Pregnant And Ex Doesn T Want The Baby

10 Replies
Louise - February 7

hi, i'm not sure if this is the right place to post but i could really do with some encouraging words and advice right now. i'm 9 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend and i split up at the beginning of jan, the pregnancy wasn't confirmed then, just suspected. i told him that i believed i could be, and he turned his back on the both of us, saying our relationship wasn't working out and that this was the final straw, and so he called it a day. now he's on the phone all of the time, pushing for an abortion. he says we made a mistake in splitting up, he wants me back, but without the baby. he says he isn't ready to be a dad and he keeps laying a massive guilt trip on me for wanting our child. as though he feels it's abnormal to feel something for what he calls "a bunch of cells". i understand what he's saying, we're only 19, but i believe in facing up to responsibility. i'm quite able to support a baby financially, i've recently become a qualified beautician and have a good job, i have a lovely home, wonderful friends, supportive family etc and i see no reason to dismiss our baby due to our own carelessness. i adore my ex, we were together for 3 years, and i can't imagine my life without him, so it tears me up inside to hear him talk of a reconciliation, but only on the condition that i have an abortion. my family doesn't know i'm pregnant yet, he's made me feel as though they'll also turn their backs on me, and i'm so scared of being alone in all of this. i don't know what to do. i so want to keep my baby, but what do i do about his lack of support and the fact he makes me feel awful for wanting my child? i'm frightened he's going to push my buttons and i'll go through with the abortion for his sake, even though i know he'll once again dismiss me soon after, how can i be strong in all of this?

 

mich - February 7

the decision is yours to make, but coming from a person who's had 3 miscarriages, I realize just how fragile a life can be. I would give anything to hold those 3 babies I lost--- If I were in your shoes I would have the baby. I realize that you're 19 but you said you have a wonderful family and friends that will support you. It's sad that your ex does't want to be apart of this, but is that fair to your baby? Did you know that at 6 weeks the baby already has a heartbeat??? I think you would really regret it if you had an abortion, and who knows , maybe once your ex gets over the initial shock he'll come around. You've got a tough decision to make. Good luck sweetie!!!

 

Louise - February 7

hi mich, thank you for your post - i'm so sorry for your losses. you're so right, life is a fragile and precious thing, and to me this baby's life is far more important than his desire to be young, free and single. to be honest, if that's where his values lie, it's probably best that he doesn't want to be apart of this. i had no idea the baby had a heartbeat at 6 weeks, i'm shocked, i thought that would be slightly later on in pregnancy. thank you so much for your advice mich, it's helped alot! i definitely don't want an abortion now, i was just worried that he may win me over because of how i feel about him, but to be perfectly honest, this baby is my priority now, not him. if he chooses to not be around, so be it, it's his loss at the end of the day, and at least i'll be able to sleep at night knowing i did the right thing by keeping my child. once again, thank you, and i wish you the very best of luck with your own family xx

 

Natalie - February 7

Even if he doesn't want to be apart of your baby's life, he will still be obligated to pay child support. Just a thought to put into your head and to think about. I think you're making the right decision about keeping the baby. Good luck in the future.

 

Listen - February 7

I've been through the same exact thing.... He made me feel i didnt want the baby and everyone was against it. He pushed me to an abortion and stupid me I went through with it...Now I cry everyday wishing I never did it. He didnt come back right away he came back when he grew up and saw it was wrong and that he wanted the baby now, but now its too late... You cant wait for A Little Boy to Become a Man...Life Goes ON!!!! Having the baby he will want to see his child and be with his child... Believe me, No Matter the age! Right Now he is just very scared!!!!!!!!! He doesnt know what to do or how to react because it would be something new and I'm sure something he never been through before...He thinks the worst and Deep down wants the Best!

 

mich - February 7

I'm so happy that you've made that choice. You made me cry reading your post. And you're right-- if he wants you to abort your baby-- he's not the right man for you. Good luck!!!!

 

angel_girl - February 7

I am ttc after being told all of my life that it will be difficult if not impossible. I would love to have a child. I think that it is entirely up to you what you choose to do, but you shouldn weigh very carefully the pros and cons. If need be, talk to a trusted family friend or conselor. Just remember that you can always find another boy friend, but you can never get back the child you abort. Im not by any means against a womans right to choose. Please dont get me wrong. I am a staunch supporter of it. But I also know the value of that little life. Try speaking with some other women who have been in your shoes before you make up your mind. Find a forum on such things. Best of luck to you, no matter what you do. And for the record, you deserve better than a boyfriend who would make you choose between him and a baby!

 

mich - February 7

well put angel_ girl

 

angel_girl - February 7

Thank you mich. You are a God send to a lot of us on this forum. Keep up the good work! Baby Dust lady!

 

Naomi - February 7

Hi sweetie, My heart goes out to u .I have never been through this ( well i have actually, fell preg @ 17, was cheating on his GF while lying to me saying he didn't have one ) anyway... I can feel u wanna keep the baby & i understand why ! The jerk told me the same , begged me to get rid of my baby, i stayed strong and said NEVER .Today she's a gorgeous 8 ( almost 9 ) yo girl.Oh boy am i happy i never aborted ! She is a blessing ! Men don't know what it's like to be preg & al, so they often see this solution as anaesy way out ! The condition he's talking about i call it " emotionnal blackmail" -If u want me back , get rid of our kid - Sorry to be harsh, just my opinion. Even if u decide to abort, and he decides to come back, do u really think ur relationship will be the same ? I think there will be a lot of anger & resentment,is it worth it ? As much as u love ur b/f,ur still young, i'm now 26 and happily married with his son , u don't know what the future holds.U don't know how u'll be with ur b/f but u do know that ur child will be ur child forever! Killing an innocent human being just for the sake of a man , isn't worth it ! Sorry if i offended u , i didn't mean to. Good luck to u , u'll be alright.

 

MULGAJILL - February 7

I too am glad you have decided to keep your baby.... and you dont have a future of being 'alone'... as for your ex... he may well be very happy with your staunchness and determination in 7 months.... he may not be there to support you but sometimes even the best husband/partner finds it hard to be supportive (which is why pregnant women get onto message boards/forums...) as pregnancy is a girl thing really. Good luck with it Louise...

 

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