My Ex Wants 1 Good Reason Why I Should Keep It

40 Replies
Torn into 2 - December 9

I've just recently broken up with my boyfriend of 2 years. He said that he couldn't progress with me, he still loves his other ex-girlfriend, whom he also has a 7 year old son with. I've just found out I'm pregnant for the third time with his baby. The first time he pushed me into an abortion, the second time I miscarried and now this is the 3rd time and we're not together. He can't understand why someone my age (20) would want to bring a baby into the world with a broken family. He doesn't want anything to do with it or be friends with me if I do keep it but he will support it financially. Where as if I wasn't to go through with it, he'd quite happily still know me whilst he's chasing after his ex again. I love him with all my heart and it hurts that it didn't work out between us, but to keep in my life i would have to give up my baby! I just don't know how to justify the two. If anyone can help, please do. I feel torn!

 

Same Situation - December 9

I am 22 and pregnant with my second child. (6 weeks) My ex boyfriend whom is the father of my first tried to talk me into having an abortion also. At first I was going to consider, but I thought about it and changed my mind. (That would haunt me.) This will be his 3rd child, and his excuse for an abortion was that he isn't able to take care of it financially which is true, because he isn't taking care of the 2 he already has. I see it this way....You said he wants to know why you would want to bring a child into a broken home? Not to be rude, but you have to think about the consequences when you are having unprotected s_x. My ex-boyfriend asked me a simular questions. Why would I have a baby by someone I'm not with? That's like asking why would you have s_x with someone you are not in a relationship with? So I came to realize that the only reason he wanted me to have an abortion is because he didn't want to mess up the relationship he is currently in. (Which if you ask me isn't a relationship, because I wouldn't be pregnant.) HAVE YOUR BABY!!! You might have strong feelings for him, but he doesn't feel the same way about you. If he did LOVE YOU, he wouldn't be putting you through all this trouble. So I think you should have your baby, and file child support on him because TRUST ME....it is very hard to take care of a baby by yourself. Last but not least....One reason why you should have your baby. THOU SHALL NOT KILL!!!!!!! (One of the Ten Commandments)

 

Torn into 2 - December 9

Thank you very much for responding. The other thing he said to me was he doesn't believe I'm strong enough to do this on my own, which has put even more doubts into my mind. I don't know if I can bring up a baby on my own? I really would love to stay a working mam so I give my baby the things it deserves, I don't know how possible this is. Are you working? Do you know any one who could give me some positive advice, if I can do it. Sorry if this message seems all of the place but I've just got so much to say, such a situation. I feel so ill from the stress of it all! He also said that I would jepodise his future with his ex too, if I kept it, which I thought was a really selfish thing to say?!?

 

Same Situation - December 9

I work 2 jobs and take care of my child by myself. At first I thought I wasn't going to be able to do it. But it is a responsiblilty you have to take care of. It's not like if you have this child you are going to let it go hungry. You've got to do what you've got to do. Don't let him talk you into making you think that this is all your fault. It takes 2 to tango. TRUST ME....if I can do it...you can to. You are not the only one in this situation. There are millions of single mothers in this world doing it on their own. He is being very selfish, you aren't jepordizing anything. He put himself in this situation and he has to deal with it. He should of thought about his ex's feelings and the consequences before he slept with you.

 

Tracey - December 9

Do NOT let him bully you into an abortion. It seems to me that he's only offering to be friends with you to try to get you to get rid of your baby. Just think if he does get back with his ex...how much do you think he'd be in your life then? It's your baby, even if he doesn't want it. The question is, do YOU want it? How do YOU feel about abortion? These are very personal questions that only you can answer for yourself. It sounds as if he's not going to be around no matter what so don't give up the baby in attempts to keep him. That's not fair to either you or the baby. My guess is that he just doesn't want to pay child support.

 

Torn into 2 - December 10

Thank you for the advice Tracey, it's so hard. I don't want to fall out with him, the problem is I want to do right by him and not me...He's very manipulative, he can twist things and make things sound more reasonablt then they really are. He's made me think the last couple of days, I would love to have a baby more then anything. But I'm so scared about doing it alone, he said he reckons I'm not strong enough do it on my own, now I'm convinced he's right, I'm scared now, very scared about making the right decision, whether it's for me, him or the baby. He isn't trying to escape child support, taht's the only thing he did offer to do, but he wouldn't want anything to do with me or the baby, just the financial side. I wish someone could just tell me what to do!

 

twiceblessed - December 13

Hi, Im a single mother of twins & fixing to have 1 in a few weeks. I also had an abortion & it was the biggest mistake of my life. I wasn't gonna go down that road again. I let him influence my decision and for what? now im pregnant again & he's gone. My ex left basically because he wasn't done with his single life. Don't do it for him Don't give him any satisfaction. If he is still in love with his ex then let him be. Being a single parent is hard but you aren't alone, believe me. Don't make the same mistakes for a guy. The reason they talk you into an abortion is because they don't want to be there in any way for the baby period, not even finacially.

 

Mercurial1203 - December 25

You need to now put yourself first now. Screw him! DO NOT let him pressure you into something you don't want to do again. I was just in the same situation, but I'm actually 7 years older (as is the father, but you would never know), and I refused to let him badger me into what he wanted. You have to follow your heart. He is in a selfish stage and can' t see past the current negativities to see all of the positives. Do some searching within yourself and ask why you want this child? If you want to have the child is it for teh right reasons? There are so many possibilities and you should not go hastly into your decision. Good luck and your instintcs will tell you what is right!

 

Torn into 2 - December 27

Thank you very much for that comment, I've started to realise that you need to put yourself first and now a baby. I want this baby for all the right reasons, I think. The only thing is if I was to go forward I wouldn't want him to have anything to do with it. I don't want to go through bringing this baby up for him to turn up on my doorstep when I've sorted me and baby's life out, if you understand what I'm saying. I swear to you I'm not looking at this baby as a key to getting him back, he's lost his chance with me and I don't want anything to jepodise mine and my baby's future. Don't get me wrong if it wants to go and find out about it's dad then I won't stop s/he, as they've got every right to meet their father. But i wouldn't him to try and get to me. I know this sounds horrible but if he's made that choice now that he doesn't want anything to do with it then is there any way I can llegally make him uphold that? Thanks again everybody for the wonderful support you've shown me!

 

Sad Girl - December 27

hey d__n, i understand u, im also 20 pregnant with my first, im on and off with my bf, mostly cuz i know hes still in love with his ex-girlfriend and he also has a 7 year old daughter who will be 8 in march with ex's sister. And sometimes i feel like he dont care about my baby, i mean he says he will be there and so far he has (finnancially) but when i tell him stuff about our baby he just ignores me and so i feel if he doesnt want to be a part of my babys life then y should i force him u know, i honestly dont want anything to do with him or him have anything to do with my baby, but i should let him be a part of the babys life if he wants to u know. If ur ex doesnt want to be a part of the ur babys life then dont force him, its his loss, dont stress about it u know, just think about ur new baby. How far along are u?

 

Anna - December 27

Your ex is crazy. if God gave you the blessing to be a mom. it is for a reason. And believe me i am a single mom with three kids almost four and nothing not even my kids dad will get me down for them i am what i am. don't give up this chance God is giving you. that baby will give you more love than anyone else will ever give you. Love hurts but pain hurts more

 

Torn into 2 - December 28

I'm 10 weeks now, You really are exactly the same situation. Please don't take this the wrong way but I'm quite relieved that someone out there can understand...We've just had a blazing row, he just walked out and is going running back to his ex now...me and his ex have been texting all morning and rowing too. I really feel like I'm at the bottom of the bottom now. I've got no fight left in me any more, at least you b/f is your b/f, my ex has taken off and to be honest I can't handle it, it's ripping me to shreads... they both are. He will seriously hate me if I keep this baby and to be honest it scares the living hell out of me knowing the state I'm in at the moment and I'll be bringing a baby into this world on my own. Everybody else on here seems to be really strong, whereas I just want to be swallowed up into the ground now...Thank you all for your support I really appreciate it all of you!

 

strength101 - December 28

Torn into 2 - God never gives us more than we can handle. Everyone is strong because it is the only direction to go in. I am sure everyone that post has had moments or days when the pain and hurt took over their sense of strength. But after the tears you have to wipe them away and get it together, crying is okay you would not be human. Think of it like this: when you were taught to ride a bicycle you experienced some falls and some had bigger sc___ps as a result and then healed some left scars others did not, but you still got back on the bike determined to learn how to ride and one day you were out riding with a smile, your goal was accomplished. A baby is not born walking it takes several tries and several falls to make it, a baby takes one step at a time until they manage to walk all the way and even then they wabble, but eventually they get to a sturdy walk. Don't be so hard on yourself, you can not expect an overnight cure. Everyday your strength will get stronger and stronger. Please don't worry about him hating you, I know it is hard but in the end hate will eat him like a cancer and you will have moved on with happiness. I do understand I struggle with the same worry, but really he is already angry no matter what you do. If he truly cares he will do the right thing, don't make a choice thinking it will be the choice to keep him. Make a choice that you can live with. In the final a___lysis you answer to your maker not man kind. One day at a time - my thoughts are with you through the holiday season.

 

Mari - December 28

let him hate u if u have this baby, i mean its ur choice to keep it. I know it seems hard now, and at first when i first found out i was pregnant i felt so miserable cuz i know in the end we wont stay together, but ull soon see that as time goes by and it gets to ur due date that nothing else but ur baby will matter. Now im 38 weeks and i could care less about him, i mean im glad he atleast supports me on the baby stuff but if he were to just leave i wouldnt care cuz ill have my baby. Im so excited about my baby nothing else in this world matters to me. Believe me if he could go back to his ex he would but unfortunitly for him, she is now married with a kid of her own, they still talk though even though he denies it. Look at first it does suck, loving someone who dont love u back but what can u do. I really doubt he will hate u for having his baby, but if he doesnt want to be there for the baby, he should be there for the baby finnacially regardless cuz u didnt get urself pregnant. Hope u feel better.

 

strength101 - December 28

Mari - I am also 38 weeks and like you said as the end approaches she will learn to focus more on the baby. I admire alll of the women on these post as it does take strength. When is your actual due date?

 

Mari-Sad Girl - December 28

JANUARY 9th! im sooo excited. When is urs? strength101-i love reading ur responces on these websites, ur so understanding, im really bad with words and can never say what i really mean, but im glad ur on this website helping out.

 

Mari-Sad Girl - December 28

well its jan9th but could also be a couple of days after. they gave me a couple of due dates from jan 9th to the 14th cuz i had irregular periods.

 

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