18 Pregnant Alone Boyfriend Has Left Me

37 Replies
Caitlin - October 5

Hi, I'm 18 years old...6 months pregnant...and the father left me @ 4 months. I'm having a HORRIBLE time trying to cope with doing this pregnancy alone. I have no one...no emontional support...no support at all...Maybe thats my fault. I'm scared to open up. The father says he just left the relationship...he doesn't want to stay out of his childs life...but he doesn't want to go to court for child support. and sometime he doesn't even want to go to my doctors appointments. I cry almost every night cuz I miss him and I need him...how pathetic is that? He claims that he's just lost in his head and doesn't know what he wants. But the other day it was that he didn't want a commitment. but last night when he was here...he said he missed everything we had together. I'm lost in my own head, because a immature boy can't make up his mind...it puts so much stress on me and that means i'm putting stress on my baby. I wish I was able to get over him. I wish I was strong enough to do this on my own and just drop him. But I don't want to see him with anyone else. I don't want my child to have a step-mother. I'm terrified that I wont be a good mother and she'll like the step-mother more than her own mother. Uh....I'm just lost..HELP!

 

Tumby - October 11

Hi Caitlin, I'm sorry to hear of all the stress you are going through. Just as a woman has emotions she goes through when she is expecting a child, so does a man. I wouldn't count him out just yet. Take things one day at a time. When my husband and I found out we were pregnant the first time he was as excited as I was. His brother and his wife were also pregnant with their first just two weeks before us. We lost ours at 6 weeks. They went on to have a beautiful baby girl. At Christmas last year I found out I was pregnant again. I was on top of the world since the chances of miscarry were less. At six weeks I lost it again. My husband was distant and cold ever since we found out we were pregnant at Christmas. I felt alone too. He would say mean things to me and act like he was angry. I thought of leaving him several times since the last miscarry. We finally had a discussion 2 weeks ago and he opened up and told me that he thought I would leave him. I told him if we didn't get past our emotions and feelings we wouldn't be able to continue as we were. This past 2 weeks have been 100 times better for us. He has warmth in his voice, there is hope again in his heart that we will get pregnant and have our very own baby. Men are just brought up differently and are made differently than us. Just by me letting him know that I wasn't leaving and that I was willing to work on our situation (as long as he treated me with respect and love), he made his descision to support me and be there for me as I am there for him. Sometimes just telling each other that "Everything is going to be alright" is all anyone needs. Once the baby is born and he sees his very own child it will take a very uncaring person to turn their back on their own future. Don't worry about there being a step mom yet. He doesn't sound like he's looking and most mothers won't let there newborn go anywhere especially if they want to b___st feed their child naturally. If you need to talk just post again and I will respond. Relax and child support in most states is not optional. Every parent should contribute to his or her childs expenses. And what the court would award monthly is usually far less than what it costs to raise a child. So the parent who doesn't have custody gets off pretty easy anyway.

 

Monique - October 11

It's okay to cry when i was in my last relationship, i cried every night with him the most i ever cried. We broke up, but remained friends and now i'm pregnant by him. I missed him so much that I tried anything to get us back together. It didn't work though, I have to say i'm glad though, because he stressd me out so much. He was one confused person he couldn't decide what he wanted. One minute he wanted marriage, the next he was talking about how things weren't working out. I like you don't want to see him with someone else, but i just think to myself he's not worth it, i have to find someone that makes me happy. Believe me you'll get through it, just takes time. If you need someone to share the excitement with you can emaidl me at [email protected] Good Luck

 

Mia Celeste - October 12

First of all, Calm down... your baby def. doesn't need all this stress. Second, relax and give your boyfriend (or ex) TIME- some guys come around when the baby does and if he misses out on appointments just remember, it's HIS loss. <~ I have gone through this whole pregnancy on my own because I live in another ctiy than my BF (because I felt i needed to move in with my parents while my BF worked things out in his head) he FINALLY came AROUND when I was 6 1/2 months preg but I needed to stay here for my prenatal care). WHenever I have an appointment and hear my baby's heartbeat or witness my own ultrasound I get teary eyed and them smile to myself because I get this moment but it's too bad he doesn't. Keep your head up girl. You can email me at [email protected]

 

Lisa - October 16

Hi,im 35 years old and 6 weeks pregnant,i have 3 children 14,12 and7. After a few bad relationships I finally thought I had hit lucky and got my dream man,ive known him for 15 years as he is a close friend of my brothers and has always been what i thought was a really nice person. When we first started our relationship it was very intense and full on,even though i had just came out of a 14 month relationship and he was just out of a very unhappy 11 year on off traumatic relationship.Almost immidiatley he moved in met the kids and everything was great,despite his wierdo ex's attempts to get him back.I fell in love straight away as i think deep down I had felt this way about him for the full 15 years ive known him,I thought he felt the same way as he told me he loved me first and gave me all the promises and security ive never had. we had s_x alot and one morning I warned him that I wasnt using contraception and i could easily have children.He hasent got any children of his own but is something he had always wanted and his ex would never give him so he said it wouldnt devastate his life. A month later i found out i am pregnant and it has devastated his life,even though we have just entered into a new mortgage on my house that i couldnt afford alone he has moved back to his rented house so mixed up and is steering towards wanting me to have an abortion,something he said he would never ask me to do. I feel so alone,so devastated that ive lost him and dont know what decision to make about the pregnancy.I love him so much and this baby inside me but as the father of my other children has always been around for them i just dont know if i can do this alone! I feel so weak but not as weak as him! If anyone can give me some advice that will help please send back.

 

Nnm - October 17

Well atleast you all were actually in a relationship.. I myself am pregnant by a man who just bought a house with his girlfriend of a year, now had I known he had a girlfriend you can bet I would have never gotten involved. I had to track him down today after 5 weeks of only seeing him twice in my life and knowing nothing about him. Ofcourse he wants me to consider abortion as does every single person in my life. But i thought about it when I first heard of it back when i was 16, it is the most hideaous thing i could think to do in my whole life, I would never and cant concieve of being a better decision. He isnt upset and still wants to be involved but I know this will totally change all the plans i learned he had today, change jobs perhaps marry the girl he is with, and generally have a family in the "normal" fashion. Well I was raised by my mother and step father, my mother never married my father because he proposed to the other girlfriend when she told him she might want a steady relationship instead of sharing him, mind you this is the 70's the middle of free love, and multiple lovers. She could have easily been so devastated I could have gone in a sterile plastic bag and dumpeb by some doctor who didnt know the color of my eyes. I know this isnt the optimum situation, but I also have little faith in relationships in the form they are today. I actually have to stop calling and talking to the guy i have been dating for the past 2 weeks not knowing i was pregnant, i can't drag him through it, i actually like and deeply respect him and he isnt and should be involved, I garantee he wasnt even thinking about helping me raise someone elses child. Everyone says it will be tough to do on my own, but tough is not impossible, and if the father is upset about changing his whole life , he might have considered that before he messed around. Despite how drunk he claims to be, I didnt not carry him out of the bar. Point is... I must believe that I can do it, for the child inside me and for myself. I must belive that the optimum situation is not the situation I am in but is not the end of the world. I have to believe that I didnt ruin my mothers and fathers life, believe me i have been asking them my whole life if they would have been happrie had i been aborted and they both chime in with oh no you were a gift from god and all that junk, but reality says my mom and dad freaked the hell out and they still stuck to it. I am a decent and loving human being I never lacked food or clothing or a home. She did incredible with as much as my dad could help her out. I know stress is almost worst then banging your gut into a chair, I cant stress. to love me I have to love everything I do, be responsible and forthright, honest and confident despite what everyone in my world is saying, its easire for them to lose my baby then it would be on my body and my heart for the rest of my life. there is no amount of fear of the future that anyone can instill on me to change my mind. Here in this situation the fat is rising to the top. my true support has ever been and will evr be me, the ret is supplemental but not imperative. Woman alone and pregnant be strong for you and your child, ofcourse think of the future but in the most positive light possible, not sugar coated, but realistic and start planning, networking with others in your situation or been through it, stay in touch with your doctor and find new friends if the ones you have are persecuting you. I say all this to myself but I know I am not the only one that feels like it is me against the world. I won't kill it, but I will love more deeply and feel more empathically. I am a healer, and my mind is my worst enemy, i will love it to submission. Strong women join me, bring your world with you.

 

Tumby - October 17

Hi Lisa, I'm 36. When I was 21, single and living a 2 days drive from my family and anyone I knew, I got pregnant. The job I had was good one but I had to travel for 3 days at a time. No day cares would take a child overnight. The father had told me in the two weeks that we had dated, that he never wanted to get married or have any kids. So I stopped seeing him. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I felt I had no other choice but to get an abortion. I did. I have regretted it everyday since. I would give anything to have that baby back. I hated myself for the following 2 yrs. I denied myself any type of pleasure in life. I made no friends other than a mother figure who was my sponsor in AA. She took me to church with her and there a lady prayed with me. She told me that God would never leave me or forsake me. His spirit came over me and has changed my life. I know God will see me through anything I may go through in life. I've had two miscarries since then and he has been with me. My husband and I are ttc again. I can only pray that God allows me the opportunity to become a mother whether we are the natural parents or if we have to adopt. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

lisa - October 17

hi tumby,thanks for keeping me in your thoughts,i will not deniy that i,myself have had thoughts of an abortion,worrying how im gonna cope with the two children ive got with all of this on my shoulders,but today they gave me a scan as ive been having problems. i went alone and they told me the baby was fine and even though im only 6 weeks and 3 days pregnant,they showed me the heartbeat and gave me a pic. That made my mind up! I know ive only been with my bfriend 2 months but ive known him 15 years and always known him as a nice,careing and compa__sionate person.He was txtin me before the scan saying he hated the situation and hated himself and was so sorry,also to let him know what the scan said.I txt him to tell him the baby was fine,id seen a heartbeat and had a photo and i never heard anything else,it obviousley wasnt the answer he wanted to hear. Im so devastated,still hopeing he will come round.

 

Tumby - October 17

Hi Lisa, I am so glad that you have a picture of your little one. When I was pregnant the second time I seen a heart beat. That was on a Thursday. They did not give me a picture of the u/s. I thought everything was fine. I was to see the doctor on Monday and then I started bleeding by Saturday. I have been told that my progesterone is low and that caused my miscarry. Should I get pregnant again they will give me progesterone to take. It has been 10 months of ttc and no luck yet. I believe you will have your answer to your question with the father of the baby soon. Just pray for his heart to be turned. Still thinking of you and will watch for your posts.

 

Tonia - October 17

Caitlin, sorry that you are going through this no one deserve to go through this, but it happens. You said that you wish you were strong enough to get over him, well I got news for you sweetie. You have the stregnth you just have to find it by praying for yourself and your ex. I know how you are feeling it's okay to be scared and confused and however you're feeling. But you must not allow yourself to keep feeling like your feeling. Because hurt turns into anger and anger turns into bitterness and bitterness turns into rage after rage you become out of control. And you seem like a really sweet person do not allow your self to go through those changes it is not healthy. Just forgive him for what he did and you'll be able to move on. Just think about this baby right now b/c that's who depending on you to protect him or her from whatever. The best person for you to discuss your problems with is God he's the only one who can give you the best advice. Because satan will send people to you and they will have you thinking negative. You are a strong person you just have'nt found that stregnth that you don't think you have. I'm 28yrs old and I have 2 boys and one on the way that's due anyday now. And all of what I have been going through has made me strong. Don't get me wrong I went through all of the hurt and pain but once you get a grip on what's going on things get better. Right now is suppose to be one of the happiest moments of your life but what you're going through will not allow you to be. I felt alone to and I thought about all the things you thought about until I reminded myself who Jesus is. He has helped me through it all just give it a try you will see what I'm talking about. I don't mean to sound preachy but Believe me he has worked miracles for me and has shown me that I don't need my ex. I've been blessed so much that this baby don't want for nothing b/c of who I put my trust in. Things are going to get better for you. Don't worry about a thing. I'll keep you and your baby plus your ex in my prayers. And stop depending on man b/c he will fail you every time. So get all that negative thinking out of your system. What you're going through is designed to make you feel the way you're feeling. And it's okay you'll find your way out. Just stay prayed up b/c things will get tough but prayer will make everything seem so easy. I AM A WITNESS. I love you sister and if you need to talk to me I'm here for you I'll be checking on you from time to time.

 

lisa - October 18

hi tumby,and all.Well the latest is that we spoke quite rationally on the phone tonight and I got out of him that he was having doubts before i got pregnant because he felt that he had jumped into our relationship with both feet first and was and is still wondering whether he still has feelings for his ex who he split up with 2 weeks before we got together. I sort of feared this in the back of my mind,what I cant understand is how he can still have feelings for a girl he was on and off and so unhappy with for 11 years,a girl he never lived with or married and the whole thing was like a bad habit and an awful routine! He says he still has feelings for me but doubts that we can ever recover from this and prefers that I have an abortion. Its becomeing more and more real that im gonna have to do this on my own and with my own two children,financially difficultys and the thought of him abandoning me im off again still wondering which option to go for.I cant help feeling that at 35,alone with two children and a baby my life will be over,I also wonder if when the baby was born he wouldnt be able to help himself from loveing us,big gamble eh? someone please help, i dont know where to turn!

 

Tumby - October 18

Hi Lisa, you two talking is a beginning. As for the ex girl friend of 11 years it could go either way. I was once told by someone that, "It is easier to go through something new with someone old, than to go through something old with someone new." I didn't understand this at the time but since have discovered it as being true. Also, once I was having a day of second thoughts when I thought I might want to go back to my first husband. My friend who knew us both very well asked me, "Well what did he do that made you want to leave him in the first place?" After I spoke for 30 minutes of how he had treated me, what he had done and not done, I realized that I was thankful that I wasn't with him. Sometimes we just need a little reminding is all. What ever you do don't let his panic of having a child get you off balance. He is a grown man and it is his responsibility to help you with this child. And if he won't and you don't feel you can do it without him there is adoption. I used to try to make things easy for whatever man was in my life. I was actually robbing them of the opportunity to do the right thing, or to pay the consequence for their own mistakes. I am no longer going to keep the opportunity for the man in my life to grow and mature by making things comfortable for them at my own expense. Everyone needs to get that good sense of accomplishment when faced with a problem and overcoming it. If I fix the problem for them they will not benefit and will ultimately be dependent on me all the time and resentful when I am not willing to fix whatever it is again. If you would like to talk more privately my email is [email protected] Sometimes you don't want the world to see everything. Take care.

 

lisa - October 18

hi tumby,thanks for your kind words and thoughts,every time i read your posts it makes me feel that little bit stronger.I know what it felt like when i first layed my eyes on the children ive got so adoption would definatley not be an option im afraid. I think I know in my heart of hearts that I cant have an abortion with this child because I feel I love it already and partly because the love I feel for its dad,if we are destined to part then at least i keep a part of him and i know that this baby was made out of love,at least on my part,im just afraid that after 15 years of loveing him from afar and having expectations of what it would be like to be with him that its not just infatuation and loveing something that was in my head and not the real person he is,cos i honestly dont like him at the moment. Anyway he promised he would either come over or ring tonight when he gets in,heard that before aswell,I refuse to give him big arguments though because he had 11 years of that with the ex and thats what he comes to expect of women im sure. I keep thinking that if I stay calm and be supportive to him he will come round but mayby he likes an unreasnable woman who treats him badly? well,ill wait and see what tonight holds,one day at a time eh? i have taken down ur e mail ad and i will let you know,thanks for your support tumby,i really appreciate it!

 

nicole - October 18

hey i am sorry to hear about all that you have been going through. if you need someone to talk to then you are welcome to e-mail me at [email protected] everyone needs spomeone to talk to and i hope that everythin works out for you

 

Tumby - October 18

Caitlin, are you doing any better since your last post? I hope you are feeling better. Maybe there is a support group in your area. The local hospital might be able to get you in touch with someone or a group of single pregnant women. Let us all know how you are doing. It is just unsettling when someone posts a call for help and then you don't hear from them again.

 

lisa - October 20

hi tumby,well things arnt getting much better,he came yesterday,me thinking everything was gonna be ok and he had changed his views! wrong! He spoke about how mixed up he was,that he didnt know whether he wanted me ,his ex or nobody at all and how one thing he knew was that he didnt want a baby at the present time,he cried and i ended up feeling sorry for him,this big strong man 37 years old 6ft3 and built the same way! Anyway he talked me round into makeing an appointment to go privatley and have an abortion which he would pay for ,i asked him what the outcome would be after that and if we would be together,he said he couldnt promise that we would be together and he also couldnt promise that he would let me walk away,he also said that he didnt think at the present time that he could try to start again with his ex,but thats not to say that he wont is it? All night i tossed and turned and couldnt sleep,the thought of what id done,makeing that appointment and i was still carring the child inside me,i had no sleep.I woke up this morning thinking,wait a minute,if i remember rightly,his ex promised him that on the condition he would go back she would give him the baby he had always wanted! Then i thought,i know whats gonna happen,ill do this,he will go back,theyll start trying for a baby and ill be left guilty empty and without my baby! noway! I think I can see more clearly now and that mayby he pushed me into a decision that I didnt want to make. I know now that when I do this im gonna have to do it alone with another two children aswell and it scares the hell out ofme.Will i ever find anyone again cos ill just have too much baggage and will i spend the rest of my life alone with my baby?The financial side will also be a struggle for all of us but i know its something i have to do,for all our sakes!

 

Tumby - October 20

Oh Lisa.....I am sorry that he is a jerk. I believe you are right in the fact that you being pregnant has put a damper on his plans to try to get back with his x. I'm sure she would be upset knowing he got someone else pg. That is why he wants you to get an abortion. If you don't then he has to pay you child support and then for him to have a baby with her too would be even more financial obligation. I feel so bad for the baby. Have you been praying? God will give you the right answer. It might not be today but soon. Pray that God speaks to you clearly and specifically about what you need to do for the baby and the father. And what ever God tells you to do, do it. Even if you don't understand why. Because he has a plan for you. That is when your faith comes into play. I'm not trying to preach it's just that that is how it works for me. I wish I would have listened to God before I had my abortion 15 years ago. I prayed, "God, how am I going to take care of a baby by myself? I heard him plain as day say, "Where is your faith?" Blew me away when I heard him. But I let my mom, the father, and a few friends scare me into thinking I couldn't do it and also they made it clear that I was on my own. I was only 21 and I couldn't believe that the people who were supposed to love me would drop me like a hot cake. My mom regrets it now because I've had two miscarries. She wants a grand child and she knows I would make a great mom. Our relationship has greatly improved over the years. And just as I regret having the abortion, she regrets telling me that she wouldn't help me. She is now a God fearing woman who goes to church every Sunday. God sure can change people. Pray that he turns your boyfriends heart to do the right thing. Write me any time.

 

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