Here Is My Story Need To Let It Out

8 Replies
Miris - December 8

Hi I am 26 years old first baby, never even planned that I would have kids in my life. But here I am. I am happy and excited. I am also single :( We met in Feb we were great friends. Sexually attracted like crazy, we ended up being casual s_x friends with a great friendship. He has this other girl he would talk to every now and then which I dint care about we were just casual s_x and best friends no relationship. One night he surprised me by telling me he and this other girl were going to give it a try and he now was in a relationship and well I wished him luck and obviously we still remain friends. Sans the casual s_x of course. Well that didn't last long. One night he came over like any other normal night, we hung out watched TV, ate, drank, we were friends. Well we ended up in bed again. We continued to sleep with each other. I knew it was wrong he knew it was wrong. I guess for me I felt that it was my turn to take a little of what was taken from me. I don’t know what I was thinking. I had been cheated on before so many times that I guess me being the other woman this time was different and at least I wasn’t hurting at the time. This went on for months. I knew my friend wasn’t happy in this relationship and in a way was using me to somehow sabotage that relationship. But the game caught on to us. Feelings started to rise between us. We were spending so much time together it was crazy. We got to know each other so well. We have so much in common. One night during some passionate wonderful encounter we both buttered out practically at the same time. I have feelings for you. We talked about our feelings and how strong they were and how we both couldn’t keep doing this because one of us would get hurt\. He said I would either get hurt because he wouldn’t be there for me how I wanted or he would get hurt if he saw me with another man. That night we both decided that although our feelings were strong they weren’t too deep just yet. So we decided to make an effort on just being friends so that he can be a man and really give this girl a chance and see if it works. He knew in his heart it wasn’t working but I think he felt guilty of the affair he wanted to give it another try. I was okay with our decision. In these situations that’s what happens to the other woman. I knew what I was getting my self in to just lied to myself. Well big surprise that was our last night together as s_xual partners, and that night I GOT PREGNANT. Our relationship was great we had became just friends we learned how to do it. We still hung out, had fun, and drank together. It was a great friendship. I found out I was pregnant about 5 weeks later. On Halloween! Lol Happy Halloween! He was morally supportive in the beginning. We talked for hours. I was scared. FREAKING OUT! In my life I never thought I was going to have kids. It was not part of my life plan. But I didn’t believe in adoption or abortion. As an adult I felt I needed to take responsibility for my actions and the easy way out was not right. This baby deserves everything in the world and then some. Its not he or her fault birth control failed. Wow, me and the father found the one thing in our friendship we did not agree on. THE EASY WAY OUT. He was okay with abortion or adoption. Now he never asked me to have either and although he wasn’t planning a baby if that was my decision he respected my decision. I asked him if he would be there for the baby. His response was: “ I didn’t know that I was going to have to decide whether to be a father or not this weekend.” I said to my self-how could you even think about it. I couldn’t understand him. Keep in mind he already has a gorgeous 5 year old. So I told him to take his time. Did what he had to do. All he kept saying was how he betrayed her (the girlfriend) and I could say in my head was “you weren’t betraying her when we were *****” I let him be =. Figure he would come around. He did I showed him pictures of the ultrasound and asked him if he had made a decision. He has. He will be there for the baby because he didn’t want a child living up the street not knowing his father. He knew he needed to be there for him or her and be a father. Why am I still not happy? I miss my friend. I cant talk to him anymore its like he hates me. I can’t go to him for anything. He will be here for the baby but not me. I am sad. Single, alone. And all I hear is everyone else’s opinion about everything. Child support, custody, the last name! UGH! I am so tired of hearing any of that. I figure this much. He is the father he will be his father he will get his last name. Child support and custody. He has decided to be there for the baby so why take him to court! Seems like such of waste of time and energy, and if he didn’t want to be there for the baby then why force someone to do so by taking him to court. I don’t want his money. The baby will need his money to feed him and clothe him so he can give that to the baby when he’s with the baby. Right! I don’t know I just don’t want to stress about that right now. At this moment I am happy for this baby and excited I cant wait to see it. See what it looks like. Hug him/her. Kiss it all over! I will worry about all that later. And well I make pretty good money. I really don’t need his money. I just want my baby to have a daddy. But I am so lonely now. :(

 

brandie922 - December 9

Ok...have to know. Has he told his g/f yet?

 

jules08 - December 10

OMG... We are so much a like in this aspect it's crazy!! I'm Jules, 25, first child, single (now). I also found out on Halloween! I was NOT ready for children at all but I'm getting more excited about it everyday. Let me just say that I know what you are feeling. My boyfriend and i were fighting about some things, decided on a break, found out we were pregnant 5 days later. Out of a "guilty responsibilty" he decided he wanted to give it a try and later tells me it was only for the baby. Now he is starting to get back out into the dating world and I personally just don't have the desire to date right now so I'm devistated. I'm also feeling, betrayed, alone, depressed, excited, and just plain "numb." I wanted some advice as to how you are handling? And any legal advice I should know about. He says he does want to support the baby he just doesn't want us to be together... HELP!!!

 

hotmomma07 - December 10

hey girl just keep ur head up. maybe there will be a future for yall.

 

Miris - December 10

Hi brandie922 ---------------------- I dont think he has told the girlfriend. I think hes waiting for the holidays to pa__s.

 

Miris - December 10

Hi jules08 ----------------------------------- That is so funny you found out on Halloween I swear I was the only one. It was the weirdest thing. I had so plans to go out that night! That didnt happen. I wouldnt feel like dating either. Specially not woth a child in belly lol. Men are sometimes dumb and selfish, There is nothing we can do but be strong and do what we gotta do for our babies.---------- Now in regards to your question regarding the legal stuff. I havent really looked in to it because 1. he has decided to be there for the baby. 2. I dont believe in child support. I know it seems odd but if he decides to be there for the baby whats the point ya know. I hope he will be responsible enought to have everything 50/50 I really am not the one who needs the money its the baby so as long as he feeds, clothes and takes care of the baby while he or she is with him then Im straight. I dont need anything else. Of course I understand that it might not always be that perfect but Im praying it will. Now if he decides not be there financially or as a father for the baby.... well you cant force anyone so what are you to do. To me child support should come from the father willingly to the baby not to me. And honestly going to court and fighting and all that c___p to me is just so ugh!!!! I just dont want to have to be in court and all that i dont believe I will have the energy to do so. So im doing it on my own if I have to. When we first found out that I was PG and I asked the dad if he would be there I also told him that before he answered me ... was that if he was going to be there... to me that meant 100% from labor, to first day of school to babysitting everything including expenses. And if your not gonna be there, then yiu leave me and the baby to our selves. I didnt want a half as dad that would come around when ever he felt like it. So I figured that when he said he wanted to be here that meant 100 %............. so will see how that goes......... Where are you from Jules08?

 

Vannie824 - December 11

Hey girls (jules and Miris).. I feel like you guys are telling MY story!! :) I am also 26 years old, had a casual relationship with a guy that I worked with since July. He also happened to be in a relationship. We started casually talking and going out, and finally on his BDay in August, we had s_x for the first time and I found out in October (as well) that I was expecting a baby. All the while that he was in the relationship, he swore that things were not working out and that he wanted to be with me. He told me that if the situation ever escalated to me getting pregnant, than we would move in together and be together. Once that actually happened, he then started feeling emotions of guilt toward his ex (who has since broken up with him for other reasons). He tells me know that his main focus is to get back together with her even though he knows I am almost 4 months pregnant. He ALSO says that he cannot be there 100% because his priority is getting back together with his ex, but he can be there for a portion of the time??!!! He is a total a**hole, continues to party with friends on the weekends, and even though he is 35 and should be of the maturity level to know that his responsibilities are different, he continues his life as a bachelor. He basically plays mind games and tells me he is "in" some days, and others days his actions speak differently. I know that I should just make the decision that I am not going to depend on this person to be reliable, and to fully prepare myself to be strong and both mentally and financially secure on my own. I also don't want to get into the sticky mess of the courts. He just has a way of "woo-ing" girls, and if I really think about it, I'm sure I am not the only girl that he is dating right now. Hey Miris, are you from San Diego?

 

jules08 - December 11

He says that he is there 100% for me and the baby and that I am the most important person in his life besides family. I know he means it and that he will support this baby in every way. So, just like you I'm not going to go to court either unless for some reason he decides to bail. I just didn't know how to work all of it out but that will come later I guess. We still go to church together on Sundays and still see each other once in a while. I'm okay with that... If I can't have all of him right now then I am comfortable to have as much as he will allow. I'm just keeping my head up, for me and the baby. You should all do the same!!! We will get through this! I feel like this is our "support group." It's kind of cool how all of us are kind of in the same boat. I thought I was the only one and all of your advice and responses really helps. So THANK YOU! By the way, I'm from Atlanta, GA.

 

Miris - December 11

Hey Vannie824================== I am not in San Diego but I am in southern California. email me if you want my email is miris at hotmail dot com. Its funny how comforting it is to know that there is other people going thru the samething as I am. It is like a support group Jules, it has definetly helped me feel better. Anyone on here can email and we can keep in touch just make sure to write something in the subject line that I could recognize like Single ang Preggo forum and your nickname or something. I would hate to accidently delete anything from my spam inbox. I also have a blackberry Im addicted so if you have one you will know you can PIN ME here is my PIN 2428C005. Hope to hear from some of you soon. For now goodnight I need some sleep.

 

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