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sarah1615 - June 24th, 2008 12:27 PM

Okay here is the deal. I was with my boyfriend for 4 years and we broke up for a period of a month. Well the week before we got back together he had sex with a girl he knew since before we were together. 1 month into our relationship again and everything is awesome until we find out she's pregnant. He asked her what she wanted to do and she has decided to keep the baby (even though he has told her that he does not want the child but will support her either way) At first my boyfriend was confused and shocked and told me he loved me and wanted to be with me but didn't want me to have to go through him having a baby with another woman. I was out of the picture for a few weeks then we started seeing each other again and we have been for the past 2 months. I've told him that I'm willing to support him and the pregnancy because he wants to be responsible for his actions. He has nothing but a platonic relationship with this woman and goes with her to her Dr. visits. He is just confused as if he wants me to be a part of the whole process and stay with him and hes scared if she finds out she will take the baby away from him? What do I do? Am I crazy for wanting to stay with him through this? I just need advice because we want to be together so badly and have a life of our own but this baby is coming in 6 months!


clindholm - June 24th, 2008 2:52 PM

I'm sorry that you have to deal with such a tough situation. The baby's mom cannot take the baby away from the father just because he has a girlfriend, so don't worry about that. I can't say wether your crazy or not, more like just in love. Just please be sure that his relationship with her is completely platonic before you go through all of this for him. The only thing that bothers me about your story is that you were together for 4 years and after being broken up for 3 weeks, he sleeps with someone else? That just seems a little cold on his part. When you say that he is not sure if he wants you to be a part of this process, is he suggesting you break up? I really hope it all works out for you.


sarah1615 - June 24th, 2008 8:51 PM

Thanks for responding I really appreciate it. Well I have to admit that it was my decision to end the relationship because I was going through a lot of stuff and thought that is what I wanted. I also slept with someone when we weren't together so I can't come down on him for doing the same. We both realized after seeing other people how much we wanted the relationship and just needed to work out a few issues and put more effort into it. I do know that the relationship is fully platonic because I am around for phone conversations between them and we basically spend every night together. He tells me everything they discuss and he's just so depressed about the whole issue. He hates that he's putting me through this but I continue to assure him that even though he made a pretty big mistake that I've forgiven him and I want to support him and move on. I am just worried that if he does decide to stay in the relationship and have a child with this woman and tell her we are back together she is going to be very immature about the whole situation. I mean apparently I'm going to have to help him raise the child with her and I don't know how she is going to react to that. It's just so messy and I just wanted to make sure I don't sound crazy for wanting to be a part of this. Thanks so much for replying.


123abc - June 24th, 2008 11:34 PM

hi sarah... i was in ur situation before. I met my husband and 2 months into our relationship I found out that he had gotten a woman pregnant from a drunken one night stand and it was before he met me. I loved him and we decided to get married. it was a very tough decision as this child now becomes part of our life too.. Our situation was a little bit more complicated, up to the point of the mother not wanting anything to do with him. his daughter just turned 4 and we're still going through the courts, still trying to get a picture of his daughter and visitation rights. He has never met his daughter. The mother doesn't like me and obviously doesn't want me to be part of his daughter's life. We've been to court 3 times already and now the judge is so pissed off with this case (bcuz it's so obvioius what she's doing) that he has personally taken this case. we have another teleconference (the mother lives 400 km away) in 3 weeks and hopefully he should be able to meet her soon. my point with all this is once you make this decision to be with him, that's it. You have to deal with all of it and let me tell you, it's not easy. he's obviously regretting this decision of sleeping with the girl, but he's going to have a baby and he sounds like he's ready to do the right thing.. one word of advice, when this baby is born make sure to take her to court for dna (gotta be sure) as well as joint custody, guardianship.. we're going through he!! right now, as my husband (because of his situation) gave her full custody and guardianship and she was to give generous access.. well, needless to say, she's moved, changed her phone # and he has to track her through the courts.. it took 1.5 years for court to find her and serve her just so we could get her to court to get access. that was last november... he's still waiting even just for a photo, he has no idea what his daughter looks like.. this part is very frustrating as we have a son of our own and he needs to know his sister. luckily for him, the judge says that the first meeting will occur between his daughter, himself and us (myself and our son)... when the judge said this, the mother went nuts. so she probably will not be present when this meeting happens. anyways, keep us posted and good luck. i can tell you it's hard being the other woman... very hard, but you can do it. there is still nights where i can't sleep and it's not even my child.. But I feel for him and the pain he's going through.


123abc - June 24th, 2008 11:36 PM

i also forgot to mention that he's been paying child support for 2 years now w/out ever seeing his daughter.. how crazy is that???


sarah1615 - June 25th, 2008 3:45 PM

Wow. Thank you so much for replying. You really give me hope and faith that I can be strong enough to do this. What you are going through right now is me and his every fear. He hasn't told the mother that we have been seeing each other because he is scared this exact thing is going to happen. He doesn't want her to take the child away from him but he doesn't want a relationship with her either. He tells me she is a respectable and mature woman but he's scared shell turn on him. I keep telling him the longer he waits to tell her about us and the more lies he tries to cover up the more angry she will be but he is just so confused. She will be 12 weeks on July 1st and they are going to assess the heart beat for the first time. He still is hoping she will have a miscarrige and I'm hoping this appointment will bring him finally to the reality that this baby is coming mroe than likely. I know I can't even begin to understand how difficult it will be but I know not having him in my life would be much more difficult and I'm prepared to be the other woman and support him through everything. I just keep praying and hoping that everything works out for the best....I can only hope that this woman will not act in the way that the woman has acted towards you and your husband. Some people think I'm crazy to want to go through this and be with him still but I just believe when you love someone that is what you have to do sometimes. I thank you again so much for sharing our story with me and keep me updated. I also will be praying for you and your family. I have one last question though? How did your husbands parents handle all this when they found out he got a girl pregnant but wanted to marry you? My s/o is always worried how to brake this news to his parents.


123abc - June 26th, 2008 10:12 PM

his parents passed away long time ago, however, none of his family knows yet and same with me. I think mine will be bigger because of my background. we just don't marry someone that has out of wedlock kids... so i'm still preparing for that battle. it wasn't enough that I had to go through the whole racial thing (i'm from europe, white, and my husband is african), so now for them to find out that he has a kid from a one night stand will be a huge blow. something i'm not ready to deal with. another thing is that because we don't know anything about his daughter, we're still waiting to meet her and get some photos and something to be able to take to our family to introduce her. For you - I'm happy that I was able to tell you about custody and guardianship, if i can save one person from going through what we are going through, it'll be worth it. He's def doing the right thing, and he needs to do all these things and in that order.. dna test first, then go to court and apply for joint custody, joint guardianship and specify access. This way the mother cannot skip town. This was our biggest mistake. the other thing, the mother (not sure if she's lying) told the judge that she has now showed a photo of my husband to his daughter and the child is confused.. she's referring to her dad as a brown stranger.. can you imagine?? now the judge is making the 4 year old go to a psychologist. this woman is truly crazy to have her daughter commited to a psychiatrist. But we're hoping things will work out in the end. Keep me posted in your situation, I'll help you as much as I can. They should start a forum here for step-mothers.. *lol*


Teddyfinch - June 26th, 2008 10:36 PM

i have to ask. what does it matter if he doesn't want the child? she should abort it because he doesn't want it? that doesn't really sound right. unfortunately, despite what you've said, he does not have a platonic relationship with this woman, otherwise she wouldn't be pregnant. if he didn't want the baby in the first place, then he shouldn't care what the girl will do if she finds out about you. tell this boy to drop a set and make up his mind. either he wanted the baby or he didn't. and if he cares for you, then who cares what she thinks? i think you're being the bigger person about this trying to be there for him, but don't drag yourself through heartache for it.


Cat24 - June 27th, 2008 5:45 AM

wow 4 years and it took him less than a month to hop into bed with another woman and get her pregnant. if that was me it would highlight just how much i must have meant to him over the last 4 years. i agree with clindholm, make sure that the relationship is in fact just 'platonic', he obviously doesnt want it to look too bad to you so could be covering it up with lies. the fact is he finds her sexually attractive, otherwise he wouldnt have gotten into bed with her and made a baby! 'we want to be together so badly' - sounds to me that it is mainly you that believes that. he on the other hand doesnt seem as committed. don't be blinded by your 'love' for him and see him as a prize that the other woman can't have. he sounds like a good liar to have been keeping it from her for all this time. and to say he wants her to have a misscarriage - hmm what a 'nice bloke', so he basically wants his first baby to die just so he might not have to put up with any grief from you or her - sounds like a coward to me. 'not having him in my life would be much more difficult' - you sound completely obsessed with him. you have only had 1 month apart in over 4 years, thats not long enough to make a realistic decision on whether or not you do need this guy in your life. it seems in all honesty that he could do anything and get away with anything being with you. i wonder if he would say the same words about you?!


5838427. - December 22nd, 2010 6:14 PM

Can someone teach me how to post a fourm??

I will post here and move it over when i get a chance. Sorry to use your fourm sarah but i really need some help



I have been with my boyfriend 6 months. We were fighting pretty hard to stay together becuase he is my best friends brohter. we have been through quite a bit so far but everyones okay with it now. eh well no parents know but its better this way.

I left to college about three mounths ago and we were still going out. i think weve been together for 3 months before i went to college and 3 months during. areound halloween break i wasnt feeling right i thought i might be pregnant so i went to the clinic and got a test, sure enough i was.The way this happend is during college i would come back home every weekend (guessi missed my family too much)

I told him and he was pretty calm and said he didnt think a child was the best idea for our age im 19 hes 22. i agree but i am so against abortion before all this but i realized i cant bring a child into this word that i cant give the best to. i said why dont i have the baby and put him/her up for adortion he said "thats something im against, if i have a child I will be the only one to rais him" I said okay and had the abortion

I got home for break 3 weeks later and he was acting strange, not returning texts, not picking up his phone, i figured what ever was going on he needed time (after the abortion he didnt act weird, just when i got home) so i said whatevers on your mind i need you to tell me i dont want to be in the dark

he told me he got together with a girl before he and I got together. The girl said she is planning to keep the baby. he says there is a chance it is himm but theres a chance it isnt. he wants to wait and see he said if the boy (she already knows the sex) is him he is going to be there for him. I think its great he will be there for this boy if he is the father. I grew up not knowing what it was like to have a father figure in the house. This i am proud of.

Im just lost and confused, should i believe it was really before we started talking? I was away every week for college , only coming home for weekends.

and i might be selfish but the only reason i had an abortion is because i knew i couldnt provide for that child, and i hoped if i had that abortion then that some day me and this man would be able to have a family the right way.

This is not the life i wanted him to have with someone else this is the life i wanted for me and him.

my friend brought up the question, Howfar along is she so you can tell if he cheated.Well i know you cant only tell the sex of the baby after 12 weeks, so tthat time is acccounted for but what about the rest?

she also brought up the question what if he found out aroud the same time and had me get an abortion to not have to deal with both childrent (I really dont think he is this kind of person)


Please help!!!!!


pointless5 - September 2nd, 2011 9:45 PM

agreed... take this posting seriously


pointless5 - September 2nd, 2011 9:46 PM

was referencing Cat24's posting


pregnant_single - September 19th, 2011 1:40 PM

If you are single and pregnant, you don't have to be! Check out my profile for Facebook page information on finding a man that will love and adore you during and after your pregnancy, or search 'Pregnant and Single' in Facebook. I have also established a Yahoo group called 'PREGNANTNSINGLENLA' to put single pregnant women together with men who possess a strong sexual attraction for pregnant woman. So, if you're still pregnant and single, that is purely your choice as you don't have to be.


candiess - November 30th, 2011 5:23 PM

So gal what happened, you should give us a feed back u no, because i am going through the same thing.


pregnant_single - November 30th, 2011 8:37 PM

I have established a Yahoo group called 'PREGNANTNSINGLENLA' to put single pregnant women together with men who possess a strong sexual attraction for pregnant woman. Check out my profile for Facebook page information on finding a man that will love and adore you during and after your pregnancy, or search 'Pregnant and Single' in Facebook. So, if you're still pregnant and single, that is purely your choice as you don't have to be. :-)


k23 - October 9th, 2012 4:51 PM

Sarah1615 I just found out yesterday that my boyfriend cheated on me 3months ago and now the girl is pregnant! I don’t know what to do I am so sick and sad I can’t talk to anyone about it for fear of judgment! but I love him and plan to be with him forever and he says he wants to marry me and that this was a mistake and I forgive him because that is how strong my love is. how did your situation end up 4 years later? I hope this gives me some hope!


slim.moore@rocketmail.com - February 16th, 2013 5:01 AM

i found out a year ago that my boyfriend got another girl pregnant i found messages on his Facebook between him and the other girl taking about a baby I'm not sure what happen but she wrote at least my little angel can rip the messages i found were to much for me to handle and even though it happened nine or so years ago i only found out a year ago and it feels like my heart has been ripped apart i cry everyday and my heart aches so bad I'm still with my boyfriend but deep down I'm not happy i love him but i hate him at the same time i have to kids with him and at the time he got this girl pregnant we were on a break I've asked him what happened he told me it was not true i said people don't write this stuff for no reason but he just won't tell me the truth I've even spoken to the girl and she says nothing happened why wont they just tell me the truth the reason i found this out was because me and my boyfriend shared a Facebook and i saw her name in the block list but she was on he's Facebook unblocked i asked why is she blocked on our page but on yours just fine he made up more poor excuses i love him but I'm not happy and i don't know what to do.


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