Terrible Mess

7 Replies
Kerry - February 26

Hi, I'll tell you all in advance, that I am a complete and utter idiot. Ugh. Basically, I've just found out that I'm pregnant, and I don't believe it's my husbands. No, I didn't cheat on him, rather he cheated on me and left me for someone else. I was devestated to say the very least. I was due for my period about 2 weeks after the split, but it didn't arrive, I'm never late and so suspected pregnancy. I was feeling sick, my appet_te had changed etc, and through vent up anger, frustration, and being upset, I had a rebound fling with a friend of a friend. I didn't use protection, as I stopped my pill as soon as I thought I could be expecting. Anyway, my husband found out through a mutual friend that I thought I could be pregnant, and as soon as he heard, he left his girlfriend and begged me to take him back, make things work, if only for the sake of the child. I agreed and we were slowly but surely working things through. Except, if my concerns were right at the time, and I was indeed pregnant when I first thought, I would be around 11 weeks now. I'm only 4-5. So, this has to be the other guys baby! I feel numb. I barely even know this man, he was just something to distract me from everything that was going on around me. The baby, my husband leaving me. I'm at a loss as to what to think/feel/do. Does anybody have any input on how best to handle this awful mess? I'm so messed up right now.

 

Anna - February 26

oh my, i am so sorry. I dont know what to tell you, talk to your husband try to get him to understand you then when the baby is born get a blood test done to make sure who the baby father is. I hope things work out for you! Good luck! Keep me posted on how things are doing!

 

S- - February 26

I am also sorry for your situation. I agree with Anna, if you want the baby, have blood tests done after to see who the father is. Have you told your husband that the baby might not be his? Have you told the other guy that you got pregnant?

 

Pay back - February 26

what comes around does around. I woulndn't tell a soul.

 

Kerry - February 26

Hi Anna and S-, thanks for your replies with your kind words. I know I need to talk with my husband, but I'm so scared he'll leave me again because the other girl is distraught without him, or so I've heard through the grapevine. S-, no my husband and this other guy know nothing of the situation as of yet. I may not say anything to my husband, instead I'll talk with the other guy and ask him to do a DNA test once the baby is born. That way, if it is my husbands, he won't need to find out any of this, if it isn't, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. At least she'll hopefully be out of the picture by then. Pay back, I won't even dignify your post with a reply. Childish. To everyone else, thank you once again.

 

Grandpa Viv - February 26

Ouch! The stress of the break-up messed up your cycle, making you think you were pregnant! Your hubby can count to 40. He is going to figure this out on his own unless you can convince him that you are about to have a 46 week pregnancy. Better to find out where you stand now! Next time you are feeling close, tell him straight up that the doctor tells you you are 8 weeks (whatever) pregnant and let him figure out that the conversation needs to go further. He screwed around, you screwed around. You as a family are pregnant. Has your relationship improved enough that he wants to stand with you regardless? Good luck!

 

tiffani - February 26

Honesty is the only answer here. You both cheated, you were both wrong. Unfortunately, your infidelity may have caused this pregnancy, but that has yet to be proven. I think SugarPie was right on with everything, except I believe the sooner you find out who the father is, the sooner everyone involved can move on. If it doesn't involve risk to the pregnancy, I would opt for the paternity test as soon as possible. The truth shall set you free.

 

Arianne - February 27

Hi Kerry - very tough situation..... I think it must be remembered that your husband left you first. You took solace from a horrible situation, and got some comfort from a friend. It happens. I think , although it is going to be a dreadfully difficult conversation, at the end of the day you would be best off telling your husband now - and always remember, whatever he says, he was the one who screwed up first. The fact is that you could keep quiet but I suspect that it would put tremendous pressure on you and affect your pregnancy - so better tell him now and get it out of the way - if he chooses to leave again, then you are no worse off than you were before, but at least you can sleep at night knowing you have been honest for your sake and that of your baby. I really feel for you as it is a situation which very many of us could find ourselves in - another point to remember is this - do you want him to be with you for you, or for the baby? If you want him to stay and he is only there because of the baby, I suspect things will never go very smoothly. If he had come back for you, without knowing about the baby that would be different, but I really would keep that in the front of my mind too. Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

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