Please HELP Im So Scared

13 Replies
may - February 22

ive been posting on here before worrying that i may be pg....and, well...now i am. im only 19 and my bf and i have been together for two years, but its been kind of rocky for the last few months and i was actually just about to try and break it off and see how it goes. now its too late. great timing huh? its not that i dont love him - i do, its just that our plans for the future totally dont match up and he's not willing to compromise. i dont think i'd be living the life that would really make me happy. what do i do?? i havent told him of the pregnancy yet, i just found out this morning. im really really scared because i know that my life will never be the same again, i'll never be able to have the life i've always assumed i'd have. part of me wants to abort and break up and move on...but i know that wont really fix the problem - i'll have to live with that knowledge the rest of my life. i guess i'm just scared that i let down myself and everyone else who cares about me...i dont know what i should do. does anyone PLEASE have any advice?!

 

may - February 22

do i stay with my bf and hope things work out okay? we've talked before about what we'd do if this happened, and he said he'd want to get married. he would probably be thrilled about this pregnancy...he's always talking about how he's so ready to start a family and everything...I'M the one who isnt. i dont know if i should stay with him now and try and make things work - get married and everything...or if i should still break it off and try and make it on my own. i'm soo nervous and mixed up inside now. that positive test really turned my world upside down

 

j. - February 22

it's amazing how someone's bfp can turn them upside down when there are tons and i mean tons of women who have posted threads on this site desperately waiting for their chance of seeing hat bfp. May, I believe that you're gonna do what you want to do regardles of what these ladies say to you. Just follow your heart and do what you feel is best. Not everyone on here will agree with any choice you make. Good luck to you and I wish you well....

 

Lin - February 22

You should not stay with the wrong persion because of a child, and marrying the wrong man is especially a bad idea. Go with your first instincts about him. Abortion is a huge decision, so before you make such a move, make absolutely positively sure that you're ok with it. The last thing you want is regrets. That said, it is the right move for some women, but it is not one to be taken lightly. I know many who are glad they made that decision, despite how many people here would tell you otherwise. Don't decide anything right away. Take some time to think about it. Good luck to you!

 

Alexis - February 22

j - thank you, i appreciate your honesty...and yes, its probably true that i will end up doing what i think is right in the end, but right now i honestly dont know what i should do. i dont know what i think is right. any advice i can get right now would help me, maybe there's something i haven't thought of. all i'm asking is to hear some other people's thoughts - not for someone to make the decision for me.

 

may - February 22

i'm afraid that i wont be able to make it on my own - the thought of going through it all alone is really scary...i admire the women who do it every day so much - i dont know where they find the strength. thank you for you advice lin....i will not make any decisions too soon.

 

buffy2297 - February 22

Having a baby is a huge responsibilty and will undoubtably change your life forever. This decisionis ultimately one you will have to make but remember it takes two to make a baby and although you have concerns re your bf he has a right to know what ever your decision. Abortionis an option but as yousaid you will have to live with your decision. There is also adoption. There are hundreds of beautiful and deserving people/couples out there that desperately want children and can't and want to adopt. This is a harder option because it takes courage to give up a baby. Having a baby is a life time commitment and whilst I don't agree with abortion this is your life and nobody will think bad of you for it. Also babies are lovely and cute when they arrive and a bit of a novelty. But they turn into kids that will sometimes make you awant to pull your hair out and the novelty will not last and eventually reality will strike. Trust me children are really hard work and will change your life forever. for some people this a change they want for somebody as young as you, who knows? Just take time to think it is early days and your emotions will be high because of the pregnancy. I wish you luck in you decision but you should never stay with somebody because of a child.

 

jeanette - February 22

Ok, here's my thoughts.....are you alexis or May? or both? At any rate, I believe the first order of business is to talk to the would-be father first, since it is his child also and he has the right to be involved in the decision making process. Any other advice I have would be to accept this little blessing to your life and try as best as you can to give it a good life, thats the most any of us can do...me included, as my first was unexpected and I wasnt ready at 20 yrs old....and I found out after the baby was born that yes, it was hard, it changed my life drastically, but I did it...and have no regrets. You may think things differently than me. I would explain things from a spiritual standpoint, but that only seems to create arguments on this forum, and thats not what you need right now. I have a daughter your age and my advice to her if she got pregnant right now would be to tell her the truth as I've always done: ...with mistakes, there are consequences....you can take responsibility for them and learn from them, or you can run from them and make them again. And it ain't gonna be easy, but the hardest things in life are the ones that make us grow. Either way, I'm sure lots of ladies including me will be here to encourage you and talk to you without judging you.....and what ever you decide to do, make sure it's the best decision for everyone involved. God bless darlin....

 

may - February 22

im just so mixed up inside. i actually have been contemplating breaking up with my bf for a while now...but i just keep hoping things will get good again. i was so happy in our relationship a year ago - we got along so well, and we still do....its just that we have totally different views of what the future should be like. i guess im in the situation im in because i wasnt strong enough to end things when i should have. he would be completely heartbroken if i were to have an abortion...i know thats not a reason not to if thats what i feel is right for me - but i cant help thinking about how much it would hurt him. its as much his baby as mine. my family will be so disapointed in me either way, i am really worried about their reactions. i wish i would have had the strength to end things with him when i could.

 

may - February 22

thank you guys for your advice given without judgements....i was a little worried about posting on here because i've seen some of the comments that are posted sometimes. its really comforting to hear other people have been in similar situations and have made it. its inspiring. i've just got a lot to think about - thanks for your support again

 

Lin - February 22

On the alternate side of things, I had an abortion at the age of 17 and don't regret a thing. I would have ended up with the wrong guy and not nearly had as wonderful a life as I have now. I was even with another wrong guy for 10 years after that, and it wasn't until I was almost 29 and met my husband that I actually realized what it really means to be in love. From the point where I'd known him only three months, I knew without an inkling of a doubt that I would spend the rest of my life with him and have his children. In retrospect, I can see now how mediocre my life would have been in comparison had I made a different choice. Of course, I would have had nothing to compare it to and wouldn't have recognized how mediocre it was, but I can certainly appreciate it now that I know just what is actually possible as far as relationships go. If I could go back in time, there is not a thing in my life I would change except for getting myself into that stupid mess in the first place.

 

maren - February 22

I first want to say that dont ever, EVER feel like you HAVE to be with a man because you are pregnant with his child or will have a child with him, if that was an accepted thing we would not see divorce or single parents. You should stay with him and marry him if that is what you want to do. I myself am also 19 and expecting my first im due july 3rd. My decision is i am keeping my child because it felt right to me. As happy as my bf was to find out he said he would have suported me in any decision that i came to because ultimitly it is my body. But in the end keeping my baby felt right for me. Now just because this felt right for me doesnt mean it is right for you or anyone else. You just found out today hun just take some time and let it settle in think about everything. But please whatever you do dont feel that you have to be with him because you are pregnant with his child. Both people in a relationship need to comprimise, if your the only one in the relationship doing so then it seems a little one sided. Dont feel like you have to tell him right away, make sure you have your emotions settled and you know what you want to do. In a sense were kindain the the same situation if you ever want to talk here is my email [email protected] I have no problem letting you know what i have been through so far or different things i am planning or just someone to give you a little bit of suport. By the way you only let yourself down if you fell like it and dont do something to prove to yourself that yes i can do it. I wont lie when i tell you that i was scared to death to tell my parents that i was pregnant i was worried that they would hate me and wouldnt be able to look at me the same. But you know what in the end it was not that bad at all yea they were shocked in the begining but they are my parents and they love me, and they know with suport and faith that i will do just fine. My mom just told me a bit ago that my dad is getting excited about haveing a new baby in the house ( i still live at home right now) i was worried that my friend would be disapointed in me as well but not one person i told was disapointed in me or did i let them down. If you have confidence in what decision you make and you set a path to reach it they will look up to you and say you know what she had the shock of her life and look how much confidence she has she knows what she is doing i am proud to say i know her she is going to be such an excelent mother. Good luck with all of your thinking you have to do. (sorry it was kinda long hope it helps)

 

keeks - February 22

May, you have options. You are 19 years old and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't feel pressure to stay in an unstable relationship b/c of a pregnancy. I would ask myself if I could afford a baby?(very pricey). Do I want to be a single mother?(young relationship sometime don't workout) Am I'm ready to settle down?( ababy need a mature stable parent/s)Do I want to get up at 3am to a screaming baby?(life change when a little come along). Honey, you are the only one who can make this decision. Think about all your options. Abortion, Adoption, Single parenthood. I think you will make the right decision for you......Take care

 

Joannav - February 22

First of all May you need to let you bf know what is going on. You two need to have a talk about what is the next step in your relationship. Understand that this baby is a blessing, and if you have problems, it will not change them or make it better. My and my bf at the time, now my husband, got pregnant at the age of 17. even though we had got engaged a couple months before that. it still was hard. i mean HARD. it changed our lives. we were never able to do the 20's thing. go out have fun, hang with fun all night. Life is never what you really want. but have a baby is a blessing. and never think anything else. You will have hard days. but if you both decised to do this together. it will work out. Im know 21 and have two beautiful children and we may have another one soon.The choice you make today will effect you life forever So my advice would be to pray and really think about what it is you want and most want you need to give to your baby. [email protected] if you ever have any question or need to talk

 

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