Do I Tell My Ex

4 Replies
Amanda - July 11

I slept with an ex who I still care alot about. His feelings for me are the same except he isn't ready for a relationship. I thought I was pregnant but couldn't get a test to tell me so. I went to the doctor and after an exam and other stuff, she thinks I had a miscarriage. I know in my heart and body that I did too. Women just know those things. Question is: Do I tell my ex without really any proof? Not to get him back or anything, but I feel that he has the right to know. Would you? If so, how do I address it? I am extremely bothered by this. I fear that if I don't tell him now, he will find out by someone else and be mad that I never told him. What do you think. Honestly?

 

Tulip - July 11

Amanda, I wouldn't tell him. You need to make sure that all of his feelings toward you are genuine. Giving him this news might make him feel like he needs to be more available to you, even if that isn't what he really wants. It could really confuse things. On the other hand, if he is one of your main support people and you need someone to lean on, go ahead but don't mistake his support for his wanting to be with you. Good luck.

 

hi - July 11

I don't know...I'm not sure it's a great idea to tell him. You say, he isn't ready for a relationship. Well, if you tell him you might've gotten pregnant, that basically says to him, you very nearly tied him down for good. And you say, that's not at all what he wants. So, while you might hope it brings you closer, it could actually drive him away. He could be freaking out at the thought, of getting together with you again, if there's a chance of you getting pregnant again. So, it depends, if you want to take that risk. But...I'm not saying, deceive a partner, and hide pregnancy from him. But in your case, you really can't be sure if you were pregnant or not. You are not hiding a m/c, you do not know because your tests were all negatives. Your doctor says, maybe but even your doctor doesn't know. In fact you'll never know for sure. That's why I think, there's no point in going to him. You'd have to say, 'maybe I was pregnant'...but do you really think he'll understand? You are probably in pain, but he will just be relieved...and that is not so nice, for you, who is still suffering. I really feel for you, because I'm sure you still like the guy. Who knows..maybe it'll happen one day...best wishes....

 

Grandpa Viv - July 12

In my opinion you should mention it lightheartedly next time you are together, maybe in the context of "Whew, that was a close one. What would we have done if it had stuck?" It will give him reason to sharpen his birth control skills, reason to respect you for not making an issue out of it, and will give you both an opportunity to discuss the relationship in greater detail. Good luck!

 

hi - July 12

I think he has a right to know. If he cares for you, he may grieve that he lost a child, at the same time, if u r both suppose to care for each other and he finds out from someone else, it may make him think negative about u. On the other hand, if it upsets him that u were preg and he is glad u lost the baby, then it may be God's way of preventing u and ur baby from going thru the drama of dealing with him feeling like u trapped him. There is a reason for all things ( the good and the bad ). Go with what ur mind is telling u to do and if it pushes him away, then know that u deserve better anyway. We as women need to learn to love ourselves and stop holding our feelings in depressing ourselves just to accomodate men. One more thing, about him not being ready for a relationship, that's his way of keeping u hanging on while he is able to explore other possibilities.

 

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