clearly has stated that he only wants one child for several reasons: he is afraid we wont have a boy because he wants a boy only and that we wont be able to pay the hospital bill for the labor. I told him that we take care of things as they go and I do agree that having a child is expensive, but its a risk I am willing to take. It just makes me sad when he says that hes not having anymore. Its like he doesn't take my feelings into consideration. I want my daughter to have a sibling and grow up saying she is a sister. I have always dreamed about having my two kids. It seems like my dreams of having another baby are slowly disappearing. I am afraid that if I get pregnant he will be mad and regret it. I don't want him to regret his unborn child. I have told him that I will leave him if he doesn't try to have another baby and he doesn't believe me. I don't know what to do.

 

Sparkles0427 - November 20

Hi, I am in a bit of a different situation as many women in this site; My Husband wants "OUR" child and i do not want any more kids. We both have a child from a previous relationship. Mine is a 5 yr. old boy and he has an 8yr old girl. He is an awesome father and husband (we've been married less than a year); however, he is extremely upset at me because i told him I wasn't sure if i wanted any more kids or if i'd change my mind. he is giving me the silent treatment and i don't think that it is fair. I am being realistic here: kids are VERY expensive, require lots of attention, the stress and the pain one goes through is unbearable (specially bc i had a c-section), lack of sleep...i just can't go through that again. it's not like he has no children...I don't understand what the big deal is if i don't have another child. I have absolutely no desire in becoming a mother again and certainly DO NOT have the patience to raise another child (we've already talked about this). Please don't judge but give your honest opinion. Has any man been in this position? I don't want him to leave me or resent me but I also can't have another baby because he desires one. Thanks.

 

Sparkles0427 - November 20

Hi "THEGUY," I completely understand how you feel and if you do not want anymore kids she should not push the issue. Please read my post under "Sparkles0427" and give me your opinion as a man and see if it helps me a bit understand this whole situation. What would you do if she tells you she'll leave if you don't give her another child? that is one of my fears, however, i'll let time decide that. Thanks!

 

maggiemay2 - March 12

So I am in a weird way encouraged by all these posts about something that I struggle with daily. The desire to have another baby kills me. I like some of you married my husband later in life but we were both single...at age 30 and I was very clear being an only Child I did not want just 1 child...2 was okay, maybe even 3 but...1 was not an option for me...We got pregnant unexpectedly with our son 4 months after getting married and he was very unhappy about it... I thought it would change but honestly it wasn't until my son was almost 2 that he started to change...Now our son is the best thing that happened to him YET he says no more...we are too OLD now, I just turned 35 and I want 1 more and am so resentful and hurt by the fact that I feel lied to...He says we never got that time before our son was born to enjoy just being married but now we are too old. Financially we don't have a problem other than he is just selfish and would rather take 3 vacations that year or buy another new car versus allowing me to have a baby because they cost money. Like 'whathappened' he got me to marry him and then said No...I honestly dont' think he wanted any children and now we have our 4 year old and every time I push him to have another he gets Angry...I am not sure I can deal with this forever...I love my family but the bitterness and hurt it has placed on our marriage is so hard to move past...I have friends that can have 2, 3, or even 4 and make half of the money we make and do fine...It comes down to him being selfish on time and money. It is very hard to love a man who clearly manipulated you to get you to marry them and then just move on...which is what he tells me...The answer is No and I need to drop it. Plenty of other issues but just glad I am not alone since my friends don't have these issues with their husbands which makes it harder. I am hoping to give him another 5 months and then we are having a come to Jesus talk...I want to try to plan this one and hoping that if we plan it for the summer before our son starts school that will help...we can be off on Leave that summer so good bonding time and then only 1 kid in daycare for Cost, and 5.5 years apart is plenty...Going to try this approach and see!

 

Grandpa Viv - March 12

Maggie, can you sell him on the idea of pleasure in his old age - the pleasure of seeing his progeny prosper and give him the satisfaction of knowing that he is leaving something worthwhile behind? Our children are all that we are remembered by once we are gone. Selfish and superficial people are lucky to have any friends once retired. Without children you sit around and wonder what it was all about, what was the point of life.

 

Baby baby - July 3

Hi there. I know this is an old forum but am curious of the women desiring to have a second child and their husbands not being agreeable, what has happened in the years since? Have you found resolution? Are you still married? Happy? Resentful? How did you cope? I've been on a 2 year journey trying to have a second child. My husband was agreeable then abruptly changed his mind. He has now taken it to the second level and had a vesectomy. My heart is broken and I am having trouble dealing. I never imagined that I would want something so badly that I never met. It completely feels like I am mourning a death. I decided that my priority has to be the family I have and not the longing for the family I don't. That said the overwhelming sadness is beyond my ability to function at times. My poor daughter has found me in a heap crying more then once. If anyone has come out on the otherwise (either successfully or not) I'd really like to hear about your esoteric de.

 

Grandpa Viv - July 3

There are so many motivations for the "one more child" conflict that there cant's be a single good answer. A child together cements a relationship. There's the guy who likes the present relationship but is not confident enough to make it permanent with a child. There's the woman who does want to make it permanent with a child, and another who is content with the blended family and wants no additions because of the disruption to her lifestyle. Each has to come to a___lyze the depth of feeling of self and partner, the effect on the existing children, and reconcile to a mutual understanding or move on in a different direction. Counseling may help.

 

TrustedTruth - July 3

You all know exactly what the right answer is but you just don’t want to accept it, thus you write your story here and ask what to do in hopes of finding an answer that does not exist. 1) Suck it up. 2) Deal with it. 3) Move on. Your husband already gave you what you want, be happy with that and he may come around later in life. There are some women whose husbands NEVER give them any children, be grateful. Your man considers another baby heavily with logic and WITHOUT emotion. He has given clear decisive logic why not, (finances, timing, only wanted 1 or 2, etc) but you fail to provide anything other than emotional and illogical 'feelings' and 'desires' for more. "Empty hole in my stomach" come on, that's meaningless imagined emotion. This is where the dissonance occurs and he is correct because logical, rational thoughts and conclusions are always superior to irrational ones based on emotion. You need to work through not getting something you want. In a marriage, it takes TWO people to agree on something to obtain it. If one person does not agree to something, that something simply does not happen. A positive times a negative is ALWAYS a negative. That’s why you married him right? To share together in life experiences? If a husband wants a Lamborghini and a wife says ‘no’, there’s no Lamborghini to be got. Work through it. Resentment is wrong. Simply put, if you really, truly love your husband, you will accept his stance and not resent him. It does not matter if you say you did not want more kids and changed your mind or he said he wanted more kids and changed his mind, both people are allowed to change their minds, and both people have to come to a decision together and agree in order to do it.

 

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