Just Found Out That My Boyfriend Is Living A Second Life

42 Replies
~S~ - March 14

I'm 16 weeks pregnant and yesterday I just found out for sure that my boyfriend (the father of my child) is cheating on me. He actually has a full out relationship with this other woman and has been for a very long time. I've always suspected and even questioned him about it, but I've always fallen for his stupid lies, I hate myself for this. Yesterday while he was making breakfast, I came across a letter I found in his room, it was from this other woman. In it, she described how much she loved him, and how she truely believed he loved her, and all the "special" things he did for her that made her feel "precious" She even asked him if he was serious about getting her pregnant....This totally broke my heart and I didn't know what to do or say, so I quietly put it back where I found it. Lastnight after I had gone home, I called him and he reasured me that there isn't anything to worry about. Now...this is the man that apparently says he loves me more than anything, that he's happy to become the father of our child....I don't know what to do??? I'm so confused! I love him so much, being that he's my first love. We've been together for 3yrs and I knew I wanted to have his baby, when it happened I was so happy. Now I'm not sure if I can even think about bringing this baby into a relationship like this. I don't know what to do? I'm so hurt, so confused. I didn't sleep at all lastnight and I don't know how I'm going to handle this.

 

Laura - March 14

~S~ I am in some what of the same pastion i was dateing this guy i realy loved and thought was the one for me and for some odd reason out of the blue he dumped me on christmas the next day i found out he was sleeping with my cousin then 2 days later i found out i was pregnant now he denies its his because she will get angry i guess i know alittle of how you feel.And it hurts alot i still cry about it I am 16 weeks preg.

 

Name - March 14

Does this "other" women know that he has been cheating on her with you, and that your pregnant with his child? Personally I think both you and the girl should leave him. He sounds like a lieing, no good cheating jerk! I would personally not get mad at the other girl if she had not known of you being his gf, because if she did not know, and he refused to tell her, that is on him, not her nor you. Good luck.

 

Name - March 14

I ment to say...you and the other girl should leave him....

 

~S~ - March 14

Yeah, It really hurts. I had such a rough day at work today, I couldn't seem to hold it together, so I ended up just leaving. I mean, there was no way I was going to be sitting at my desk sobbing. I know I don't deserve to be treated like this, but it's so very, very hard to just walk away. I know I should, I've been told this time and time again from both myself and my friends, but it's just hard. I guess because 1. This is my first real relationship. 2. I feel I've invested SO much into this - 3yrs worth and 3. He's my first love, my first s_xual partner and he's giving me my first baby... Anyways, yes this other woman knows about me, she knew about me from the beginning. She's even gone so far as to sneak my phone numbers (home, work and cell) out of his phone, called me one night - blocked her number of course- and started screaming at me to leave "her fuking man alone" Oh and no she does not know I'm pregnant. I got upset about her tracking my number down and calling me, I told my boyfriend that the LAST thing I need is for some psycho girl stalking me down, who knows what she might do. I know for sure that she doesn't like me one bit. I'm just so frustrated, so angry, so hurt, so sad, so everything! And I know all this stressing out is not good for me and the baby, nor should it be worth it, but I can't help to feel how I feel. He's been calling me today, but I didn't pick up his call... to be honest, I didn't pick up beacuse I was just trying to ignore him, i simply wasn't available to take his calls at the time, but he thinks I was ignoring him and is p__sed off. Like he has any right be p__sed off. Ugh...I can't take this. It's eating me inside. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore, I NEVER used to allow anyone to treat me like so, I used to be such a strong person. =0(

 

Guest - March 15

Hi ~S~ - I am 29 weeks pregnant and alone as well.I know how you feel. Me and my partner just broke up and I am not sure why but I do wonder if he is also living some 2nd life. I don't think he is cheating on me but something isn't right , and in my case I know its his family and community influence that has a lot to do with this. So, I can understand how you are feeling, to a degree. I feel really bad for you that you had to find out he is cheating on you and to find out by reading a letter..yikes.I know its hard to get through the days and nights but you will manage to get through a day at a time. I also understand about the harra__sing and abusive phone calls.My ex's family members used to ring me up and say all sorts of things to me.They are a traditional Asian family and didnt want me in his life so they would have a go at me when it suited them. They also somehow got my phone numbers by taking a look at his phone bill. Hang in there and just talk about it if you can. I think talking helps. Write back if you want and I will check this site throughout the day too and will write back to you.

 

~S~ - March 15

Thanks "Guest" Yeah it's pretty rough. I hate to say this, but we haven't officially broke up. I want to be able to bring everything I've seen and heard to him, if I break it off with him right now, he won't give me the time of day to question him. I don't like the feeling of walking away with unanswered questions. I guess that's the stubborness in me? I just don't understand, I feel like I've given him EVERYTHING. I'm a very devoted girlfriend and when I love someone I give them my entire heart. I'm 100% faithful and I would never imagine cheating on anyone, mostly because I couldn't bring myself to do it, I have the worst guilty conscience. It just really hurts to know that he can go behind my back and cheat on the woman that's carrying his child. I know there's a lot of guys out there who are like this, but I just cannot understand why? I know one thing for sure, I am NOT going to be an emotional rollercoaster after our baby is born. I do not want to be so weak that my child has to show strength for me, I don't want to be curled up in a ball on my bed crying my eyes out and have my baby crawl up on the bed and begin crying too, because mommy is crying. NO WAY! I grew up with my father hurting my mom, I would never want my child to grow up feeling hurt and carrying guilt for no reason.

 

brandi - March 15

i say, if u really found the letter then u should dump him, if it said all of the things u said it had in there. u know he is cheating on u if the other woman wrote all of that stuff. he is just telling u these lies so he can either, dump u a little later after he gets the other woman pregnant, or he is going to say that that baby is not his or not help u take care of it. he might even try to say he wants u to have the baby and he will be the best father ever, but honey i know all about these things. if he does try to do one of those things it might end up to be to, let u have the baby then act all sweet then sooner or later he is going to leave u or make up an excuse to. men act like this, trust me i know. don't kiss up to him when he says he is sorry, he is just trying to do things wrong again or make u mad again. if u keep kissing up to him he will have advantage over u. he will know that u will kiss up to him when he does or says something wrong. for the child, girl u have to decide on whether to have it or not. if u do have it i'm sure u will be just fine. if u don't it's ok but i thats really just killing a baby's life. think real hard about this. have it if u want to, and it will be fine. trust me. if u need anything else email me at " [email protected]" put the letters that are capitalized in capital letters. email me!

 

~S~ - March 15

Thanks brandi...I know everything you are saying is true, I've already told myself this over and over. I'm not a stupid girl, I see all the red flags and I have since day one when the first flag appeared. I guess I just gave him the benefit of the doubt that he would "change" or that it no longer continued (his relationship with this other woman) I was blinding myself from the true facts that were right there in front of me, I didn't want to believe them. Before I make a move or do anything, I want to first catch him off guard and question him. He'll prob try his old trick of turning the tables on me, OR make it look like this other woman is psycho and has been after him for a while..well, I know that won't work anymore, because she wrote him a personal letter and what was said in that letter to him is obviously true, because why would anyone write anyone a personal letter and make up stuff, ya know? Anyways...I'm going to be strong and deal with this in my own way. I won't kiss up to him, I haven't so far. He's been calling me, we've talked on the phone a few times but I've always kept it brief, like as if I have more important things to do than talk to him. As for keeping the baby or not, well that's aready decided. I'm keeping it. I made that decision awhile ago, and there's no way I can imagine aborting it, no way! That's a part of me and I love it already. I know if I'm left alone I'll be fine. It'll be a huge adjustment and something I'll have to struggle with for the first little while, but I know my strengh. I've experienced almost the worst kind of hurdles in life, I know I can concur this one. As for him possibly not being there...Well, he already has 2 beautiful kids and he's an amazing father to them even though he's not on speaking terms and hasn't been with the mom in more than 5 yrs. I just wish he could be just as an amazing boyfriend, as he is father.

 

Brown Shuga - March 15

Baby just let it go, the stress that he brings isnt good for you or your baby

 

Jackie - March 15

i can relate to you, i was in a similar situation with a boyfriend, he was also my first EVERYTHING!, i knew about a lot of things but didnt want to confront him about it, i really dont know y,,, soo i wrote him a letter tellin him i knew everything! it was easier for me that way, and just stopped taking his calls, i wrote in the letter that it was over. I know i should have been more mature and done it face to face but i just couldnt

 

~S~ - March 15

Sometimes writing a letter is best because you can actually say EVERYTHING you want to say without being interrupted. And, you don't seem to lose your train of thought. I know for myself, when I'm in an argument with someone and I'm trying to get my point across, I lose focus, because Im' sooooo angry. I guess that's why letters are easier, you can really get your point across.

 

#2 - March 23

How do you know whan the letter was written? If it is certain that he cheated, RUN. He will never change. You don't need to live a lie. You will always wonder if what he is saying is genuine.

 

~S~ - March 23

The letter was dated. I haven't brought it up with him again, I want to and I will, but not right now. I think I can see he's begining to work on things, I'm not sure if this is what I'm seeing or I'm just seeing this because this is what I want to see? But I'm trying to give it a bit of time, this doesn't mean that I'm going to brush all of this under the carpet. But I want to know if he's serious and I want to watch him work on it. So far that's what he seems to be doing and in the mean time, I'm kind of keeping my distance.

 

Ariana - March 23

Love is blind, and you will only see what you wanna see. People don't change, if they do it's only temporary-they will go back to how they were.

 

Celeste - March 23

I feel your pain, and I know that right now you may feel like your whole world is upside down. I know that the hardest thing to do is to let go of someone who you love so deeply. But sometimes when it causes you so much pain, you have to let go and let it find its own way. I know....easier said than done. A realationship is a continuos learning process, everyday you learn something new, no matter how long you've been with a person. It seems to me like you have out grown him in your relationship. He's still in the dating process and playing childish games while you have graduated to settling down and starting a new adventure of parenthood. Im not sure if his behavior is the result of being scared or truly lack of interest. The one thing you need to focus on is yourself and your baby, the one you are carrying in your uterus/ not the one that you are carrying back. Honestly honey, he is holding you back.

 

Celeste - March 23

Continued---- While he is out playing with other girls and so forth, your at home crying and wondering what in Gods name is he doing. Like I said earlier the hardest thing to do is to let go, but it may be for the best. I had to learn that lesson the hard way, not only with boyfriends, but with some family members who were a negative circle in my life as well. I wish you the best hun, Take care of yourself and your baby.

 

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