I Dont Know Who S The Father Of My Un Born Child

24 Replies
Bj - February 10

I'm not sure who my babys father is. While my partner of 5 years went overseas to work I ended up cheating on him with our friend which has been happening every now & then for the past 6 months. I found out I was pregnant last week & told my partner & he has been ignoring me since even though our familiys are very happy. Now I told the friend who I was sleeping with & now he's freaked out & wont talk to me either. I had s_x with them both at seperate times on the 8th jan 06 & my last period was on the 26th dec 05. I'm not sure how far along i am as my docters appointment is on monday the 12th feb. Im terrified that it could be my friends baby instead of my partners. I cheated on my partner as i didnt feel loved by him & my friend gave me that love during s_x. I'm not this type of person & im sickened by what ive done. Should I tell my partner? My friend said he'd deny that he ever saw me. If i didnt tell my partner would he be able to tell if it wasnt his child by the way they looked? Im keeping my baby & im scared if its my friends it will look like him & my partner will know its not his child. Please reply to this as im so confused & feel sickened by what ive done & I honest to god love my partner & pray each night its our baby. Im so sad please help!!!! I'm 21 & we've lived together for 5 years.

 

Ed - February 10

Did this guy not give you love because he is overseas or because of different reasons? A real friend would not have slept you and judging by your story he is not in love with you. He probably just wanted s_x and now wants out. Pillowtalk during s_x is not the same as love by the way. Smart to have unprotected s_x with both guys, real smart. If you want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror, then you should come clean. It is up to your partner to choose if he wil stay with you or not. Also get a birthing test.

 

Agree with ED - February 10

Come clean...Your have nothing to lose...If you cheated on him once ..You never loved him to begin with. And there is such a thing as DNA testing to figure out who the father is. If I was the man in the relationship and I grew a child up thinking it was mine and eventually find out there is a possibility it isnt mine after so many years I would hate you. Its unfair to any human being to be decieved that way. Get a grip on yourself you dont even love this guy or you never would have opened your legs to someone else NO EXCUSES!

 

SAD? - February 10

Why are u sad? Were you sad when you were sleeping with someone else? I DONT THINK SO.You come on this site for advice but the only advice I can offer is be honest with yourself and this man. If you lose him than that's just something that you need to deal with . You cheated and now you have to face the music. Don't lie to him about the child being his because you will go to HELL and it's really not a joke! Grow up and face the mess you created. P.s. The child has ever right in this world to know who his/her father really is. Be Fair and really Grow up!

 

bj - February 10

Thankyou for your honesty & for replying to this.you have given me a hard cold look at reality & id rather come clean & lose my partner than live a lie. My partner is the quiet type who rarely give affection, thats why i was feeling this way. For the past 3 years we havent gone out anywhere together, but thats no excuse. Honestly though im not this person & only thought these things happened on t.v but its my life & im not enjoying this at all. Once again thankyou for replying.

 

krc - February 10

Let me just say from the child's prerspective. When my mother conceived me there was speculation the man she claimed was my father was indeed my father. He insisted I wasn't his and chose to not be a part of my life. As for who I look like.... well some people say I look just like her. But I also look like I could be my cousins twin sister and her father is my alleged father's brother. So who knows. But im the one who had to grow up wondering if my mom was telling the truth or not. Looking at pictures of my " father " thinking..do I look like him? I can't tell ? So do your a child a favor and dont set them up for a lifetime of lies cuz it will come back and bite you in the a__s !! I love my mother but this closet skeleton has caused alot of pain amongst relatives because im always the one pursuing the truth when everyone else tries to be hush hush ! It's not fair to your child and you will cause alot of emotional pain. This isn't about your selfish desires anymore. You screwed up and no you must face the reality. Your child will not repsect you if you lie.

 

Bj - February 10

to krc, i really appreciate your imput. If my family lied to me id be deeply hurt aswell. I want my child to grow up with a mum & dad have no lies. This is really helping me. my partners grandma said if it was'nt his not to tell him ever. My best friend is in the same boat but she's come clean & her partners stood by her. Shes 6 mths pregnant. I dont think my partner will when i tell him, he'll despise me. Im such a fool. Sometimes i think maybe abortion would be an option but i did that with my partner 4 years ago & it really affected me, even till this day, thats why i just cant do it this time. What if it is his child & i go through this pain of telling him for nothing??? ive ruined his life & surley will break his heart!!

 

frankschick2001 - February 10

Liaten, if you are keeping the baby, then a DNA test or an appearance on the Maury Povich show is in the near future! I'm kidding. I hate to say it, but things like this only happen when we make very poor choices. Choosing to sleep with two guys in the same day, while using no protection is like BEGGING for this to happen. I'm not even going to address that this guy is your boyfriend's friend. That's between you and your conscience. Anyway, have the baby and get a test done. If your boyfriend wants nothing to do with the baby, then it's his loss and he will still have to be finacially responsible (if it's his baby). Smae thing for the other guy. At this point, you need to tell the truth about everything because you are in WAY to tough of a situation to pull this off without being caught. Whats the worst that can happen? Your boyfriend leaves you? Sounds to me like he's checking out on you already.

 

frankschick2001 - February 10

So you had unprotected s_x 4 years ago, ended up having an abortion and you STILL didn't learn your lesson? Only this time you made it even worse by doing it with 2 guys unprotected! I really have no patience for women (little girls) like you. Smarten up.

 

Ed - February 10

Bj, I just want to add something. Although i do not approve of the fact that you cheated, I do understand you. One of the main reasons why women cheat is because they're emotionally unfulfilled. I know how important it is to a woman and see it as a mans duty in a relationship to keep his girl/wife emotionally satisfied. If your partner does decide to stay with you, then you both should consider a form of relationship therapy. He should also find out why he doesn't give affection and doesn't take you places and fix that, because you need it. I myself only really figured out women when I was 26 and that was through a set of books on relationships and the differences between man and woman. I wish someone would have taught me to handle relationships. Whatever happens, stay positive and make this negative experience into a good thing.

 

bj - February 12

TO FRANKSCHICK2001, i didnt have un-protected s_x with them. I was on the pill, it was my 3rd week into starting it after having an implanon taken ouy my arm. Im not a stupid little girl like you say, im a smart girl with a very well off family who just felt un loved by her partner. My partner actually talked to me today & explained why he was doing this to me. At the xmas period he was drinking heavily & didnt come home form xmas & new year. He didnt get me a xmas gift. He told me i didnt deserve anything as im a stupid idiot etc (usual things he says). I blew up at him boxing day for not being there & we had a giant fight which ended our relationship untill now. Hes a very hard person to deal with as he doesnt show emotion or talk about things, he choose's to ignore them untill i scream at him in frustration. So please try to not name call me as a ''little girl" as ive had a very rough trot & learned to grow up at the age of 16 when my mum told me to move out on my own which i did without the help of anyone. I've made the biggest mistake of my life & i have to live with it for the rest of my life & i do love my partner & it was the first time i ever cheated on him during our 5 years together. Its hard for you to understand as you are judging me without even knowing me, i just needed some advise from someone.

 

frankschick2001 - February 13

BJ, you just stated a million reasons why this guy is just no good, yet you are together with him again, which I why I called you stupid. Might not be the nicest term in the world, so I'm sorry about that. But come on, how "naive" can you be? Plus, just because you are on birth control doesn't mean you should be having multiple partners. And the birth control pill is UNPROTECTED s_x! the only thing the pill does is prevent unwanted pregnancy (how's that workin'?) but doesn't protect against disease. Trudy: Nice mouth.

 

frankschick2001 - February 13

TRUDY: In answer to your question, I came to this board because I thought I would get some insight. I am in a committed relationship for the last 5 years. We want to have a baby but are not married so I wanted to see if there would be others like that here. But I see it's a lot of women who are just sleeping around all over the place and then wondering why they are in the situations they are in. I hate when women play the victim all the time. Maury Povich comment was not a low b__w. there are women on that show all the time in this situation. Also, no, not all of my descisions have been "perfect" but I have NEVER had unprotected s_x until I met my current boyfriend. I didn't even know what s_x without a condom felt like. It's not that difficult to stop for one second and just put the darn thing on. I'm no prude, I've had plenty of s_x, but I have never had a pregnancy "scare" and certainly not had to worry about the possibility of multiple fathers! I'm not better than anyone, but apparently the fact that condoms are cheap, easy and available everywhere means nothing to some women. I am all for indulging your s_xual selves, but have some common sense about it. Women need to stop playing the victim all the time, and take some responsibility for their s_xuality!

 

frankschick2001 - February 13

AND ONE MORE THING...this is a girl who slept with her man's FREIND!! If this was guy saying that he slept with HER friend, you ladies would string him up, don't deny it. So why should she be treated with kid gloves? I believe in equal responsibility for the s_xes. If a man is a dog for sleeping around with his woamn's friends, then why is a woman excused from doing the exact same thing?

 

Trudy - February 13

FranksChick: You know... you had a miscarriage. You apparently aren't as fertile as the rest of us on this board are. Do you know how easy it was for me to get pregnant while using protection? It's extremely easy. The only people that watch the Maury Povich show are trashy. Do you really watch it? Don't you think that this board is full of 'after the fact'. Don't you think most of the women who got pregnant are all thinking the same thing: Gee I should have protected myself better?? Both the male and the female perhaps forgot about the condom or bc or whatever. Now it's after the fact. It takes two people to make a baby, so why is the woman left to fend for herself and the baby on her own? Some if not all of these women feel horrible about what is going on in their lifes right now. For you to start you tirade about how you have the perfect boyfriend and make all the perfect decisions is a little annoying. It's like you are begging for something tragic to happen to you. That is how the evil eye is suppose to come to fruition. I'd be really careful if I were you. Place your insensitive blame on someone else. If you disagree with the poster than just say so in a nicer way.

 

frankschick2001 - February 13

The woman is left to fend for herself because SHE gets pregnant. And I am fertile. If you knew anything you;d know that one in four pregnancies end in a miscarriage. I got pregnant the first time we tried, using an ovulation test. It's wasn't hard for me to get pregnant. It takes two to make a baby but only one gets pregnant. The woman should be more vigilant about protecting herself. Guys get off easy. And I never said I have a perfect life or make perfect descisions, but I do try to make the smart ones.

 

Trudy - February 13

Yes, a woman should be more vigilant, but I doubt anyone of these women thought that their boyfriends would run off on them. Give me a break! You sound like a guy FranksChick. And if you aren't you should probaby be more vigilant about getting a ring on your finger. You may just end up like the rest of us. Be careful about gloating.

 

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