Keeli Can You Pass Along Some Expertise

4 Replies
jessieb - February 23

i have seen your posts that you are in the adoption process. my husband and i have been considering adoption since my second miscarriage last year. i was wondering if you could give me some advice?...can you tell me about the process? where do couples start? i live in texas, don't know if that is relevant... thanks in advance! i don't mind switching to personal email to discuss if that is okay with you. ~jessie

 

Keeli - February 23

Hi Jessie! I'll be happy to help as much as I can. Your first choice will have to be deciding where you want to adopt from. All countries have their own adoption policies. If you are going to adopt internationally, I would advise you to look at the web sites of agencies that service the country you are looking at, and look up the guidelines for adoption from that country. For example, I'm adopting from china and they only allow married couples between the ages of 30 and 50 to adopt. Each country will have their own rules. If you decide to adopt in the US, your second big decision will be to use an agency or do an independent adoption. There are public agencies, that are used to adopt children that belong to the State you live in, or there are private agencies that are used to set up open and closed adoption, where you adopt from the birth parents. With independant adoption (no agency involvement), there are several ways to go about it. There are websites where you post all of your information. The birth parents can then look on the site and pick you (or other listees) as the adoptive parents. You can ask around to friends, or you can send letters with attached "family resumes" out to everyone and anyone. If you live in a state that allows advertis____nt, you can advertise that you are looking to adopt in the local newspaper. Texas should have their own set of adoption rules. Most adoptions require a homestudy (independent adoptions may allow the homestudy to be done after the adoption, but most adoptions require this to be done upfront). Hiring a homestudy agency will help you in the long run because the social worker will guage how ready you are to adopt, a__sess your finances, and will know your State laws. So, to recap.. If you want to do an international adoption, the first thing to do would be to find a good agency that covers the country you wish to adopt from (there are lots of resources on the web for distinguishing a good agency from the others), and sign up with them. If you want to do a US agency adoption, the first thing to do is ask around your local community to find a reputable local adoption agency and sign up with them. If you want to do a US independedt adoption, while there are many ways to go about this, I would consult with an adoption lawyer first to find out the rules of the State, and the lawyer will also guide you in the proper steps to take. Hope that helps!! :o) If you decide on China let me know, I have LOTS of good info on that country, since that is where we are going.

 

jessieb - February 23

what are the benefits of international vs. domestic adoption, if any? is it just a personal choice? my husband and i are both 27, so china is out : ) when i was about ten years old, i told my mother that i when i had kids, i would adopt them. kinda eerie now. so these private agencies, they are a mediator between adoptive and birth parents. versus a public agency that has custody of the children already, am i understanding that right? if you don't mind me asking, where are you in the process,

 

Keeli - February 23

That's really cool! Growing up I always told people I wanted to adopt also! I guess that's why I was so willing to give up ttc after only a little over two years of trying. Yes, for US adoption, the private agencies are mediators between birth parents and adoptive parents. IMHO, the agencies are worth the money you pay them. They know the laws, they know how to go about finding a baby for you, they will in certain cases confront government agencies for you and guide you on how to confront the other government agencies. Sounds like you are understanding right. I believe the public agencies mostly have older children available, though there are some babies. I have just finished all the paperwork (it was an 8 month process) for my adoption. Now I'll be waiting for two years. The nice thing about international adoption is that the process is more streamlined. The babies mostly come from orphanages (though I know Guatamala was adopting directly from birth parents), so once your paperwork is in, you just wait your turn. In the US, there seems to be a lot more red tape around adoption and the laws are more about the birth parents rights than the adoptive parents. Many US adoptive parents have had adoptive parents back out after the birth (I think the adoption is not final until several days after the birth). Any money spent on that adoption is lost. I am very afraid of being promised a baby and then having the birth parent turn around and take him/her away. That was our main reason for going international. All we do now is stand in line until its our turn. I've heard Vietnam adoption is very reasonable price wise, and adoptions can happen within one year of finishing the paperwork. If I had known that before, I probably would have went there than China - but what the heck, I'm in line now! :o)

 

jessieb - February 23

8 months of paperwork? golly, my hubby and i are starting a business and getting a SBA loan. that paperwork only took two! : ) i am sure that starting a business makes it a lousy time to start this whole adoption process.. we are going to be financially rocky for a bit. everywhere will consider that won't they? that is what worried me the most.... i have been ttc for 11 months, post miscarriage number 2. we have decided that we will go forward with adoption instead of fertility treatments. i just don't know when to start pursuing it. i guess i should wait till the fall and see how business is going? what do you think?

 

ADD A COMMENT:


You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!


Already a member?
Please login below.





Forgot your password?
Need Help?