NO Judgement Plz Abortion Or Adoption

51 Replies
nameless - October 27

I would like to ask the women who have been through either one of these difficult things which one is more difficult, I have always been against abortion, but my options are really slim, and I have started to consider it, on the other hand since I don't want to kill the baby I've thought about adoption but I don't know how I would deal with that either, has anyone made that choice before,... please give me your thoughts! I would be so grateful! Here is my situation, I am 20 years old and I have an 11-month-old daughter Arianna that I love very much! I have pics at: http://ladybug04.piczo.com I go to the University of Miami to become a medical assistant so I am very busy and I can only work part time so money is slim! I have a relationship with the father of my daughter but I am an intelligent hard working woman and I know this relationship isn't going anywhere, he has no incentive in life, he is content working a mediocre no benefits job making 9 $ an hour and spends his free time gambling and not with his daughter, unfortunately he is just not a good father. We have an on and off relationship, but I know its not going to work out. I am 4 months and 16 days pregnant with a boy this time. When I first found out I came to term with the idea and thought I could make it work. I have old baby cloths and stuff, but slowly I am starting to realize how difficult it would be, school, work,...kids, bills,.. I go to school on a scholarship, so at least that's paid for, but everything else is a struggle. So now I am in this state of panic like I can't do this... I am starting to remember how difficult it was with my daughter, I can't go on maternity leave, I will not get paid, and I can't quit school, I've come so far, I feel like I am finally coming close to a future, and a career so I can provide a good life for my daughter even if I would be single. However, the thought of terminating this pregnancy is difficult too, I have heard the heartbeat beat and I know it is definitely a boy, I had a transva___al ultrasound early on... He is healthy and beautiful and it would hurt to kill him. I don't know what to think of adoption, I don't know much about it, but I keep thinking that my whole life I will live thinking about the fact that I have a child that is my blood and someone else is raising him!!!! That is unimaginable, at the same time I am thinking,... well what if that person can provide a better life for him, like 2 parents,.. a stay at home mom,... etc. Sometimes I am ashamed even though I am trying so hard, like the piece of c__p daycare my daughter goes to.... and the fact that her daddy isn't really there... however I love her endlessly... Does anyone see how I am torn; does anyone have info or experiences to share with me?? I know the procedure for a second trimester abortion..., however not that much about adoption… please any advice would be great!

 

Barbara - October 27

first of all, dear (nameless) your daughter is beautiful, i couldn't stop starring at her picture. I understand the difficulty of your situation, but don't you think it is too late for an abortion, i mean you are already 4 months, its a fetus, that is already formed with little fingers and a nose and toes!!! that breaks my heart, you should have thought about that earlier on in your pregnancy!!! Does your boyfriend know about the pregnancy??? how does he feel about KILLING this baby?? please think about what you are doing

 

Mary - October 27

please consider adoption, it is such a selfless thing to do , there are so many people that would love to adopt, that can't have their own children! It would be the best thing for your child, trust me. My husband and I are a happily married couple without children and are looking to adopt. I have been working with several agencies and I know a lot about adoption, if you have any question, i'm here to talk

 

Alyssa - October 27

Hi nameless! I just want to bring something to light that you wrote on your post. You said, "I don't know what to think of adoption, I don't know much about it, but I keep thinking that my whole life I will live thinking about the fact that I have a child that is my blood and someone else is raising him!!!!" Can you imagine going through your whole life remembering that you took the life of a little boy that could have had a chance on life (SORRY! Please hear me, that was not to be all mean or anything, I promise!) I just think by what you said above the fact of having to live with knowing you took part in ending a life would be much harder. Try once going on a search engine and looking at pictures of aborted children in the 2nd trimester (sounds disturbing, yes) but many find their answers quickly by realizing how much of a human being they are even in the 2nd trimester. Good luck and I wish you all the strength in the world!!

 

nameless - October 27

Alyssa you make an excellent point, no i don't want to kill my son!!! But have you ever had to give up a baby for adoption, i can't imagine, the embarrasment and the dirty looks.....and how hard it would be letting your child go, i have difficulties simply leaving my baby girl in daycare.....!!!!

 

nameless - October 27

If you're worried about embarra__sment and dirty looks you'll get a LOT more of them by aborting than you would with adoption. At least with adoption you can opt for an open adoption so you can still be a part of the child's life if you want. PLUS at least you'll be GIVING the child LIFE. Yes, it'll be hard to say goodbye and personally I couldn't do it, but again you could have an adoption where you can still see your child. That's better than nothing.

 

April - October 27

Here's another thing... your main concern seems to be money (raising the child plus child care). Have you ever thought about the help the state could give you? You're a single mom, right? They have all kinds of programs to help moms out.. they even help pay for child care, and I know one mother they gave a CAR to! Personally I'm getting WIC, Medicaid, and Cash a__sistance. I don't feel spectacular about collecting welfare, but it's there for people like us. I'm currently going to school to be a medical transcriptionist so that I can stay at home with my daughter. I also know that this money situation that I'm in isn't going to last forever, and I'm working hard to get off welfare ASAP, but I DON'T feel bad about collecting it, because I'm not abusing it. So if I were you I'd still keep the idea of you raising this baby in your mind. Do you have any family that could help you out? Maybe your child could go live with your parents or another relative until you're able to take care of him? It sounds to me like you're a good mom and would really be the best for this baby... money or not. Anyway if you need someone to talk to or have any questions for me, let me know and I'll give you my email address.

 

Alyssa - October 27

nameless - no I haven't and I can't imagine how hard it would be either! I think about what you say knowing you have blood out there that someone else is raising... that is a very VERY hard thing to do. BUT as I can tell you know already, the other option would be worse for you and your unborn baby. Now it's just a matter of dealing with the heartbreak and emotions of going through an adoption (and I am sure there will be plenty.) BUT like I said before.... You just never know. Maybe when you carry the little boy in your arms you will determine somewhere inside (even though you have no clue how you will do it) to make keep your son and make it work! It's a very tough decision; not between abortion and adoption but in keeping your son or considering adoption. I believe whatever you choose will be best for you, your family you already have, and you son. God bless you!

 

April - October 27

Okay 3rd and final post... haha (and by the way... my 1st post I put "nameless" as my name by mistake... sorry about that) My doctor told me that he once delivered a baby at 15 weeks. He said it looked just like a fully-formed baby only very very tiny. So just before you really consider abortion, think about the fully-formed tiny little boy. And you're farther along than 15 weeks. Right now I think your only 2 options should be adoption, or keeping it (remember what I said in my post above... you CAN get help)

 

nameless - October 27

April, thank you for yur advice, I really do try to be a good mother, but sometimes I feel like I am failing, the daycare my daughter goes to sucks, and I can't afford anything better. I do get medicaid for my baby but I don't want wellfare, I do work and I have a scholarship for school that i can't give up. I do have a relationship with the father of my baby and unborn, but its not going too good, and he is not helpfull financially. I have thought about foster care for now, april are you in a similar situation?

 

April - October 27

Well, I wouldn't exactly call my situation similar as I am not pregnant again, but I DO have a 3-month-old daughter. I didn't want to go on Welfare either but I realized it was just the best thing to do right now. I've read that it's best for children if the mother stays home and raises them, so I decided to go on welfare and study for a stay-at-home career. I don't have a relationship with her father. He left me when I was 4 months pregnant and got engaged to a girl he barely knew 3 months later (he met her the month before he dumped me). He's currently fighting me over child support because he wants to pay as little as possible. If I get over $350 a month for child support (that's what I get for welfare) I'm going to cancel the welfare. And again.. .I feel no shame in collecting welfare. It's actually pretty cool because no one will really know you have it. They do like a debit-card thing now where you can just get cash out of the ATM machine and go. So nobody but the bank knows you have it. Anyway, I'm getting absolutely no help from the father, but I'm living with my mom right now and she is a BIG help. I realize how hard it can be, and I would hate to be in your situation, but if I was.... I would without a doubt KEEP the baby. That's just me. I could never give my child up for adoption and I could DEFINITELY never abort. BUT... if you feel that it's in your child's best interest to be raised by someone other than you... that's okay. Just please please don't abort. I'm willing to guarantee that you will feel a whole lot better knowing that your child is alive rather than having to live with the fact that you killed him.

 

April - October 27

Like my mom always says... people do what they need to do... if you want something to work bad enough.. you will do what you need to do.

 

nameless - October 27

how did you go about getting wellfare, i dont know if i would qualify for wellfare??? Unfortunatly i don't have the help of my mother, only a few good friends. maybe i should go to court for childsupport, but does t cost money to even go to court. ALso I am worried that if I hit him up for child support he will get mad and never come see his daughter... I just have a lot of thinking to do..

 

Adoption - October 27

Adoption!

 

April - October 29

I think it might depend on what state you live in... but I'm guessing most of them are similar. I'm in PA. All I did was fill out a form at the county a__sistance office, after I filled it out, they scheduled an appointment for me to meet with a caseworker.. and to bring things like my taxes, expenses, proof of insurance, and vehicle registration. Then the caseworker figured out whether I was eligible or not. I was, so they gave me my card and pin number right then and there... and that was it. As for getting child support.. .that's easy too unless the father disagrees. All you do, is get the father's SS# and employer info (if any) and go to domestic relations. They fill out a form for you and put it in the system. they set up a support conference. Both of you have to come to the conference with proof of income.. like pay stubs and income tax papers. Then the conference adviser figures out what you each make and types it into a support calculator and figures out an amount. If you both agree to an amount then the support order goes through and that's all that needs to be done. If you don't agree... THEN it goes to court. If you're wondering what you'd get... you can go to google.com and type in--for instance--"free PA child support calculator" or whatever state you're in. This will give you an IDEA of what you might get... but sometimes it can be different so it's not a definite amount.

 

April - October 29

Oh and child support can be direct deposited into your bank account now... how cool is that?

 

Leahbean - October 29

Hi nameless! This is my first post so bear with me. I am 26 and 10 weeks pregnant and wanted to let you know that I am adopted. It is a wonderful feeling that my mom loved me enough to go through the emotional and physical pain of having me and letting me go to a family that was in a better place to take care of me. I was adopted at the age of 3.5 so the stuggles were enourmous. Just think if she took the other option and killed me I wouldn't have 3 wonderful kids. The wonderful thing about life is it NEVER stays the same. I would be willing to bet in a few years you'll look back and think I'm glad I toughed it out or WHY didn't I tough it out. Motherhood is a selfless act. Take care of yourself and that baby it is a short time in your life and it is someone whole future that you have complete control over!

 

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