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foxxyy44u - September 1st, 2006 11:33 AM

I don't know exactly what I'm looking for, other than some advice from others who have walked in my shoes and survived. I'm 27, and met him at work. We were friends for about 1 1/2 years before anything else happened, then a romance started. We were both unhappily married. I really was, I left my husband about 2 months into it. I was truly convinced heloved me, and wanted nuthin more in the world than to be with me. We had SO much more than just sex. We spent A LOT of time together outside of work, b/c after 4 months into it I left there to work elsewhere. He had his reasons: A house, mortgage, his 2 kids, which are his from previous marriage. But anyhow, I got pregnant, called to tell him, and she ended up calling me back and we talked and she knows the whole truth. She knows I am 9 weeks along. The kicker? She is 11 weeks along!! No joke! I'm so hurt and angry. I saw him that night b/c she threw him out for the night. He told me he would be behind me whatever I decided, and he didn't want me to feel like I had no options. Oh and that he loves me so much, wants to be w/ me, and this time I knew better, b/c the next day, he was back home. She took him back! He even told her he was w/ me that night. She called me to tell me how wrong I was and that her husband had made a mistake! 10 months is not a mistake! 1 night is a mistake! anyways, I'm going to keep this baby, not to try and win him or to hurt him. On the contrary, I want nuthin at all to do with him, and I want them both to leave me the hell alone. I dont even want his child support, b/c I'd rather give that up and him not be involved, period. I don't know if he will do this easily, or what is to come in the future, but I would love to talk to anyone who has walked in my shoes. I need the support!


dsmom - September 1st, 2006 1:45 PM

wow,,,i am in a similar situation but in this case im the wife, and Im having my baby two months behind my husbands girlfreind,,,,,it was my own stupidity to fool around with him after we had been separated for a long time (because abuse)and I knew he was seeing someone else,,,but I loved him so I started to see him and I got pregnant, around the time we started seeeing each other she left him, anyway I got pregnant and we decided to work it out, we were together about three months when I found out that the other girl was preg when she left him,,,and she left him becasue he told her to get an abortion,,,, I was so mad,,I left him and havnt talk to him or seen him since,,,,but Im better off so is the other girl,,,and i feel sorry for any other girls out there ,,,who knows how many hes got,,,,Im not letting have anything to do with my daughter,,,,,i am going for chld support Im going to drag him through hell and back,,,jsut like he did to me,,,,when my daughter is old enough to understand I will tell her what happened and leave it up to her if she wants to seee him and she wont once she meets him and see how he is,,,,,,,,My husband hasnt even tried to contact me and Iv been gone 4 months so I guess he dosnt care about his daughter,,,,,,Im proud of you for dumping him and Im not one of thoes vidictive wives who thinks its the womans fault becasue I think its the mans.....its his responsibility to be faithfull.....I wish you luck and good luck with the baby.......


foxxyy44u - September 1st, 2006 4:41 PM

To dsmom, thank you so much for the kind words of support. I actually do take responsibility for my actions, and I'm not out to be vindictive. The only thing I wish she would understand is that I didn't walk down the aisle, take vows w/ her, or have a commitment to her, HE DID! why cant' she see he's the bad guy and we have BOTH been lied to, hurt, and deceived? I am so thankful for the women like you that are so level headed. Don't get me wrong, I dont expect her to like me, I just expect her to realize that her husband hurt her SOOO much more than I hurt her, b/c I don,t even know her. I also wish she would dump his cheating ass. I have learned my lesson the hard way. Sad thing is that she is still there, living a lie with a man that had 2 lives for 10 months. If she could see the way he was w/ me, and the things he said to me, and did to me, she would surely not recognize him to be the man that she knew as her husband. So now, I suffer, but I know I deserve this pain. She doesn't. He deserves pain, but I don't know if he feels it. I will probably always love him, but I also know that he never was who I thought he was. Wasn't happy at all about being pregnant at first. I cried, wanted an abortion, and felt hopeless. But as the days pass, I see I will be ok w/o him. It's hard to know that he's there at her doctor visits and ultrasounds, but not mine. But, I'm sure when this baby is born, I'll never regret my decision to have it, and that will be the one good thing to come from this piece of crap that's not even a real man. I am sorry for you and your pain. I feel the pain too, just on the other side of the fence. Good luck, and good job being a strong woman!!


dsmom - September 2nd, 2006 8:08 AM

thank you, Im sorry you and i both had to fall in love with losers. I can understand how you feel becasue I can see it through your eyes,,when I found out that my husband was with another woman, the first feeling was anger but then it made me realize how manipulitve men are and he probley told her all the same things he told me, to get me to fall in love,,men dont feel how women feel and they can never understand,,,,I cried too when I found too when i found out I was pregnant I thought of abortion and adoption,,,because I didnt want a baby by a man wouldnt be there for me but hten I realized one day that this is my baby and its just fait when my dad said something to a family member on the phone,,,,,,,my aunt asked him if the baby was my husbands in a rude way,,and he said,,I dont know its her baby and thats all that matter..,,,,,you know how you said you wished that she would leave him, well sometimes it takes a long time to seee a person for who they really are,,I know,,,my whole relation ship with my husband all my family and friends told me that I could do better and he didnt treat me right,,,,but I idint listen it just pushed me closer to him,,,,three years we were togethr then we got married, we were together for 2 years and he started to go out all night and party and become secretive, so I confronted him one night,,i was drunk and when he wouldnt talk to me I freaked I pushed himand he beat me so bad I got put in the hospital,,,,,,I left him and i still cried everyday and made any excuse to see him, becasue i thought he loved me,,,,,,,he started seeing someone not even a week later,,,,or already was im no sure,,,,,,,,about three months went by and we hooked up again for about twoo weeks, then he went back to her, I was pissed..I moved in with a friedn and I was gone about three months when he calls me out of the blue,,saying I wannan chill with you can we hang out,,,of course I said ya, so we started doing things together, and it was fun like when we first met,,,I told him I didnt want to gt back together because I knew he would just hurt me again,,,,so we just dated untill I found out I was pregnant then he begged me to get back together and work it out,,,,so still being in love with him I tried,,,but things went bad quick,,,,,,,being with him thoes couple months opened my eyes and i saw what evreyone else saw,,,,,a loser that was using me,,,,,,,Im just saying that It took me six years to see him as he really is and it might take his wife a long time to........she will eventually see it when he does it to her again,,,and believe me he willl,,,,,,,,im blabbing on and on,,,,,,im young to and been through alot,,im only 21,,,we were married young,,,,,my mom always told me i wanted to grow up tp fast ,,,,


jazyjewls - September 15th, 2006 2:46 PM

Hey foxy- I know exactly what you are going thru.. I have a 4 month old by a married man.. His wife knows everything and she don't want him to have anything to do with the baby.. Which is fine.. My beautiful lil girl don't need a father in her life that's going to be like that.. I was seeing him for almost 2 years. And his wife puts ALL the blame on me.. This wasn't the first time he cheated and I'm sure it wont be the last.. but if they want to deal with there husbands cheating let them.. More on and just worry about that lil baby your carrying.. I am now a single mother and I take care of my daughter the best I can.. Done listen to these people that talk Sh*t on here cause if they don't know how you feel or what you are going thru they need to really shut there mouth and go to another form.. or find something else to do... well good luck.. and keep your head up and you will be fine..


foxxyy44u - September 15th, 2006 3:25 PM

Dear mammy16 and jazyjewls, thank you so much for your kind words of support. It does help to know that others can have a heart and compassion instead of hate. An update- now I'm almost 12 weeks and will have an ultrasound on sep. 21st. Of course I will be going w/o the dad by my side, b/c we havent spoke in 3 weeks. The last time he called he was askin me if I had made a decision about what I was gonna do (abort or keep). Told him that I hadnt aborted and I was gonna keep it, but I didnt need anything from him, and he didnt have to call me anymore. Boy I guess that was a relief for him, cuz he sure as hell hasnt called once. How can he have 2 unborn babies, and already have decided to only be there for one? As I recall he was right there with me while the child was bein conceived. I am still in pain and denial over all of this. I know time heals pain but when? I havent spoke to him in 3 weeks and havent seen him in 5 weeks. Shouldnt this be gettin easier to deal with? Still feels like so many things were left unresolved, and I really dont understand how he doesnt care just like that. Oh well, I'll stop whining now, but thanks to all who are understanding and compassionate!!


foxxyy44u - September 20th, 2006 3:36 PM

Oh judgement day, you are so wrong and judgemental! So good name choice, but no darling I am not dirty. I know where I have been, I can count my partners on one hand. I knew him for a year and a half before even becoming intimate, so I am far from dirty or trashy, of course would never have unprotected sex with a stranger. And no I am not ho-ing around w/ other men. Havent slept w/ anyone else since I first slept w/ him. I havent had sex in a month and a half now, so I am also not a slut, would never Fu** a stranger. Ps, I do blame him and myself also. The difference is I had not taken vows to her, he had. He walked down the aisle w/ her, not me. And the main difference is I have character, he doesnt. He ran from his responsibilities, and I could have chosen to run and get an abortion, to take the easy way out. But no, I know its time to face my responsibilities and take care of things. I know I made a huge mistake, but I will not run from it, like a puss* . That is what he did! He ran to his wife, and tells her now how much he loves her I'm sure, but boy, he sure wasnt thinking of her when he was fuc*ing me and then taking his package back to her, and he risked giving her a disease even though she was innocent. Thats one thing that kind of disgusts me about him, is that he would do that to someone. And for your information, I know where he lives, wk\here he works, and I have his cell #, home #, work #, and I havent called him or her once to ask for anything. I am not gonna do that, b/c I dont want his money. In fact I would rather just have them out of my life. Dont get me wrong, if he desperately wanr\ted to be a part of his kids life, then of course I would let him. But as of yet, he has shown no interest. I have my 12 week ultrasound tomorrow. He will of course not be there to share in that with me. And u know what? Thats ok, b/c while I have my mom and dad (people who truly love me) to accompany me, SHE has HIM, to go with her to her appointments. Gee, would I want a lying, deceitful, careless, thoughtless ass, who I couldnt trust to come with me? Nope! Also I know at night, she is literally sleeping with a stranger, she doesnt even know this man. He lied to her face EVERYDAY for 9-10 months! I knew where he was and all, but she never had a clue. I actually oity her now, too bad I cant give her some of my strenght. She needs to get the hell away from the loser. To see a man be a deadbeat like him should be enough to make her realize he is no man. Hopefully she will one day. Whatever happened to you to make you so bitter, sorry, but I am not her, ok? You can take it out on me though, get it all out, if thats what makes u feel better! Doesnt really piss me off, cuz I could easily take my anger out on someone that has done the same thing he has!


Emma2 - September 20th, 2006 3:46 PM

Judgementday, stop writing in caps 1st of all.....2nd i hope your not tlaking about me ...and i think your story is sad but hey, get over it and move on. Your husband is the one who should have cared about his kids ...not the other woman....good luck


JUDGEMENTDAY - September 20th, 2006 4:38 PM

THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENT..... I SHOULDN'T BE HATEFUL CAUSE I DON'T KNOW YOU. I AM SORRY FOR BEING HATEFUL I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW WOMAN PUT THEMSELVES IN THESE SITUATIONS UNHAPPY OR HAPPY THE MAN IS MARRIED. I DO KNOW HER SHE WORKED WITH HIM I HAVE SPOKEN TO HER ON THE PHONE SHE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT RUDE. SO TELL ME WHY DO WOMAN FEEL THAT IT IS OK TO DATE A MARRIED MAN? THERE ARE SO MANY MEN OUT THERE WHY? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.... WHY ARE YOU GIVING UP YOUR FREEDOM AND WILLING TO GO THROUGH DRAMA FOR A MAN THAT BASICALLY JUST SAW YOU AS NEW PUSSY. THATS BASICALLY REAL I MEAN I AM NOT GOING TO BE MEAN ANY MORE BUT IF HE WANTED ANYMORE THAN THAT HE WOULD OF LEFT AND NEVER GONE BACK. THE WOMAN MY HUSBAND WAS WITH STATED WELL HE KEPT COMMIN BACK TO THIS ASS WELL YEAH HER DUMB ASS LET HIM GO BACK EVERYTIME. SO HE BASICALLY RAN BACK AND FORTH THE ONLY PERSON THAT ONE OUT OF THAT SITUATION WAS MY HUSBAND HE GOT TO SCREW NEW AND OLD PUSSY IN HIS EYES. WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER LET GO JUST WONDERIN WHAT GOES THROUGH A WOMANS HEAD WHEN SHE DOES THIS ?


foxxyy44u - September 20th, 2006 4:54 PM

Well, judgement day, what kept going through my head is all his bullshit lies which I desperately believed! Everytime he left and said he wasnt going back ever, and did I really want to be with him? He loves me so much, and all the other lies. I never for a minute saw it as just sex. I know he didnt either. He even told his wife there was much more to it than sex, and that he had an emotional bond, and a mental attraction to me. Like I said I loved him, and I wanted to believe that he felt the same. He told me the shit his wife would say to him, that was also probably a lie. But when you get in emotionally deep you do things that are stupid, and that you normally wouldnt do. I cant remember if I said this before, but, he would spend all the time with me, whether we had sex or not. We would go out for drinks, go get food, and spend hours watching tv and talking. The man even brought his sketch pad and drew my portrait and drew me pictures all the time, cuz that was one of the things he loved doing. It wasnt just new pussy, it was someone who showed him love, passion, and he even told me when we were ending this that he loved being around me b/c I made him feel loved, and appreciated, and he loved the way I made him feel about himself. Thers usually more to the affairs than sex when they are ongoing with the same person for a long time. Emotions tend to get involved for both parties.


JUDGEMENTDAY - September 20th, 2006 5:08 PM

WELL IF THATS HOW YOU SEE IT THATS YOU. YOU COULD BE RIGHT THIS MAN PROBABLY DID SPEND ALOT OF TIME WITH YOU BUT LISTEN TO WHAT YOU SAID HE LIKED THAT YOU ACCEPTED HIM THAT WAY FOR WHO HE WAS. HE IS NOT THAT PERSON SEE HE IS REAL AT HOME AND HE IS WHAT HE WISHES AT YOUR HOME. HE WAS FINE BEING WITH YOU AS LONG AS THERE WAS NO REAL ATTACHMENT NOW HE RUNS BECUASE EVENTUALLY YOU WILL SEE HIM THE WAY HIS WIFE DOES.


foxxyy44u - September 20th, 2006 5:38 PM

I often wonder why I have emotions for sumone who clearly has none for me? If he had cared at all I think he would have called to ask how I was, how the pregnancy was going, something. I am still in shock that this is the same person who told me so many "heartfelt" things, but the days are making it sumwhat more bearable, still not easy. How could he love either of us? Can you do that to your wife if you love her?


JUDGEMENTDAY - September 20th, 2006 5:53 PM

HE OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T CARE. WHAT HE CARES ABOUT TO BE REAL IS WHAT HE IS TRYING TO FIX AT HOME. FROM ALL THE DRAMA THAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH I HAVE LEARNED THAT WHEN MEN LOVE THERE WIVES WITH ALL THERE HEART THEY DON'T AND CANT LEAVE THEM SO INSTEAD THEY FIND A WAY OUT WHEN THEY ARE HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THEM. YOU WERE A WAY OUT HE ESCAPED TO GET AWAY FROM WHATS REAL IN HIS LIFE HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN. THATS WHY MEN DO SO MUCH WITH THE OTHER WOMAN BECAUSE THEY CAN DO WHAT THEY WANT THERE IS NO REAL BOND. HE KNOWS NOW THAT THE EXPECTATIONS YOUR GONNA HAVE ARE GONNA BE HIGH JUST LIKE HIS WIFES WERE. BEING THEIR FOR THE CHILD, MONEY ISSUES AND SO FORTH. LOOK AT IT THIS WAY IF HE KEPT COMING TO YOU BUT ALWAYS RUNNING BACK THAT SHOULD OF SAID IT ALL. YOU WERE HIS DOORMAT YOU WERE THE OTHER WOMAN YOU WERE THE GETAWAY WELL HIS VACATION IS OVER AND HE NO LONGER WANTS TO PLAY . I CAN TELL YOU THAT YOU WILL PROBABLY START TO HATE THIS MAN MORE AND MORE CAUSE HE IS NOT GOING TO DO AND BE EVERYTHING HE PROMISED THOSE PROMISES RESERVED FOR HIS WIFE AND FAMILY AND IF HE NEVER STAYED WITH YOU HE DIDN'T HAVE THE INTENTIONS IN THE FIRST PLACE. I FEEL FOR YOU CAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU HAVE GOTTEN UR SELF INTO. TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS . I FEEL FOR THE WOMAN WHO HURT ME BECUASE SHE WAS WARNED I WARNED HER HE HAD DONE THIS ONCE BEFORE HER RESPONSE I AM NOT LIKE THE REST WELL ALL I CAN SAY IS EVERY ONE HAS A PUSSY IT WORKS THE SAME WAY WHEN THEY GET TIRED UR OLD NEWS. THE WIFE SHE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE SHE HOLDS THE HEART......


foxxyy44u - September 21st, 2006 10:12 AM

Maybe the wife does hold the heart or perhaps its just easier to go back to, b/c all thats involved w/ the wife. Its a lot of shit to go throught to get a divorce from someone who u share a home, a mortgage, car notes, and children with. I know he loved her still, like I still love my ex. We talked about the fact that we both love the spouses, but we are not in love with them. If you have true love for someone you CANT do that to them, especially ongoing. I could never go home to the one I love and lie to his face every day. And where was his love for her when he was holding me in his arms and spending the night wrapped around me? She wasnt on his mind or else he would have felt like an asshole and went home. Any time we tried to end it, he would call me up the next day telling me that he loved me and that he coulnt let me go, and he is begging if I could please just bear w/ him and give him a little more time so he could save up some money to get out and have a place for his kids. Gave me the long story of if he left tonight he would literally be sleeping in his car, no family close by. Well I chose to believe this man that I had known for 2 years, thinking he wouldnt sit and lie to my face for 10 months, b/c I thought if it was just sex then he could move past me and go find new and exciting girls to be with. Me and his wife have had a few long talks now, and she admitted to me that their sex life was almost nonexistent and he looked at her like he hated and resented her. She said she knew then that he was doing sumthin b/c he never used to leave the house and now he was hangin out w/ his friends quite often. So why did he resnt her and not wanna sleep w/ her (if this is where his heart is)? I think he loved her, he developed feelings for me, and thought he had it all. But when the shit hit the fan, he wasnt man enough to deal with reality. He ran back to her, b/c thats his security, and his comfort zone. He knew she would take him back. Well I have learned SOOOOO much from this experience. 1. When a man says hes married or seperated, RUN!! And dont look back, tell him to call u when hes DIVORCED! and 2. Men are so much less emotional than women, matters of the heart dont seem to get to them or they just hide it very well. 3. Be careful who you trust. 4. Always guard your heart, b/c people will always let you down and hurt you. I wish the wife would tell him to get the fu** out of her house, and then he would have neither of us to run to. Only then would he feel the pain that he has caused both of us. He feels no pain right now b/c hes got it made. After all the fun he got to have, all is still ok. Wife took him back, and they are probably going through the "honeymoon" phase where she will do anything to make him happy, since he was "unhappy" before. She will do anything she can to make him not wanna do this again, so surely hes got the life right now, hes being rewarded for his bad behavior. Why do women allow this bullshit? And why cant wifes place blame on the right person? If my man ever cheated, then of course I wouldnt want to meet and befriend this woman who took my man, but I wouldnt give a rats ass about her, I would be furious, livid, disgusted, and hurt by my man. If I'm not enough for sumone then I dont need them. I refuse to spend my days in a relationship thats not good for me anymore. I'm better off alone.


JUDGEMENTDAY - September 21st, 2006 10:31 AM

WHEN A MAN WANTS OUT IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY DO TO GET OUT BECUASE YOUR RIGHT MEN AREN'T EMOTIONAL THEY WILL DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO TO GET OUT OF THE SITUATION THEY ARE IN AT THE TIME. YOU ARE RIGHT MEN ARE ASSHOLES BUT HE WASN'T THE ONLY ONE PLAYIN HOUSE SO WERE YOU I THINK YOU JUST WANT THIS MAN TO HURT LIKE YOUR HURTING NOW SAD THING IS YOU DID IT TO YOUR SELF THIS MAN DIDN'T LOVE YOU JUST LIKE MY MAN DIDN'T LOVE THIS OTHER WOMAN IF HE DID LOVE YOU HE WOULDN'T CARE WHAT HE WENT THROUGH TO HAVE YOU HE LOVES WHO HE HAS AT HOME PROBABLY WAS JUST NOT HAPPY AT HOME AT THE TIME. YOU COMFORTED HIM WHEN NEEDED SO TO ME SOUNDS LIKE IT WAS MORE OF A LUST SITUATION YOU ARE BETTER OFF WITH OUT HIM BECAUSE IF HE DID IT TO HIS WIFE WHO IS HIS SECURITY THEN HE WILL DO IT TO YOU WHO DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO HIM BUT A GOOD TIME AS A MATTER A FACT HE WAS PROBABLY SLEEPIN WITH ANOTHER WOMAN BESIDES YOU TO NO DOUBT.


JUDGEMENTDAY - September 21st, 2006 10:56 AM

YOU KNOW THE MORE I TALK TO YOU THE MORE YOU SOUND LIKE THE OTHER WOMAN MY HUSBAND HAD. SOMETHING FUNNY ABOUT THIS IS THAT WHEN THIS GIRL TEXT MESSAGED ME TO TELL ME SHE WAS PREGNANT FROM MY HUSBAND I CALLED MY HUSBAND AND TOLD HIM THAT THE GAMES WERE OVER AND THAT HE WAS NO LONGER WELCOME IN MY HOME. I TOLD HIM CALL UP YOUR CHICK SHE SAID YOUR MORE THAN WELCOME TO GO STAY WITH HER AND HE SAID THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH HER HE KNEW WHAT HE WANTED. WELL I STILL LOCKED HIM OUT SO HE CALLED THAT NIGHT BEGGING FOR ME TO LET HIM IN CAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO SLEEP IN HIS CAR HOW FUNNY. MEN ARE STUPID YOU KNOW. ALL HE KEPT SAYIN WAS WERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW I TOLD HIM GO WERE YOU WERE LAYIN UP AT DO WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOIN BUT YOU AINT DOIN IT HERE. HE IS NO LONGER WITH ME HE IS GONE I LET HIM GO BUT HE TRIED ALL HE COULD FROM GETTING ME A NEW HOUSE TO KISSIN MY ASS THING IS HE IS SELFISH AND I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HIM ANY MORE WHETHER HE IS DOING GOOD OR IF HE IS HURTING AND HAS HIT ROCK BOTTOM HE IS NO LONGER MY PROBLEM GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF HIM IN HIS OWN WAY I GUESS WHAT I AM TRYIN TO TELL YOU IS THAT SOMETIMES IT TAKES A FALL TO MAKE A PERSON BETTER YOU SHOULDN'T WISH THIS MAN ANY HARM OR HOPE THAT SOMETHING PAYS HIM BACK CAUSE IT WILL HAPPEN ONLY WHEN GOD IS READY . WHAT YOU LEARNED WAS GOOD HOPEFULLY THIS BABY IS A BLESSING TO YOU


foxxyy44u - September 21st, 2006 11:39 AM

Well Im glad that at least you did finally get rid of him. I can assure you I am not like most women. What other woman would be sittin here goin through this alone right now, and not even attempting to get a damn thing from him? I know most women would be already gettin all the info together on how to deal with this legally and get their child support. Im better than that. I guess I will be forever grateful to him for the gift he gave me, cuz Im sure when its born, I will probably love the child more than life. But other than that, I could care less about his well- being. He is walking out on an innocent baby! How can a man do that? How does he not care to know whether this baby was aborted or will be brought into the world, never knowing the dad. This is my first pregnancy, but already I care about it. He has children, so how can you care about some of your kids, but not all of them?


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