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foxxyy44u - September 1st, 2006 11:33 AM

I don't know exactly what I'm looking for, other than some advice from others who have walked in my shoes and survived. I'm 27, and met him at work. We were friends for about 1 1/2 years before anything else happened, then a romance started. We were both unhappily married. I really was, I left my husband about 2 months into it. I was truly convinced heloved me, and wanted nuthin more in the world than to be with me. We had SO much more than just s_x. We spent A LOT of time together outside of work, b/c after 4 months into it I left there to work elsewhere. He had his reasons: A house, mortgage, his 2 kids, which are his from previous marriage. But anyhow, I got pregnant, called to tell him, and she ended up calling me back and we talked and she knows the whole truth. She knows I am 9 weeks along. The kicker? She is 11 weeks along!! No joke! I'm so hurt and angry. I saw him that night b/c she threw him out for the night. He told me he would be behind me whatever I decided, and he didn't want me to feel like I had no options. Oh and that he loves me so much, wants to be w/ me, and this time I knew better, b/c the next day, he was back home. She took him back! He even told her he was w/ me that night. She called me to tell me how wrong I was and that her husband had made a mistake! 10 months is not a mistake! 1 night is a mistake! anyways, I'm going to keep this baby, not to try and win him or to hurt him. On the contrary, I want nuthin at all to do with him, and I want them both to leave me the h__l alone. I dont even want his child support, b/c I'd rather give that up and him not be involved, period. I don't know if he will do this easily, or what is to come in the future, but I would love to talk to anyone who has walked in my shoes. I need the support!


dsmom - September 1st, 2006 1:45 PM

wow,,,i am in a similar situation but in this case im the wife, and Im having my baby two months behind my husbands girlfreind,,,,,it was my own stupidity to fool around with him after we had been separated for a long time (because abuse)and I knew he was seeing someone else,,,but I loved him so I started to see him and I got pregnant, around the time we started seeeing each other she left him, anyway I got pregnant and we decided to work it out, we were together about three months when I found out that the other girl was preg when she left him,,,and she left him becasue he told her to get an abortion,,,, I was so mad,,I left him and havnt talk to him or seen him since,,,,but Im better off so is the other girl,,,and i feel sorry for any other girls out there ,,,who knows how many hes got,,,,Im not letting have anything to do with my daughter,,,,,i am going for chld support Im going to drag him through hell and back,,,jsut like he did to me,,,,when my daughter is old enough to understand I will tell her what happened and leave it up to her if she wants to seee him and she wont once she meets him and see how he is,,,,,,,,My husband hasnt even tried to contact me and Iv been gone 4 months so I guess he dosnt care about his daughter,,,,,,Im proud of you for dumping him and Im not one of thoes vidictive wives who thinks its the womans fault becasue I think its the mans.....its his responsibility to be faithfull.....I wish you luck and good luck with the baby.......


foxxyy44u - September 1st, 2006 4:41 PM

To dsmom, thank you so much for the kind words of support. I actually do take responsibility for my actions, and I'm not out to be vindictive. The only thing I wish she would understand is that I didn't walk down the aisle, take vows w/ her, or have a commitment to her, HE DID! why cant' she see he's the bad guy and we have BOTH been lied to, hurt, and deceived? I am so thankful for the women like you that are so level headed. Don't get me wrong, I dont expect her to like me, I just expect her to realize that her husband hurt her SOOO much more than I hurt her, b/c I don,t even know her. I also wish she would dump his cheating a__s. I have learned my lesson the hard way. Sad thing is that she is still there, living a lie with a man that had 2 lives for 10 months. If she could see the way he was w/ me, and the things he said to me, and did to me, she would surely not recognize him to be the man that she knew as her husband. So now, I suffer, but I know I deserve this pain. She doesn't. He deserves pain, but I don't know if he feels it. I will probably always love him, but I also know that he never was who I thought he was. Wasn't happy at all about being pregnant at first. I cried, wanted an abortion, and felt hopeless. But as the days pa__s, I see I will be ok w/o him. It's hard to know that he's there at her doctor visits and ultrasounds, but not mine. But, I'm sure when this baby is born, I'll never regret my decision to have it, and that will be the one good thing to come from this piece of c___p that's not even a real man. I am sorry for you and your pain. I feel the pain too, just on the other side of the fence. Good luck, and good job being a strong woman!!


dsmom - September 2nd, 2006 8:08 AM

thank you, Im sorry you and i both had to fall in love with losers. I can understand how you feel becasue I can see it through your eyes,,when I found out that my husband was with another woman, the first feeling was anger but then it made me realize how manipulitve men are and he probley told her all the same things he told me, to get me to fall in love,,men dont feel how women feel and they can never understand,,,,I cried too when I found too when i found out I was pregnant I thought of abortion and adoption,,,because I didnt want a baby by a man wouldnt be there for me but hten I realized one day that this is my baby and its just fait when my dad said something to a family member on the phone,,,,,,,my aunt asked him if the baby was my husbands in a rude way,,and he said,,I dont know its her baby and thats all that matter..,,,,,you know how you said you wished that she would leave him, well sometimes it takes a long time to seee a person for who they really are,,I know,,,my whole relation ship with my husband all my family and friends told me that I could do better and he didnt treat me right,,,,but I idint listen it just pushed me closer to him,,,,three years we were togethr then we got married, we were together for 2 years and he started to go out all night and party and become secretive, so I confronted him one night,,i was drunk and when he wouldnt talk to me I freaked I pushed himand he beat me so bad I got put in the hospital,,,,,,I left him and i still cried everyday and made any excuse to see him, becasue i thought he loved me,,,,,,,he started seeing someone not even a week later,,,,or already was im no sure,,,,,,,,about three months went by and we hooked up again for about twoo weeks, then he went back to her, I was p__sed..I moved in with a friedn and I was gone about three months when he calls me out of the blue,,saying I wannan chill with you can we hang out,,,of course I said ya, so we started doing things together, and it was fun like when we first met,,,I told him I didnt want to gt back together because I knew he would just hurt me again,,,,so we just dated untill I found out I was pregnant then he begged me to get back together and work it out,,,,so still being in love with him I tried,,,but things went bad quick,,,,,,,being with him thoes couple months opened my eyes and i saw what evreyone else saw,,,,,a loser that was using me,,,,,,,Im just saying that It took me six years to see him as he really is and it might take his wife a long time to........she will eventually see it when he does it to her again,,,and believe me he willl,,,,,,,,im blabbing on and on,,,,,,im young to and been through alot,,im only 21,,,we were married young,,,,,my mom always told me i wanted to grow up tp fast ,,,,


jazyjewls - September 15th, 2006 2:46 PM

Hey foxy- I know exactly what you are going thru.. I have a 4 month old by a married man.. His wife knows everything and she don't want him to have anything to do with the baby.. Which is fine.. My beautiful lil girl don't need a father in her life that's going to be like that.. I was seeing him for almost 2 years. And his wife puts ALL the blame on me.. This wasn't the first time he cheated and I'm sure it wont be the last.. but if they want to deal with there husbands cheating let them.. More on and just worry about that lil baby your carrying.. I am now a single mother and I take care of my daughter the best I can.. Done listen to these people that talk Sh*t on here cause if they don't know how you feel or what you are going thru they need to really shut there mouth and go to another form.. or find something else to do... well good luck.. and keep your head up and you will be fine..


foxxyy44u - September 15th, 2006 3:25 PM

Dear mammy16 and jazyjewls, thank you so much for your kind words of support. It does help to know that others can have a heart and compa__sion instead of hate. An update- now I'm almost 12 weeks and will have an ultrasound on sep. 21st. Of course I will be going w/o the dad by my side, b/c we havent spoke in 3 weeks. The last time he called he was askin me if I had made a decision about what I was gonna do (abort or keep). Told him that I hadnt aborted and I was gonna keep it, but I didnt need anything from him, and he didnt have to call me anymore. Boy I guess that was a relief for him, cuz he sure as hell hasnt called once. How can he have 2 unborn babies, and already have decided to only be there for one? As I recall he was right there with me while the child was bein conceived. I am still in pain and denial over all of this. I know time heals pain but when? I havent spoke to him in 3 weeks and havent seen him in 5 weeks. Shouldnt this be gettin easier to deal with? Still feels like so many things were left unresolved, and I really dont understand how he doesnt care just like that. Oh well, I'll stop whining now, but thanks to all who are understanding and compa__sionate!!


foxxyy44u - September 20th, 2006 3:36 PM

Oh judgement day, you are so wrong and judgemental! So good name choice, but no darling I am not dirty. I know where I have been, I can count my partners on one hand. I knew him for a year and a half before even becoming intimate, so I am far from dirty or trashy, of course would never have unprotected s_x with a stranger. And no I am not ho-ing around w/ other men. Havent slept w/ anyone else since I first slept w/ him. I havent had s_x in a month and a half now, so I am also not a s___t, would never Fu** a stranger. Ps, I do blame him and myself also. The difference is I had not taken vows to her, he had. He walked down the aisle w/ her, not me. And the main difference is I have character, he doesnt. He ran from his responsibilities, and I could have chosen to run and get an abortion, to take the easy way out. But no, I know its time to face my responsibilities and take care of things. I know I made a huge mistake, but I will not run from it, like a puss* . That is what he did! He ran to his wife, and tells her now how much he loves her I'm sure, but boy, he sure wasnt thinking of her when he was fuc*ing me and then taking his package back to her, and he risked giving her a disease even though she was innocent. Thats one thing that kind of disgusts me about him, is that he would do that to someone. And for your information, I know where he lives, wk\here he works, and I have his cell #, home #, work #, and I havent called him or her once to ask for anything. I am not gonna do that, b/c I dont want his money. In fact I would rather just have them out of my life. Dont get me wrong, if he desperately wanr\ted to be a part of his kids life, then of course I would let him. But as of yet, he has shown no interest. I have my 12 week ultrasound tomorrow. He will of course not be there to share in that with me. And u know what? Thats ok, b/c while I have my mom and dad (people who truly love me) to accompany me, SHE has HIM, to go with her to her appointments. Gee, would I want a lying, deceitful, careless, thoughtless a__s, who I couldnt trust to come with me? Nope! Also I know at night, she is literally sleeping with a stranger, she doesnt even know this man. He lied to her face EVERYDAY for 9-10 months! I knew where he was and all, but she never had a clue. I actually oity her now, too bad I cant give her some of my strenght. She needs to get the hell away from the loser. To see a man be a deadbeat like him should be enough to make her realize he is no man. Hopefully she will one day. Whatever happened to you to make you so bitter, sorry, but I am not her, ok? You can take it out on me though, get it all out, if thats what makes u feel better! Doesnt really p__s me off, cuz I could easily take my anger out on someone that has done the same thing he has!


Emma2 - September 20th, 2006 3:46 PM

Judgementday, stop writing in caps 1st of all.....2nd i hope your not tlaking about me ...and i think your story is sad but hey, get over it and move on. Your husband is the one who should have cared about his kids ...not the other woman....good luck


JUDGEMENTDAY - September 20th, 2006 5:08 PM

WELL IF THATS HOW YOU SEE IT THATS YOU. YOU COULD BE RIGHT THIS MAN PROBABLY DID SPEND ALOT OF TIME WITH YOU BUT LISTEN TO WHAT YOU SAID HE LIKED THAT YOU ACCEPTED HIM THAT WAY FOR WHO HE WAS. HE IS NOT THAT PERSON SEE HE IS REAL AT HOME AND HE IS WHAT HE WISHES AT YOUR HOME. HE WAS FINE BEING WITH YOU AS LONG AS THERE WAS NO REAL ATTACHMENT NOW HE RUNS BECUASE EVENTUALLY YOU WILL SEE HIM THE WAY HIS WIFE DOES.


foxxyy44u - September 20th, 2006 5:38 PM

I often wonder why I have emotions for sumone who clearly has none for me? If he had cared at all I think he would have called to ask how I was, how the pregnancy was going, something. I am still in shock that this is the same person who told me so many "heartfelt" things, but the days are making it sumwhat more bearable, still not easy. How could he love either of us? Can you do that to your wife if you love her?


JUDGEMENTDAY - September 21st, 2006 10:56 AM

YOU KNOW THE MORE I TALK TO YOU THE MORE YOU SOUND LIKE THE OTHER WOMAN MY HUSBAND HAD. SOMETHING FUNNY ABOUT THIS IS THAT WHEN THIS GIRL TEXT MESSAGED ME TO TELL ME SHE WAS PREGNANT FROM MY HUSBAND I CALLED MY HUSBAND AND TOLD HIM THAT THE GAMES WERE OVER AND THAT HE WAS NO LONGER WELCOME IN MY HOME. I TOLD HIM CALL UP YOUR CHICK SHE SAID YOUR MORE THAN WELCOME TO GO STAY WITH HER AND HE SAID THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH HER HE KNEW WHAT HE WANTED. WELL I STILL LOCKED HIM OUT SO HE CALLED THAT NIGHT BEGGING FOR ME TO LET HIM IN CAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO SLEEP IN HIS CAR HOW FUNNY. MEN ARE STUPID YOU KNOW. ALL HE KEPT SAYIN WAS WERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW I TOLD HIM GO WERE YOU WERE LAYIN UP AT DO WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOIN BUT YOU AINT DOIN IT HERE. HE IS NO LONGER WITH ME HE IS GONE I LET HIM GO BUT HE TRIED ALL HE COULD FROM GETTING ME A NEW HOUSE TO KISSIN MY ASS THING IS HE IS SELFISH AND I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HIM ANY MORE WHETHER HE IS DOING GOOD OR IF HE IS HURTING AND HAS HIT ROCK BOTTOM HE IS NO LONGER MY PROBLEM GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF HIM IN HIS OWN WAY I GUESS WHAT I AM TRYIN TO TELL YOU IS THAT SOMETIMES IT TAKES A FALL TO MAKE A PERSON BETTER YOU SHOULDN'T WISH THIS MAN ANY HARM OR HOPE THAT SOMETHING PAYS HIM BACK CAUSE IT WILL HAPPEN ONLY WHEN GOD IS READY . WHAT YOU LEARNED WAS GOOD HOPEFULLY THIS BABY IS A BLESSING TO YOU


foxxyy44u - September 21st, 2006 11:39 AM

Well Im glad that at least you did finally get rid of him. I can a__sure you I am not like most women. What other woman would be sittin here goin through this alone right now, and not even attempting to get a d__n thing from him? I know most women would be already gettin all the info together on how to deal with this legally and get their child support. Im better than that. I guess I will be forever grateful to him for the gift he gave me, cuz Im sure when its born, I will probably love the child more than life. But other than that, I could care less about his well- being. He is walking out on an innocent baby! How can a man do that? How does he not care to know whether this baby was aborted or will be brought into the world, never knowing the dad. This is my first pregnancy, but already I care about it. He has children, so how can you care about some of your kids, but not all of them?


foxxyy44u - September 21st, 2006 12:28 PM

Well honestly, hell yeah I wanted him to be with me. B/c at the time thats the only reason I stuck around, was to give him time to leave. I was never in it for the "rush" or excitement. I loved him. But now, I dont want him or his lies or drama. Noe all I wish for is that he would call and show some interset in the baby, ask about the ultrasounds, call to find out the s_x, the due date, and want to be a father to the child that is half him. I could be civil, even friendly to him and his wife, for the sake of this. But he doesnt care. Even after he found out I was pregnant, he told me he loved me, and wanted to be with me, and he didnt want me to get an abortion. Then, just like that, he lied again, and he was gone. My first thoughts were to get an abortion, but thinking long and hard on that, I don't even believe in that, murdering my own child. So I decided that I've seen plenty of happy children in fatherless homes, and it will be hard, but I will survive. Oh! as to the question of his children, He has custody of them, They are from his 1st marriage. The woman he is married to now is not their mom, so I guess I never felt like I was ripping a family apart. In fact I used to wonder if she was even loving towards them, b/c she ttold him things like, "no one would want you, you have 2 kids and no one else would want that baggage." I actually always wondered if they felt close to her, and thought of her as a mom type, b/c I think all kids deserve a great home life, not one filled w/ arguing or hate. But I never wanted to break up a happy home. He had a__sured me that this wasnt a happy home, and it had already been decided that he was leaving, whether I was in the picture or not. Well, yes he lied, and I learned. I would NEVER have stuck around if I had known or even suspected that he wanted to make things work with her. Im not a bad, s___tty type. Im the girl next door. I used to have morals and values. Feels like I still do, just abandoned them temporarily.


JUDGEMENTDAY - September 21st, 2006 1:15 PM

I WANT TO ASK YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER BUT I AM CURIOUS ONLY CAUSE YOU SOUND SO MUCH LIKE THE OTHER WOMAN I AM DEALING WITH. SEE BEFORE SHE WOULD NEVER TALK TO ME SHE WOULD ALWAYS SAY ASK YOUR HUSBAND HE IS THE ONE MARRIED TO YOU OR STUFF LIKE HE IS ONLY WITH YOU CAUSE OF THE KIDS. BUT WHEN HE TOLD HER DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO AFTER SHE TOLD HIM SHE WAS PREGNANT SHE THEN WANTED TO TALK TO ME CAUSE SHE DIDN'T APPRECIATE HIS RESPONSE . SHE SAID ONE THING TO ME THAT STUCK IN MY HEAD FROM THE WHOLE CONVERSATION IT WAS I'LL BE DAMN IF HE COMES HOME TO U EVERY NIGHT AND I HAVE TO GO THRU THIS ALONE. ONE MORE THING BEFORE I ASK MY QUESTION.... I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS SAID BETWEEN THEM BUT FOR WHAT EVER REASON SHE TEXTED HIM AND STATED " YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME I DON'T WANT THIS CHILD BUT I AM GOING TO HAVE IT AND MAKE YOU KEEP IT..." MY QUESTION TO YOU IS WHY DID YOU REALLY THINK HE WOULD STAY WITH YOU . AND WHY WERN'T U USING PROTECTION IF YOU KNEW HE WAS MARRIED ? THIS GIRL STATED SHE KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN SOONER OR LATER TO ME THAT TOLD ME SHE WAS WAITING TO TRAP HIM BUT THE GAME FELL SHORT ON HER PART... HE TOLD HER HE WAS LEAVING ME AND THAT HE WAS VERY UNHAPPY AT HOME BEFORE HE MET HER AND THAT HE HAD FALLIN OUT OF LOVE WITH ME. THAT IS ALL TRUE WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS WHEN IT CAME DOWN TO IT AND HE HAD THE CHANCE TO GO WHY DIDN'T HE. HE NO LONGER IS WITH ME BUT AT THE SAME TIME NO LONGER WITH HER HE IS LIVING WITH HIS AUNT. WHY DID YOU REALLY THINK HE WOULD LEAVE HIS WIFE? AND WHAT HE DID WITH YOU DON'T YOU THINK HE ALREADY DID WITH HER OR WAS DOING WITH HER. WHAT WOULD YOU THINK THIS GIRL WOULD SAY IF I DID EXCEPT HER CHILD INTO MY LIFE WOULD YOU BE OK OR WOULDN'T YOU BE HOSTILE TOWARDS THE SITUATION WHEN YOUR BABY IS BORN WOULD YOU REALLY EXCEPT ANOTHER WOMAN TAKING CARE OF IT WHEN THE DAD TAKES IT HOME FOR VISITATION DID ANY OF THIS RUN THROUGH YOUR MIND. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU STRONGLY WANT HIM TO BE A PART OF YOUR LIFE AND THE BABY BUT HOW WOULD YOU TREAT THE SITUATION BEING THE OTHER WOMAN AND KNOWING YOU WOULD COME SECOND...?


foxxyy44u - September 21st, 2006 2:30 PM

I want him to be a part of the babys life, not mine. But when given thought, I dont want my child to be around sumone who resents it and going to a home where its not wanted, so thas why I have chosen not to pursue him for any financial help. Im hoping that if he doesnt hear from me, then him, her, and all the drama will dissapear. Umm, as far as the birth control, good question. On my part, being in love, and the pa__sion we had just over rode thinking correctly. I was not trying to trap him. Unknown to him, I even went and got the morning after pill one time, b/c I figured out the next day that the odds were good that I was ovulating. So I doubt Im like the woman you are dealing with. Sounds like she went out of her way to trap him. I didnt, I just didnt think logically. He also had told me at one point that he had thought about "knockin me up" so he could always be a part of me but he said that he knew that would be wrong. So at very worst, I thought if I were to get pregnant, well its not a good situation, but I never doubted for a second that he would have been there for me. Pretty fuc*in naive, I know!


JUDGEMENTDAY - September 21st, 2006 2:35 PM

YOU REALLY DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION BUT OK. SO I GUESS THIS IS PROBABLY HOW THE WOMAN I AM DEALING WITH IS GOING TO FEEL. BUT SHE IS PLAYING GAMES CAUSE WHY WOULD SHE HAVE THE BABY IF SHE DOESN'T WANT IT TO ME ITS TO MAKE HIM REMEMBER HIS MISTAKE FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE. THATS SOME REVENGE BUT AT THE SAME TIME THE ONLY ONE THAT WILL HURT IS THE CHILD WHY BECAUSE THEY WILL BOTH MOVE ON BUT THE CHILD WILL ALWAYS BE IN THE MIDDLE. SO SAD BUT THATS LIFE. I THINK ONCE THE BABY IS BORN YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND AND WILL PURSUE HIM YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE SURE HE IS A PART OF THE BABYS LIFE IT IS ONLY HUMAN


JUDGEMENTDAY - September 21st, 2006 3:04 PM

i think you were mistaken by my comment but that is fine i will respect your thoughts. what i meant was that your child deserves a father and when he or she is born you will notice that it is not the baby's fault the dad was not willing to stick around . i am not bitter any more i have made peace with the whole situation god bless you and take care


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