At A Loss And Not Sure What To Do Please Help

2 Replies
Rainbow_bright - December 27

where to begin... Firstly I am 32 with a 10 year old son, single, I promised myself a long time ago i'd never have another child with someone who wasn't 100% "into" having a family as i was... However that said, I am now 20 weeks pregnant ! My high school sweet heart some 13 years ago moved from Australia to Scotland - I finally found him over two years ago on Myspace and have been communicating ever since, In late August he came to Aust. and we reconnected on many levels... and as a result of our connection we conceived a baby, all was awesome and he apparently is meant to be coming back end of January to start a new life with me, however... He has a daughter, aged 11 over there and currently lives in a shared house arrangement with his ex wife... well at the beginning of December communications diminished quite dramatically, and now i hardly hear from him at all... i know he is struggling with leaving his daughter behind and i have tried to reassure him that we'll make it work... but he seems to be slipping away from me.... which leaes me single and pregnant and not sure what to do... emotionally it is terrible and i have had spotting as a result, my family are somewhat un supportive and my friends can't understand how miss responsible can get caught in such a dilemma... any advice at this stage would be awesome... thanks!!

 

gummibear - December 29

oi, that's a tough one. i don't particularly think there's anything you can "do" exactly. my general opinion is that people shouldn't get married or stay together merely for the sake of children. taking your pregnant state out of the equation, would he still move back to Australia? would you push him as strongly to move if you weren't pregnant? certainly, your child deserves to know his father. but his other child equally deserves the same. you could take your son and move to Scotland, relieving the guy of being torn b/t his two children - but i wouldn't. your son has a life where you live, and its not fair to him. nevermind your promise to yourself, and nevermind that this was your former sweetheart. the guy is going to make his decision one way or another. you should focus on your pregnancy, your health, and providing for your new addition as well as your current son. if i were you, i'd prepare as if the guy was never returning from Scotland - and be presently surprised if he decided to move in the end.

 

Krissy25 - January 1

I think his actions (or lack of them) are speaking volumes. I think he has decided he is not comming back and feels guilty or is afraid to tell you. With quite a distance between the two of you it's not like you can just knock on his door and make him talk to you but you do need to try and get him to be honest with you. You should tell him that you understand this is probably very difficult for him but with a baby comming soon you need an answer on what he plans to do. You need to prepare yourself for the worst. As for family and friends not being supportive, that is a tough one, you may not be able to change the way they feel about the situation. If my calculations are correct you must have conceived very very shortly after her came. I'm sure i don't have to tell you how that looks to them. I would remind them though that the baby is innocent in all this and you would hope they can welcome this child the same as as a child with 2 parents. Good luck to you.

 

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