How To Deal With The Jealousy

26 Replies
DaBonkElsMe - February 23

So I recently have been trying to adopt a new att_tude. I have always been a positive peson in that I look on the bright side of things, but at home and with my close friends, I am a complainer. I don't not complain about big things, just little nit-picky type stuff, "I have a headache," Work sucks," I don't feel well," "My dh works too much..." stuff like that. I am trying very hard to change that aspect of myself and to be more outwordly positive and more inwardly peaceful. OK so how does this relate to TTC? Well, not getting pregnant when you want to makes you become a horribly jealous person. Inward peace is hard to acheive when I want what some other women seem to get so easily. I have two SILs that are "accidentally" pregnant and countless friends and co-workers. It is hard to beat down the green-eyed monster, but I have been learning to deal in a few different ways, and I thought I would share my ideas with you all. And I am hoping you have some ideas to share too for dealing with jealousy...

 

DaBonkElsMe - February 23

First of all, I am really happy for most of these women and i try to focus on that. Easier said than done - that's true, but it is possible. I try to talk to them instead of avoid them. I ask what they are most excited about and even though it hurts sometimes, most of the time their excitement is catchy and i find myself getting into their happy mind frame. At first, I was avoiding these women totally but now I find their happiness can be so contagious that I talk to them all of the time.

 

DaBonkElsMe - February 23

Buy stuff!!! I have already completely spoiled my new little neice or nephew and he/she isn't even here yet!! They're not finding out the s_x, so I am buying all of this gender non-specific stuff. It is so much fun to buy baby stuff! You can't be sad while walking through the cutest little things in the store! I mean, of course, you can be sad, I spent the last few month walking way around the beby sections of stores, but now I choose to be happy about it, and I head straight for the onesies and toys and shop like crazy! It feels really good to b uy that stuff. Sure I wish it was for me, but I can't do anything more about that then what I am already doing so I might as well not focus on the bad stuff.

 

DaBonkElsMe - February 23

Stop talking about it! I have found that the more I say, "I hate that Sara and Lisa are having babies and I am not" The more I feel it. So now when that thought creeps in - and of course it still does - I shift my focus and talk about something else, instead of talkinga bout that. It has made a difference b/c from Sep. until just last month, I think I said that line outloud 1000 times or more, and I was always depressed about. Now that my conversations are based more around what the baby will be like and what I am going to teach him or her, I feel happier most of the time.

 

DaBonkElsMe - February 23

Be glad you don't have to go through all of the pregnancy downers. My one SIL has gestational diabetes and is on a very strict diet. She is miserable about it. And even though I want to be PG, I am not looking forward to get so big and lugging around that extra weight! So whenever i feel myself getting jealous of someone's pregnancy, I remember how nice it feels to not be pregnant, and how much I am going to think about this pre-pregnancy body after the fact!

 

DaBonkElsMe - February 23

omg! I have turned this into my own personal blog! sorry didn't mean to do that! Anyone else have good ideas for staying positive around preggos?

 

DaBonkElsMe - February 23

Oh one more thing - I remind myself constantly, that I will have a baby one day too, And so in the long run this time of my life will be only a blip on the radar and I will barely remember how hard it was! My mom is living proof of that!

 

sososleepy - February 23

I am happy that I don't have any pg friends!!! There, gurr grump, I said something positive. I'm going back to complain about the 2ww now LOL. I blog here too. One day soon I'm going to print all the threads I posted in so that one day when I'm rational again I can cut and paste them into some order and review my madness. It isn't easy, is it?

 

jenn_ns - February 23

I sooooooo know where you're coming from, Barb! I went thru (and still am going thru) the same thing with my SIL. I did find that shopping for the new baby was good therapy! Also, picking up maternity t-shirts & tops for the mom-to-be and giving them to her, made me feel a lil' bit better, and she appreciated it too b/c she can't get out shopping so easily. Ohhhh... I so know where you're coming from...and I don't like it when I'm jealous. It's not my nature.... Thanks for sharing. Thank you so much!

 

DaBonkElsMe - February 23

Yay! That's the spirit! Maternity shirts is a great idea, I think I will do that tonight since i will see my SIL this weekend! I also help her think of names - I stear her far away from names I like!!!

 

stefkay - February 23

A friend of mine (not close, more like an acquaintance) is pregnant. Found out at about the same time as me and when I m/c she got very scared. She's doing fine and I decided to give her the maternity jeans that I bought (the were sooooo cute!) as I wouldn't have to see them any more and she really needs things and is low on cash. She was so happy and seeing that made me feel wonderful. I think she was worried that I was mad at her and I wasn't at all, just jealous of course. You can't totally get rid of jealousy. It happens and it's natural. Don't beat yourself up for feeling normal feelings, just don't let them rule you. :-) Take care, stef

 

resaboo - February 24

Hey ladies, ttc is long and tough road. One that I have went down for 9 years, well really since I was 18 and that is ummmm 11 years now. I have went through the angry, sad, and jealousy stage. The one stage that has always stayed is the jealousy. I have come to terms with my infertility but I still try, the doctors have basically told me it wil not happen but there is always a possibility and that is what I hang on to. I have many friends that have become preg in the past and I too was able to handle it better by being more involved but there is still the jealousy and what I have come to accept is that in some form it will always be there. But I have not given up hope, as long as there is a greater power above he will give me the strenght. I am not going to preach my faith or tell you that one day it will happen but I will tell you to keep hope cause when u give it up then what else will you have. Ladies keep your chin up for I personally know each one of your pains, I think we all can relate to that. Just like yourselves I too have found different ways to cope with my jealously but I will not let it take control of me cause the day I do is the day I give up hope. I wish everyone sucess in this very stressful times with ttc, this is one thing I do not wish on my true enemies.

 

Aliana - March 1

Hey, I completely understand this. You want to know what's even worse? This will be a long story, but worth it when you here it. One of my husband's coworkers was about to break up with his friggin annoying girlfriend when she "accidentally" got pg. Huh, wonder how that happened? Anyway, she makes constant comments about how she "can't stand it anymore" and just "wants the d__n thing out of her". And the guy only married her recently to keep her family happy. My husband and I want children dearly, lots of them, and yet we are being good and waiting. It really hurts too, when the only other women around you are yapping about this and that with their pregnancies. I wish I were, I want a child so badly, but I've got to be the responsible one. Its not fun, it will always make me jealous, and when at the end of this year every one of my husband's coworkers has a child, it will hurt even more. But there is one way to think of. While there are multiple girls pg right now, you may be the only one in your "group" so to speak, who is pg later on, giving you all the attention when you have the lil bean in you!!! You won't have to divide that attention with others! That's a very selfish way to look at it, but when you're already feeling jealous, sometimes it helps take that feeling away.

 

KeiraYvette - March 1

Alana my dhs best mate is in the same boat as your friend.. his girlfriend 'accidently' got pregnant... she has been clucky for ages and her two sisters 'accidently' fell pregnant, his sister than she did.... We have been TTC for a while now and it really bugs me that we planned our lives for the perfect time and now are having dramas... when ppl who struggle to make ends meet and dont have healthy relationships can have this happen... and what makes it worst she rubs it in big time, really drives me nuts... but Ive been looking at it in the same light as you, just think well if everyone is pregnant now.. when I do one day fall least I will probably be the only one.... helps u get through it... just think some ppl can be so thoughless and selfish when they know what your going through, but i just take it on board that, that is there issue not mine..

 

Aliana - March 2

Yeah, how selfish is it to get pg just to not break up? Especially when she doesn't even want a frigging kid. Well, hey, maybe we'll be pg at the same time in the future, who knows, right? Then we can be the annoying girls talking about our pg stuff....j/k

 

Aliana - March 2

Yeah, um, forgive me, but I must ask what some of the abbreviations on this site are....ttc? dh? I've been trying to guess, but it hasn't worked....

 

sososleepy - March 2

Aliana, ttc: trying to conceive, bd: baby dance, af: aunt flow as in period, O: ovulate, bbt: basal body temperature, dh: dear husband, opk: ovulation prediction kit that test for LH which is hormone that surges just before you O so testing for it tells you when to bd the most.

 

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