Don T Know Who I Am Anymore

6 Replies
#2 - March 9

Eight months ago my boyfriend and I broke up. We have a beautiful 19 month old daughter. We have developed a good relationship but only to care for our little girl. He is a wonderful father. No feelings between us remain. In fact, I started dating someone very shortly after we broke up. My 'new' boyfriend and I moved in together and, yup, I got pregnant, again. I don't think I would be as concerned (these things do happen and life is a beautiful thing) except for the fact that he is not the ideal father (or hu8sband). He has a child, who he rarely sees. He's a workaholic. He's unreliable, irresponsible, and egotistical. His life is centred around what he wants. This is a problem because he says he wants me but I think he's also sleeping with other people. (He says he's not.) At one point I even asked him to move out and he stayed with his EX-GIRLFRIEND. Apparently, he and his ex were still talking the whole time we've been dating. (She is not the mother of his child) I truely believe I am in love with him otherwise I wouldn't put up with what he's doing to me. My family is angry at me. My ex thinks I should have an abortion. I want nothing more than to be excited but I am scared and depressed and I feel like a tramp because I really don't know if it will work out with him. (I hope it does) I know I can't afford to do this on my own. Emotionally and Financially. But I can't help but wonder, if I wasn't pregnant...would I want him around? What do I do?

 

P - March 9

If you don't trust him why are you with him? You also have to ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want for your daughter. Your daughter learns what is acceptable from you. She is young now but if you continue in this type of relationship she's going to feel that this is the way it's supposed to be. Your ex also has no say in your decision and should have kept his opinion to himself. Also, you should not feel like a tramp. Your baby was conceived in love and that's all that matters. Why is your family angry at you? For the pregnancy or for putting up with the "new" guy? In my opinion, from what you have written, the "new" guy doesn't sound like much of a prize and you may have started seeing him to soon after you broke up with your baby girl's father. I think you are stronger than you know. If you want this baby, have it. Emotionally you can do it by yourself if you have to, and you don't have to do it alone financially. That's what the child support laws are for. You should never settle for someone that's second-rate because you don't want to be alone. I used to do that but somehow managed to unteach myself that habit. You can do it too. Good luck.

 

#2 - March 9

If you need a friend you can email me [email protected] Good luck. I am here if you need me.

 

Liza - March 9

Hmmm.I dont have a daughter (no kids at all),but in a very similar situation otherwise.16&half wks pregnant from a guy I love and who is not as good of a guy as I thought.Also workaholic,self-centered, spoilt and selfish.We fight all the time and at the moment dont even life together.Im at home with parents, he is in the UK 4k miles away.See, if I wouldnt be in a similar predicament I also would be saying to u to dump him and all.But im scared myself and I know I can,but afraid to do it all by myself-no money or mental strenght.But I guess things will just have to work out and at the end of the day its only u who can decide.Its not just words-its very true.It will come itself-u either will do an abortion or have a baby-UR HEART will choose itself what it right.Good luck!:-)

 

#2 - March 10

Thanks for the responses. I always thought my values were different and I wouldn't have ever got myself into this situation to begin with. But I do love him. I really want it to work out with him. I want to know how I could get him to open up and be a family, like he said he wanted when he came back to me...it seems like he doesn't want me when he's with me but when I don't want him, he's crazy about me. Some sort of thrill of the chase thing.

 

Sarah - March 10

Sweeite, listen to me, just because he is your babies father, does not mean you have to put up with that. ANd this guy seems to have no respect for you. Just because you are a single mother does not mean that men can treat you like second best. You need to do whats right for you, and leave this jerk. There are ways and people that can help you through, this, so dont think you are alone, and dont depend on this idiot to support you, because he wont. You have the power to do this, you just need to beleive it!!!

 

bbbb - March 12

u b___h

 

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