Horrible Person Needing Advice

29 Replies
usually faithful - August 9

First - I am married to a real a--hole. (not that that makes it ok) but I cheated after being cheated on numerous times. I am totally in love with the other man. My last period was 7/12 so ovulation was around the 26th. I had to do the deed w/ hubby on 25th then unexpectedly made love to the other man the 26th ( i have never done this before - EVER) it never crossed my mind about ovulating during either episode. i am 28 days always on time AF didn't visit yesterday. Thinking about it now I slept almost all weekend which isn't normal for me. Is it possible i am pregnant. please give me advice before I freak totally out

 

S - August 9

Hey don't beat yourself up...we all make mistakes. I'm not one to judge, so I won't, but it sounds to me that it is possible that you are. I would take a test around friday if you haven't gotten it by then. If it is positive a doctor may be able to narrow it down to who's child it is...it may be difficult seeing as though they were a day apart, but a doctor would be better to give that kind of advice. I wish you the best of luck. If you are pregnant, all that matters is that you have a happy healthy baby, and a HAPPY healthy you!!

 

u.f. - August 9

thanks for the response -- just feeling guilty since there are two families involved. I don't want to mke anyone feel trapped if you know what i mean

 

S - August 9

Hey, I totally understand, but what happens, happens. I hope everything works out the way you want regardless of what it is. I imagine someone will get hurt inevitably, especially if the other guy loves you too, but it will be alright. If you need to vent...do so. i'd be interested in hearing what transpires from this if you don't mind sharing when you know a bit more:) good luck hun!!

 

Chriss - August 9

u.f. I totally agree with S, you situation is not for any of us to judge, we all do some pretty questionable things, so you're not alone in that regard. S. is also right about the possibility of being pregnant as well as determining who's child it might be. I hope that everything works out for you. Good luck!!

 

wow - August 9

need more S and Chriss types around. great posts ladies!

 

C. - August 9

I agree with the others, you could well be pregnant and it could really be either one of them. No u/s is going to be able to tell who is the father, because their timing is so close. I read on here, that you can do genetic testing before the baby is born, but I don't know anything about it. Does anybody else know? Anyway, the sooner you know if you really are pregnant, the better. Hope you can work things out. Can you confide about this to your lover, or do you have to work this out on your own?

 

understand - August 9

I agree with them both, it does sound as though u r preg. I totally understand how it feels to be cheated on by ur husband and u be totally faithful. It hurts and some how we find ourselves needing to feel like we exist and r capable of having someone show us love and attention. I too messed up the same way, but 2 wrongs didn't make a right. I told my hubsand what I did and we both forgave each other, not telling u this is what u should do, cause not all people are as forgiving and understanding. Some how ur going to have to do what is right and what is right may or maynot be staying with ur husband. I pray all goes well for you.

 

u.f. - August 9

thanks all.... still no sign of af i can totally talk to my lover about anything, he truly is my best friend and I do believe that if he wasn't married we would be together, He also already has 3 children with his wife. I never wanted to be the other women in anyones life considering it seems as though i've always had one in mine. I'm just trying not to be selfish and put all of our children first. i also have one child with my husband.... thanks for listening any advice from u ladies is greatly appreciated.... Is it wrong for me to want to be pregnant?

 

tab - August 9

well, who r we to judge? If u r preg and its his, he needs to know and ur child should know too. My sister was conceived the same way and she didn't find out that my dad wasn't her dad until she was 16 and she was devistated. My husband is dealing with the same thing from his mom. He totally looks like the man that says I am daddy and is nothing like the man he called father for 29 years. So, if u r preg, enjoy it and do what is best for ur baby.

 

caz - August 9

hey hun, i have to ask a couple of things, why are you still married? and you said HAD TO do the deed with hubby?, im not trying to be judging or anything i don't think what you did was right but i don't think it was wrong either if that makes sense! im just wondering why your still with hubby.

 

wow - August 9

maybe she will come back and answer questions, but she hasnt volunteered that info because maybe it's personal or she gave all that she wanted to. let's try to respect that.

 

uf - August 10

well for the record --- I am from a broken home I am (was--- before this happened) trying to do what is right for my son - he is 4 - We almost seperated when he was 3 - and he cried and cried even though I didn't explain it to him , he just knew that he and mommy were moving to a new house without daddy.... so both of us heart broken decided to give it another try. Things were ok for awhile but went back to the same old routines ... He even had a fling ( no s_x involved just touching, yea right!) with a girl 12 years younger than us. I'll just say that I am not 30 therefore she was a MINOR. Anyway that was the end of the love I had for him, I lost all trust and faith in what we had. so your answer is I am here for my son trying to make the best of it. Lonely looking for the love and affection every woman deserves. Please don't judge me, I know who I really have to answer to and that is the Lord above. I don't believe he is smiling down at me right now and I can only pray for forgiveness

 

KEEKEE - August 10

Honey, you shouldn't speak so negative about yourself. Mistakes happen and no one's perfect ......hey, was it good?......heeeheee....Just kidding!!!......You could be pregnant or stress is causing your period to be late. I would wait a few days and test. If pregnant, you may need a DNA test to find out whose the father is. Take care....Try not to stress and beat yourself you. It will only make things worst. Good Luck!!!!!

 

to uf - August 10

I know you want to try and stay together for your son's sake. But, seeing you so unhappy, is that best for your son? Please don't think I'm judging you. Everyone's situation is different. My parents stayed together for 17 years of fighting, drinking and being unhappy so they wouldn't upset us 4 kids. To tell you the truth we (the kids) were also unhappy. I didn't realize what was going on until I was around 10 or so. All I remember of my childhood is my parents fighting alot constantly, my dad getting drunk in bars staying out late everynight of the week. My mom crying herself to sleep. ect. When I was in my early teens I prayed to God they would get divorced so the fighting and crying would stop. I loved both my parents and still do today. They separated when I was 18 and my youngest brother was 10. It was the best thing that happened to our family. I just wish It would have happened sooner. I know your situation maybe different. But staying together for the children's sake is not always the best thing. It wasn't in our situation. Please don't think I'm judging you. I just wanted you to know what I went through as a child. Your husband will never change. I've been married for 10 years. I thought I could change my husband. He does't drink, cheat ect. but he runs with the guys all weekend long. They just go hunting, shoot guns and bows for target practice and shoot the bull. I have learned to accept this is my husband and I can't change him either I can live with it, fight him on it or leave. I choose to live with it. I am happy but would be happier if he spent his weekends with his family. Lots of luck with what happens. God works in mysterious ways. Whatever happens was ment to. Lots of Luck.

 

Chriss - August 10

uf, I am so sorry for your situation and please know that we are here for you if you would like to talk/vent. There are some people who may judge you, but you know in your heart what is right for you/your child and your friend/lover. I have so many comments that I could make about your husband and the MINOR, but I'd really rather not go there, since this is supposed to be a friendly site! LOL, so please just listen to your heart and to those who support you, not those who judge you!! Good luck and please keep us informed!!

 

caz - August 10

hey uf, im not judging you no way, it was just the way you worded it that made it sound like you were trapped, im from a broken home too my parents split when i was 3 to 4 ish, and yeah i cried, but i was happier in the long run, when your sons a bit older hes going to understand a lot more about whats going on, you cant shield him from it if hes living in the middle of it everyday, i know your trying to do the right thing by him and want him to have that stable family life, but i dont see how hes going to get that anyway, im not judging you at all, if anyone is in the wrong its your hubby not you, and i think your trying to please everybody but yourself, yeah you have made a mistake and your going to have to sort that out, but don't be so hard on yourself, i know you will want to put your son first but try atleast putting yourself somewhere near the top of the list, you are not a horrible person at all, and you shouldnt feel like you are, your bestfriend that could be the babys father is the person you should be talking to, atleast then he can be there for you, im sure he will understand that you are not trying to cause trouble but theres no reon why you should be so alone in all of this, good luck with everything

 

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