Boyfriend Is Freaking Out

13 Replies
Dolly - May 14

I recently found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend tonight and he freaked out. He blamed me saying he can't believe he trusted me. I was on birth control, and I don't think I missed any but I did have to change brands cause they discontinued my old brand, don't know if that's the reason. Anyway he told me that the only way I can prove I didn't do it on purpose is to get an abortion. He told me that if I go through with the pregnancy then we are through and he will resent me forever. I am not surprised that he freaked out because I did when I found out, I certainly wasn't expecting this to happen now. I had always planned to be married and then try for children. However I didn't think he would say the things he said. I feel so hurt right now. I don't know what to do. I do not want to have an abortion. I haven't told my parents yet and I'm scared to tell them cause I'm not married, but I am old enough to be responsible for my actions(I'm 29). Has anyone else had such a hurtful response from their boyfriend? Did he calm down and change his mind?

 

strix-aliana - May 14

oh that's so harsh. if you want this child, you should have it. i'm not against abortion but i could never kill my OWN child, you know? like i just couldn't. you do what YOU think is right. i've never been in your situation, but everyone is different. maybe he'll come around? why is he so against the idea of having a child with you? are you two just starting to date???

 

Dolly - May 14

No, we have been dating for a while.Things have been going well, or so I thought. I don't want an abortion and I don't intend to have one. I just can't believe he react this badly. It's so hurtful. I'm hoping he will calm down and realize it's not the end of the world. But I'm scared that he will just be mean to me and never get over it. This is all so overwhelming.

 

kalokairi - May 14

wow. thats terrible. im so sorry he reacted that way. hopefully he comes around but if not, thats ok too. what are his plans for the future? did he even have any?

 

Dolly - May 15

He said that he swore he would never have a child unless he was married. Guess that means he didn't see marriage in our future. I can barely even think right now. I almost feel numb, except it hurts too much.

 

strix-aliana - May 15

i'm so sorry to hear that. you should ask him how he feels about you and if he wants to be a part of you and your unborn child's life. don't beat around the bush, just get straight to it.

 

kalokairi - May 15

listen life is what happens while youre busy making plans, the sooner he realizes this the better off hell be. im sorry you are going to have drama while youre pregnant. i hope it doesnt last :)

 

Dolly - May 15

He told me that if I go through with the pregnancy then he will leave and resent me forever. His actual words! I don't know if he will come around or not. I suppose I should just accept that he may choose to walk out on us. Too bad for him, he will miss out on his child then.

 

Naomi98 - May 15

Dolly, so sorry to hear about your situation - it's sad that your boyfriend reacted that way. Guys can be weird - they can also be dumb. Sounds like he's in shock about the whole thing so don't write him off just yet. There may be hope that he'll come around but best let him do that on his own. My best friend's boyfriend had a similar reaction - the first time he felt the baby kick he changed completely :-) Since then he's been an amazing father. If he does decide to stay, just make sure it's for YOU and not for the baby - that does nobody any favours. If he leaves, well that is his HUGE loss. Geez, not easy hun, good luck to you.

 

Teddyfinch - May 15

wow dolly i'm sorry you're going through this. unfortunately, there are a lot of women (not too many, but more than i guess we'd think) that can get pregnant on the pill and i mean what are you supposed to do? no one can really know who's going to be fertile through it. unfortunately with your boyfriend acting the way he does, you can't really put any hope into him even if he seems to come around, which they all seem to do at some point. act like they care about what's going on with you and then try to sweetly get you to understand why they think abortion is best. but if you don't want it, you stick to your guns and don't give in to him. he's not the one carrying it. and if his opinion is that he never wants to have kids until marriage, then he should have taken the initiative himself and always worn a condom because condoms plus birth control pills is safer than relying on one. so it's his fault he didn't use a condom. you couldn't help that your pill failed.

 

Dolly - May 15

Well I am going to tell him that when the baby is born he can sign over all his rights and be done with it. I will not let him bully me into an abortion to 'prove' anything. I refuse to have a strained shared custody with a man who blames me and says he will resent me. I'm not a 15 year old child, I'm an adult. I don't need a man to raise my child, especially a man who could ever treat me this way. You find out who people truly are when these difficult situations come up. I guess I learned that he is not the person I fell in love with.

 

BrendaW - May 15

Dolly my soon to be husband is the same way. When something happens he totally freaks out then calms down and THEN we can talk about it. I am sure if i found out i was pregnant he would react the same way. Just give him time and if he doesnt come around so be it though i know that is easier said than done. And good for you to not let him bully you. And no matter what if that is just the kind of person he is that cant handle things like that it still doesnt make it right for him to say things like that to you

 

Dolly - May 17

Well my boyfriend calmed down a bit. He still dumped me, but says that he will be there for the baby. He says he can't be in a relationship if he has doubts(he still thinks I did it on purpose to trap him). So now I am all alone, and he is telling everyone that I am some horrible person who did this 'to' him. He's an idiot. I can't believe he is the same person. Thanks to all who were kind and supportive.

 

breezieb - May 17

Dolly- You are right it is times like this that show a persons true charecter. Any one can handle the easy times. It is the hard times and your reaction to them that show your mentality and maturity level. Yes it was shocking for him - I understand that- but he projected his fear/anger/etc. on you -at you! that is not a good sign..that shows that in uncontrolable/unpleasent situations ( which life is full of,espeically with a baby) he will handle in the same manner. The situation might change, but the way he handles things don't......unless HE realizes this for him self to be actions that need to be addressed with in himsef. Fourtunatly, through these big/ hard expeirences, people have the most potential to grow! I am not saying he will or not, that is his choice. YOU also had to choose how to handle a incredably shocking and horrible situation, and that was HIS REACTION. you could have given in to him, you could have reacted in alot of bad ways...but YOU decided to pull from your inner strength and stand up. Thats great!! Like I said before you grow the most as a result to diffacult situations...you seem to be growing in a strong direction ...don't let him hold you back. Hopefully he to will grow to. Regardless....enjoy your pregnancy. Imagene feeling the first kick - When you meet your little one for the first time! I promise it will all be worth it !!! When I go through life changing moments I like to read -The Phases of Human Metamorphosis- by Martha Beck. Google it - its not long and it really makes sense. Good luck!

 

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