32 W 1 Child Living W Parents Amp Pregnant Again

16 Replies
Exhausted - February 20

Hello I am 32 years old and a single mother of a (soon to be) 9 year old son. His father is not in his life and we have never received any child support from him. My parents have helped me greatly; after the shock subsided. When he was 3, we moved out on our own, but I lost my well-paying job (at a local school district) in December of 2003. I sold my home and we moved back in with my parents. My son is now in 3rd grade and my father has, for the most part, been his day care provider while I work. In October of 2004 I obtained another job, finally. I am a professional with a Bachelors degree. A month prior to that, I began dating my best friend from high school. (I didn't go out with him in high school because he was a player and when things seemed to get "serious" he would run.) Until him, I didn't date much...at all, because there just wasn't time. Anyways, 2 weeks ago I found out that I am pregnant again. His initial reaction was to abort. However, he said it was completely up to me. But if I was to have the baby he could not promise he'd be there. I am one that has never believed in abortion. However, I am still living at home with my parents, I already have an 8 year old son and my parents and I do not get along as it is. Financially, I don't think I could support 2 children. I actually looked into abortion as an option, made 2 appointments at 2 different places just in case I chickened out the first time. Then I found more information on what happens to the baby during an abortion. I asked my boyfriend if he knew how the procedure worked, what would happen to the baby and the risks to me. He said no, so I told him that the suction would ripe the baby from me and tear it into pieces. He asked me to cancel both appointments....so I did. We talked that night and he said that there was a piece of him that always wanted a baby. But financially, he was not ready for it. He said that he would do everything he could to support me and be there for the baby if I choose to have it. He said he didn't like to hear about the things that an abortion does to a baby. He said it might even make him straighten his act up. But how can I go on that? I will still have to support 2 children...diapers, formula, wipes, daycare, sports, club activities (Boy Scouts), etc. And I need to move out of my parent’s home before I tell them anything!!!!! Financially, I think I’d do ok until we start talking about daycare and any unexpected things that will come up. I can't seem to figure out how I will afford daycare if I do not get any help. My father will not be able to help like he did with my 1st son. And right now, he is taking care of his parents who are dying. Do you have any financial resources you can point me to? I make, JUST too much for any state or federal assistance. Do I just hope that things will work themselves out financially? Or do I truly consider abortion as an alternative? In my heart, I don't think I could go through with an abortion....but then how do I survive the rest? Is this selfish to be considering abortion because of financial reasons? And the fact that I am still living with my parents (however, I have been looking for a home for the past 2 months)? Exhausted please feel free to email me at [email protected]


Me - February 20

Don't abort. it will work out. In the end you will see it is all worth it. You will be so glad you did not abort when you hold your new baby in your arms.


Caring - February 21

I think that if you have not heard the old saying here it goes~~ GOD DOES NOT GIVE YOU MORE THAT YOU CAN HANDLE!!!!!!! You will be fine. It is a part of life to struggle, but you have to be strong and do what it is best for you!!!!!! GOD BLESS and good luck!!


rachel - March 8

hiya im only 15 and was simply browsing for results on abortions for a school essay on beliefs whether abbortion is ok, or whether it isnt. im not saying either is the best way. because its your life. you are happy as you are now. but you said it was a struggle to bring up your first child. but you got through that. and im sure you couldnt imagian your life without your little boy now. i really hope your ok and you choose exactly what you want to. dont be pressurised. good luck xxx


Joanna - March 24

Do not have an abortion ! You will regret it and how can you go on living every day knowing that YOU killed your own child. You killed a helpless, innocent baby. Do not stress over your financial problems because everything will work out in the end. Life goes on and you will be alright. Good Luck ! <3


Joanna - March 24

Do not have any abortion. You will regret it. How will you be able to go on everyday, living life knowning that you killed your own child. An inocent, helpless baby. If you decide to have an abortion you will rob your baby of his/her life. Don't stress over financial problems. Life will go on and everything will be fine. Just have that baby and you will see what happens next. Much Luck .. <33


~S~ - March 24

Don't abort it. Please don't. A very close gf of mine had an abortion due to financial reasons, she believed that she could not afford to give her child a proper life becuase her bf had left her, because all of a sudden he felt "scared" but then she found out that he was dealing and using drugs. So when he came crawling back, she shut the door on him and thougth she can raise the baby herself...well, she got freaked out, because she didn't have a job at teh time and stressed about how she can afford to have a child, so she thought an abortion was her answer..Well, that was 4 yrs ago and even today, she's still having a hard time dealing with it. When I found out I was pregnant, I cried and cried, wondering HOW on earth was I going to do this. I even considered abortion for a few days, my bf cried because he couldn't imagine the thought of having his child killed, and when I spoke to my gf about abortion, she demanded that I don't go through with it. She told her me experience, and my god! it was awful. Long story short....the doctor didn't "suck" everything out, a good part of the fetus was still left inside her and she got severly sick. Anyways...don't have the abortion if it's for financial reasons. If anything, give the baby up for adoption. I would understand our fear of keeping it if you were either a teen mom, have no educational background, no job, or at least a c___ppy low paying job, no benefits, and no support system. Just think of all those single moms out there who are in your position and are doing it. It's hard, but they're doing it and yes, things eventually do fall into place....Take me for example. I'm only 25, this is my first child. I live alone, my parents live FAR away, my mom is in no position to help me financially and I don't have a father. The only support I really do have is my bf, but even then, he's still in a position where he's waiting for citizenship, so that poses problems for a good secure stable job. I go to school and I do have a job, but because of school, I can't work as much as I would like. My job pays okay, but not good enough for a child. I live on my own and my rent is EXPENSIVE!!!! Therefore, I really believe I'm probably in a worse of financial crisis than yourself, but I'm trying my best not to dwell on that because I KNOW i'll do what it takes to be Okay. If I can do it....You can do it! =O)


~H~ - March 24

Heya...I hear ya...i'm 32, was going to go to school in september beacuse my government job of 6 years got cut back to 10 hours a week, and my bf and i we're deciding tto take a break.....because he's controlling and an a__s.....and now i'm pregnant...i have no idea what i am going to do...he says (at 35) he's not ready for kids(?) i am sooooo scared, lost, angry and frustrated......but i cant abort- i was told i wasn'ty supposed to be able to get pregnant anyway, so if this is my one shot i could not live with myself if i didn't take it.......just wish i could be at a beter place in my life.


~S~ - March 24

I think when we become pregnant, we all wish we were in a better place in our life. My best friend is expecting, she's happily married, they just bought a house, they both have great jobs, but she too freaked out when she found out. She didn't think that they were "ready" and even now when I talk to her, she says she's now happy but wishes her and her husband were just a bit more better off...It's the same with my bf and I. He totally wishes he was in a better place in his life, I wish I was in a better place in my life...heck I don't even have mat leave benefits. But you know what? You make do with what you've got, you try the best you can, and you try to be happy. =o)


~h~ - March 24

I wont have mat leave either.....scary!!!! but i think you are righ....if i waited til the 'right' time , i'd be 52!!!!i guess we have to make the best of it, get support where we can, and enjoy the ride!


~S~ - March 24

You got it!!! I plan on taking Mat leave through EI - I'm from Canada, so I don't know how it would work for you, if you're outside of Canada. I've heard it's not much at all, but what other choice do I have...Just gotta make the best of it and see what happens.


~H~ - March 24

i'm from canada to BC......unfortunately, i've been supplimenting my 10 hours a week with ei, so dunno if i can access ei for mat leave........any suggestions?


~S~ - March 29

I'm not 100% positive, but I was told that EI is seperate from Mat EI, so if you've been using your EI you can probably access Mat EI or even switch over. But, I'm not sure, you might want to check out the goverment Employment Insurance website.


~S~ - March 29

Opps, I forgot to post the address...here it is http://www.hrsdc.gc.ca/asp/gateway.asp?hr=en/ei/types/special.shtml&hs=tyt


~H~ - March 29

Oh thats great!! I will check into that!!!! thanks!


Daphne - March 29

Hi, I understand how you feel. I am in the same position....living at home and single. It sounds like abortion is not what you want to do. You sound like I did when I found out I was pregnant and didn't know what to do. I think you will be okay. You have several months to get ready for this baby. I live in TX and I know there are things like help with daycare here. Also, even if things don't work out with the guy you could still get child support from him through the district attorney. Talk to a lawyer through legal aid. He IS 50% responsible. No doubt this will be a challenge for you but I bet you will be amazed at what you are able to walk through. You are not alone. We can do this.


Janie - March 30

If you get an abortion early enough, it's not as bad as you read. I've had 2 abortions, for personal and financial reasons, and both were in the first 8 weeks, and easy as pie. The baby is just a blob at that stage, no ripping, no shredding. I have no regrets, and my life is all the better for it. I would have been living with my parents in my 30's too if I had those babies, but now I'm married to a wonderful man and we have a baby girl due next week. We are both so happy to experience this for the first time together, we are both emotionally and financially stable, and ready -even look forward to- this ma__sive responsibility.



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