Lack Of Intamacy Taking It S Toll

11 Replies
Heather - October 11

I am 32 weeks 3 days pregnant and my bf has had No s_xual interest in me ever since I started to show. He and I used to have a very avid s_x life and I would still like it to be that way. He says he thinks having s_x now is "weird" and that he could "hurt our daughter" but I've showed him several articles stating that he can't possibly. Now we havn't had ANY kind of s_xual relations in about a month and half and it has REALLY started to get to me. I feel unattractive, and recently thoughts of cheating on him have arisen. I love him with all my heart and normally I would NEVER think that way but his lack of interest in me is depressing me. I cry all the time and feel horrible. I've talked to him and told him how I feel and things still haven't changed. What can I do? I fear that I'm almost to the point of leaving him because he makes me feel so bad about myself and about my pregnant body. Please help me!!

 

... - October 14

so this is worth cheating and him possibly leaving? very sad, its not all about s_x

 

Heather - October 14

Did my post say lack of s_x taking it's toll....NO I DIDN'T. Intamacy is so much more than penetration...He wants nothing to do with me. How would that make you feel?

 

Me - October 14

I have had that same problem. What I did after crying to him and begging him which didn't work.... One morning when he was sleeping (naked of course) and had his morning "woody" he was cuddling me and it just progessed from there. I opened my legs and he just started moving slightly where I couldn't take it anymore and just guided him in. He woke up and we had awesome s_x and the intimacy was there too. Since then there hasn't been a lot of s_x but we have been closer. Some men find it difficult to get over the fears of hurting the baby. I had given him articles to read, and even asked at the ob while he was there. It was just a mental block for him, I think he understands now how important it is for us to still feel disired. Good luck to you. I know it may sound as if I forced him to, but really I didn't. If he didn't want to he would have stopped. Believe me I know my dh very well.

 

... - October 14

but still, is it worth cheating? if it is, go right ahead, just be prepared to be alone, and your post might as well have said that, "Now we havn't had ANY kind of s_xual relations in about a month and half and it has REALLY started to get to me." and that's just one of the many comments about s_x

 

Me - October 14

You just have to realize that some men are VERY apprehensive about hurting you. Even unjustified. He loves you and I am sure he is doing other things to try and please you. My dh started doing all the housework, laundry etc so I wouldn';t have to be burdened with it. I know he loves me. Don't cheat, it would be really bad. Just give him some time amd try and explain that you need the hugs and cuddles and kisses. He may understand.

 

K - October 14

Just to give you alittle light at the end of your tunnel .... my dh was the same way for BOTH my pregnancies. He wouldn't give me any type of intimacy either. But trust me, as soon as the baby is here you will be wanting him to leave you alone. I did the same thing as you. Showed him article after artilce but it still didn't sink in. It is something in their subconscious or something. I know this sounds horrible but if you are into it, watch a few "movies" with him. He will be sooo in the mood he will forget about his subconsious fears. Good luck. Don't give up on the relationship. IT DOES GET BETTER!!!! :-)

 

Jbear - October 17

My husband was like that during my second pregnancy. He wouldn't even cuddle or rub my back. I was really hurt and angry. Two weeks after my daughter was born, he was interested in me again. It was really strange, because when I was pregnant the first time, he was more interested in me than ever.

 

Annie B - November 11

Firstly, I am 35 weeks pregnant and going through exactly the same thing. You are not alone. I think there must be quite a few of us disillusioned pregnant women out there. My husband has not come near me nearly since I found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks. It has been hard too because this is our first year of marriage and I thought it would be full of loving. I have talked and explained how it is making me feel unloved, ugly and distant and although he feels terrible about it and cant explain why he is like this, it has changed nothing. But this being said, I will not give up trying. You talking of cheating is just your anger and shame on the person who focused only on those words. When someone feels rejected and undesirable you think bad things but it is only thoughts. I too do not so much need intercourse, although that is craved also, but all the rest of the intimacy that goes with it like kissing and touching and cuddling and have had so little of this. I have ended up feeling horrible about myself, and laying in bed at night crying and wondering if it is going to be even worse after the baby is born and half dreading the birth because I think it will be. But like I mentioned earlier, keep trying. As women, we always think pregnancy will be the most special, happiest, closest time of our relationship and get so disappointed when it isn't, especially as a lot of your friends tell you how it is for them. Í dont blame my husband as he cannot help his feelings, try not to blame yours, although I know this doesnt help you. So yes, I know exactly where you are coming from and all you can do is keep trying, be honest and letting him know how you feel and maybe things will change. Good luck!

 

Emmy - November 11

Unfortunately along with pregnancy comes a VERY different looking body. Pregnancy is something that not every man can understand as they can't go thru it. Think about if it were him? He suddenly has this huge belly, and you are constanly hearing about all the creepy things going on with his you know what... would you be really turned on? I know it can be tough but you have to see it from his point of view too. Plus I don't know many decent men that would be willing to have a 1 nighter with a woman who is 32 weeks pregnant. You've made it this far, only a few weeks longer.

 

m - November 15

this may sound strange but if he is apprehensive for whatever reason, you could try masturbation next to him in bed. guys usually find it quite a turn on, and it could slowly let him see you are still a woman who is very s_xual. i feel your pain, my husband is wonderful, but hormones what they are sometimes if he even looks at me funny or is not in the mood i feel awful!

 

Heather - November 16

No need for anymore replies. I moved out and got a vibrator so, I'm happy. Thanks for the advice anyway.

 

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