My Husband Doesn T Want To Have A Baby But I Do

471 Replies
artie - November 28

S_x is a part of a healthy marriage. Remember s_x does not have to result in pregnancy. So there are really two issues here. A0 Not haveing s_x and b) not wanting baby. Denying a prtner s_x is uinhealthy and ground enough to decide this is not a relationship worth salvageing. Couple that with your desire for a baby and his resitance and it doesn't seem like a healthy situation. Never force a man into having a baby, everyone will suffer.

 

c - December 2

I'm in the same boat as many of you, and I'm not handling it well at all. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and the baby date keeps getting moved back. He says ok to the newest plan of going off BC pills in March, and he says he wants a baby with me but... Anytime I mention a baby or baby item, he rolls his eyes and wants me to shut up. I am desperate to have a child and have been for a long time (longer than he knows), however I don't want to go through a pregnancy alone or with a guy who's not interested or excited about it all. I'm not going to trick him or divorce him, but my question is how long am I going to have to wait for a husband who shares my enthusiasm and really WANTS a baby?

 

Kate - December 5

It is really hard, I sympathise with all of you. My date keeps getting pushed back aswell, now it's "next year" and whenever I mention how great it will be, he brushes it off and changes the subject :~(

 

PTjen - December 21

I just want to say thank you for all of you who have posted on this thread. I found this site by doing a silly google search for "how to find a husband who wants to have a baby". and that search led me to find that I am not alone. I still don't have any answers, I'm not even married. I divorced my husband 5 years ago because he did not want to have kids, and that has not gotten me any closer to having children.........Now I am living with my boyfriend who is a Peter Pan, delaying responsibility as long as possible and he is afraid he wouldn't be a good father (perhaps he's right). I feel alot of self doubt, like maybe it just isn't meant to be. But d__n this clock and these hormones, the urge to procreate is driving me crazy! Thanks for listening.

 

Charlotte - December 21

See if he wants a baby ever. Talk to him about it.

 

ann - December 21

I don't understand why it is so hard for so many men to decide if they are ready to have a baby. I understand that it is a life changing event but why are they so scared. I have been wanting to have a baby for over a year. My husband did then he got scared and we decieded to wait. I am waiting for him to tell me when he is ready.... but what about me? It is really sad because I am longing to have a baby and he is dosent understand how I feel. So many women are having babies everyday and I want one so bad. I want to be a mommy. The feeling is so natural to us women and when our husband's say "not now" it hurts. Why? Why can't they just feel more like us on this subject? It gets more depressing each day.

 

Charlotte - December 22

Hi ann I think you should tell him how you feel today and that you really want kids. To ann's husband if you are reading this Your wife really want kids. So why don't you give her what she wants?

 

mars - December 22

hi, i just want to say THANK YOU to all of you for your honesty. i found these posts by googling "i want children but my husband does not" because i too am in the same boat. i am turning 35 in a few months and i want a baby so bad. my best friend is pregnant and i'm so happy for her. but my husband doesn't want kids, and it's really hard to talk to him about it. we orginally said we wouldn't have kids but things change. i am longing to have a child with him. i am afraid of losing him and we've been together for 13 years! i don't know how to convince him to change his mind. if he doesn't, what then? who is right? how can i leave my husband of 13 years? this is very hard and i cry often at the thought of never having children. my husband thinks he will never get to do anything in life if he have a child, that it would drain us financially etc.. it is very depression.. best of luck to all of you

 

Charlotte - December 23

Talk to him mars and she if you can't change his mind. Or you might have to leave him. anaonmy if he never wants a baby and you want one really bad i'm sorry to say but i think you'll have to leave him or try to change his mind. Even if you love him lots.

 

Sarah - December 27

I've only recently started looking on the web about this topic, and am amazed by how many others have the same issues! I was another who, before we got married, agreed with my husband that we wouldn't have children. I'd never had a maternal urge in my life. HOWEVER... three years down the track, I'm now 31 (he's 37) and I feel obsessed by the need to have a child. My husband is seriously non-plussed. We've had a few discussions, during which he's started by being absolutely dead against it to saying that he is beginning to see my point of view and just needs time to adjust. Then, after giving him several months to "think about it", I brought it up again, and he still shot me down completely, but then again indicated that he may be able to reconcile to my point of view in the future. I'm beginning to suspect that this may be a delaying tactic, and that he thinks my maternal urges may subside as suddenly as they sprung up! Is this a likely possibility? I feel quite guilty on one level, as I know that this is a major life decision and that it is ME who has shifted the goalposts. However, I am also beginning to feel a bit manipulated, as I am trying so hard to be upfront about how I am feeling and not to pressure him into a fast decision and yet he said that he's considered having a vasectomy to make a pregnancy impossible! I think that part of his att_tude is intransigence for the sake of it. During our last discussion, we did address the "worst case scenario" that if we can't reach some sort of compromise, the only option may be to separate from a relationship which is otherwise successful. What I want to ask is just how central is this issue to the ongoing success of a relationship. Obviously it is very subjective, but does anyone have any first or second hand experience of how people feel in the aftermath of a decision one way or the other (aside from the "happily ever after" option of the partner / husband coming round and a baby on the way). If I stay and accept that I will never have the child I yearn for, will I ever be truly happy in the relationship anyway? If I leave and have a child outside the relationship, what is the likelihood of regrets? I just feel so confused...

 

Suzy - December 27

I have been married 3 years and I have never wanted children until a couple of months ago when it hit me like a ton of bricks, I cant stop thinking about it. My husband and I decided we didnt want any kids and he still doesnt. I am 29, he is 34. He just says that I knew that he didnt want any when we got married, which I did! So I dont know what I shall do!!!

 

mars - December 27

hi sarah, wow i can totally relate to your post! (see my post above yours) the motherhood urge is so strong, i am longing to have a child. my husband is so worried and not thrilled with the idea. he doesn't like talking about it. i don't know what to do. he said yesterday "well you made this decision kinda late" (referring to my age which is 34) and i said "i have a few good years left" but he is worried that we aren't ready financially.. but i am worried about waiting much longer. i hope he doesn't try to wait me out, thinking i will simply not feel this way anymore. i don't think men really understand this need to be a mother. how could they? and sarah i agree with you, i can't fathom seperating from my husband of 13 years. i can't force him to want a child, and he can't force me to NOT want a child. this leaves us in a very difficult and depression situation. i feel i may have to swallow my feelings if i want to stay with him. but i am worried what this will do to me emotionally down the road. i too am very confused. and the clock will not stop ticking..... feel free to email me at [email protected] if you wanna chat or whatever.. best of luck to you!

 

hurt - December 27

I have been coming to this page for a while and I am no closer to having a baby. Two of my friends have recently announced that they are having babies and my cousin is having a baby within a couple of weeks. My sister recently had a baby. My husband believes that I only want children because of my family and friends have babies. I cannot convince him that I have a natural urge to have children. My husband has a son. We have been married 9 years and he is 9 years older than me. I am 28 and t ime is ticking away. I too find it difficult to leave my husband. I think about it but I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!! I am so depressed and sad. I do not know what to do. Why is it so hard for us? I just want to have a baby!!!

 

helpme! - January 2

I wanted to respond....I posted back in early November (look above to see post). My husband had sat me down and said he didn't want kids anymore - ever. It was a rough November but somehow miraculously before Thanksgiving he realized he was just going through a rough patch and freaked out. He realized that he wants kids and always has wanted kids and we are now trying. I'm not telling you this to rub it in your face...but maybe to help. Give him some space. That is what I had to do. Don't do the ultimatums - it only makes them more angry and makes them back away. Give them some space, set a date in your head and if he hasn't come around by then - then maybe you need to do something. It's a tough game...I'm having a hard time now because I'm still working through all of this on my own on the "why did you do this" and "will you do this again?" - I don't think I'll feel totally secure until I am pregnant. Keep your chin up though ladies! Men can come around!

 

wisdom -DONT TELL HIM - January 3

Women have WOMAN-TIME BODY and MOTHERHOOD mind, men don't. A man stays with a woman only becouse of love...with or without children.(unfortunatly love doesn't last forever) A man will support your children (there are laws for that) married or not married. There are not longer commited man with old traditional values. My husband has a fast food culture (in all aspects). So, you woman..stand for your nature, and your wife's right to have family, much more if he is cheating, manipulating or conditioning or playing with your time-line. You don't have to divorce to get pregnant...take your decition ONLY after you have your baby..As long as your baby has a loving mother, you can find in your way another man that can love you with your children (and you won't have the line-time over you). Don't tell him your plans (he doesn't tell you all his own..does he?)...use WISDOM: After 1 year of crying evry month for a baby I decided one day to tell him I will find a job in another city (almost divorce)..Then he told me that he agreed in have a baby. I WAS SO HAPPY. So, he bought the pregnancy calendar to have it every day active in the computer. I gave him all my dates to have it very accurate. After a week he regret and told me not to have babies (hundred of exuses) ..So, he was chequing every day the calendar to avoid the 10 days of ovulation. I felt really CONTROLED AND CHEATED!!. I shut up. First i said that condoms were giving me allergies. So, he was pulling out during the period the calendar says, and inside in the other days. However, one month my perior was earlier for 4 days (he didn't realised it) and I decided to keep it for me. In the days the calendar says I was supposed to have my period, I avoid s_x , so he was sure I was having the peirod. Next month I decided to move three days more (having an argument on the days of my period so he won't try to have s_x) and keeping my sanitaries for the days I wanted him to think I was having my period. So, since then, every month I am having natural intercouser during my ovulation (and he withdrawals or avoids it the days his calendar says). I think I am pregnant now, but i won't tell him until two month more so I can live my pregnancy very happy. I used his wepon against him. I am not cheating more than he was cheating on me. I am not using him more than he has been using my body... If he loves me he will stay..with or without children...I AM 39, and my first marriage. He was divorced, has two children and told me he loves me but that OUR MARRIAGE IS A SECOND CLASS ONE ....Do you find it fair? The first right to have a baby is upon a woman. God gave some woman the gifht of motherhood..men are not God to decide for you!! .. I wish you luck, and some wisdom. Now, I am really happy. I was scare of a future...now I don't.

 

Bunnie - January 15

Leave him. If he wanted children with you, you'd be pregnant. Are you sure he even wants to be married to you?

 

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