Feelling Guilty

7 Replies
Guilty - March 7

Okay...here it goes. I have a wonderful DH and three beautiful children. I would like to have another, but my DH says lets enjoy our life now that the kids are older (12, 10, 7). I really wouldlike to have another. Am I being horrible or selfish for trying to pregnant, when DH doesn't want to. Please any advice would be great. I am feeling so guilty.

 

chriss - March 7

Dear Guilty. Before you do anything rash, please consider the consequences of your actions. If you go against your husband and get pregnant when he doesn't want another child, you may seriously strain your relationship. Is it worth it, you already have three wonderful children?? I know women who have done this, and maybe this won't happen to you, but they are now single mothers. Just my opinion.

 

E - March 7

If you are secretly trying to get pregnant against his wishes (as you are indicating), than I feel that is awful and selfish. I only say this b/c you asked that exact question. Forcing someone to become a parent again, when they do not want to, is wrong. You are defying his trust in you. Marriage should be based on trust. Without that, what do you have? What can you say about your marriage, and about you as a person when you are decieving your own husband? It is one thing to tell him you refuse to use birth control, as he can make decisions accordingly, but to not use birth control when he believes that you are, is a totally different bag of marbles. I wish you strenght right now. Please do what is right and TALK with hubby about this further. He deserves that much from you. HUGS!!

 

Guilty - March 7

We always wanted four,but the timing wasn't right after my youngest. Now he feels we should just enjoy life. He said it wouldn't be the end of the world if it did happen. I just feel guilty for planning and getting pregnant. We've been together for 20 years (14 married). Fianancially and emotionally we could do it. He just feels that it's too much of an age between the children. I would love to have another baby in the house. Any advice

 

E - March 7

Talk with him. That is my only advice. Be honest. He changed his mind after giving you 3 wonderful children. Is that so awful? I can totally understand why he might need a break more than you need another baby. People get tired and cannot always know the exact number of children that they are able/willing to raise, years prior to having them. If you are holding him to a number rather than listening to what he feels, I am sorry for that.

 

Guilty - March 7

It's not the number that I am holding on to. It's just that I would love to have another child. Thanks so much for your advice. I will talk to him about it. I'm not feeling so guilty now. Again...ThankYou.

 

E - March 7

I wish you the best:)

 

Sad girl - March 7

Hi guilty, i know what ur going thru , because i have 2 kids and would love another.I have posted something similar to urs.I feel for u, talk is all u can do , but i know he is probably not gonna change his mind.I did, and it's a No N-O.I'm sad about it depressed and i hate him now.I feel let down and angry at him.Nagging him won't change a thing either.Just take it easy if u can.Since he says it wouldn't be the end of the world, just take one step at a time ( let him know ur not using BCP and watch his reaction etc..) and maybe , just MAYBE he will come around.Good luck to u .But don't go behind his back u will regret it later.

 

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